


Love Like Ours

by teapotscandal, XanderB



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Awkward Boners, Cooking, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Disney Movies, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, Drunk calls, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Gay Sex, Haphephobia, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions Of Violent Sex, Minor Character Death, Molotov Cocktail, Music, Naked Cuddling, Nymphomania, Oblivious Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Phone Sex, Pillow Talk, Possessive Eren Yeager, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Power Bottom Eren Yeager, Priests, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Religion, Resolved Sexual Tension, Roleplay, Roman Catholicism, Romance, Sex Addiction, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicide, Therapy, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), fear of religion, psycobabble, theophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:33:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 107,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7351813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teapotscandal/pseuds/teapotscandal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanderB/pseuds/XanderB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a sex addict in denial and Levi is his new psychiatrist with a few skeletons of his own. Eren believes he's incapable of this chemical reaction called love; sex is so much easier. When faced with a new therapist who is unlike anyone he's ever met, Eren finds himself falling fast. Maybe it's time to get better.</p><p> *Disclaimer* : We don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, nor do we make any profit off the writing of this fic. It's purely for our own self gratification. We just thought we'd show we care and share...</p><p><b>Warning:</b> This work is rated mature for graphic depictions of nudity, sexuality, violence, and some imagery that may be disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Draw Me a Story

**Author's Note:**

> Eren ~ [Hurricane by Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR9G7ioLLmc&index=5&list=PLGnvViyZSwSIJ2Rf1yOvF8pDlN1ENenK0)  
> Levi ~ [Straight No Chaser by Bush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeGw-JWjKFQ)

Levi was in his office, organizing the files of the patients he would be seeing that day on his desk in order of the times of their scheduled appointments. Eren Jaeger was the first file on the pile, a new patient that had been referred to Levi by a longtime colleague and ironically enough, another patient of his, Hange Zoe. He sat behind his sleek and organized mahogany desk, leaning forward in the comfortable chair and opening the file to peruse the contents. **[Extreme Satyriasis](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/satyriasis)**... The kid was in his early twenties and there was a long list of notes written detailing accounts from the boy himself which seemed proof enough of his illness. 

The thirty-seven year old psychiatrist sighed quietly, flipping another page. Hange had not had a lot of luck in rehabilitating Jaeger; he just kept relapsing every few days or weeks at most. The longest period of time recorded in his file that he had been successful in remaining abstinent was no more than two months and he'd been in some form of therapy since he was seventeen. By Eren's own accounts, he'd had sexual partners of both genders over the years, but had a preference for well-built men that unfortunately mistreated him more often than not.

Levi hummed as he flipped another page where there was perhaps only a paragraph of six or seven sentences about the young man's childhood. His mother was dead and his father had been absent most of his adolescent and adult life, but paid his medical bills. He had an adopted sister and had grown up in Shiganshina. He huffed and ran one pale hand through the long fringe of his undercut. That didn't give him much to go on. As was generally common with the type of sexual disorder the youth had, Eren appeared to have no problem spilling his guts about his sexual exploits, but was reluctant to recount more meaningful personal experiences. There was no particular trauma recorded to account for his disorder and that meant it was going to take much longer than he had anticipated to get the boy into recovery. He would essentially need to start from scratch. He leaned back in his chair, dry washing his face with his hands and groaning lightly, cursing Hange for sending him another difficult case, and cursing himself for being the type that enjoyed a challenge.

He straightened up in his seat as a light knock on his office door sounded before his obviously pregnant secretary, Petra, let herself into the comfortable room, a steaming teacup braced in one hand and another file or two tucked beneath her other arm. She smiled at him as she made her way to the desk, giving him a warm greeting as she set his usual morning tea down on a coaster and placed the two manila folders next to the ones he already had on his desk.

“Make sure you look at those today; they're the candidates for my replacement while I'm on maternity, which I'll remind you again, begins in a little less than a month,” she chastised, giving him a stern look.

“Why did you have to decide you wanted brats now? You've only just learned how to perfectly prepare my tea. How am I going to train someone else to make it properly in under a year?” he grumbled, though there was the ghost of a smile on his pale pink lips. She laughed lightly and patted his shoulder, undeterred by the subtle shudder that ran through him in response to the contact.

“I'm sure you'll come up with something,” she said before she was waddling back out of the clean and comfortable office.

There was a lounger set adjacent to the left of his desk and an armchair settled next to it facing his desk, a little round table set between the two pieces of furniture which held a simple table lamp, a couple coasters, a box of tissues and a small glass jar of brightly coloured jelly beans, a dark Mandala designed rug in burgundy and black laid out beneath the little set, bringing warmth to the room. Bookshelves lined a majority of the walls, filled with books and other trinkets of interest. 

There was a large window overlooking the bay outside with several well maintained and flourishing potted plants situated on the wide sill behind the lounger and behind him were two low filing cabinets that held the patient records, various other files and paperwork he was responsible for, his credentials hung in thick black lacquered frames on the wall above them. There was a mirror on the back of the door and a mahogany coat rack next to it that matched the wood of his desk perfectly. Every bit of the office was immaculately clean and organized, but surprisingly inviting despite the sterility.

The dark-haired doctor immersed himself in his files again until he heard the crackle of the intercom on the right upper corner of his desk. “Eren Jaeger is here for his nine o'clock,” Petra's voice rang cheerfully through the receiver and Levi leaned forward to press the response button.

“Send him in.”

Opening the door with a slam, Eren Jaeger sauntered into the raven-haired psychiatrist’s office as if he owned it. He was tall, tan, and built, wearing a white crop top and a pair of low-slung, tight jean shorts to showcase his well-toned abs. Instead of taking a seat like a normal person receiving therapy, he moved around the office space. He touched everything; from the books on the shelf to the plants on the sill, all the while popping and smacking a piece of gum in his mouth as obnoxiously as possible throughout his inspection. He finally paused to reach up and smear his grimy hands over Levi’s credentials hanging behind the seated doctor.

“Your secretary is fucking smokin’,” Eren commented, throwing a half smirk over his shoulder at his new psychologist. He popped his gum twice more before swallowing it and adding, “I’ve never had sex with a prego before. What a pretty picture she’d make with that belly and a strap on. Getting me hard just thinking about it.”

Eren adjusted his crotch indiscreetly then moved to flop across the lounger, streaking the leather with his dusty sneakers as he sprawled over its surface. 

Levi's cool gaze tracked the youth around his office, chin resting on his fists, elbows on the wood of his desk, jaw clenching ever so subtly in irritation over the fingerprints that he would no doubt have to wipe away from the polished shelves and the pristine frames of his doctorates. He inhaled through his nose slowly, calming the immediate revulsion that erupted in him in response to the brunette's crude observation. His face remained expressionless, eyes half-lidded as if bored as he simply waited for Eren settle into a proper seat.

He cleared his throat quietly before he finally spoke to the young man, his gaze flickering disapprovingly to the presence of footwear on the furniture, but he didn't comment on it, instead he began with, "Good morning Mr. Jaeger. I'd appreciate if you keep any future comments associated with my secretary to yourself going forward." He paused, leveling his cold stare directly at Eren's face, catching the wildly bright honeyed green eyes. The kid certainly had some of the most lovely eyes Levi had ever come across, but even so, the raven didn't spare much more than an appreciative second considering them before he continued speaking, "I'm Doctor Levi Ackerman. Doctor Zoe referred you to me because I am better equipped to help you with your illness. Why don't you start by telling me what you hope to achieve through our time together?"

He laced his long, pale fingers beneath his chin idly and continued to stare unwaveringly at the young man lazing on his lounger, considering the posture, attitude, outfit and overall body language the youth was exhibiting; categorizing it mentally even as he listened intently for Eren's response.

Eren turned onto his side and propped his head up with his hand to inspect the other man, blatantly ignoring the therapist’s question. 

“Ohhh, so you got dibs then?” he questioned as his eyes ran up and down Levi’s sitting form with hunger. A mischievous glint sparked in the liquid emerald orbs as he inched forward to whisper, “How about you take her while she takes me so we can all have a little fun, huh? After all, sharing is caring.”

Levi didn’t respond to the lewd comment and instead lifted one finger tip to brush under his left eye, removing an eyelash that he could see from his peripheral vision had settled there, reaching for a tissue with his other hand and laying it out flat on the desk before he placed the single, tiny dark strand onto the middle and promptly folded in all the edges of the tissue several times to trap the lash inside before throwing it in the wastebasket next to his desk, all the while not acknowledging what Eren had said. The entire process likely took less than a minute or two and the short doctor returned to his previous position as soon as he'd finished, shifting slightly in his leather chair and leaning a little further forward, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had taken place.

"Do you want to get well, Mr. Jaeger or are you simply here because your sister is worried about you?" It was a suspicion he'd had since perusing the young man's file. The sister seemed like the likeliest member of Eren's family to be involved with him regularly considering the mother was deceased and the father was an absentee bank book.

“Hmph… You’re no fun,” Eren complained as he rolled his eyes and dropped his head back down on the leather seat of the lounger. He laid still for a moment, looking up at the ceiling idly. “There’s nothing _wrong_ with me... Get threatened a few times with prostitution charges and everyone starts getting up in your business,” he finally muttered, not really addressing Levi with the words, but simply making a statement. 

He lifted his hand with his palm towards the off white, cobweb free ceiling and stared at the back of it, spreading his fingers. “I’m not here just because Mikasa forced me to come. My father’s lawyer also said that I needed regular therapy or else the cash flow would stop.” He dropped his hand then lifted his head lazily to look back at his therapist; newest in the long line of doctors he’d seen in the past. Dr. Ackerman had to be the best looking of all of them. “Oh! Andddddd, Hange promised that you would be... More appealing to me as a therapist,” he continued speaking as if he’d only just remembered the tidbit of info. His crooked smirk returning, “That I would have more motivation to show up to these appointments if I was seeing you instead of her.”

Levi closed his eyes briefly, unsurprised that the other doctor had suggested such a thing; he'd seen Jaeger's file. No doubt he fit the young man's general type, at least physically. He released a silent sigh and reopened his eyes to return his stare to his patient. "You don't think that you need therapy?" he questioned, already assuming the answer as the younger man had implied in his statement. "Or is it, you don't think anyone _capable_ of helping you?"

Eren shot upright and turned his back to the doctor with his hands balled into fists on his lap. “I don’t need any help. I’m _fine_ ,” he gritted petulantly before he whipped around to pierce Levi with blazing green eyes. “Should you really be the one judging people anyways, doc?” he spat, gesturing towards the wastebasket. “Don’t think I didn’t notice the shit you just pulled with that tissue. How can someone as obviously fucked up as you, help me huh? How?” He was shaking with barely concealed and unwarranted rage as he glared at the older man venomously, clearly expecting a rebuking answer.

"Unfortunately, you have yet to earn the right to question my unique quirks Mr. Jaeger. Perhaps if you'd like to show me how agreeable you can be to this process, I'll be willing to share more about my personal life. It seems fair, but only if you are willing to take this seriously," the raven lowered his lashes as he watched the young man, silver depths unreadable beneath hooded lids and he inhaled a sort of deep suffering breath as if he was bored of the conversation. "As for why someone _like_ me is best equipped to help you is because you will find I am not easily distracted by your usual _methods,_ of avoidance," he didn't give any more explanation than that before he continued on in a calm tone.

"That being said, I have every confidence that I _can_ indeed help you Mr. Jaeger as long as you are willing to work with me. Do you truly believe you are living a healthy lifestyle?"

Eren visibly flinched and closed his eyes. “Can you please _not_ call me that?” he requested before he slumped back into the cushioned lounger, his outburst losing steam in lieu of Levi’s calm response. He’d wanted to incite anger, not the unwavering indifference he received instead. Eren sighed heavily. “Maybe I should just go. This clearly isn’t going to work,” he stated, running his right hand through his persistently messy mop of chestnut hair. He opened his eyes again to fix Levi with a challenging stare, “I don’t think you could handle me anyway.” 

"I think I'm handling you just fine Eren; it's you that's become uncomfortable and feel you have to flee, isn't that so?" the raven asked conversationally, leaning his chin on one palm as his other arm moved to rest over the closed file on his desk, fingers curling idly around the bend of his supporting elbow, looking entirely unruffled by their entire encounter thus far. It was a little amusing, actually. Despite the outward apathetic expression on his face, the man was actually becoming rather interested in the case, more so with every defensive response from his new patient.

“Oh you’re handling me just fine, eh?” Eren responded cheekily, grinning as he leaned towards his new therapist. He put his right index finger into his mouth and lathered it with spit, keeping steady eye contact with his new doctor. With an audible pop, he drew the digit from his mouth and it glistened with a slick coating of saliva. “What if I touched you with this?” he asked, slowly extending his hand towards Levi. 

Levi inhaled another one of those suffering breaths and tilted his head away from the wet finger, but didn't completely turn away, gaze locked with the rebellious green eyes of the young man. "If you feel that it will help your process, I suppose I could suffer through it. Sometimes sacrifices must be made in order to gain something of greater importance; the ends justifying the means as they say," Levi affirmed, though he was certainly less than thrilled by the prospect of having the spit of anyone else even remotely near his body. Ironically, he did not shy away from the company of infants and small children, though they were often far messier than their adult counterparts. It was adults that seemed to cause the most revulsion in the older male when it came to physical contact of any sort.

He pursed his lips and inwardly braced himself for the inevitable wetness that would no doubt be tainting his unblemished skin all too soon. He swallowed against the uncomfortable and sudden dryness at the back of his throat and shifted ever so slightly in his seat, growing increasingly more uncomfortable with each second he spent anticipating the vile act.

Eren held his gaze for a few moments more before he suddenly burst out laughing. “Oh man…. You should see… See your fucking face right now,” he choked out through the chuckles. “You look like… Like you’re gonna shit your pants,” Eren tried to stifle his giggles but couldn’t. After laughing for several seconds, he managed to calm down enough to wipe his hand on his shorts. “Calm down doc; I was totally bluffing. I’m not _that_ much of an asshole,” the brunette assured, wiping a tear from his eye. “Do you want me to go wash my hands or do you have some hand sanitizer? I guess I could wash and then sanitize if that will make you more comfortable.” 

Levi glared at the chortling brunette, "Tch," he scoffed as he opened the second drawer on his desk to remove a small bottle of hand sanitizer, clicking the top open and holding it aloft before the other male.

"Hold out your hands, brat. Considering your idea of fun, I'd imagine saliva isn't even the worst of what's living on them," he grumped, slightly irritated at the fact that he had allowed the young man to exploit his weakness. It was rather embarrassing that he had let his guard down in such a manner. Perhaps this new patient of his was more interesting than he'd been prepared for.

“Hah… Probably not,” snickered Eren holding his hands out like an expectant child. The cool sanitizing liquid dropped into his cupped hands and he rubbed it in, making sure to get in between his fingers and massaging it into his knuckles. He obviously knew the proper procedure for hand washing which made sense because his dad was a well known physician. Eren leaned back on the lounger and hooked his hands behind his head casually. It was the most relaxed he’d been since first entering the office. “Okay doc. You’ve earned my respect. If you would have punched me like you were supposed to, we both could have gotten out of this. You didn’t... Sooo you’re stuck with me now, I guess. I’ve managed to dodge all your questions up ’til now. But... I guess you’ve earned a straight answer to one or two.”

Levi sanitized his own hands as well once Eren had finished. Though it was hardly necessary, he felt calmer after doing it. He replaced the bottle in his desk drawer and made a mental note to purchase another bottle soon as it was already halfway empty.

He leaned back in his chair, resting his elbows on the arms rests and folding his hands against the crisp white fabric of his dress shirt comfortably. "Alright... What is your fondest memory from your childhood?" he questioned, the inquiry almost absurd in comparison to the others he had previously asked. After all, didn't he want to know the bad memories, the reason for Eren’s problem; why would the seemingly uninterested doctor ask about Eren's good memories in the first place when it was definitely the bad ones he was interested in most?.

Levi was curious, interested to see how his new patient would react to the no doubt unexpected question. He almost smiled in anticipation, but aside from the tiniest twitch of pale lips, his expression remained stoically blank, though there was just the briefest spark of something in the silver depths of his generally guarded eyes that was the barest flicker before it was hidden once again behind the veil of apathy as if it had never occurred at all.

Eren’s eyes widened a fraction before he grinned. It was a genuine smile that lit up his entire face and his green eyes sparkled with delight. “Oh doc. That’s an easy one. You’re throwing your hard earned question away.” He stretched his arms up into the air and then tucked his feet up to cross his legs then settled into storytelling. 

“Once upon a time, there was a little boy that wanted to see the ocean. It was his dream to float in the massive body of water and build sandcastles all day like in the books his mom liked to read to him before bed. His mom, a sunday school teacher at the time, organized a trip to the beach for the boy and all his friends. It was the best day of his life. He got to swim and play for the whole day. He even got to try ice cream for the first time. The end.” Eren beamed then closed his eyes. He could almost taste the sea salt, and feel the sand between his toes. How he wished he could go back to that day, and have it repeat over and over. That would be a happy existence. 

Levi's eyes were barely more than silver slits beneath his lashes as he listened to the young man speak. He'd suspected the boy's mother would be involved with the memory. Most of Eren's animosity seemed to be directed towards his father. He hummed a little, the sound thoughtful and opened his eyes a little wider when Eren finished his story. "I don't think it was a waste at all, besides, you said I could have two... Or have you changed your mind?"

“I see you’re using my own words against me doc,” Eren observed as he looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. He was already kind of embarrassed by the one story he had told. Sometimes he forgets to rein in his excitement when recalling fond memories. When he returned his gaze back to Levi, his eyes were full of determination. “A promise is a promise. Ask me whatever you want.”

The shorter male tilted his head slightly, letting it loll against his shoulder as his gaze skimmed over the changes in the young man's more relaxed posture and embarrassed demeanour from how defensive it had been previously and decided to continue on with his odd questions. He needed to gain Eren's trust if he were to ever be of any help in treating the brunette's illness, thus the oddly off base questions. He couldn't simply delve right into the thick of it by asking about a past trauma that could explain the onset of his disorder; Eren would only dodge the question and likely become agitated again.

He hummed as if pondering what he might ask for several long moments, watching the youth squirm under his scrutiny. "Aren't you cold in that get up?" It was nearly autumn and certainly the days were nowhere near unbearable yet, but certainly too cool for the revealing ensemble the brunette had chosen to wear for his appointment.

An exasperated breath slipped out of Eren, one he’d been holding it in nervous anticipation. He looked at Levi with complete surprise at the question then scowled in confusion. “That’s your question? Seriously?” Eren slouched back against the leather sofa chair, annoyed at himself for how tense he had become waiting for Levi to ask the second question. “You’re not going to ask me why I sleep with so many people? Or about my obvious daddy issues? You want to know why I’m wearing this outfit?” he said as he ran his hands down his face. “Fine. Whatever,” he finally agreed, nodding away his rising irritation. “I tend to run a little hot. Plus, you can’t deny I look fucking amazing in this,” he answered, gesturing to his scantily clad body. “See these abs? It would be a crime to cover them. I’m doing a public service.” 

Eren smirked crookedly at Levi, “Besides, I had to make a good impression on my new therapist who was promised to be nnn... _Delectable._ Can’t say I’m disappointed.” His eyes roamed over the seated older man’s body once again; soaking in every detail. Eren had lost count of the number of times he’d already eye fucked the man since they’d been acquainted, but he now had some nice new material for his spank bank. He made sure to note the details of Levi’s smooth pale skin and piercing grey eyes. When Levi glared, it was like a shot of liquid adrenaline straight to Eren’s dick. 

A ghost of a smile flickered across the dark-haired doctor's lips, eyes lighting up with brief mirth as Eren first flew off the handle in response to his second unexpected question. It was certainly an entertaining reaction which tapered directly into what he would have been expecting from someone with the young man's disorder once his initial suspicious surprise wore off. He did not miss the way those lovely green eyes ran over him as he laxly leaned back in his chair; he was aware of the seductive lilt in the brunette's voice, but he felt no reaction to it aside from a faint buzzing of his skin crawling ever so slightly at the implications of the advances. He blinked slowly exactly three times, the smile long since faded from his mouth.

"I'm sure there are any number of people that would find your current outfit appealing; I, myself, find it rather impractical for the season, but I suppose if you find it comfortable, who am I to argue? To answer your question, I asked mostly out of curiosity. Obviously, we will have to discuss some of the more unpleasant topics eventually, but that is hardly what this first appointment is about. There is no need to rush, unless of course you feel you'd like to speak in regards to those matters you mentioned," he answered lightly, challenging the young man in spite of the almost uninterested tone of his voice.

“Hm..” The young man hummed, resting his chin on his hand and staring at his therapist with indiscreet interest. “You know playing hard to get will only make me want you more. I like a challenge. Besides, isn’t a treat always sweeter when you have to work for it?” He licked his lips in a deliberately slow teasing motion before he added, “I know you’ll have a hard time chipping away at my defences the way you’re going about it. Of course, there’s always an easier way, _Dr. Ackerman._ I’d answer whatever question you asked, if you’re willing to pay the price.” A wide grin split his face as he taunted Levi flirtatiously. 

"I'm fairly sure I can't afford what you charge Eren. I'm a patient man; I think I can wait until you are willing to share with me what secrets you're hiding under that sexual bravado of yours," the raven said, casually lifting one hand to inspect his cuticles disinterestedly, even as he continued speaking, "I'm afraid that I will have to burst your fantasy bubble as well, but you will be working very hard for a very long time if you think you'll be able to play your tricks on me. I'm hardly playing hard to get. Not to bruise your ego, but I've simply no interest aside from a professional one of course in you or your abs.”

It was the first time he'd outwardly acknowledged and responded to any of the young man's advances, but it was high time he did. He had the suspicion that it was hardly going to deter Eren from continuing to pursue and try to seduce him, but he was more worried about the prospect of the brunette attempting to touch him sooner than he was prepared to deal with. It was better to draw some clear lines in the sand as it were before things escalated too much further during their first appointment.

“Arghhh, my pride,” whined Eren with mock pain, clutching at his heart. He swooned back into his seat, his other hand dramatically splayed against his forehead before he threw a giggle in Levi’s direction; clearly amused with the older man’s sternness. Eren didn’t say it out loud, but he promised himself he would work long and hard for whatever Levi would eventually give him as a pay off. He could be just as patient as the stoic psychiatrist claimed to be when he was determined enough. Why he was so determined, Eren couldn’t answer. He felt _something_ while talking with Levi; he didn’t know what it was but he decided it was a good feeling. Eren’s entire adult life was made up of chasing good feelings. There was no reason to pass this one up.

Eren’s expression saddened immediately when he realized that it wouldn’t last. This good feeling would pass much like all his good feelings eventually did. Once it was gone, he wouldn’t spare his therapist another thought, moving on to seek the next temporary happiness. For now though, he would at least enjoy it while it lasted. 

"Mm, I'm sure you'll heal quickly enough. Now," Levi sat up a little straighter in his chair once again, resting his pale hands on top of one another over the surface of his desk, "How often do you want to see me? I would recommend at least twice weekly until we've made some positive progress, but I'm flexible." He felt it would be best to see Eren often until he could help the young man get his impulse control back to a manageable state. Some of the events that were recorded in the brunette's file had been dangerous and could have ended much differently if Eren had not been so lucky. It was important that Levi work with him as often and as quickly as possible before the youth ended up in worse situations where the outcome was an irreversibly unlucky one.

He watched the other male across from him, mercurial depths shifting like liquid as he considered the body language that the youth was now exhibiting. Eren’s moods changed quickly and they could easily be seen in the expressive sun dappled forest of his eyes and Levi was intrigued by the swift flickering that came and went as Eren's emotions flowed erratically. The young man was certainly interesting. Levi was enjoying watching him, learning subtle things about him from his posture, choice of words and tone and the ever changing tide of his gaze. Interesting indeed.

“Aww, that’s just your way of trying to see me more often,” teased Eren, but not with his previous exuberance. He glanced out the window at the sun in the sky. It had to be about time for the appointment to be over. “I don’t really care how many times a week I come to see you, but can it be a little later in the day? I like to sleep in, since my lifestyle keeps me up most of the night,” he said with a unenthusiastic wink. He was obviously forcing it. 

"Well yes, I would like to see you often Eren," Levi agreed absently as he reached for the small calendar on the desk next to his phone. "Hm, how about two days from now, Thursday, September the sixteenth at... Three o'clock. Would that be acceptable for you? I'd like you to come in for a two hour session instead of just an hour though," the raven suggested just as a soft chime sounded from the little timer that was set on the far corner of the psychologist's organized desk. It signalled that their time was up, but Levi did not rush the young man out, standing from his chair in order to walk the brunette to the door once they'd worked out the time for his next appointment, brushing imaginary dust from himself as he straightened his posture.

“Sure,” Eren said tiredly, standing up and heading for the door. He raised his hand as if to shake Levi’s, something his father had ingrained in him from a young age, _(‘real men’ shook hands)_ but he seemed to rethink the action immediately. Instead, he gave Levi a brief wave and a small smile before he walked out of the room. He tried to forget about the interesting and attractive psychologist as he left the office, his mood already souring. Time to find his fix for the night. 

Levi inclined his head in farewell as the kid waved at him, not missing the near offer Eren made to shake his hand. It was rather endearing that the young man seemed considerate of Levi's condition when his own prevented him from properly caring about his own well-being. That might be a good sign; Eren wasn't beyond help.

He sighed and retreated to his desk, shuffling the files on his desk to the next one for the day, idly buzzing Petra on the intercom to inform her of Eren's next scheduled appointment before he had her send in his ten thirty. The raven ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath just before Erwin Smith stepped through his door and closed it behind him quietly, his frozen blue eyes already locked on his therapist. "I'm afraid I've done it again," the tall blonde started immediately and Levi slowly exhaled the breath he'd been holding. It was going to be a very long few days and he found himself looking forward to three o'clock on Thursday more than he cared to admit.

  
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Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	2. Tell Me a Picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Pain by Three Days Grace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud4HuAzHEUc)  
> Levi ~ [Mouth by Bush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCO92__Zn-8)

Eren yawned as he got off the elevator and entered the office. He’d had a long couple nights. They were rougher than normal. So, instead of wearing a revealing outfit, he had chosen to wear grey jeans, a white t-shirt, a black bomber jacket, and a black cap to hide his messy hair. Eren was disappointed he wouldn’t be able to show off to Levi, but he had to hide the bruises that marked all over his arms and thighs. Eren knew they would open up topics he didn’t want to talk about if Dr. Ackerman were to see them.

Sauntering over to the front desk, he leaned over with an arch of his back to be at eye level with Levi’s secretary. “Heya Miss. Petra, you look positively ravishing today. I didn’t think it was possible for you to get even prettier than the last time I saw you.”

Petra giggled as she leaned over to lift the phone to her mouth and hit the intercom button. “Dr. Ackerman, your three o'clock has arrived... Alright.” She hung up the phone and looked back up at Eren with a shy smile. “He will be right out if you’d take a seat in the waiting room.” 

“But I want to spend time with a lovely lady instead,” he said as he reached over the desk to tuck a stray bit of red hair behind Petra’s ear. “Tell me, Miss. Petra, do you have a partner?”

Petra blushed bright red before she said, “Yes, I’m married.”

Even though Eren was smiling bright on the outside, on the inside he was extremely annoyed. He tried to make it his goal to avoid married people, unless he was in a bind. Petra was pretty, but she was also a woman, and now he discovered that she was married as well. She was definitely a no go. “I hope your significant other treats you like a princess, since you’re so lovely, Miss. Petra,” said Eren with a wink. 

While Eren was still leaning over with his back arched to show off his beautiful round ass, the door to the office opened and Dr. Ackerman entered the waiting room with a giant blond man. Eren didn’t move from his spot as he inspected the blond’s rippling muscles wrapped in a perfectly pressed suit. The blond was gorgeous. But Eren barely registered the man's extreme good looks as his eyes strayed to Levi a moment later and lingered on the shorter man.

Levi inclined his head, his gaze on the large blond at his side, speaking in quiet tones to Erwin as he lead him from his office, only shifting his gaze when the taller male's fell on the young man bent over Petra's desk and there was a subtle curve of Erwin’s lips as his icy blue eyes crawled over the brunette’s body. Levi cleared his throat and bid Erwin a dismissive farewell, a warning glint lighting up the stormy grey-blue of his eyes. The blond only chuckled lightly and clapped Levi on the shoulder which had the dark-haired doctor pursing his lips and stepping out of his reach immediately.

"Eren, right on time and dressed more appropriately for the weather today, I see," he greeted idly, motioning for the youth to proceed through the open door of his office, "Please, come in."

“Not so fast doc, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” said Eren, standing up straight and walking over to the two men. He made sure to sway his hips and when he looked up at the blond, he batted his captivatingly green eyes and bit his lip. It was his usual routine in flirtation even though for some reason he wasn’t even that interested in the blond; Eren had just become so accustomed to hitting on anyone decent looking that he didn’t even think to stop himself. “Heya handsome. I’m Eren.”

Erwin was quick to offer the young man one broad hand, "Erwin. It's truly a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he introduced, a charming smile curling on his lips, but there was a wicked glint in his glacial eyes that Levi was all too familiar with.

The short doctor stepped between the two patients, effectively forcing the handshake to break though the proximity to both men had his stomach turning. Erwin was not someone he wanted his newest patient involving himself with.

"That's quite enough. Erwin, you're appointment is over. We'll meet again as scheduled next week. I suggest you take your leave before Michael becomes worried," he said dismissively, tone leaving no room for argument and the blond smirked, winking salaciously at the bright-eyed brunette before he finally stepped out.

Levi turned his gaze back to his most recently acquired patient, "Eren..." He called, drawing the youth's attention back to himself, "If you're quite finished, I'd like to begin our meeting. Two hours seems like more time than it really is."

“Don’t get your panties in a knot doc, I was only being polite,” drawled Eren with a smile as he took a wide berth around Levi so that he wouldn’t accidentally touch him. Eren trotted into the office and flopped on the lounge chair which he decided would be his spot for all future sessions. “So doc. We haven’t seen each other in a couple days. How are you? Did you miss me?”

Levi closed the door quietly behind them and made his way to his desk, leaning his backside against the front edge of it and crossing his arms loosely over the dark wine coloured button up covering his torso and tucked neatly into his fitted black slacks.

"I'm well. As for missing you... I'm afraid any pining I might have felt is not of the sort you'd be hoping for. More importantly, how have you been fairing since we last spoke?"

“Well, at least you pined some,” said Eren as he bent over to take off his sneakers and place them on the floor neatly beside him. He brought his knees up to hug and rest his head back against the chair with his eyes closed. “I'm tired. I guess I haven't gotten enough sleep,” he said before he yawned.

Opening his jewel green eyes, Eren wiped sweat off his brow with his hand and took his hat off. Using his hat to fan himself, he panted, “But more importantly, doc, you need air conditioning in here, I'm fucking roasting.” 

Levi hummed, absently retrieving a crisply folded handkerchief from the right pocket of his trousers and offered it to his patient before he moved with casual grace to open the large window, allowing the light breeze to flow in before he returned to his position against the ledge of his desk and settled his unreadable gaze back on the young man. "Do you often find it difficult to get adequate rest?" He finally spoke after several long moments simply watching the brunette.

Eren took the handkerchief delicately in his hand before unfolding it and placing it on his face. “It depends,” he said hidden under the cloth. “Sometimes no matter what I do, nothing helps me relax.” He was quiet for a moment before he added, “Sometimes I don't pick the right partner, and they won't let me rest.” 

"I see. Do you use sexual gratification as a general way to relax in order to gain rest? Or do you have other methods as well?" The doctor questioned, tilting his head slightly as he catalogued Eren's posture at that moment. He certainly seemed more docile than he'd been upon their first meeting, subdued and Levi surmised that there had been an unpleasant experience in the youth's life within the two days they'd not spoken.

“Hm,” said Eren with his head still tilted back and hiding underneath the handkerchief. “I'm not really into drugs. I do work out a lot. That helps me relax. I like physical stimulation. I usually work out until I can't walk or lift my arms. So, sex is another physical way to relieve stress.” He ran his hands out over the leather beside him, trying to calm himself with the soft surface. Eren finally removed the cloth to level his eyes on Levi, “What do you have against sex, doc?” 

The stoic raven considered what Eren had said and his subsequent question, meeting the engaging emerald eyes of his patient just as levelly.

"I don't particularly have any aversion to the act itself when it's performed between two consenting and mentally sound adults though I personally find it repulsive in regards to my own participation. And of course, I cannot condone its use in self medicating," he answered in a calm, low tone, shifting to cross one ankle over the other, leaning his weight more fully against the desk's edge.

"Do you believe your promiscuity is a healthy outlet for stress? It seems to me that it may not always have the desired effect and actually increase the levels of your anxiety." He observed, changing the subject smoothly back to Eren.

Eren’s socked feet slipped to the ground before he clapped his hands to his mouth in shock. In a horrified whisper he asked, “Does that mean you’re a virgin?” He stared wide eyed at his therapist hands still covering his mouth, eagerly awaiting a reply. 

Levi closed his eyes in mild frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand briefly before resting it back across his chest. "I hardly think my sexual history is your business, nor is it relevant to your progress," he stated, a sigh behind the words, "We're here to discuss your life choices and hopefully succeed in helping you to make better ones in the future, not mine."

“You’re totally a virgin,” said Eren, kicking his feet and flapping his arms, trying to keep himself from screaming. He wrapped his arms around himself and began rocking back and forth to keep himself from freaking out. “That's such a waste! Look at you.. That's like.. That's like cruel. You can't look like _that_ and be a virgin,” he complained, beginning to gnaw on his knuckles, “This is like painful for me.” 

He paused his freak out for a moment to acknowledge the man before him. “But I guess it makes sense. You don't like people touching you, and sex does involve a lot of touching.” Eren took a couple deep breaths and shook his body out. “You know,” he said cracking his neck to the side, “Sex was like a revelation for me. It gave me my freedom. I was so afraid for so long about sinning and being damned that I avoided everything that could be considered pleasurable.” 

Eren scowled deeply and looked down. “Even fucking sugar. Who tells a 4 year old that if they eat sugar they will burn in hell for all of eternity?” His fists balled in his lap when he looked up at Levi and said “Well whatever. I finally realized that if I was going to hell I might as well get my money's worth while I'm alive. I'm not afraid anymore.” 

Levi snorted softly, looking down the line of his nose at the boy, "I assure you I can and I have no desire to rectify the status," he replied to the intense reaction he’d received. He'd underestimated Eren's deductive powers and now had to pay for the mistake by essentially admitting such personal information to the young man.

When Eren continued to speak without prompting, the doctor released a pleased hum, not having expected his mistake to result in more personal information on his patient, information that Eren was freely offering at that. It gave the raven a rather unorthodox idea, but he did not immediately voice it, intent to wait until the youth clammed up on him before he decided if he would test it out or not.

"You grew up with faith then? Were both of your parents so strict or one more so than the other? You seemed rather fond of your mother when you talked about your favoured memory... Is it safe to assume your father was the disciplinarian while growing up and most of your compulsive behaviours can be considered acts of rebellion against what you now consider unfairly oppressive?" He had his suspicions about Eren's estranged relationship with his patriarch. He had no doubt that the root of Eren's trauma lay within that singular relationship, possibly acerbated by a catalyst that was likely his mother or his sister. He just had to pinpoint when it had occurred, what exactly it had been, and what it had meant to Eren.

Raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms, Eren sat back in his seat. His demeanour said the doctor had gotten ahead of himself. “Hmmm,” Eren hummed, scrutinizing Levi. “Lots of families use the father as a disciplinary role. I don't think that’s unusual. And lots of kids rebel against their parents. But I’m not rebelling; I'm free. My father doesn't control me anymore.” He crossed his leg over his knee before he said, “As for my faith, I was born into the doctrine, but I've long since left that behind.” Eren smiled with feral white teeth. “It's my belief now that I haven't lived if I don't get my one way ticket to hell. You should join me, Dr. Ackerman; it would be interesting.”

"So you believe that your behaviour is sinful, but don't consider it self-destructive in your everyday life, is that it? Do you not want to have a romantic attachment to any one person? Are you uncomfortable with that sort of commitment or are you incapable of maintaining it?" The doctor asked, sounding almost as if he was talking to himself, his eyes seeing through the young man as he shifted his weight again.

"It's interesting that you claim you've left the faith of your upbringing behind you but still consider hell a destination you'll eventually visit. Do you believe you're beyond redemption Eren? I myself don't believe in heaven or hell. Religion is a man made tool created to control the mass populace. Frighteningly enough, it still works in this day and age. And I have to say, with how much you complain about the heat, I'd think you'd be in less of a hurry to visit the supposedly hottest place to ever exist." He continued conversationally, tapping one soft fingertip against his chin idly in thought.

Eren scoffed at the word commitment. “Romantic love is a lie. It's just a chemical reaction in our body to assure procreation. Why the hell should I have to commit myself to one dick for the rest of my life?” he questioned appalled as he shook his head. 

“As for hell, it's kind of been conditioned into me that I will be going there no matter what, even if I don't believe in God. If there _is_ a god, he's one cruel son of a bitch. Besides, in Dante’s Inferno, hell is supposed to be freezing cold. I think that would suit me nicely,” he said with a smirk as he brushed stray hair out of his eyes. 

Levi inclined his head, another soft hum sounding from him, acknowledging the young man's words, lost in his thoughts momentarily.

He straightened abruptly and made his way around his desk to the intercom, but stopped just short of pressing the button, wintered eyes flickering to the brunette, "Would you care for something to drink Eren?"

Eren's eyes widened at the sudden request. "Oh yeah sure," he said quietly, "Thanks." Before Levi could call Petra, Eren jumped up to stand. "I should go help her. She's as big as a house! I'd feel bad making her bring me a drink."

"I don't think that's necessary Eren. I'll retrieve the beverages once they've been prepared," the raven argued quietly. It was a nice gesture, but Levi had a suspicion that Eren was using it perhaps as a way to escape more questions about himself. He pressed the button and leaned over to speak into the receiver, his pale nape visible over the collar of his shirt; he never wore ties as they made him feel claustrophobic. Along the little bit of flesh that was visible, there were several little round marks, discoloured from the milky porcelain of his natural skin tone; scars, old ones dotted the back of his neck and disappeared beneath the fabric of his shirt.

He straightened back up and returned to his previous place in front of his desk, but instead of leaning on the ledge, he sat on the corner, looking completely comfortable there. "We have a few minutes before she calls me to come get it. I want to ask you," he paused and drew in a soft breath before he continued his train of thought, "How do feel emotionally when you are participating in these sexual acts you believe are proof of your freedom?"

Eren slumped back down in his seat and was silent for a few moments not even considering the question. He was more interested in the scars on Levi’s neck that he’d caught a glimpse of when the other man had been bent over. Eren wanted to ask what they were from, but knew that wouldn't be something Levi would tell him yet. Maybe not ever. 

Eren sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, stalling as he tried to remember Levi’s original question. “Ummm, it feels good? Like orgasming always feels good. But I guess you asked for my emotions, right?” Eren frowned in thought. “I guess… I don't really feel anything at all?” 

"Is it like being numb? Or simply apathy? And afterwards, when the physical act is over how do you feel emotionally?" the raven haired man asked, his gaze flickering down to the sleeve of his shirt where a thread had come loose and attracted his attention, though he was listening. It was irritating because he wanted to cut the damn thread off but it was on the sleeve of his dominant left hand which meant he could not use his the scissors with his right hand to remove it. His lips pursed in irritation and he forced his eyes back to the other man, though he kept glancing down at it every few seconds. It was bothering him, even more so because he was actually interested in what his patient was saying, wanting to have his full attention on Eren, but it was fucking **bothering** him. 

He recrossed his arms in an attempt to hide it from his view, which it did, but he still **knew** it was there.

"Um, I'm not sure. I don't really think about it..." Eren's voice trailed off as he focused on watching Levi's eyes dart down again and again. "Hey are you okay? Is there something wrong with your sleeve?" Eren asked moving his head to look at Levi's tucked arm. "Ohh there's a loose thread. Those are so goddamn annoying," said Eren biting his lip. "They drive me crazy too. If you have some scissors, I could cut it off? I'm pretty sure I could do it without touching you. I'm sorry, it's just going to bother me otherwise."

"Yes, no, it's...Yes..." the dark haired doctor seemed flustered, a defeated lilt to his voice when he finally affirmed the brunette's suspicions. His eyes had been averted to the annoyance in question and he felt the sharp sting of shame crawl beneath his skin though there was no sign of his inner turmoil showing on his outward expression. His brows were furrowed ever so slightly in irritation and he finally looked back at Eren when the boy offered to remove the obnoxious little thread for him. "Would you?" There was definite relief in his tone and he reached behind himself to pull the pair of scissors in his supply holder out, offering them to the young man handle out, the closed blades pinched between his fingertips and thumb, affording as much distance between them as was possible,

"Oh thank fucking God! I would have been staring at it the whole appointment. Like seriously," said Eren, taking the scissors with slightly shaking hands. "Loose threads are the absolute worst. Like you want to just pull them out... But then you wreck your clothing." He slid over on the seat to get closer to Levi and carefully held the scissors out. "Can you please hold out your arm? If we are both very careful, I know I won't touch you. I promise.” 

Levi nodded, holding his arm aloft between them so that Eren could remove the obnoxious thread. "Thank you," he said simply, no excuses or explanations, just simple gratitude for the gesture.

There was a light rosy tint to his normally pale cheeks that was the only outward admission of embarrassment as he sat upon the corner of his desk, body positioned as far away from Eren as he could be with his arm bent towards the young man.

A concentrated frown overtook Eren’s face as he focused on his task with his tongue sticking out of his mouth. Slowly and carefully he snipped the little piece of thread off and pinched it between his thumb and index finger to bring it up to his eyes to examine. “Got you, you little bastard. Trying to make a mess of my perfect Levi? Not on my watch,” he said to the thread with a giant grin on his face. 

About to flick the thread away, Eren’s eyes flickered to Levi’s, and he decided to wrap the thread up like the doctor had wrapped up his eyelash instead. He grabbed a tissue and folded the thread inside before he threw it away in the waste paper basket. Eren sat back in his seat, a satisfied and calm smile lighting his face. 

Levi's expression was a mix of embarrassed and perhaps just a tad endeared by the extra effort Eren put into disposing of the thread, but it didn't last long as soon as he realized how foolish he must look and schooled his face to it's usual still almost bored expression. He recrossed his arms after replacing the scissors where they belonged and cleared his throat.

He was about to speak when there was a buzz from the intercom as Petra signaled the completion of their beverages and the short doctor excused himself to retrieve them, certain that Eren's gave was on his back during the entire length of his office. He sighed once he was out of the office and gave his head a little shake, hoping to get his thoughts back in order. Petra stood next to her desk with two large teacups and he stepped over to take them from her, fingertips carefully holding the rims as she released the handles and he thanked her, inclining his head in response to her cheerful smile. 

He toed the office door back open, closing it again tightly with his hip once inside.

"I hope tea's alright. It's white willow and lavender," he said idly as he stepped back towards his desk and the seated boy, offering one of the cups to Eren with one outstretched hand as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

“Mm... I don't generally drink tea,” said Eren taking the teacup. He breathed into the hot beverage before he took a tentative sip. “It's good,” he said with a small smile, “Hot stuff is usually gross, but my mom used to drink tea.”

He leaned forward, cupping the teacup with both hands and sighed, turning his head to the side. “She only drank tea when dad wasn't home though. ‘Tea is best with honey’ she always said. Sometimes we’d have little tea parties when we knew he'd be gone for a while.” Eren was staring out the window with a forlorn look on his face, “I always refused the honey she offered. I was a good boy.” 

Levi watched him, lifting his own cup to his lips, fingertips still poised around its rim instead of the handle. "Your mother sounds like she was a fine lady. Didn't you want to try the tea with honey?" He asked, noticing the expression and not missing the meaning of Eren's ending statement, but choosing not to directly address it.

Eren's eyes were glazed over as he said "Nah, daddy always knew when I was bad. He knew ‘cause God knew. God sees everything." As he stared out the window, Eren's teacup started to tip towards him like he forgot he was holding anything at all. Next thing Eren knew, he’d dumped his whole cup of hot tea down his chest. 

"Holy fucking shit!" Eren yelled standing up and ripping off his jacket. "That shit is fucking hot. God damn it I'm sorry I zoned out. I don't think I got tea on anything but my jacket. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he said pulling at his hair and balling his jacket. Then he was reminded with a flinch the reason he was wearing the horrifically hot jacket in the first place. Eren froze and looked at Levi with comically round eyes. "Shit," he whispered.

Levi had moved as soon as he caught sight of the impending disaster, setting his own cup down on his desk and rounded it to open the bottom left hand drawer where he kept extra hand towels, pulling one out and swiftly stepping towards Eren, ready to offer it to him when the young man began to apologize, ringing the material of his jacket and tugging at his hair in some sort of anxiety attack. Levi watched in fascination, marking down the behaviours in his mental notes for later analysis. 

His silver eyes traveled over the rest of Eren and stilled on the marks that marred his now visible arms just as Eren seemed to realize that he had revealed them. He silently offered the soft, pristinely white towel to the brunette, waiting for him to accept it before he leaned away and looked over the marks again. "You weren't lying when you said you've had a rough couple of days," he said casually as he met the young man's gaze once again.

"Yeah... Haha," said Eren with fake laughter glancing towards the door for an escape. "Actually... I think I forgot I had... a date. Can we wrap this up doc?" Eren shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he tried to pull his short white sleeves down to hide the damage. He kept his eyes on the floor.

"We still have forty five minutes Eren," Levi stated, "It's alright, I'm not angry. I understand... I certainly don't work miracles overnight. If you'd rather not talk about it now, that's alright. There's next time. Would you like to know something about me?" His voice turned soothing, understanding and career training kicking in automatically. He needed Eren calm if he was going to get him to talk again.

"You've earned my respect and I've dodged most of your questions so far. You haven't punched me yet, so... I think you've earned the answer to a question or two..." he said wryly, repeating words similar to and familiar from the young man's first visit.

Eren glanced from the door, to Levi, and back again; clearly having a hard time deciding whether to flee or to stay and hear personal stories from the aloof Dr. Ackerman. He took one step towards the door, then shook his head and took a step back. 

"What kind of something?" Eren asked as he slowly sat back down. He was a fly caught in Levi's trap.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	3. Scream Me a Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Down With The Sickness by Disturbed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09LTT0xwdfw)  
> Levi ~ [Clumsy by Our Lady Peace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp2P6JKc1QE)

"Whatever you like... Fair is fair," Levi replied, leaning back against his desk, pale fingers curling around the edge on either side of his hips, looking into the interested green eyes that he still found to be such a pretty shade.

"Okay!" Eren was vibrating in excitement, searching for a question he really wanted to know about the other man. "Ah!" He said, finally coming up with something, "How did you get into the whole... The whole therapizing thing?" Eren gestured wildly around at the whole office. "You obviously don't like people and therapizing takes social interaction, Dr. Ackerman," he added seriously, like Levi didn't happen to realize.

"I wanted to understand other people and I wanted to understand myself," Levi replied after only a second's deliberation. He cocked his head to the side, shrugging that shoulder slightly. He had been expecting a question pertaining to his sex life or perhaps about his OCD tendencies, and was pleasantly surprised when Eren asked a rather tame question instead. He almost smiled, a soft curl upwards hidden in the corner of his mouth.

"Hm," Eren said, mirroring Levi's head tilt, looking exactly like a curious puppy. Eren knew Levi thought he would ask him about sex and he couldn’t deny he had considered it, but after Levi had admitted to being a virgin, there was nothing interesting or juicy the man would have to tell. "What did you understand about yourself then?"

"Hm... That's a much harder question to answer... I'm still learning... But there are some things I’ve come to understand, like why I can't be touched, why I like children and animals better than my peers, why I have to have order, why I can't stand the smell or prolonged sight of cooked meat, so I don't eat it and avoid it as often as possible... There's more, but if I tell you all of it now, you won't have any questions for next time," he said, watching the almost childlike quality to Eren's posture, the curiosity and fascination in the young man's eyes almost tangible.

Eren squealed and flailed against the lounger. “God damn it, you're just so precious!” he exclaimed, trying not to hyperventilate, “I really just want to give you a super big hug. And a blow job. But mostly a hug.” Eren noticed the way Levi stiffened, “GODD. I won't hug you. I just said I WANTED to. My hugs are the best, you know? So are my blow jobs. I can even give you references,” he assured with a smirk.

"I'll take your word for it," the raven replied, crossing his arms over his waist, trying to will away the immediate anxiety and disgust that the suggestion brought with it. "I don't think I would refer to myself as precious, but I suppose I should take it as a compliment, considering some of the other things I've been called. How are you feeling now?"

Eren stopped squirming to look at Levi with a kind smile. “I'm fine. Don't be tense. I promised I wouldn't touch you and I meant it. Only if you want me to.” He gave Levi a very pointed stare.

Eren dropped his eyes and sighed. “You know, we are the exact opposite. I like, crave touch. All the time really. When I was little I used to try and hold everyone's hands.” Suddenly, Eren’s smile was replaced with a frown. “Well until my dad caught me holding hands with my friend Armin after school one day,” he said as he shuddered.

"It's not that I don't crave touch per se. I’d have liked to be closer to people, but I can't accept it... Especially intimate touches of any sort, unfortunately that includes hugs," he began his response, pausing to watch Eren for a few seconds and shifting his weight unconsciously before he continued, "I assume your father found the behavior with your friend intolerable?"

Eren lifted his eyes to stare into Levi's. "Homosexuality is a sin," he said with his face completely blank and his eyes glazed over once again. "He sent me to conversion therapy the next day."

Levi tilted his head slightly, mercury gaze meeting and holding Eren's, watching silently as the light faded from them. Eren was likely remembering those particular memories and shutting down. It was obvious they were unpleasant. "How old were you?" Levi asked in a calm, soft tone, leaning forwards slightly towards Eren, arms still tucked snuggly against his stomach.

"I was eleven," Eren said, his tone completely blank. "I didn't know what homosexuality was. I didn't even know what sex was. But suddenly I was a little slut that opened my legs for anyone and everyone," said Eren with a humourless laugh. "That night was the worst he ever beat me. But I don't want to talk about this. None of this matters anymore." 

Eren started to pull at his hair and rock back and forth in his seat. "Why the fuck are we even talking about this. I don't want to talk about this. Why would you make me talk about this? What the fuck Levi?" Eren asked looking around the office wildly. He was ripping and pulling at his shirt and soon Eren stood up to tear the thing completely off to throw across the room. 

Eren's tan torso was completely covered in lashes, bruises and bite marks. Some of the scabs were red and angry looking. His body was still perfectly sculpted, but it was marred by the work of someone wanting to destroy him. "This is me," he said gesturing to his body. "I like who I am. Nothing can hurt me anymore. I won't let it." He said, starting to pace back and forth in front of the lounge chair. He made four passes before he whirled around on Levi. 

"You know what. Fuck this whole therapy thing," said Eren, getting on his knees in front of Levi. "If you want to help me, just jack off onto my face. I won't touch you. See that'll work right?" Tears glimmered in his green eyes as he looked up at Levi expectantly.

Levi watched the entire rant with a sort of wide eyed intent look. He was certainly on the right track. It was clear from Eren's very sudden agitation and his accusatory animosity directed at the raven haired doctor. He watched the young man tear his shirt off and his eyes widened further as he surveyed the extent of the damage done to Eren's golden skin. It did not look like Eren liked himself. The marks looked like punishment to Levi's eyes. 

He reeled back as soon as Eren dropped to the floor in front of him, immediately hyper aware of the close proximity of the half dressed brunette to his own person. He grit his teeth and took a deep breath through his nose to quell the urge to flee, especially hearing Eren's crude words which only furthered his revulsion. He had a difficult time meeting Eren's eyes, but when he finally did, he saw far more than he expected. They weren't the guarded predatory eyes that he'd seen before, nor the unfocused eyes of recollection, neither were they the excited or humoured eyes, all of which he had witnessed previously. These eyes were begging for absolution.

The shorter man released his breath slowly and drew in another, "Eren... I'm not going to do that... We need to talk about these things even though they're painful. You can't get better if we don't. They are only going to get worse as we progress until they finally get better," he said calmly, leaning as far away as he could from Eren. He could feel the heat emanating from the young man and it made him shiver ever so subtly, pressing himself harder against the wood of his desk unconsciously. 

He had to gain Eren's trust; he had a feeling in order to get the information he truly needed from the youth, he was going to have to implement the unorthodox method he had considered previously. Levi would have to offer Eren something more than textbook assurances in return; more than scripted affirmations that revealing his darkest secrets and reliving his traumas would cure him.

The other male had been receptive whenever Levi had offered bits and pieces of his personal life, perhaps... "Eren, I want to know more about you. But it's unfair for you to have to give me answers to all my questions, especially the ones you don't want to answer. You want to know about me as well... We'll make it a trade. For every question of mine you answer without acting this way, I will grant you an answer to a question you have about myself." It was wildly unorthodox and likely a little inappropriate by most standards, but Levi wanted to help Eren. The marks all over him were painful to look at. No one else may be able to hurt Eren, but that didn't mean he wasn't able to hurt himself.

Eren reached up and put his hands in his eyes as he crumpled over into a ball. “I'm tired Levi,” he whispered. “Why can't you just give me what I want?” 

Levi sighed softly. "It's alright Eren, we don't have to continue to talk about that now. And you _know_ why I can't do that... It's not what you need anyway, not really. Let's talk about something else for now, you pick what you'd like to talk about; I don't care to end sessions on a tense note when it can be avoided," he said, lips thinning into a line, one subtly trembling hand reaching up to rub at the scars over the back of his neck in apprehension. _Too close…_ Eren was too close... Levi needed space between them again, needed to fill that space with words so that he could feel safe enough himself to continue helping his patient. There was probably at least twenty minutes of the session left, maybe a few minutes more, he couldn't be sure and he couldn't spend that time with the young man stationed on his knees so close to his pelvis. He needed Eren comfortable and calm again so that he would back off physically.

Eren got to his hands and knees and slowly crawled away from his therapist to curl in the fetal position in front of his chair. “I don't believe you'll tell me shit,” said Eren in a whisper from his position on the floor. “And if you lie to me, I'll never want to see your stupid face again.” 

Levi wet his lips, watching the young man's movements carefully. "Ask me something, I think you'll know if I lie to you. I've given you no reason to believe I will. Eren if this will help you in the end, I am willing to abide by it," He suggested, squeezing his crossed arms a little around himself, mentally preparing himself for any question Eren might ask.

Eren looked up at him with a challenge in his eyes that differed from his body that lay broken on the floor. “What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?”

Levi inclined his head and pursed his lips, "Define worst," he said slowly, carefully. He shifted against his desk, acutely uncomfortable. There were a number of answers, but without a clear definition, he wasn't sure what answer he should give, some of them far more uncomfortable than others.

“The worst thing that's ever happened to you,” Eren repeated with annoyance, lifting the upper part of his body to glare at Levi. “How is that hard to understand? The thing that haunts you the most. What you have nightmares about, something so bad that you'll never be able to forget.” Eren scowled and shook his head. “I knew you wouldn't answer,” he said as he struggled to stand up, “Fucking liar! I swear to god I will never come back here. And I'm gonna leave you horrible yelp reviews.” 

Eren stumbled as he almost reached his feet and fell to his hands and knees. “For fuck sakes!” he yelled as he slammed his fist on the floor. “I need to get the fuck out of here before the sight of you makes me puke.” 

"My mother had many lovers, not unlike you... Some of them were kind and some of them were not... We used to play a game when her lovers were coming to visit. My mother called it _'Peep',_ " He paused and took in a deep breath, closing his eyes before he began speaking again, already beginning to feel the tremors beneath his skin in response to the wash of memory, "She had me kneel in her closet and I had to close my eyes and cover my ears, not make a sound... Not make a single peep, until she came to get me. She told the most wonderful stories when I won the game... I always won... When I was nine... I lost for the first time... Something hit the door to the closet. I was startled and made a sound. The lover that was visiting my mother was not one of the kind ones..." He had to stop, squeezing himself again and breathing in and out slowly, trying to sooth his racing heart and quell the forceful desire to scrub at his skin.

Eren was still trying to get up and leave when he heard Levi start to speak again. The story Levi told was not what Eren had expected at all. But he hadn’t really expected Levi to answer in the first place. Eren plopped back on his ass heavily and stared up at Levi with wide eyes. “What did the guy do?” he whispered, almost not wanting to know what happened. 

Levi visibly swallowed and took another breath before he could respond, opening his eyes, but not quite meeting the younger male's gaze. "He pulled me out of the closet by the arm. He called me a peeping tom, said if I wanted to watch, all I had to do was ask instead of hiding in the closet. I tried to argue that it was a game. I hadn't meant to make a peep. My mother was... She couldn't help me... He pressed me to sit next to her, but I didn't want to look... I didn't want to hear... I'd never lost the game before... He lit a cigarette and told me to watch my mother... I closed my eyes and put my hands over my ears... He didn't like that... He grabbed at my hands and demanded I watch. When I shook my head and would not open my eyes, he began to burn my back with his cigarette... It wasn't the pain that made me open my eyes in the end, but the sound of my mother's muffled tears." He stopped talking once more, his body trembling subtly as he hugged himself, fingers digging into his own sides painfully.

“I'll kill him,” said Eren with a voice full of rage and tears in his eyes as he stared at Levi’s neck where he knew the burns in question remained scarred. “I'm going to kill every sick fuck that thinks it's okay to hurt a kid.” He wiped the tears from his eyes with balled fists as he fought the threat of hysteria. “Just tell me his name. I'll fucking find him and bite his dick off. He’ll bleed out as I spit it back in his face,” he finished with a maniacal grin.

Eren finally looked up from his homicidal delusions and noticed that Levi was trembling. Guilt overtook him immediately and his anger subsided. He wished he’d never asked the question. He wished that Levi had refused to answer him. He wished a lot of things. But mostly he wished he could get rid of the pain that ached in his chest. In a whisper he said, “We were just kids, Levi. Why the fuck would people do this to us?”

"There is no real answer to that Eren, too many for there to be just one. And it's a sweet gesture to wish him dead, but he already is as is my mother," he said in a soft strained tone, shifting uncomfortably again. He uncrossed and recrossed his arms, feet fidgeting on the carpet unconsciously.

“I should have never fucking asked that. I backed you into a corner and called you a liar...” Eren said, shaking his head and scratching at a scab on his chest viciously. “You didn't deserve that. I wish I could take it back. I am so sorry.” 

“I always fuck everything up,” he whispered with red, raw eyes trained on Levi’s snowy grey. “I understand if you don't want me to come back here.” Eren bowed his head in resignation. 

Levi shook his head slightly, "It's alright Eren. I knew that it might be a difficult question to answer when I gave you permission to ask." He watched Eren as he spoke, watched the fidgeting motions of the brunette's hands. He lifted one pale, shaky hand to run his fingers through his hair before he realized he was doing it and forced his arm back to it's previous position, only to turn and retrieve the box of tissues from his desk, offering them to Eren from where he was standing still against the furniture. He **should** walk over to him, but at the moment, he could not even think of moving any closer. "Stop scratching... You're bleeding..."

Eren looked down at his blood covered fingers. He wasn't even aware that he was scratching the scabs and now they were torn open. It was a good thing he didn't scar easily. “Oh sorry...” he apologized, reaching to grab a tissue to wipe his hands, “Blood is gross, but it's a pretty color.”

He wiped the substance off and folded the tissue to throw away. “Wouldn't want you to touch my blood and get AIDS or Hepatitis or some shit,” he said with a forced laugh. 

"Don't you get tested for those things regularly?” Levi asked, even as his gaze followed Eren's hands while he cleaned the opened wounds and his hands of his blood, trekking the movement as he folded the tissue up. He straightened his body from the stiff leaning position he'd been in against his desk and stepped around the piece of furniture to retrieve the new bottle of sanitizer he'd purchased the day before. He sanitized his own hands, allowing the process to sooth him before he glanced back at Eren, "Catch," he warned before he tossed the bottle to the young man.

Catching the bottle midair, Eren nodded. "Of course. I may like sex but there is no reason to be an idiot about it," he stated. "I get tested as often as possible even though I make sure to use condoms and stuff." 

He rubbed the alcohol in then signed. "Sometimes guys don't like to use condoms and they don't take no for an answer. Usually I can get away, but sometimes I can't...." Eren trailed off but then shook his head and smiled up at Levi. "When that happens, I don't have sex until my results are back. It's hard as fuck, but I don't want to be some sort of patient zero in an epidemic." 

He rubbed the back of his neck with his now blood free hands. "I don't really care if I get sick, but no one else should have to pay for my mistakes. Thankfully, even after those scares, I have never contracted anything."

"That's smart and you've been very lucky obviously. You shouldn't say you don't care if you get sick Eren. Why don't you care?" the doctor asked, smoothing his hands over his shirt and pants, looking down as he spoke, removing invisible wrinkles and dust from his clothing with his hands.

"I just... Don't, I guess?" Eren said unsure of the answer. "It's not like I want to get sick or anything. It's just... Statistically, it will happen at some point. I accept the consequences of my actions."

"I see... You have no inclination to slow down or perhaps rethink your lifestyle, even knowing something like that?" he questioned, looking up again finally and focusing his attention back on Eren, the shaking of his fingers and body far less pronounced that they had been. He leaned his palms back against his desk again, but didn't fully rest his weight against its edge.

"Nope," Eren said with a pop of the p. He leaned back onto his hands in a more relaxed position on the floor. "What I'm doing works for me. I have no reason to stop," he said with a wide, white smile, "I'm not afraid of getting sick or beaten or raped. I mean it when I say nothing can hurt me anymore." 

His green eyes danced with mischief as he continued after a second’s pause, "Of course, if a certain hot therapist of mine said he'd be upset if I got sick, I would consider slowing down a bit." Eren paused for dramatic effect. "Buttttttt then he'd have to admit to caring about me in an unprofessional way, which the ice king would never do," Eren said with a wink.

Levi's heavily lashed lids lowered, "You realize that I've already proven myself in that regard Eren. Do you think I tell all my patients my secrets?" He tilted his head to the side, letting it rest on his shoulder casually, shifting his feet to cross his ankles. "I would not be pleased if you were to become sick. I'm not fond of the marks all over you as it is. I think that you _are_ being hurt Eren, you just believe you can't feel it. You should slow down not because I care, but because it's become dangerous."

Eren stared dumbfounded at Levi's admission; he hadn't considered the extra mile Levi had went to to get through to him. Levi cared about him... More than his other patients. 

A warm feeling blossomed from his chest and spread throughout his body as butterflies danced in his stomach. Eren's face turned a bright shade of red as he stuttered, "Are... Are we... Done now?" 

He knew what shade his face must be as he felt the heat radiate off his cheeks and ears. Eren scrambled to stand and turn his back on Levi before the other man saw his blush.

Levi noticed the bashful behaviour immediately. It was interesting considering that Eren had not been embarrassed when asking to perform sexual favours on his psychiatrist, but instead he could apparently become flustered by the simple realization that Levi actually _cared_ about his well-being enough to offer pieces of himself in order to help him. Interesting indeed. He let out a breathy chuckle, barely more than a wisp of sound between his lips. 

He glanced at the little timer and reached to turn it off before it had the chance to sound; there were only a couple minutes left anyway. "Yes, I suppose we can be finished for the day. Don't forget your shirt, jacket and shoes. Also, I have some homework for you. I'd like you to write down how you feel before, during and after any encounters you have before your next visit if you would. I want you to catalogue your emotional state so that we can explore it further next time. You said you don't think about it, so I'd like you to try," he requested lightly, standing up straight once again and stepping around to look at his calendar, "Since I'm not generally available on the weekends, will Monday at one thirty be suitable for you?"

"Okay..." Eren said as he grabbed his jacket and footwear off of the floor and almost sprinted to grab his shirt where it had been thrown in front of the door. "Monday is fine doc, I'll see you then," he said with some sort of weird army salute before he was out the door. 

Eren didn't even pause to put his clothes back on as he ran past the front desk to the fire escape to stumble down the stairs. He was sure his heart would explode any second. This evening's workout would be amazing with all the adrenaline flowing through his veins.

Levi shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips, standing behind his desk, staring at the open door the young man had escaped through. He was still standing there smiling when Petra poked her head in to ask if he was alright, the half naked sprint Eren had performed not having escaped her notice. Seeing the smile, she had been surprised and relieved, giving him one of her own before she reminded him of his own appointment the following Monday. That simple reminder had caused the small smile to fade rather quickly and he dismissed her for the day, seating himself behind his desk with Eren's file spread out before him and began to meticulously fill in new notes on the young man.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	4. Infect Me a Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [I'm So Sick by Flyleaf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw)  
> Levi ~ [Lying Awake by Our Lady Peace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BZr1pxuzzo)
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mentions of past non-con of a minor. It is brought up in passing and not detailed.

Levi was in Isabel's office which was not unlike his own, though most of the shelves in hers were filled with children’s books, toys and games. He plopped down in the low, plush, bean bag chair across from her own and lolled his head back on his shoulders, looking at the star-spangled ceiling overhead and breathing out a long sigh. He always felt at home in her cozy little office, probably because it was generally meant for children and held so much of the kindness the woman that owned it had.

Isabel watched him as he relaxed, his eyes sinking closed as the general tenseness proceeding these sessions with his long-time friend and psychiatrist settled, but did not entirely dissipate.

“It's been some time since you last came to see me. Petra made this appointment for you since you've been so wrapped up in work. You realize you need to take a break and relax now and then and actually _socialize._ It's been over a month since you've made any personal visits with anyone outside of work. I know you don't like being pressured, but we all worry about you, you know,” the slight red head spoke softly, but sternly, her familiar bright eyes serious as she looked directly at him.

He nodded vaguely. “I'm sorry Isabel. I've just been so swamped with cases; I'll try to make more of an effort from now on,” he promised sincerely. And he would do as he said; he'd make a point of it.

“That's what I want to hear. Now, how did my suggestion from our last session go?”

Levi snorted and averted his gaze to inspect his perfectly groomed fingernails in avoidance. “It didn't,” he deadpanned flatly, still looking at the back of his hand.

“Levi... Did you even try?” Her tone was scolding and the dark haired male huffed in response.

“I tried... It didn't last more than two minutes. It's completely useless.”

She tapped her pen against the clipboard resting on her lap and frowned at him, “Tell me what happened.”

He growled and sat up straighter, uncomfortably on edge as she pressed him. “I woke up with **it.** As soon as I even considered touching it, it started to fade. I forced myself to put my hand on it and that was the end of it. It's too disgusting Issy.”

She leaned her elbow on the clipboard and put her chin in her palm while her eyes bore into him. “Did you try to fantasize at all?”

He scoffed, “How could I? I'm incapable of feeling physical attraction to anyone or anything Isabel, you know that.”

She sighed glumly, “Still no luck on that front too huh... Alright, well, I want you to keep trying anyway. Maybe if you can at least get used to it, you will eventually be able to maintain an erection and achieve climax,” she suggested lightly and shook her head when his disgust at the thought of it showed on his face. “Just try, will you?” He pursed his lips, but nodded as he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. 

“Have you been sleeping? How have the nightmares been? Anymore panic attacks?”

*_*

The session lasted far longer than he had anticipated and he had to rush from her office to get back to his own on time for his appointment with Eren, so distracted that he forgot to retrieve his long, black trench coat from the coat rack next to the front door of her waiting room. It was mild enough out that he didn't even realize he'd left it behind, no real chill in the air to remind him.

Eren was already in the office when Levi got back; Petra had probably let him in to wait until Levi arrived. The young man was pacing back and forth, biting his nails with anxiety etched on his face. He looked up as Levi entered the reception area and stared at the doctor in desperation. 

“Thank fucking god you're back. There’s something seriously wrong with me,” he said as he hunched over in his standing position to hug himself tight. Today he wore a see-thru black tank top with tight pink booty shorts. All the wounds had faded considerably since the previous Thursday so Eren was back to his normal revealing clothing. 

Levi blinked at the greeting he received upon his arrival back at his office. He looked Eren over, taking in the obvious distress in the boy's posture and the almost nervous gnawing of his teeth on his finger nails. 

"Alright Eren, just go into the office and try to relax. I'll be in in a just a moment," he replied, ushering the younger male through the wooden door into his clean and comfortably cool office.

"Levi! You scatter brain, you forgot your coat at my office. You’re lucky Farlan noticed before we went for lunch," it was Isabel's voice that rang out just behind them as she strode into the office with an air of familiarity, a bright grin on her face, his coat slung over her arm.

"Issy, you didn't need to come all the way here. I could have come by after closing to get it," he said, glancing at his patient before he stepped over to her to take his coat. She glanced over Eren and her eyebrows rose, leaning close to Levi when she spoke again so as not to be overheard. The raven shook his head in response to her quiet words and surprisingly didn't shy away from her proximity.

He asked her to wait just a moment, turning back to Eren who was loitering in the open office doorway and offering the coat to him instead, "Eren, I'm sorry. I know you've been waiting, but would you mind taking this into my office for me, I'll be just another second. I'm going to make us some tea," he requested, not exactly pleased to be making the distraught brunette wait. The young man took the coat from him and reluctantly stepped back further into the office, but kept Levi in sight.

Levi went back towards Isabel, ushering her to the exit, nodding to whatever she was saying and she was smiling brightly, pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek. He wrinkled his nose, but shockingly returned her embrace loosely, waving her off when they broke apart.

He sighed in relief and smiled gratefully when Petra appeared with two glasses of iced tea in her hands. He took them from her and immediately stepped into his office, kicking the door all the way closed behind him.

Eren was standing in the middle of the room with his feet shoulder width apart, holding Levi’s coat like he might rip it apart. Gone was his anxiety, replaced with barely concealed rage. 

“Who was _that?_ ” he asked after unclenching his jaw. 

The doctor furrowed his brow at the unexpected shift in Eren's demeanour, stepping around the young man carefully to place the glasses on his desk, carefully setting them on the coasters Petra had gifted him for Christmas the previous year.

"That was Isabel. She's a friend and colleague. You can hang that on the coat rack if you like," Levi replied casually, his silver eyes flickering over Eren's rather interesting choice in outfit once more, pleased to see that the worst of his injuries had faded.

He was standing in front of his desk with his hands resting idly over his stomach, the sleeves of his grey button up rolled up to his elbows, revealing the milky skin of his forearms.

Eren raised his chin and stared Levi down as he lifted the jacket with one hand and promptly dropped it on the floor. He left the jacket piled in a heap to make his way to the edge of the lounge chair; the furthest seat away from Levi without utilizing the other chair provided instead. Once seated, he leaned his body away from the doctor with his legs crossed and his head turned away.

Levi raised his brows and inclined his head, not entirely certain what to make of the young man's behaviour. "Or don't..." He muttered under his breath, a tad annoyed by Eren's unwarranted petulance and moved to pick up his coat from the carpeted floor, shaking it out before hanging it up on the rack beside the door. He retrieved the drinks from his desk and set them on coasters on the small table situated between the furniture before he seated himself in the armchair next to the lounger and folded his hands at his waist, looking at Eren scrutinizing for several long silent seconds.

"I apologize for being late for our appointment today. I had one of my own and had to rush back here to meet with you. Would you care to explain what had you so upset when I arrived? What do you think is wrong with you?" He wasn't certain why, but he got the impression that Eren was angry at him and he had nothing else to apologize for aside from making the young man wait. He wasn't certain if Eren would answer his inquiry or not, but perhaps he could at least get him talking.

“Hmph,” said Eren in acknowledgement still not looking at Levi. “If you want to fuck around with someone that ugly, that's fine, but do it on your own time. I wouldn't mind being made to wait while I'm having a _real_ crisis if you would have at least picked someone attractive.”

Levi blinked in confusion, "I'm sorry? You're angry that Isabel is not attractive enough by your standards to have been the reason for my tardiness. I hardly think that's fair," the concept that Eren might be jealous of the woman did not cross his mind immediately because he couldn't relate to the feeling and thought perhaps Eren was simply projecting his initial agitation onto the short redhead that had kept him from his therapist.

“You let her touch you,” Eren mumbled, too quiet for Levi to hear. He whipped his head to glare at Levi. “My standards are as low as possible, and I still wouldn't fuck her. So. Good job. Found someone even I wouldn't sleep with,” said Eren as he started a slow sarcastic clap. “Do you want a medal?” 

Levi breathed in a calming breath, "Why are you so angry? You don't even know her? What could she possibly have done to warrant such astounding animosity from you? She's actually a very kind woman and a very talented therapist," he replied, still trying to grasp what the underlying motives behind Eren's words were, "I am not entirely incapable of physical contact with people, it simply takes trust."

And of course it depended on how they touched him and where, but he didn't bother to elaborate that far.

“Whatever! I don't want to think about her ugly face anymore. We have bigger problems to deal with right now!” said Eren, still glaring at Levi and crossing his arms. 

Levi pursed his lips and squeezed his folded hands in mild irritation, "Alright, tell me about these problems then, I'm listening," he prompted, voice low and monotonous as his silver eyes focused on the other male unwaveringly and somewhat colder than they had been.

Eren took a big breath in and then let it out, trying to calm himself down.

"There's something... Like seriously fucking wrong with me," he explained, starting to chew on his nails once again. "I haven't had sex since last Thursday! I didn't even want to! This has never happened before! I'm really freaking out."

"Okay... That is unusual for you, but according to your file, you've made it a whole two months celibate before unless you lied to Doctor Zoe. Why does it scare you that you've abstained, because you haven't had any encounters or because you haven't _wanted_ to?" The raven questioned, lowering his lashes, his posture unchanging, calm and almost lax.

Eren scoffed. "I didn't fucking lie to Hange! Those two months were hell for me. I spent every waking moment thinking about sex. When I finally snapped, I had an orgy with like fifteen people," he answered, stating it like it was perfectly normal. 

"The problem is, I didn't even want to! I didn't want to have sex! I even went to the hospital to get my dick checked, but they found nothing wrong with it." He uncrossed his legs to stare angrily down at his crotch. "Like I can still masturbate... No problem there, thank god. But... Trying to find a partner makes me feel all gross! I've never felt this way before." 

Eren looked up at Levi, completely lost.

"Hm that is rather interesting. Perhaps these sessions are paying off… Have you been experiencing any of your usual stress and anxiety because you've not participated in any sexual acts or is it simply the anxiety resulting from breaking a usual routine?" The doctor questioned, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and cradle his chin on his folded hands.

“No no no no no no no no no no no no,” Eren said, shaking his head vehemently. “ _You_ did something to me,” he accused, pointing his finger at the therapist. “Change me back. I said I would slow down. Not quit cold turkey. ” 

"Eren... I most certainly did **not** do anything to you. It's your mind that is changing. I'm not some kind of magician. Whatever is happening is your own doing. What is it that happened during our last visit that affected you so intensely?" He replied, very much interested in the young man’s answers.

"I don't know! But my dick is going to explode! Do you want that to happen, Levi? I have such a pretty penis. I don't want it to fall off!" Eren was gesturing at his genitals the entire time during his almost panicked tantrum. "Fix me!" He whined, obviously very disturbed by the turn of events.

"I certainly hope something like that doesn't occur, though I'm certain that penises do not explode or fall off without stimulation. I'm afraid I'm not inclined to fix you even if I knew how."

"You have to because it's your fault," Eren said, putting his head between his knees and pulling at his hair. "Every time I go to hook up with someone, you're right there in the back of my head. You never go away!" Eren started to kick his feet uncontrollably. "Your stupid gorgeous eyes stare at me, and then I have to get up and leave. It isn't fair!"

Levi looked nonplussed, his brows furrowed a bit and he pursed his lips against his knuckles. He wasn't sure what to say in response to that particular piece of unexpected information.

"I'm not sure what I can do about that Eren. It was not something I could have predicted nor had I intended, but if it is helping to keep you safe, I can't say that I regret it. I'm afraid I don't have any solutions for you. You've obviously become fixated on me. Likely because I am an impossibility." He finally spoke, choosing his words carefully, his tone soothing as he voiced his hypotheses.

It was obvious from Eren's elaboration that he had indeed become infatuated with his therapist. A simple case of wanting what he could not have. His mind may be prohibiting him from following through with other conquests in the hopes of gaining the desired payoff from a more complex challenge.

Eren looked up at Levi and burst out laughing. “You got it all wrong doc. I don't fixate on people, especially people who I just want to bang,” said Eren with a hard edge to his voice. “If your whole forbidden fruit theory was true, I would be trying to fuck Armin. Or even my sister.” Eren paused for a moment to shudder. 

“Just because you are attractive and I would love to sleep with you doesn't mean I give a rat’s ass that I can't. So what? In terms of physicality, I could find someone as gorgeous as you are, and they wouldn't be repulsed by me,” he said as he flicked his hair out of his eyes, “Seems like a much more appealing option for a quick fuck.” Eren lifted his chin, challenging Levi. “Will you get off your fucking high horse now and help me figure out what the fuck is going on, or will you continue to treat me like a rabid dog that bites ‘cause someone won't give him a stick?” 

"It's not purely physical Eren. It's more than that, that's why... It’s probably because you want me to like you, to trust you. I told you you would have to work hard if you had any hope of gaining my affection; I don't know how I could possibly help you with that particular problem. I didn't _do_ anything, but care about you with no ulterior motives. You've done the rest yourself. Do you want me to stop caring?" The older man said.

"I am the only person that has shown interest in you that does not want to have sex with you that you actually find both physically appealing but also emotionally challenging. I’m afraid there isn't a simple solution." Levi explained as best he could. He certainly hadn't intended for Eren to develop an emotional attachment to him, only to gain his trust enough in order to help the young man. Perhaps, he was a little attached to Eren as well. He was interesting to Levi in unexpected ways; he'd certainly never told anyone, but Isabel about what had happened when he’d lost his first game of ‘Peep.’

"That's stupid," Eren frowned. "If I'm understanding what you're saying, then you think I _like_ you. I don't _like_ people. That's impossible." He was in complete denial.

"Well... What is it then? I don't have all of the answers Eren and sometimes the ones I do have are not always going to be the ones you want to hear," the raven said, dropping his hands loosely between his knees.

Eren just groaned and slid his hands down his face in mortification. “I don't know! You're the damn doctor not me! You're supposed to,” Eren waved his hands in the air, searching for the word, “Therapize me.” 

He turned to look Levi dead in the eye. “Can't you come up with a better reason? It's not like you _want_ me to have a crush on you. That's like… The worst possible scenario.” Eren scowled. “Wouldn't that be rich? I finally find someone I can have **real** feelings for and I will be stuck with a single-sided crush forever,” he said. In sudden realization, Eren slumped back into his seat with wide eyes and a open mouth. “I'll never get laid again” he whispered, looking like he would cry just thinking about it. 

Levi looked at Eren, "What would you have me to do Eren? I've told you, I'm not a miracle worker. Perhaps, you should look at this as an opportunity to find a more suitable partner while you aren't distracted, maybe one that doesn't leave bruises all over you, one you can get to know without the sex getting in the way," Levi wasn't sure how else to comfort the brunette.

Eren stared at Levi for a long moment. He questioned himself. Did he like Levi? Was that seriously possible? He had never felt this way about anyone before. But did that mean he liked Levi? It sounded pretty impossible and pretty damn pathetic. If Eren _did_ like Levi, he was completely fucked and not in the way he’d like to be. 

He needed to get laid and quick, so that he could bury these horrible feelings. 

"You know what, Dr. Ackerman?" said Eren, punctuating his last name. Eren didn't know when he started calling the doctor by his first name, but it was stopping right then. "You're not helping; I'm done." 

Eren got up from his chair and stalked out of the room before Levi could say another word. ‘

Racing down the fire escape stairs, Eren threw himself into the hot afternoon sun outside. He felt like he was going to cry. It hurt like hell. Worse than hell. Did Levi just reject him? But Eren wasn't even sure if he liked Levi yet. He didn't know what to do, but he wanted the unfamiliar pain to stop. He'd promised himself a long time ago that nothing would hurt him, especially not some uptight asshole of a therapist. This could not be happening to him. 

He rested against the rough stonework of the building and covered his face with his hands. All he needed to do was breathe. Eren would get laid tonight and everything would go back to normal. He'd even go back in to apologize to Dr. Ackerman once it had all been resolved. Eren could go back to hitting on the doctor and not giving a shit about anything. There... He had a plan.

Back in the office, Levi sighed heavily. He should have stopped Eren, but he didn't. He didn't move at all aside from hanging his head in his hands. That had not gone well at all. How could he have known this would happen?

He should not have offered Eren something real... He should not have told him his secrets. He was losing the game again.

It would be a few hours before Levi stirred and only then when Petra said that Erwin had still not called to cancel or explain his absence from his appointment that had been scheduled after Eren's. Levi began to worry. 

*_*

The tall blonde brushed invisible wrinkles from his impeccable suit upon exiting the bumblebee yellow Lamborghini and checked his reflection in the driver's side mirror before he turned to walk up the sidewalk to Levi's office for his usual appointment. He'd been good this week, even took Mike out on a proper date. Levi would likely praise him considering how their last few sessions had gone. Ah, but it had been so… Unsatisfying.

He had a nagging in the back of his head, a little inkling that kept drawing him back to the last time he had been at the office, when he'd seen Levi's newest project. He'd seen the way the boy was looking at the short raven and he hadn't failed to notice that Levi had seemed eager to see him as well.

He wondered idly if they might meet again today as he rounded the building and very nearly tripped over the very object of his musings. He, of course, managed to catch himself and did not trip or knock into the young man at all, smoothly sidestepping and resting a muscled forearm against the brick next to Eren's head instead. "It's a pleasure to see you again Eren. Might I ask, what are you doing out here? Shouldn't you still be in session?” 

Eren blinked up at the tall blonde man leaning over him. Shocked for only a moment before he choked down his previous emotions to smirk crookedly at the man that was now hitting on him. "Hi there. We finished up early today. I was just enjoying the sun after being stuck in Dr. Ackerman's office for so long. I seem to have forgotten your name, Mister..?"

"Smith, but please, call me Erwin; all my friends do," he said charmingly, dazzling smile in place though there was something dark and unnatural in the ice of his crystal blue eyes. "Levi must like you if he's released you from the torture early. He's always keeping me late. Must be your eyes... You do have such lovely eyes," the taller male flirted, leaning further towards Eren to look into his eyes deeply.

Eren batted his eyelashes up at the man, but on the inside he wanted to puke. Why couldn't Erwin have thought of something... Original? Eren had had this same conversation a billion times now. His eyes were the easiest thing to compliment, but that was because they were fucking gorgeous. 

“Oh stop, Erwin, you're going to make me blush,” Eren said with a fake giggle. He placed his hand lightly upon Erwin’s bicep. Physical contact was one of the first steps in getting laid after all. After touching the other man, Eren understood Levi’s obsession with rubbing alcohol. Erwin felt... Slimy. 

"I bet you look beautiful when you cry," the blonde replied, his eyes cold, but holding a sort of sinister light, a sharp lust that was razored and dark in its deviant nature. He had no doubt the boy would look exquisite with tears on his cheeks and a gag to muffle his screaming voice. He shifted his weight a little as he felt his cock stirring with interest at the imagery his mind produced. His arm flexed slightly beneath the press of the young man's fingers on his bicep and Erwin used his unoccupied hand to brush his fingertips lightly over a few stray chestnut locks and along one soft golden cheekbone. "Mm, I'm supposed to be going to meet Levi for my own appointment, but you seem like you could really use some company at the moment," he prodded, crowding Eren's space further and essentially boxing him in against the wall, the motion entirely predatory.

"Mm," said Eren licking his lips, feigning interest even as the other man’s words and actions made his skin crawl. "You'll certainly need to keep me company if you want to see me cry, Erwin." He felt trapped in the cage that the blonde created, but this was exactly what he’d wanted... Wasn't it?

Eren got up onto his tip toes to whisper in Erwin's ear, "We should get out of here."

Erwin made a sort of growling hum of appreciation, nodding his head lightly and removing himself from his leaned position, releasing Eren from the cage of his arms, a wicked smirk on his lips. "Right this way then," he said, gesturing back towards the way he'd come, waiting until the boy had stepped forward before he moved in behind him and pressed one broad hand against the small of his back to guide him to his expensive car.

Eren didn't even appreciate the car as he got in. He wasn't much of a car guy. As Erwin slid into the driver’s seat, Eren leaned over to put his hand on the blonde’s thigh. "I sincerely hope this car isn’t compensating for a lack of something, Erwin," Eren purred teasingly.

The blonde chuckled and placed a hand over Eren's, "I can sincerely assure you that you will be far from disappointed, my boy," he assured as he began driving towards the condo he kept for instances just like this one. He side-eyed the young man appreciatively as they made good time across town to Erwin's secondary apartment.

Once they arrived, the towering blonde stepped out of the car and slipped around the hood to open the brunette's door for him, immediately leading him inside the complex and to the elevator, hitting the button for the thirteenth floor, drawing Eren in against his thick, hard chest as the doors to the elevator closed, his hands roaming gently for the moment, inclining his head to speak next to Eren's ear, "How do you feel about make believe Eren?"

"Oooh," said Eren, forcibly denying the urge to shy away from Erwin’s advances, "Kinky. This night might be better than I thought it would be." He forced himself to run his hands down Erwin's chest and hook his fingers in the man’s belt loops to pull their hips closer together. "What do you have in mind?"

"Mmn, I think... We'll just have to take a look through my collection and see what catches our fancy," the icy-eyed man replied, sliding his own large hands along the young man's sides, pressing him back against the elevator doors until they opened and he kept hold of Eren to be sure he wouldn't stumble as he lead him out and down to the apartment, pulling the keys from his pocket and letting the both of them inside.

Eren draped himself across Erwin's side and nibbled on his neck as he was led inside the apartment. "Mm, Erwin, you smell really good." He actually smelled disgusting and dangerous, like the palliative care area in a hospital, sick and incurable. Eren didn't understand why he wanted to run away so badly. Maybe it was the consuming coldness in Erwin's eyes that turned him off. At this point, Eren didn't even know if he could get it up.

Eren peeled himself off the man to saunter into the center of the room with a suggestive sway to his hips. He looked over his shoulder and asked, "Where's your collection? I'm... Eager to get started." More like eager to get this over with and never come back.

Erwin watched him with predatory crystalline eyes tracking Eren’s movements; he could practically smell the underlying discomfort the younger man was feeling. It seemed Eren was having second thoughts about their encounter and it was almost cute how he was trying to cover it up. The tall blonde smiled a dangerous little smirk, and stepped towards a large walk-in closet, flipping on the light as he opened the mirrored doors wide to reveal a number of outfits, toys, ropes, and an array of other implements.

"You'll pick my ensemble won't you? Would you prefer police officer, doctor... Oh I've not used this one yet. Let's play confessional. You can tell me all your sins Eren," he sounded almost excited, lust pooling in his stomach and showing itself outwardly as his erection strained against his trousers. He had the different outfits in his hands, holding each up for the youth to view, shaking the new clergy costume he'd recently acquired encouragingly.

*_*

Levi was tapping his fingers against the lacquered wood of his desk, phone hovering just a fraction of an inch from his ear, listening to the ringing of the connecting line. He'd counted three... Four... Six... Then the voicemail picked up, "Erwin, it's Dr. Ackerman, you've missed over half your appointment and we've yet to hear from you. Please give me a call back as soon as possible. You cannot skip court ordered sessions without excuse. If I don't hear from you, I will have to report your negligence."

*_*

Eren looked around curiously at Erwin's collection. He's never seen someone so decked out in items just for sex, some of which confused Eren; who needed pliers during sex? But not even that made him run. It was as soon as Eren saw the priest outfit that he faltered and had to forcibly keep himself from bolting out the door. "Um..." he said as he looked through the costumes, "How about a doctor outfit instead? I could be your naughty nurse." Eren pulled the nurse outfit off the rack and put it up against his body to entice Erwin to change his mind. "I need my shots, Dr. Smith," he said with a sultry purr to his tone.

"Mm, but you'd make such an angelic altar boy," the older man said in a coaxing tone, picking out the accompanying costume that had come with the clergy ensemble and held it out against the boy's body. "Look how lovely you'll look in it. We'll match so nicely," he held his own costume before him and faced them to one of the mirrored doors to show the obviously uncomfortable boy the picture they made, a devilish smirk curving his lips. "Perfect."

Eren dropped the nurse outfit to grab the altar boy outfit with trembling hands. As he looked into the mirror, he began to chant to himself. _He was okay. It was only a costume. It wasn't real. He could do this. He could do this. He could do this. He could do this. He **couldn't** do this._

"Um..." he said, searching for a way to escape the situation. Eren turned to Erwin with a nervous smile. With practised fingers he started to unbutton the man’s shirt, then unbuckled Erwin's belt and ripped open his fly so that his pants fell to a puddled heap on the floor. "There, I helped you get undressed," Eren said with false cockiness. "Go somewhere else and change into your costume. When you come back, I'll be wearing mine." The second Erwin left the room, Eren could run out of there with Erwin's pants in tow. The blonde would be less inclined to follow if he didn't have any pants.

One thick blond brow rose, eyes glinting with dark heat as Erwin stepped out of his pants, licking his lips, his gaze trailing up and down Eren's body lewdly. "Alright, I'll expect you kneeling when I return. Then you can tell father all your sins. I can give you absolution," he purred lowly, reaching to stroke his fingertips along Eren's cheek and jaw, appreciative of the tenseness in the boy's body. There was obviously something that was making the youth particularly uncomfortable with the scenario he had painted for them, something that frightened the young man and Erwin couldn't wait to exploit it. His cock throbbed eagerly just thinking about it.

"I won't be long. Remember, patience is a virtue," he said before he turned to leave the large closet that adjoined to the ensuite bathroom at the far end, his gaze not leaving Eren until he had disappeared over the threshold into the bedroom to properly put on the costume.

Eren managed to keep his cool through every word Erwin said before he left he room. Immediately after the blonde was out of sight, Eren started to gag and dry heave. There was no way he was sticking around for whatever sick shit Erwin had in store for him.

He started to gather up the slacks on the floor when he felt Erwin's phone vibrate in the pocket. Without thinking, he pulled out the device to check who was calling. Eren didn't want some upset significant other coming home to catch him sprinting away.

When he looked at the display, the name that flashed across the screen was **Dr. Levi Ackerman.**

Eren froze. He didn't know why he froze, but he stood there, holding the pants and staring at Erwin's phone as if he was petrified. It wasn't until he heard footsteps coming back towards the closet did he realize his mistake. He’d missed his window of opportunity to get the fuck out of there.

Panicking, he ran into the bathroom with Erwin's phone and pants in clutched in his white-knuckled hands, slamming the door shut and locking it behind him frantically. What the fuck was he going to do now? He couldn't climb out the god-damned window.

There was a loud knock on the door. _Shit fuck shit._ "Just a minute. Getting ready for our scene," Eren called as he paced in front of the door.

Suddenly, Erwin's phone started to vibrate once more. Eren jumped and looked down to see that Levi was calling again. Before he could talk himself out of it, Eren swiped the pad of his finger over the screen to accept the call.

*_*

Levi was getting angry, redialing Erwin's number for what had to be at least the fifth time. It was well past the point Erwin should have come to his appointment and past the point when it was acceptable for him to not have called in. Erwin was a dangerous case and Levi was anxious about what could be keeping the tall blonde distracted enough not to answer his phone.

When he heard the telltale sound of the line making connection, he let out a heavy breath. "Erwin, where the hell have you been? You've missed your appointment. You can't skip out without notice as a part of your legal regulations, you know that. You need to come in for an appointment tomorrow instead. You're damn lucky I have an opening," he scolded, anger evident in his tone even over the line, pausing in confusion when he didn't immediately hear the man's usual chuckle in response to his chastising, "Erwin?"

"Levi," gasped Eren hoarsely.

The dark haired doctor's eyes went wide in confusion and surprise that escalated swiftly to near panic, "Eren? Where... Are you with Erwin? You need to leave **immediately…** Erwin is **not** a good choice in partner Eren," he spoke quickly, pressing the phone against his ear fully and leaning over his desk, body tense with anxiety. This was what he had hoped to avoid, why he had tried to keep the two from meeting in the first place. He'd known the moment he'd seen that look in Erwin's eyes. Eren was prey, nothing, but prey to a man like Erwin Smith. Eren thought he could not be hurt, but a man like Erwin specialized in pain, the kind of which had lasting effects. The hand not holding the phone to his ear in a death grip was fisted against the surface of his desk, and he could feel the subtle trembling of panic rising under his skin. If something happened to Eren... If Erwin... It would be all Levi's fault.

"I'm trapped," Eren whispered, frantic with fear. "He's got me cornered in the bathroom, Levi. There's no way to escape."

Eren started to hyperventilate. "He wants to wear a priest costume Levi. I'd rather slit my wrists with his razor then go through that." He retched remembering with vivid clarity the costume that awaited him outside the bathroom door.

Knocks sounded at the bathroom door once again; louder this time, shaking the door in its frame.

"I don't know what to do," he said starting to shake as tears streamed down his face. It looked like Erwin would get his wish to see Eren cry.

"Okay... It's alright Eren... Just stay locked in the bathroom and try to breathe... You need to try to stay calm... Where are you? Is it the apartment?" He was still talking quickly, but his voice was soothing in contrast to the rising panic that was knotting his gut. He rifled through files, searching out the large blonde's to find the addresses for the properties Erwin owned. Levi knew about the apartment he kept for his exploits, knew about the things he did there... Erwin was broken fundamentally; therapy being the only way to at least curb some of appetites of his nature. He did not have the capacity for remorse in the things he did to the people he brought to that apartment, Levi knew. He knew the darkness that lived inside the man that now had Eren trapped in that place.

"Yes, it's an apartment," Eren answered sniffling. "He had all sorts of costumes and sex toys. He called it his collection."

Erwin's voice sounded from outside the door, "Eren, it's time to confess your sins. Father Smith will be good to you if you come out of there and accept your penance like a good boy."

"Oh god, Levi," Eren sobbed into the phone as he ducked under the sink and curled into a ball.

"Alright... I know... I know where it is... I have to hang up now Eren... You have to stay locked in there alright? Don't come out no matter what he says or does... Just... Just stay where you are... I'm coming for you," the doctor said, voice wavering ever so slightly as he memorized the address and mentally mapped the fastest route in which to get to the complex where Erwin had taken Eren, trying to quell the feeling of nausea that rose in the back of his throat.

"No you can't get off the phone," Eren cried. "Don't abandon me Levi. I swear to god I will kill myself before I get fucked by a priest again."

"Eren... I... This is the office phone..." he said softly, revulsion bubbling up in his chest at the implications of Eren's words and he desperately patted at his pockets for the cellphone he so rarely carried with him. He was sure he had grabbed it that morning, but it wasn't in his pants pockets. He cursed inwardly, silver eyes searching his office frantically for the object in question, finally falling on the dark trench coat that was hanging up by the door on the coat rack. It was in there... He knew it immediately.

"I will call you back immediately alright. You can wait just a moment. I promise Eren, no more than thirty seconds," he said, eyeing the coat, biting at his lip harshly. He had to get the boy to let him go or he would never make it before Erwin got impatient enough to do something more drastic than knock on the door and attempt coaxing Eren out.

"O.. Ok... Ay..," Eren stuttered, barely audible through his sobs. He cried even harder when he heard the line go dead just seconds after.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	5. Loan Me a Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [I Wanna Get Better by The Bleachers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5osPtE7kXI&list=PLGnvViyZSwSIJ2Rf1yOvF8pDlN1ENenK0&index=8)  
> Levi ~ [The Messenger by The Tea Party](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUx3SYvcTdQ)
> 
> Trigger Warning: Attempted non-con and mentions of child abuse. Neither are described in detail.

Levi nearly tripped on the edge of the rug in his haste to get to his coat, cursing and breathing harder than was necessary, counting down seconds in his head. He wrestled with the coat as he attempted to retrieve his cellular phone from the inner pocket, He growled under his breath, finally curling trembling pale fingers around the device and yanking it free of the confines and wrenching the coat off the rack altogether, uncaring when it fell over. He had the number dialed and the phone pressed between his shoulder and ear as he flung the door to his office open and strode out, jerking the coat on as he moved. "Pick up... pick up..." he whispered as he made his way out of the office purposefully, desperately ignoring the coiling anxiety and skin crawling revulsion that burned in the pit of his stomach.

Levi swore colourfully as he got no answer, immediately trying again, gritting his teeth when he still got no answer. He called Erwin's partner Mike, relieved when the other man picked up on the second ring. He spent the briefest few minutes explaining the situation before he hung up and began trying to call Eren once again before he reached the sleek midnight blue motorcycle parked in his usual spot. He tucked his phone away roughly and yanked his helmet on, tying his coat with more force than was required, hardly noticing the tightness of it at his waist, concern and anxiety peaking and overshadowing everything else.

He swung a leg over the machine and started it up, pulling out of the parking area smoothly and peeling out onto the street in the direction of the apartment.

Mike met him there, spare keys in hand and they made their way up side by side, both deathly silent. Levi was pale and shaking subtly, pupils pin pricked in the opalescent mercury of his irises as he shifted unconsciously. He stared at the numbers as the elevator went up each floor at a damn snail's pace, while Mike looked grim and so damn sorry that Levi almost wanted to hit him.

Mike dealt with Erwin as soon as they made it up to the apartment and Levi strode inside, searching, unsure where the bathroom Eren was locked in was located, "Eren? Eren?" He was calling out for the young man, hoping that the brunette would make himself known so that Levi could get him the fuck out of the situation he'd gotten himself into.

Levi found Eren in the closet surrounded by Erwin's collection. The bathroom door which Eren must have been hiding behind had been kicked in. Eren was on the floor in an altar boy costume tied up with his head ground into the floor and his ass in the air. He was completely helpless; arms bound tightly behind his back and a black ball strapped into his mouth to gag him. He wasn't naked, so Erwin obviously must not have been able to get that far, but his face was streaked with tears and spit flowed from his mouth around black rubber shoved between his lips.

Eren had this far off look in his eye, like he was dead to the world, hollowed out from the inside.

The raven clenched his teeth so hard, his jaw ached and he had to swallow several times to quell the threat of vomiting before he could do anything else. He approached Eren swiftly, refusing to think about anything else except freeing the boy. The image presented to him was too familiar in a way that had Levi retching dryly before he could even remove the gag from Eren's mouth, fingers shaking badly as he managed to undo the disgusting thing and flung it across the room without a thought to where it landed, immediately setting to work on the ropes binding the young man, forcibly ignoring the racing of his heart and the crawling of his own skin as it brushed Eren's while he unknotted the rough restraints.

He wetted his lips and breathed deep shaky breaths for several long seconds before he could force himself to rest a hand on Eren's cheek and lean in closer to speak to the near catatonic boy. "Eren... You're okay now... You're safe..." His voice was wrecked in his own ears, breathy and husky from his panic and the harsh dry gagging.

Eren sagged into the floor. He mumbled incoherently, "I was good Father Dok. I said all my prayers, counted the beads twice. I was good. Please don't hurt me. I was good."

"Damn it..." Levi cursed under his breath. He needed the young man coherent and lucid so that he could take him from the apartment without involving an ambulance and police and everything else that would make Levi far too uncomfortable to remain by his patient’s side. His fingers trembled as they just barely ghosted along the brunette's temple.

"Eren... I believe you... No one's going to hurt you. I'm here to help you, remember. You have to try to remember Eren... I've come to pick you up... I'm going to take you away from here, but I can't do that if you can't move, come on Eren, you can do this," He had to close his eyes and not look at the play of his own fingers on Eren's face. The feel of the young man's skin was surprisingly so soft that Levi almost could forget what it was he was doing, what he was willingly doing touching Eren's smooth cheek. Issy would be ecstatic, but he couldn't consciously think about anything to do with the intimacy of touch between them. It was an emergency, plus he would have to deal with the younger male pressed behind him riding double as they would eventually be if they ever managed to get away from the damn disgusting apartment. He would handle it because sometimes sacrifices had to be made to gain something of greater importance and at that moment, Eren was of the utmost importance.

Eren was pretty far gone in his delusions, but something brought him back to the real world. A soft touch to his face pulled him from the nightmare of his memories. He blinked his bloodshot green eyes to stare up at the man who he thought had abandoned him.

"Levi," Eren whispered, "Don't touch. I'm not good enough for you to touch me. I failed. He got me out of the bathroom."

Eren had tried to listen to Levi. He tried to stay locked in the bathroom. But Erwin kicked in the door and dragged him out kicking and screaming. Eren fought hard as hell to not be put in the altar boy costume, but he wasn't strong enough. He ended up bound and gagged, waiting for the torture to begin.

"Shh, that's not true... You did well... I got here in time... You're safe. Erwin is... Never mind him. He won't be hurting you. Can you stand? I'd like to take you home now," the dark haired psychologist soothed, quaking fingertips still lingering with the barest hint of pressure against the younger male's cheek. He closed his eyes a moment and breathed in and out slowly, forcing himself not to pull away, to put space between them in order to feel more comfortable. He could not; Eren needed the assurance and he had to provide it; it was his responsibility.

Eren nodded and then slowly got up to stand. He looked down at what he was wearing. Gross. There was no way he was walking around in this. Pulling the costume over his head, Eren threw it on the floor.

Underneath he was still wearing his pink booty shorts. They would have to do because he wasn’t about to stick around any longer to search for his missing shirt. Eren hugged himself, grabbed his shoes at the front entrance, and made his way out of the apartment, not checking to see if Levi was in pursuit.

Levi was swift to follow a few steps behind the younger man, watching him carefully as he moved. They entered the elevator and Levi began untying his coat from his waist, wrestling with the knot momentarily, difficult to undo with his fingers shaking so badly. He growled under his breath and yanked sharply until it gave way and he could shrug the long coat off his shoulders, not looking at Eren as he held it out to him while the elevator took them to the ground floor.

"Take this, you're going to need it," he said quietly, keeping his gaze averted to the glowing numbers above the elevator doors, uncertain why exactly he couldn't stand to look at the brunette, too many emotions and instinctive reactions warring within him to make out clearly what it was; shame, guilt, revulsion, embarrassment or something else…

Eren, slumped in the corner of the elevator, stared at Levi for a moment as tears randomly fell down his face. He was shaking, but he didn't know if it was from the cold or from everything that had happened.

He reached over to the take the coat silently and shrugged it on. It was still warm from Levi's body heat and smelled just like the man; lemon balm and lavender, subtle and soothing. Eren pulled the jacket collar close, pressing his nose into it to breath the comforting scent in deeply. He figured Levi would have to wash it before he wore it again anyway, so Eren would take full advantage of this comfort.

Levi could hear the rustle of fabric as Eren accepted the coat from him and he could hear the hitching of the young man's breath, curiosity and concern forcing him to at least glance at Eren, his brow furrowing when he caught what the brunette was doing from his peripheral vision. It made him feel odd, not quite disgusted, yet not quite pleased with the actions Eren was performing on the borrowed outerwear, but somewhere in between.

He was saved from analyzing the strange feeling further by the dinging of the elevator signaling their arrival to the requested floor and the doors opened. Levi shot out of them as if he couldn't escape the small space fast enough, idling once outside of the lift until he was sure Eren was following before he lead the way outside to where his motorcycle was parked not so far from the entrance. He inhaled through his nose deeply and exhaled through his mouth slowly, attempting to brace himself for the inevitable touching that would occur momentarily. 

Reaching the vehicle, he picked up the sleek black helmet and offered it to Eren, "Make sure you tie the coat tightly and put this on," he ordered quietly, ignoring the slight waver that was present in his voice.

Eren looked from Levi to the motorcycle and back again. "I think there is a bus stop around here somewhere," Eren said, taking a step back and looking around the car park. "You've done enough for me today. I can figure out a way home on my own." Eren was trying to talk big, but his voice still trembled, and he was still crying; trying and failing to hold himself together.

"No," Levi argued immediately, his gaze on his vehicle, flickering to the obviously still distraught younger man for only a second before it shifted away again uncomfortably. "I can't allow something like that Eren. I'm responsible for you. I'll take you home. Where do you live?" he questioned, unable to recall the address from Eren's files. He wasn't entirely sure there had been just the one.

"I don't want to go home," Eren whispered as he lifted his hands to cover his face, "I don't want to be alone." He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, deciding what to do. "Just take me to my gym. I can shower there, and it's filled with people."

"Eren... I don't think that's a good idea right now..." he said carefully. Given the young man's state of mind and his clothing, Levi very much doubted that the gym was an adequate or safe place to drop the youth off. He wet his lips and swallowed hard, entirely unprepared for what he was about to offer, but feeling there was no other option that would be acceptable.

"You can come to my house for now until you've calmed down enough to return to your own," he murmured through the press of his own gritted teeth, forcing the offer from his mouth against every irrational instinct that begged he not voice such a ludicrous solution in the first place. He huffed, irritated with himself and slid onto the motorcycle, starting it up with a low purr from the well-maintained machine. "Hurry up. It's getting late; it's cold and you have my coat," he grouched, trying to cover up the wild apprehension that was running rampant beneath his skin.

Eren was completely shocked, but he wasn't complaining. _Of course_ he wanted the comfort of contact. The only thing that held him back was that he knew Levi would hate the whole thing.

When Levi turned to glare at him, he was too tired to fight the man. He got on the motorcycle carefully, trying to touch Levi as little as possible and anchored himself by leaning back and grabbing the rear bars of the bike.

Levi shuddered as Eren's body heat seeped into his backside and he closed his eyes a moment to persuade himself not to immediately shove the young man away. When he opened them again, he peeled away from the curb without any warning, wanting desperately to get the worst of it over with as swiftly as possible.

"FUCK," Eren screamed as he almost went flying off the back of the motorcycle since he didn't have a proper grip or any warning from the other man before he accelerated. To save himself, he threw his body forward to latch onto Levi's back. He knew that Levi might freak out, but fuck it; Eren could have taken the bus. The only way to ride this motorcycle double was for him to hold onto the driver. If Levi couldn't handle it, well then he shouldn't have offered and they needed to find a different solution. Maybe a taxi?

Levi's jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth until they ached in his mouth, his fingers white-knuckled on the handlebars of the motorcycle and his body tensed, but he did not falter, nor did he pull over to force the young man away from him, breathing through the unpleasant discomfort of the unfamiliar feeling of someone else's arms around him, holding fast to his shirt. It was not quite as revolting as it could have been. At least it was Eren. He found that the usual repulsion was not nearly as horrible as a complete stranger or heaven forbid someone like Erwin touching him. It may have helped that he knew that Eren needed to hold on for his own safety and that he was aware that the young man was in a vulnerable state at the moment. There was nothing overtly sexual about the touching. It was necessary...

It wasn't so long before they reached the condo that Levi called home. It was a simple brick affair, a meticulously pruned lawn and maintained garden, a japanese maple positioned perfectly in the middle of the front yard. The house was dark grey brick and white shuttered, a matching white door and large curtained windows. It was two stories and had a finished basement as well as an attached garage which the short male pulled into and parked, waiting impatiently for Eren to detach himself from his back before he also slid from the vehicle, brushing himself off and running numb fingers through his tousled hair before he was moving towards the door inside the garage that would admit them into the house.

It was beautifully decorated, contemporary furnishings, modern appliances, marble flooring and cherrywood with plush throw rugs sprawled beneath the furniture, open concept on the main floor, the rooms defined by the strategic placement of the silver grey, slate, black, and white furniture.

As soon as he stepped inside, being sure to move inside his home far enough to allow Eren entrance as well, a thin, pink and black hairless cat came bounding from up the stairs, skidding to a halt a few feet from her owner and the unexpected guest, cocking her head and peering with wide luminescent green eyes at the stranger. Levi gestured to the right where there was a coat rack not unlike the one that he had in his office, "Hang the coat there," he ordered before he was moving again, unable to shake the odd feeling that had settled in his chest and acutely uncomfortable by the lingering heat of Eren's body against his own.

"Kay," said Eren quietly as he tip toed to the coat rack and reluctantly pulled off the coat. He was cold, which was weird because he was never cold. His fingers were numb, and his head hurt.

Tucking his fingers into his armpits, Eren crouched down in a ball, one of his hands holding onto Levi's coat. The soft fabric comforted him. He decided to remain in a ball beside the coat until he calmed down, or until Levi kicked him out.

Eren knew that Levi must be uncomfortable with him invading his personal space, so he resigned himself to being as quiet and as small as possible so Levi wouldn't notice he was there. They could both forget what happened today, Eren would get over this new trauma, and everything would be okay.

Eren couldn't hide his shiver though as he crouched beside the coat rack. Being mostly naked at the moment was not working in his favour for once.

Once Levi had steadied his breath and wrangled his racing heart into some semblance of normalcy, comforted by the clean and familiar environment that was his home, he managed to turn to look at his unexpected guest, silver eyes softening upon viewing Eren's prone form against the wall next to the door. He sighed inaudibly and toed off his shoes, placing them on the mat to the other side of the door before he moved to retrieve the throw blanket off the back of his couch before stepping on near silent sock-covered feet to drape it over the young man's shoulders.

"You don't have to stay over here Eren... I'm sorry, I'm not used to having company, but make yourself at home... Would you like something drink? Are you hungry? Do you want to lay down? I... I have a guest room," he tried to remember what was proper for a host; it had been quite some time since he'd last hosted visitors and generally the ones he did have over to his home knew him well enough to help themselves should he forget his manners.

"I'm cold," Eren said looking up at Levi as fresh tears streamed down his face. Tonight it seemed, they just wouldn't stop falling. He knew he should probably get up and try to not make this any weirder than it already was, but tonight, he just couldn't. He was stuck. Eren knew what he needed, but there was no way Levi would offer to cuddle him and pet his hair like his mom used to when he was sick.

Levi worried his bottom lip between straight white teeth and shifted his weight uncomfortably, "I don't... Mm, I'm afraid I'm not entirely sure what to offer you Eren... What do you need to make yourself comfortable? I'm not very well versed in providing comfort like this. Please tell me what you need... I'll do what I can to provide it. It's the least I can do," he offered, voice quiet, almost self-conscious as his gaze fell to his feet where the nude feline was winding her way between his ankles, offering silent support in response to his discomfort.

Eren pondered Levi's offer. "If I... If I were wrapped in a couple blankets.... Would you be able to touch me?... Even cuddle me a bit...? After the worst of my Dad’s beatings... My mom... She would hold me until I fell asleep..." Eren looked away, trying to dry his tears. "I know this is a lot to ask of you, after you rescued me, but I have to admit, I'm having a hard time keeping it together."

The doctor was entirely out of his element dealing with such a situation outside of his office. Whilst working, he had the comfort of a heavy cloak of professionalism, but in his own home, a place that belonged to him and accepted him without fail, where he was safe to be every bit of himself, as odd and broken as he was, he didn't have that safety net, could not hide behind the indifference of his profession.

He swallowed hard and ran a hand jerkily through his already disheveled hair again, eyes shifting wildly as he fought the immediate urge to decline. "Alright," he agreed before he allowed his irrationalities to get the better of him.

"I'm not sitting on the floor though, follow me," he requested, ignoring the awkward echo in his own voice and the tremors under his skin, the electric feeling of the tiny hairs all over his body rising on end at the very idea of being so intimate with the young man. He counted odd numbers in his head to help keep himself calm as he turned on his heel to lead the way to his own bedroom, expecting that he would be most comfortable there while performing the most uncomfortable of tasks. The cat followed after him, glancing back at the unknown visitor every few steps as if to make sure he was following as well.

Eren sighed in relief as he stood up and dragged himself after Levi. He was led to what he could only assume was Levi's bedroom. But Eren knew what this was. This wasn't sexual. This was Levi trying to comfort Eren, to the detriment of the man’s own comfort.

Levi passed Eren four thick comforters that Eren accepted without protest, wrapping them around his body one by one. Soon he collapsed into the bed in a ball, only the top of his head showing from under the blankets, waiting for Levi to offer whatever he could. Eren didn't expect much. Maybe a pat on the back. At this point he would take anything.

Hopefully, to Levi it would be like patting a pillow. Eren made sure not to move at all and breathe shallowly to not spook the other man.

Levi's eyes watched the motions carefully, pupils narrowed in his apprehension and he had to swallow again against the dryness in his throat, tongue feeling thick and sticky in his mouth. Once Eren had settled in, the nude cat hopped up on top of the young man's covered form and immediately began to knead at the blankets, turning several times until she found a comfortable spot to curl up, purring soothingly.

The doctor was slow to follow her lead, taking methodical steps towards his own bed and ever so slowly climbing onto the comfortable mattress next to his patient. He reached out one trembling hand and gently placed it on the soft crown of Eren's head.

"You were right, Levi," said Eren, muffled from under the blankets. "I can't keep doing this... I want to get better. I don't want to be like this anymore..." It took a lot to admit that to Levi, but he felt like he owed the man. Eren couldn't let what happened with Erwin happen again. He had to force himself to get better. He had to force himself to accept Levi's help. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"I haven't and I won't. You needn't thank me Eren. I want to see you better," the raven replied, still rigid next to Eren, but his fingers had started a steady petting motion through the silky chestnut, finding the texture not at all repellent. He kept repeating in his head what Isabel had said... He just needed to get used to it...

Very slowly, he began to relax, muscles losing their rigidity, but not entirely going lax as his body became accustomed to the feel of Eren's through the layers of blankets between them.

After long minutes that could have been hours, he felt safe enough to lay himself out next to the young man, still shaky fingers brushing the strands of his hair, the only real point of contact between their bodies and Levi closed his eyes, laying his head in the crook of his other arm comfortably.

Eren felt Levi lay down beside him and in that moment he felt content. He forgot about all the bad things that had happened during the day. He even forgot about the bad things that had happened throughout his life. He focused on the hand that petted his head softly and the body that lay down beside him. Eren was warm and safe. He was happy.

Soon his exhaustion took over and he dozed off to the repetitious motion of Levi's hand that danced across his hair. His last thought before drifting off was god, he hoped he wouldn't snore in front of the other man.

The raven didn't sleep, mind too wound up to shut down enough for it, but he did keep his eyes closed, listening to the steady breaths of the brunette curled next to him and the subtle accompaniment of Molotov's purring, letting it calm his nerves further. It wasn't so bad, he found. Eren wasn't even awake.

  
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Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	6. Tempt Me a Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5HO-X_fR7o)  
> Levi ~ [Eyelash Wishes by The All-American Rejects](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaeJuh0xLKw)

Perhaps it was that almost child-like vulnerability that made it possible or maybe it was a product of that odd feeling that refused to abate in Levi's chest as he let his thoughts wander, that allowed him to relax further, body shifting closer unconsciously to the sleeping youth. Whatever it was, Levi found it unexpectedly pleasant. He'd only ever shared a bed with his mother and Isabel and he'd never found himself gravitating towards the redhead when they'd been lying side by side. He didn't understand what it was about Eren. Maybe it was the eyes or maybe it was something else, something deep and profound; something kindred that called out to Levi. He didn't know and he certainly didn't realize it for what it was.

His arm grew numb from being held aloft so long to continue the petting motions which steadily slowed as the exhaustion set in. Before he even realized it had happened, his arm was comfortably resting over the blankets covering Eren's side and he'd shifted close enough for the trapped body heat to permeate into him from the bundled and prone form.

He didn't even realize it, hadn't consciously made the decision to press more intimately against the brunette's back, body curving around Eren's; spooning. He'd never done it before and it was not, shockingly enough, as unpleasant as it should be.

Eren, even though he was asleep, sighed contentedly at being cradled. He shifted his body back, wiggling his butt into Levi's groin unconsciously. It was completely innocent. He was subconsciously seeking to increase contact with the warm body behind him, though they were separated by layers of blankets.

Levi let out a soft huff when Eren shifted, but didn't shy away, simply adjusting his arm around the padded form, not quite grasping what exactly the pressure was against his pelvis, lost in his thoughts and mildly irritated by having them interrupted. He'd been considering all the memories he had of Eren, turning them over and over in his mind, trying to come to some sort of conclusion, some kind of understanding for the feelings the young man incited in him. It had started as curiosity and the new challenge and had evolved so quickly and without his express consent that he was having difficulty pinpointing where the change had occurred throughout the mere three appointments they'd had together. Had it been from the start? He could recall having looked into the unique honeyed green of Eren's eyes and admiring the hue and he'd had moments since in which he'd stopped to admire them again, the emotions that flickered in their expressive depths. They were beautiful... He could not deny that... But it wasn't just his eyes; it was his words and his movements, the secrets he'd made Levi privy to when he'd kept them hidden from everyone else around him, the subtle admissions of his vulnerability; these things held beauty and set him apart in Levi's mind... If that were so, then in essence... Eren was beautiful...

The thought made Levi shiver, but he wasn't cold nor was he disgusted by the revelation. He felt warm suddenly, almost feverish and there was a fluttering in his gut that might be aptly described as nervous excitement that he couldn't quite describe. He didn't realize it at first, distracted by the odd heat in his skin and the new understanding he had of how he viewed the boy he was currently physically closer to than anyone he'd ever met in his adult life, that it took several moments and awkward, uncomfortable shifting against the press of Eren's rear until there was a spark of something else that sent electricity up his spine and he'd made a sort of gasping hum. It had felt good for just that one shocking moment. What was... His eyes shot open wide in abrupt awareness.

His jaw worked and he carefully shifted his hips away from Eren as sudden and violent shame crashed over him, revulsion prickling beneath the buzz of warmth that refused to dissipate. He had to focus on breathing lest he hyperventilate. Levi knew on some level what was happening, but panic was too strong for him to grasp it.

Eren groaned, unhappy that his pillow was shifting away from him. He wiggled his butt back once more to reconnect with the warmth. There, that was better. "Stop moving, pillow," said Eren in a grumbly voice thick with sleep.

Levi's fingers fisted the comforter and a strangled, desperate sound escaped his lips, futilely trying to shift away from the warm pressure. His body seemed to be completely revolting against him, prodding him to just press forward again, to see if he could recreate that electric intense pleasure while his mind reeled, fighting with itself and heightening his panic, breathing becoming erratic as his heart raced. He was torn between keeping ahold of Eren as he'd promised and fleeing the bed and that frightening, alluring pressure.

All of the shifting of Eren’s pillow was doing was annoying. He turned over in frustration to shove his face into the warm chest of his pillow and wrap his arm around it's waist. In his sleeping state, Eren didn't realize that he had effectively trapped Levi in his embrace and breached the no contact rule.

If he were awake, he would be completely mortified, but he wasn’t awake. He inhaled the smell of his pillow and relaxed, nuzzling into the soft heat.

"Good pillow. You smell good. Sleep time now," he mumbled into Levi's chest.

Levi went completely still, like a deer caught in the blinding lights of a speeding vehicle. He was blindsided, overloaded with too many conflicting instincts and so he simply went still, tensed and unmoving, hardly even breathing as he screwed his eyes shut.

He started counting odd numbers again, but he kept losing his place and having to restart.

It went on for how long, he couldn't be sure. Levi was hardly aware of anything but the feel of the body touching his, the scent of Eren all around him. The contact burned, producing adrenaline that left him shaky and breathless.

Fingers that had long since lost feeling, clenched and unclenched by his sides as he pleaded with himself to calm down... It was only Eren and he wasn't aware... He didn't know what he was doing and what disgusting thing had happened... And he wouldn't, so long as Levi could calm the fuck down and not wake him.

He kept his eyes closed so tightly he saw spots beneath the lids and forced his breathing to slow, willing his suddenly and unexpectedly treacherous body to settle. Levi carefully focused on each muscle group until they were all somewhat in a state of relaxation again, not that the disturbing throbbing between his legs abated immediately nor did the lingering heat in his skin. He just kept breathing and cursing the disgusting nature of certain parts of his anatomy until it finally went the fuck away. Levi felt dirty with skin too tight and itchy, but he didn't move again until he felt Eren stir against him.

Eren awoke slowly, as if he was surrounded by a fog. He felt arms around him, and he heard a heartbeat in his ear. That was strange. He wasn't normally one to cuddle after sex.

He took a deep breath smelling a vaguely familiar, but delicious cologne and sighed. Even though Eren didn't generally cuddle, he conceded this was a comfortable way to wake up.

Slowly, with sleep-clouded eyes, he looked up at the person he was embracing. Cool grey eyes and pale skin greeted him from above.

"Levi?" Eren was half-awake and confused. Levi wouldn't hold him. "Oh, this is a dream... It's a very nice dream, hope I remember it when I wake up," he said as he nuzzled down into Levi's chest once again.

"Eren..." Levi's voice was strained and he couldn't seem to form any more words after the young man's name had escaped his lips His fingers were twitching where they rested and his heart rate immediately began to accelerate; panic threatening to overtake him and push the waking boy away from him. The sleepy voice and clouded eyes only seemed to spike that panic as the burning came again and he shuddered, begging his body to relax and stop the behaviour. He didn't know how to control it. It had never happened like this before.

Hearing Levi's tense voice, Eren froze. After two beats of his heart, he realized in horror that this wasn't a dream at all. Eren bolted upright and scrambled backwards, falling off the bed. He continued to scoot back across the floor until he hit a wall.

"Holy fucking shit," said Eren clutching his chest and staring wide-eyed at Levi who was still on the bed.

His memories of yesterday crashed into him all at once. Then he remembered Levi comforting him so he could go to sleep. "Fuck shit fuck," Eren said ripping at his hair. Eren had touched Levi in his sleep. He’d done something unforgivable. In his panic, he didn't stop to wonder why Levi didn't just wake him up and kick him out of the house.

"I am so so so sorry Levi. I promised I wouldn't touch you... And I fucking took advantage of your kindness," said Eren, wanting to punch himself. "Sorry isn't going to cut it. OK. You can kick me in the balls for revenge. Just not the face. My eyes are too pretty to be gouged out!"

It took several seconds for the older man to sit up and look at Eren, blinking at the sudden overreaction and apologies.

"Eren... Eren! Enough, it's alright... I'm alright... You didn't... You didn't do anything wrong..." He said, looking away guiltily. Eren had done nothing wrong; he'd been asleep. It had been Levi who deserved the guilt and shame for what he'd done while the young man was blissfully unaware.

"I didn't mean to startle you... It's just been a very long night... I need to get up and feed Molly and shower..." He excused, rubbing his hand over the scars at the back of his neck and shifting uncomfortably in the bedding, acutely aware of parts of his body that he generally ignored.

Eren sat shocked, still staring owlishly at Levi. He didn't do anything wrong? Levi wasn’t upset?

"Is the world coming to an end? Are pigs flying? Quick, go look out the window, Levi! Wait... You're not the real Levi, are you? Body snatcher! Give me my Levi back," Eren said dramatically. The sad fact was that he was only half joking.

"Stop being a brat. I said it's fine, so it's fine. Do you want to shower? There's a bathroom down the hall to the left. I'm sure I can find you something to wear though it might not be to your taste. At least it'll be clean," the older male replied with a subtle scowl in his expression. Levi finally slipped off of the bed and subtly turning his body to avoid Eren noticing the slight protrusion in the front of his slacks and ignoring the crawling of his skin at the sight of it. It was made worse by the fact he was still wearing the clothes he'd dressed in the previous morning. He could swear he felt a film collected on his skin.

"I'd love to shower," said Eren, smiling up at Levi and rubbing the back of his neck. Levi reminded him that he was basically naked, which normally wouldn't bother him. Except that he was at Levi's house, in Levi's bedroom, with Levi right in front of him. He wanted to be covered right now more than he had ever been before.

"But, you didn't get to change last night dealing with my bullshit. So you can shower first. I won't touch anything or look around, so you go take care of yourself."

Eren clamped his mouth shut before he did something stupid like suggest they shower together. He knew something like last night wouldn't happen again. But now that he had felt Levi's touch, he was already craving it again.

"Tch, you really think I'd live in a house that didn't come equipped with at least two bathrooms?" The raven scoffed, casting a glance over one shoulder at Eren as he awkwardly shuffled to one of the large dressers that sat against the far wall of his bedroom beneath a large bay window and kitty corner to a door that led to his personal bathroom. He pulled open the drawer that held the sweats and plain t shirts he generally wore to bed and half turned to toss them to the young man. "Towels are in the linen closet next to the bathroom." He didn't wait for Eren's response as he disappeared into his ensuite bathroom, leaning back against the door and breathing hard, lips curling back in disgust when he looked down at the persistent bulge of his erection. Fucking disgusting...

"Go away..." He hissed, "Just go the fuck away... What do you even want?" He should have been embarrassed talking to his crotch as he was, but he was so frustrated and repulsed by his body's behaviour that he couldn't be bothered. It didn't even cross his mind that this was the perfect opportunity to implement his therapist's suggestion.

When Eren would find the guest bathroom, he'd notice the distinct lack of mirrors, no vanity, just a little cabinet that held an array of extra toiletries for the nonexistent guests.

"Well fuck," said Eren, glancing around the guest bathroom. He wanted to be able to fix his hair after he showered; make it into the perfectly orchestrated mess it always was. He also wondered if his face was red and puffy from crying. Eren muttered, "Is he a fucking vampire?" as he got ready to have a shower.

With that thought, all he could think of was Levi feasting on his neck, which made his dick twitch. He looked down at himself. "There is no fucking way I'm jacking off in Levi fucking Ackerman's house," he said to the appendage. "He'd probably sniff out my spunk like a god damned blood hound."

Eren made quick work of the shower, scrubbing every inch of himself with more force than necessary. He was trying to cleanse every part of his body that Erwin had touched, but it was hard.

Eren grit back the threat of new tears. "No. I'm fine," he whispered as the water cascaded down his tan, muscled body. "Nothing can hurt me. Nothing can hurt me. Nothing can hurt me." It was what he always promised himself. He was not going to break down in the shower of his therapist’s house. Eren was stronger than that.

Levi eventually managed to undress himself and get into his own shower, avoiding touching himself as much as possible. He lathered and rinsed his skin as swiftly as physically possible, hissing angrily when it came time to wash his overeager nether region, but immediately relieved when it deflated under the touch. "Fucking finally... Stupid prick," and the irony of the insult was entirely lost on him as he finished up before wrapping a large, fluffy black towel around his waist, pausing to brush his teeth, floss and rinse his mouth out with mouthwash before swiftly combing his hair, tossing his dirty clothing down the laundry chute and washing his hands for good measure before he returned to his bedroom. He opened the armoire that stood next to the bathroom door and perused his various button ups idly, pulling each out one by one and inspecting them carefully. After the thread incident with Eren, he couldn't be careless.

"Levviiii," Eren called, exiting his own bathroom. He couldn't see how his ass looked in the borrowed sweatpants without a mirror. He walked back into Levi's bedroom, still craning his head to look at his butt.

"Hey Levi, does my ass look okay in these?" he questioned as he looked up in search of the older man. Levi was in front of the tall open armoire in only a towel.

Eren's brain short circuited, looking at the pale, scarred skin, and toned muscle that was usually hidden under Levi's professional clothing.

In a show of true maturity, Eren screamed, ran out of the room, and locked himself in the bathroom that he had just left.

"Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit," Eren chanted, pacing the tiled floor of the bathroom. Levi was fucking smoking. Like beyond smoking. Eren was surprised he didn't just stay aflame in his everyday life from how hot he was. Now he really really really wanted to jack off. At least the image of Levi in a towel would be forever burned into his memory. Thanks be to God.

The raven's scars were on full display, marring the otherwise creamy porcelain flesh that wrapped his perfectly proportioned and muscled body. He barely had time to register what had happened before Eren had shrieked and fled back down the hall, leaving the pale man wide-eyed with a pile of dropped shirts at his feet.

He stared at the open door way through which Eren had fled for several long moments before his gaze fell to the pile of clothing at his feet and cursed colourfully, bending down to pick it up, throwing it all down the chute before he returned to the armoire, swearing some more over what clothing options he'd been left with. He breathed in a deep breath, pursing his lips as he chose a pair of charcoal grey fitted trousers and light silvery grey and violet striped v-neck long-sleeved shirt that had been gifted to him by Isabel and he only ever wore when he was visiting with her. He was never comfortable having his scars on display.

Levi dressed quickly, grumbling to himself all the while. This was so far out of his usual routine, he wasn't even sure if he should be laughing, crying or tearing his fucking hair out.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he made his way out of the room and down the hall where Molotov sat in front of the guest bathroom’s door, staring at it expectantly. He wrapped his knuckles against it once, "If you can't hold back, make sure you clean up the mess, bleach is under the sink. I'll be in the kitchen," he spoke through the door before he turned to go back down the hall to the stairs, absently patting his thigh with one hand to lure his cat which followed him immediately, knowing it was breakfast time for the both of them.

He fed Molly a perfectly measured portion of dry food and spent a good seven minutes washing and refilling the fountain water basin for her while the kettle boiled.

He wiped the counters and island down meticulously with Lysol wipes before he set the tea to steep, unconsciously preparing a second cup before he began preparing breakfast. Crepes with fresh mixed berries and honey sweetened cream cheese filling coming together beneath his hands like magic while his mind was elsewhere... Certainly not on what Eren may or may not be doing.

Back in the bathroom, Eren was mortified, stuck between running out to reassure Levi that he had not been jacking off or to just jack off since Levi thought he was anyway.

Eren sighed. "Well fuck."

After a while, he walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen where he heard Levi moving around.

"I was not jacking off," said Eren with his face beet red and looking anywhere, but at Levi. "I'm sorry I walked in on you in the bedroom."

Eren heaved a big sigh as he leaned on the counter and watched Levi’s hands work. "I assumed since I was in the shower forever, you would be done way before me."

Eren ran his finger over the counter idly, still not looking directly at Levi. He couldn't. He'd just picture him naked. That wasn't a good thing to picture at the moment. He'd have to save that image for later.

"Can we get back to the real issue at hand? How does my ass look in these sweats? It's blasphemous to wear anything that makes my ass look bad. It's like putting a Monet in a shitty frame."

Levi watched Eren with a blank expression though there was a flicker of humour in his mercury eyes that seemed more blue with the shirt he was currently wearing, showcasing prominent collarbones and the tempting dip of his clavicle, the off colour scars on his nape making him self-consciously rub the back of his neck every time he turned his back to Eren while he cooked.

"It's fine. I'm not in the habit of walking around naked or having company to walk in on me whilst I'm in a towel. I'm sure it was a shock for you too," he said idly as he spooned filling into two crepes, rolling them expertly as if he didn't even feel the heat of them and scattering fruit over them before repeating the entire process on a second plate.

His gaze flickered to Eren's backside when the young man essentially ordered him to look at it and just as swiftly shifted away, afraid that odd burn would resurface if he looked for too long. "How should I know? What's it supposed to look like? It seems round and... Uh... Firm?" He answered awkwardly, turning away to rinse and place the dirty prep dishes in his stainless dishwasher, rubbing his damp hand over the back of his neck again.

"Damn straight it is," said Eren grinning and giving himself a hard smack on the ass. "I got an ass that won't quit! Seriously. So many lunges went into the making of this ass. If you had a quarter, I bet you could bounce it off this bad boy," he boasted, giving his butt a wiggle in Levi's direction. "I'd let you feel just how firm it is, but you'd probably kill me if I offered," Eren said with a wink now eyeing the food that was inches away from him. The kitchen smelled heavenly, making his mouth water in anticipation.

Eren reached over to grab one of the plates and pull it towards himself. Instead of digging in immediately, he stared at it. "Shit this is too pretty to eat. I wish I had my phone, so I could take a picture." Eren took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet aroma. "Arghhhh, I want to eat it so bad though," whined Eren, squirming where he stood.

Levi shook his head and exhaled a long suffering sigh as he retrieved two sets of spotless silver cutlery, setting a knife and fork down in front of Eren along with the teacup he'd added just a drizzle of honey to, taking his own and seating himself on one of the island stools. He watched Eren from beneath lowered lashes as he took a sip of his tea. "Just eat it before it gets cold brat," he ordered, shifting on the stool to tuck socked feet behind the rung at the bottom.

Eren took a seat across from Levi and began to eat his crepes. After one bite, a look of pure unadulterated ecstasy crossed his face.

"Oh. My. God," he said after swallowing. He closed his eyes for a moment to savour the taste. "This is better than fucking sex."

He opened his eyes to look at Levi in a new light. "I bet you shit gold too don't ya? Can you be any more perfect? Seriously. Not fair Levi, not fair."

Eren smiled brightly at Levi with his eyes overflowing with warmth and affection. The man could cook too. Eren was a total goner even though he didn't realize it yet.

Levi hid his smile in his teacup, taking another sip before he set it down, only the barest trace of it lingering on his lips, "It's amazing the new skills you can learn when you don't have sex on the brain all of the time," he deadpanned as he picked up his own utensils and delicately cut into his own food, eating with methodical slowness.

The hairless cat hopped up onto the stool next to him and looked between him and Eren with wide intelligent jade eyes, it’s naked and vaguely crooked tail wrapped around its feet primly. Levi didn't even glance at her, used to the routine, the only difference was that they had a guest this morning.

He set his silverware on his plate a moment, dabbing his mouth with a napkin before taking a sip of his tea, "Do you cook Eren?"

"I can cook," said Eren, finishing off his last piece of crepe and resisting the urge to lick the plate clean. "Like I have to be able to or else I'd starve. But I don't really eat for pleasure normally." He shrugged. "I definitely can't cook like this. You should teach me your ways oh great master," Eren said, leaning back in his chair and grinning.

Eren finally noticed the cat perched beside Levi. With everything that had happened, Eren must not have been paying attention, since he was so focused on Levi. It's hairless skin looked soft making Eren really want to pet it. If it was anything like its owner, then that probably wouldn't be a wise choice.

"Your kitty is soooo cute. What's it's name?" Eren said, completely focused on Levi's cat.

Levi snorted, "Somehow, I doubt you would be a very studious student, too easily distracted."

He looked at the feline in question before looking back at Eren, "Her name is Molotov, Molly. You can pet her if you like. She's friendly. She slept on top of you last night," he answered idly, standing to rinse both his and Eren's emptied plates before putting them into the dishwasher as well, leaning back against the counter when he'd finished and watching the young man interact with his cat. Her crooked tail flicking in mild interest as she stared right back at Eren.

Eren got up from his stool to go around the counter to meet Molotov. He did so cautiously, not wanting to spook the poor feline. When he was close enough, he reached out slowly with his hand palm up for Molly to smell. She took a small sniff then butted his hand with her head, giving him the okay.

"It's nice to meet you Molly," Eren said seriously to the cat. He pet her downy peach fuzz covered head lightly, not wanting to be too vigorous even though he could barely contain his excitement. He wanted to gather her up and love her excessively, but he knew from experience that she, like most cats, wouldn't like that.

Without looking at Levi, he said "Animals are something that I've always loved. I was never allowed to have any pets of course, but I would find random creatures to be my friends since I didn't have very many." Eren ran his hand down Molly's spine feeling her velvety, smooth skin.

"You're very pretty, madam, and you've been taking very good care of Levi, I see. Must be hard work for a lady such as yourself," Eren commented, smiling at Molly as she gave him a quiet meow in answer.

Levi chuckled, "She'd better be. She owes me a life debt," he said, crossing one arm over his waist, tucking his hand under the elbow of his other arm. The pink and black spotted head swivelled to stare at him as if she'd understood. She snorted and turned her back to him, aggressively butting her head against Eren and pawing at his chest. Levi shook his head, an amused curl to his lips.

"Aweeeeee look Levi! She likes me!" Eren said, looking absolutely ecstatic that the cat liked him. "Let's run away together, Molly! Levi can come too as eye candy and so we don't starve. How about it, pretty lady?"

Molly just meowed at him again, not quite purring, but thinking about it. Eren didn't even notice that Levi was trying to call Molly. That would have been quite an ego boost.

"You're just her type," Levi commented before he turned to rinse and wash his cup by hand and place it in the drying rack before he thoroughly washed his hands and dried them with a fresh towel.

He glanced at the clock and back at the young man. Watching the absolute delight on Eren's face made Levi's throat dry and the simmering tingle of that heat from earlier flare to life and he turned away quickly, grasping the countertop with both hands, staring hard at the drops of water against the stainless steel basin of the sink. What the fuck...

He felt like he was having some sort of hot flash that was accompanied by acute anxiety and self disgust.

He heaved a sigh and inhaled again slowly, turning his head a little to address Eren without actually looking directly at him. "Can I trust you to lock up when you leave?" He asked. He didn't exactly know how he felt about leaving Eren unsupervised in his home, but there was no way he could ride double with him again given the willful behaviour of his body since the previous night. He wasn't prepared for that contact again... And he'd waited too long to mention leaving to Eren. He would have to be on his way before a taxi would arrive. He couldn't make the young man wait out in the morning chill without proper attire.

Eren stopped playing with Molly to look up at Levi. "You'd... Let me stay here.. By myself?" Eren asked slowly, thinking he’d misunderstood Levi. "I was planning on just walking home whenever you needed me to leave," he said quietly as he blushed.

Eren was really enjoying his time in Levi's home. Leaving meant being alone to have to face what had happened the day before. He wanted to stay in the warm protection that Levi provided. Eren also didn't want Levi to leave. They should stay in and cuddle all day in bed except Levi would laugh Eren out of the house if he voiced his opinion.

"Well... I have to go into the office to do some paperwork. You can stay if you like, just don't break anything and if you make a mess, clean it the fuck up. I won't be gone more than a few hours at most."

He still wasn't looking at Eren, but he was highly aware of Eren's eyes on his back. It only seemed to make the burn worse.

"Would you... would you be angry if I was still here when you got back?" asked Eren, trying to get a feel for how comfortable Levi was with this. The last thing he wanted to do was make Levi uncomfortable. Sometimes he couldn't get a proper read on the man. He’d never thought in a thousand years Levi would leave him unattended in his home.

"As long as you haven't destroyed my house by the time I get back, I won't be angry. At least if you are here, I know where you are and that you're safe. Don't feed Molly any junk food. If you do, I'll know and I will make you clean her litter box for a month," the older male threatened seriously, finally turning back around and looking at the young man.

"But Leviiiiii," whined Eren. "You gotta treat a lady such as Molly every now and then. Like look at that face," he said as he gestured to the cat, "How can you say no to a face like that?"

On the inside Eren was screaming. Levi didn't mind seeing Eren later. Eren could stay. It was amazing how he had one of the worst days yesterday and the next was turning into the best all because of one man. Not being able to contain his excitement, he bounced around the kitchen, probably freaking Levi out. Molly jumped down to weave her way through Eren's legs.

"We are going to have the best day together, Molly," said Eren, bending over to pet the cat some more.

Levi tensed when Eren flounced about his kitchen, but other than shifting his weight uncomfortably, he didn't move, watching Eren with interest. He was like a different person. His smile was as bright and genuine as the delight in his eyes and Levi was fascinated. He'd seen so many facets of the young man in the last twenty-four hours and had some very distressing reactions to them. It was frightening, but addictive. He **needed** to understand.

"Alright, I'm going to go then. Do I have to tell you not to throw any wild parties?" He teased as he moved across the kitchen into the little area before the garage entrance and bent down to put on his shoes and shrug on a dark blazer jacket, effectively hiding the scars with the collar.

Molly and Eren followed Levi as he left the kitchen, making a little procession. Eren just giggled as he checked out Levi's ass when he bent over. Damn, that man could wear a pair of pants.

"Don't worry darling," drawled Eren, rolling his eyes, "Me and Molly will be waiting here for you." Just as Levi was about to enter the garage, Eren jokingly called in a high-pitched voice "Have a good day at work, sweetie," and then blew the man a kiss.

Levi turned to look at Eren when he stood in the doorway of the garage looking as content as Levi had ever seen him. It was as close to carefree as he'd ever be. Maybe that's what prompted Levi's unexpected reaction to his farewell. One dark brow rose and there might have been just a glint of what could be desire in his eyes as he looked directly at Eren and raised a hand to catch the kiss and pocket it. Then he pulled his helmet on to hide his grin and started up his motorcycle, idling a moment while the garage door opened and he peeled out of it as soon as it was high enough.

Eren was so shocked at what Levi just did, he stood there for a moment trying to hardwire the memory into his brain so that he'd never forget it. Once stored, he jumped up and down and wiggled around. He felt like he was going to die. Levi's cuteness killed him. Eren was going to have a heart attack.

Dancing into the kitchen, Eren paused. Why was he so happy? There were butterflies in his stomach, and he felt like he could stare at Levi all day long for the rest of his life and never get bored.

Everything about the man was perfect in Eren's eyes. Even his idiosyncrasies. For sure, Eren wanted to touch him. But he didn't even care that he couldn't. To be around Levi, he would accept that he could not have physical contact.

"Oh shit," said Eren. "I've fallen in love with Levi fucking Ackerman." He slumped into a chair totally shocked at the realization. "I'm completely screwed."

Molly brought Eren out if of his contemplation by rubbing on his leg. "Oh well," he said to the cat. "I guess I'm screwed then. No use crying over spilled milk. Now my dear Molly, would you be so kind as to give me a grand tour of your abode?" Molly meowed, touching him with her paw.

"Onwards," Eren said jumping up. "First things first.. Let's see what Dr. Ackerman is keeping in his kitchen shall we?" He skipped over to the cabinets and opened them all to snoop.

Everything in Levi's cupboards was labeled and dated, no dust or crumbs on any surface, things placed alphabetically or separated by clearly defined groups. His dishes, pots, pans and all manner of cooking implements looked brand new. There was absolutely no meat of any sort, not even a can of chicken noodle soup and he had a monstrous collection of teas and spices. Under the sink were an array of cleaning supplies, all organized as his other cupboards had been. All the appliances were stainless, the counters and island black granite, stainless sink and six range gas stove, all completely sparkling. The kitchen floor was storm cloud grey marble, matching tiles lining the walls beneath the cupboards. Drawers held sparkling silverware and a multitude of tea towels and linens, potholders and other kitchen odds and ends.

"Hmmmm shiny," said Eren. He loved how sparkly everything was. At his own home, he barely had any appliances, or even dish ware. He made it a point to not be there very much. The silence seemed to pierce his soul. At Levi's house, he didn't feel alone. He was surrounded by Levi even though he wasn't here.

Eren moved into the living room.

The kitchen opened into the area before the garage and next that was the living room, plush cream throw rug situated beneath two light almost silver grey loveseats and a lounger chair, a low glass topped coffee table situated between them all facing a mounted forty six inch flat screen television over a stone fireplace, bordered on both sides by shelves of movies and books and a stand where the dvd player was set up. Black and white contemporary photographs were situated in organized disarray over the slate walls. Further to the right, there was a small powder room and on the left a door with a set of stairs leading down to the basement, and in between at the end of the alcove was a set of sliding glass doors leading to the back patio where there was a barbeque obscured from view by a heavy canvas cover and beyond the small patio set of round glass table and four chairs was a pool in the shape of a figure eight, open and clearly heated. The entire yard was as pristinely maintained as the front had been and surrounded by patio lights shaped like little crescent moons and stars that Hange had bought for him when he first bought the house.

Eren immediately went to inspect Levi's movie and book collection. He ran his hands over the spines of the books and movie cases as he glanced over the titles.

He was very surprised to see a complete collection of Disney films lined up on the wall.

"Holy shit," Eren said looking like a kid in a candy store. "I'm making him have a Disney marathon for sure now." He was so happy Levi liked Disney. Eren fucking loved Disney.

Levi's music selection was a wide array from classical to heavy metal. The man had very broad taste. An Evanescence album made Eren picture Levi as a young teenage goth. It was adorable.

There was far too much to go through in this room so he decided to move on to the basement.

The carpeted steps opened to a large den, a wine pantry situated just under the staircase and the laundry room branching out behind a closed door to the right of that.

The den was black and white retro tiling with plain black shag rugs that were soft to the touch and plush enough to nap on. Situated against the far wall was a dark lacquered cherrywood record player with shelves of records on either side, several of the albums perched on the low table top of the coffee table placed just in front of it, obviously what Levi had last been listening to. There was a moderately sized black suede sectional couch wrapped around the table and facing the record player as well as the area adjacent to it where a burgundy classical guitar stood on a stand, an amp set-up next to it, and sheet music laid out over the top of it in a meticulous order that was obviously one only Levi understood. A piano stood behind it just as immaculately dust free and clean of clutter as everything else. Aside from the organized chaos of the sheet music and the albums left out on the table, the room was spotless.

Eren immediately felt himself pulled to the record player. There was already a record on the turntable so all he needed to do was drop the needle to let it play. The music that flowed into the room was a soft piano piece. Looking at the dust cover on the table, it was called Swan Song by Franz Schubert.

Eren stood in spot with his eyes closed, listening to the sad but beautiful melody. Eren wasn't one for classical, but this song really spoke to him.

He started to spin around the room to the music, not quite achieving a waltz, but no one was here to see him dance anyway. While he swayed, he thought it made sense that Levi would be a musician. Hiss long, thin fingers were perfect for playing the piano, or a guitar. Eren wondered if he'd ever get the chance to see the man play. It would be beautiful.

Soon the song was over, and Eren stood breathless in the middle of the room.

Okay, time to go over the bedroom with a fine tooth comb. Eren very much wanted to find Levi's porn and see if he could be his type. He had no idea if the man was attracted to him, since all his advances were spurned. Levi's porn might give Eren a better idea.

Levi's room was clean and decorated in greys and dark blues, the armoire and dressers dark walnut, large windows and tall lamps, matching walnut bed frame and night stands, four pillows on a queen sized mattress still rumpled from where they'd slept, the extra comforters still strewn across the dark slate duvet that normally covered his bed. Eren immediately started opening every drawer and glancing over every nook to search for the porn. He made sure to leave everything the way it was before, lest he incite Levi's wrath and either be killed or not be allowed to come back. Inside the older man’s night stands, Eren found a bottle of aspirin, a half finished novel and a bottle of hand sanitizer in one and in the other was a box of tissues and a collection of pure white handkerchiefs. There was a closet on the far end of the room where Levi kept his suitcases and funeral clothing as well as a well-hidden box tucked as far back as possible that held an array of rather dubious materials. 

Going through the closet, he finally found what he was searching for, but what was inside definitely surprised him.

Several differing bottles of lubricants and a handful of sex toys still in their original packaging along with stacks of pornography, opened and unopened alike of all different genres, from animated BL involving crossdressing french maids, bunnies and naked apron performances to bondage and some sort of paranormal alien porno filled the box to brimming capacity.

If this shit was what Levi was into then he was one kinky motherfucker. Eren was kind of disappointed. He was pretty flexible in the bedroom, but he couldn't become an alien, or sprout fox ears and a tail. There was such a wide array, there was no way to sort through Levi's preferences. Maybe the man was up for everything and anything? It didn't seem to fit with the Levi he knew but people could be completely different when it came to the bedroom.

Only slightly discouraged, he decided he would continue on through the closet, to see if he would find anything else of interest.

On the topmost shelves, there was a single photo album resting that held the only photos Levi had of himself as a child and of his mother, some of them sootstained and partially charred in places, but carefully situated in the sleeves of the album, perhaps twelve photos altogether. The first ten were of Levi and his mother, three or four of them just of the dark haired, pale skinned woman with crystal blue eyes that sparkled beneath long dark lashes, sunhats and beachwear, building a sand castle with a little raven haired boy that bore a striking resemblance to her. Some of Levi with missing teeth and goofy faces and one closer to the back that was obviously taken in one of those photo booths, a seven year old Levi laughing as his mother tickled him and blew raspberries on his cheeks. The second last photo was the only baby picture Levi had of himself bundled in his mother's arms in the hospital when he'd just been born, premature and so tiny in her arms as she stared down at him with pure adoration, twinkling Christmas lights and a little decorated tree in the background. And the last picture was of a ten year old Levi in a dark suit with equally dark haunted eyes standing in front of a tall man that bore a subtle resemblance to the child before him, also wearing a suit and a dark hat, their expressions blank and grim.

"Baby Levi," squealed Eren as he went through the photos. Eren couldn't stop smiling as he looked at child Levi all young and happy. It broke his heart when he came to the end of the album. Eren could guess that Levi was at a funeral, most likely his mother’s.

Before he could cry all over the album, or remember his own mother for that matter, he put the album back where he found it. Suddenly, he was exhausted. Who knew snooping would be so... Rigorous.

Molotov sounded her presence as she jumped up on the bed. The cat had ditched him on his tour, obviously bored with Eren's ministrations, but she had apparently decided to grace him with her presence again. Eren got up from his place on the floor in front of the closet to go sit on the bed beside Molly.

"Hey pretty lady, we had a pretty good day, didn't we?" he said as he petted her. She curled up and started to purr. Eren yawned wide as he lay down beside her, curling into the blankets he had used the night before.

After going through all of Levi's possessions, Eren felt like he knew the man a lot better than he had before. There was a lot more to Levi than he had originally thought. It made him like the man even more. But all the thoughts swirling in his head made his eyes droop.

Soon, Eren drifted off curled around Molly, snuggled in the center of Levi's bed. He was warm and safe. Eren never wanted to leave this place again.

*_*

It was much later than he'd anticipated when Levi got home from the office. He'd forgotten that he had to interview the candidates for Petra's temp and had not been able to get his paperwork finished as early as he would have liked. He sighed heavily as he came inside, toeing his shoes off beside the door and hanging his jacket up, rolling his head on his shoulders as he looked around, searching for signs of his houseguest and his wayward cat for that matter. If Molly wasn't waiting for him, that must mean that Eren was still in the house somewhere. Levi gave the main floor a cursory glance and immediately decided it was likely the young man was on the upper floor, perhaps in the bathroom or the guest room.

He wasn't exactly surprised to find Eren in his own bedroom, but he hadn't exactly been expecting him to be there either. He looked peaceful, curled up comfortably in the excess of bedding over Levi's comfortable mattress, hugging one of the pillows against himself and snoring ever so softly, Molotov curled on one of the extra pillows next to Eren's head. She cracked one eye to level a stare at him briefly before she closed it once more. He shook his head and stepped further into the room, feeling oddly as if he was intruding in his own bedroom. He watched Eren sleeping for several moments, gaze going unfocused on the steady rise and fall of the young man's chest and he didn't even realize it until his fingertips made contact with one soft cheek that he had even reached out to touch Eren. He pulled his hand back as if he'd been burned, eyes widening a little, almost comically as he looked between his hand and the slumbering brunette.

He swallowed and licked his lips, sucking the bottom one between his teeth and worrying at it in indecision. He should wake Eren, maybe send him home, at least feed him dinner or something, but he didn't do anything, standing still, staring down at him as he slept in Levi's bed and the raven's hand remained suspended in the air between them as if he just might decide to touch him again.

He was exhausted. He hadn't slept at all the night before and wasn't particularly hungry himself. He could sleep. Eren was in his bed... He'd shared that same bed with the young man the night before, surely it would be easier the second time around.

He kept telling himself it was not a big deal. He wouldn't react the way he had the previous night. He knew what to expect now and Eren wasn't going to do anything... He counted odds as he grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to sleep in and slinked into the bathroom to change and mentally reinforce his resolve to attempt crawling into bed with Eren again. He could do it... It hadn't even been all that unpleasant really... Just those few disturbances in his body, but otherwise, it wasn't all that terrible. He nodded to himself, brushing his teeth and such before he went back into his bedroom and drew the curtains so that the sky was obscured from view, hoping to escape the sun's rays in the morning.

He stepped to the side of the bed that had more available room and very slowly slipped onto the mattress, laying himself out on his side, as much space between the two of them as possible, but it was still a huge step for Levi considering it was no longer some kind of emergency situation or obligatory responsibility. He found he wanted to be close to Eren, but was weary of being too close lest they have a repeat of the night before. He wasn't sure he could handle a repeat; he still didn't know what had happened to make his body rebel in such a manner so abruptly. He closed his eyes and breathed deep soothing breaths, trembling only the barest amount as he counted in his head again and again until his anxiety calmed. It would be fine.

Just as Levi was about to drift off to sleep, Eren whispered, "Levi," in a sleep muddled voice. He was having the most pleasant dream about the man, completely unaware that they were now sharing a bed.

Levi hummed upon catching his name, lashes blinking lazily, already in a half doze, he shifted a tad closer to the other male and tugged some of the blankets over himself to warm his chilled skin, closing his eyes once again and simply drifting. He was not quite aware of the magnetic pull of Eren's warmth and presence that his body responded to of it's own accord, bringing him closer and closer to the young man beneath the shared bedding until he was pressing against Eren's side comfortably, one arm worming it's way around the brunette's waist while the both of them slept. The morning was going to be an awkward affair.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	7. Embrace Me a Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Closer by Tegan and Sara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9e9NSMY8QiQ&list=PLQROl_oAbOsbDw8V0lo32Y1WrSm1CM2pr)  
>  Eren ~ [Heart Upon My Sleeve by Avicii](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxxbwM89WNw)  
> Levi ~ [I Believe In You by Bush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSl3h17FvNY)

Eren woke up to something very hard and rather large poking him in the ass. This wasn't a strange occurrence for him, but it was _annoying._

Eren grumbled quietly, "Stop… Can have quickie later... Lemme sleep," as he moved his pelvis away from his horny bedmate. The other followed him across the bed though, and now held his hip in place with an iron grip. The person was now grinding into him in earnest.

"Arghhhh," groaned Eren. The guy was actually kind of hurting his ass. He moved his arm behind him to cover his butt, but the person started thrusting into his palm instead.

When the deep rumble of a moan in a strikingly familiar voice sounded behind him, Eren's eyes snapped awake. **Levi** was thrusting into Eren's hand. He was touching Levi's dick. Eren was very, very confused.

He lay still as Levi continued to rut against his palm. Another groan unfroze him though.

"Levi, please wake up. You're dry humping me," he said loudly. Eren was glad his face was turned away from the man because he was sure it was beet red. If Levi continued, Eren was going to become erect and not be able to control himself. But he knew Levi was asleep at the moment. Sleeping Levi meant that the man had not given consent.

The raven made a sort of guttural, throaty growl, shifting against Eren, the sound cutting off abruptly when the young man spoke directly to him. He went rigid immediately, eyes shooting open and wild with panic, still poised behind Eren, feeling distinct pressure against an erection that he had not consented to having. He made a strangled choking sound, frozen as a shudder of self-hatred and ferocious disgust washed through him.

Suddenly, Levi was in motion, scrambling from the bed and stumbling back until his back met the wall with a dull thump. His chest heaved with shuddering breaths, hyperventilation a real threat, his heart pounding. His throat felt like it was closing up, barring the passage of oxygen to his burning lungs. What the fuck... His body was on fire and he slid down the wall to sit on his ass, knees bent towards his chest, hands threading into his sleep tousled hair and curling against his scalp, blunt fingernails scraping viciously, vision blurring as he looked down at the throbbing proof of his body's betrayal.

He shook his head, denying what he knew had happened. He'd never felt so ashamed of himself in all his life and he gagged, stomach rolling dangerously, vicious nausea climbing up the back of his throat with the burning of bile. What had he done?

"Levi," Eren called quietly, watching wide-eyed as the older man freaked out on the floor. "It's fine. It's natural. You were sleeping and probably thought I was a pillow or something. I haven't gotten the wrong idea," said Eren, thinking Levi was just embarrassed.

"I would've even let you finish. But you got a pretty large dick so you were kinda hurting my ass and you wouldn't let me move away." Eren tried to turn his head to look down and examine the wet spot Levi had left on the back of Eren's borrowed sweats.

"No no no... That doesn't... Never... I don't... I can't... I don't do **that…** " Levi muttered breathily, voice strained and breaking under his own words and the roiling of repulsion under his skin. It wasn't even going away, tenting the front of his own sweat pants in a mocking display of rebellion. He clenched his teeth so hard, his jaw ached and he could taste metal on the back of his tongue. He couldn't look at it anymore, screwing his eyes shut tightly and covering his ears, rocking ever so slightly as he shook his head back and forth jerkily, counting down from a thousand in his head to quell the violent urge to vomit.

"Go away... Go away..." he was whispering under his breath, hissing between the press of his gritted teeth, hardly aware of anything that was going on around him even as his cat paced the floor around his feet and meowed at him in concern over his distress.

Now Eren was completely confused and increasingly concerned. "What the fuck?" he said, entirely unsure what to do as he realized Levi was having a panic attack, not simply embarrassed as he’d thought.

Eren jumped off the bed and knelt down in front of Levi, gently putting his hands on the man’s face.

"Look at me. Levi, look at me," Eren said sternly and waited for desperate storm cloud eyes to meet his vivid green. "Good... Breathe, just breathe. You've done nothing wrong. You're safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. It was an accident. It'll go away. You just need to calm down and breathe."

Eren ignored the no contact rule. If Levi needed to hit him to calm down, he would accept the punch.

The older male stilled as soon as Eren's hands cupped his face, eyes wide and glassy, pupils narrowed in the swimming mist of mercury and he began to shake uncontrollably, but he didn't jerk away immediately, caught like a cornered animal, breathing becoming even faster and more laboured, "No no no no... Don't..."

He was going to be sick... He knew it with abrupt clarity... His guts clenched and he very suddenly shoved Eren away from him, nearly tripping as he bolted for the bathroom, the sounds of retching rising up as soon as he'd slammed the door closed behind him. He was unable to control the raucous revolt of his stomach, the heat of his skin making him sweat, muscles tensed, his flesh crawling as he heaved dryly over the porcelain throne, fingers curled painfully tight around the lip of the bowl.

Eren fell hard onto his back after Levi pushed him. He flinched as he heard Levi slam the bathroom door closed. His hands came up to cover his face.

"Well I fucked that up," He said aloud to the empty air as he laid there stunned. He wanted to help Levi. He wanted to pat his back and hug him and tell him everything would be okay. But obviously Levi didn't want his comfort.

The only thing to do was to let Levi calm down by himself. He wouldn't let Eren help him. Eren was completely useless.

Getting up, he dragged his feet out of the bedroom. He found his way to the coat rack in front of the garage. There he sat, with his hand petting Levi's trench coat, and his other putting on his shoes.

Levi was definitely going to kick him out now. Eren knew it for sure. But he would wait until the man told him to leave.

It took nearly an hour for the psychologist to get a hold of himself, showering in near scalding water and scouring his skin until it was almost raw, muttering and cursing himself under his breath as tried to make himself clean again. He wasn't sure what else to do... It had never happened before, not like this... It had... It had felt _good…_ And that made it all the worse. He washed himself with his eyes closed so he wouldn't have to see the proof of it.

By the time he dragged himself from the steady stream of water, it was freezing and his lips were blue, teeth chattering. He dried himself off roughly, opening the door to his bedroom and peering out cautiously before he entered the empty room to dress, putting on more layers than necessary just to feel less disgusted with his own skin. He was still a little shaky, limbs feeling numb, fingers stiff from the cold water and how hard he'd clenched his fists. His erection had thankfully abated under the frigid temperature and the weight of his own self-loathing. He'd done something terrible to Eren. The shame of it and the guilt drove his breath from him. He had to apologize... The young man should not have seen such a disgusting display. He scratched harshly at the back of his neck, breathing in several deep breaths and letting them out slowly, counting odd numbers over and over until he was sure he could breathe again before he made his way downstairs to find the other male.

Eren was curled under the coat rack as he had been the night before, his arms clutching his legs to his chest when he heard Levi’s approach.

Eren didn't look up at Levi as he spoke, "I don't really know what happened, but I know it's my fault. I've been waiting for you to tell me to leave. So let's just get it over with."

Eren let out a shaky breath and waited for the harsh words to come, waited for Levi to tell him to never come here again, that Levi never wanted to see Eren again. His eyes started to sting as he continued waiting for Levi to say something.

The raven swallowed hard, unable to look at Eren directly and he shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I'm sorry... I don't... It wasn't you Eren... That's... I've never experienced something like that before... I handled it poorly... You... You don't have to leave... Or stay if you don't want to... I shouldn't have been like that... I don't understand... Something is wrong with me... You certainly aren't to blame," he tried to explain, his voice quiet in the space between them, tone coloured by the shame he felt crawling over his flesh and he squeezed himself tightly. Eren was probably disgusted too…

It was like Eren didn't hear a word Levi said, too pent up with anxiety to listen to the man.

Eren looked up at Levi. "I swear I wasn't molesting you in your sleep I promise," Eren choked on a sob. "I know I like sex, but I would have never done anything to you without consent, I swear." Eren didn't know how to change Levi's mind. "I know it looks bad that you woke up with my hand on your dick.. I should have just let you finish instead. I would have even enjoyed it. But I was trying to move you away ‘cause I knew you didn't really want **me**. I'm so sorry Levi." Eren sat up and started to wail, not knowing how to redeem himself in Levi's eyes.

Levi finally looked at Eren, reluctantly dragging his gaze over the distraught young man and he frowned, brow furrowing in concerned confusion, not entirely sure what Eren was talking about. He forced himself to step closer, crouching down and settling on his heels. He reached one hand out hesitantly, stilling in the air just out of reach of touching Eren's shoulder and he swallowed audibly, his eyes staring at his trembling hand as if trying to understand how it'd come to be there.

"Eren... Stop... Just stop... This... None of this is your fault... I know you wouldn't... You haven't... I don't... I trust you... I think," he paused and finally let his hand fall to rest on the young man's shoulder, a shiver of something that was distinctly _not_ repulsion or disgust running up his arm from his fingertips and spreading through him with an almost pleasant buzz of warmth, that odd feeling tightening in his chest and he had to take a deep breath to not pull away from it in fear. He still didn't understand what it was...

"I don't think you're disgusting Eren," he finally managed to articulate, giving a little squeeze of reassurance to the brunette's shoulder.

He only felt guiltier for having upset the young man so much with his sudden lapse into panic. How was he supposed to explain to Eren? The young man should never have witnessed something like that, especially from the man that was supposed to be helping him get better. He ran his unoccupied hand through his hair.

"I'm no good at this Eren."

Eren flinched at the sudden contact; it surprised him. He would have to get over being shocked every time Levi managed to touch him. The man seemed to be warming up to Eren. Taking a deep breath, Eren stopped crying to pay attention to Levi.

"You're plenty good. I'm just no good at comforting you," Eren said with a sniffle. "Can we just go back to bed and sleep for a while? It's still super early. I'm beat."

Relief washed over the raven's expression and he nodded his head. "Alright," he agreed, ignoring the uncertainty in his own voice. He wasn't sure how good of an idea it was to go back to bed with Eren, but he _was_ still tired, especially after his unexpected attack. He doubted his body even had the energy to rebel again.

He retracted his hand from the young man's shoulder and stood up straight, dusting himself off before offering Eren that same hand to help him up.

Eren smiled sweetly up at Levi then took the offered hand and was pulled to his feet. Before Levi could take his hand back though, Eren laced their fingers together and led them back to Levi’s bedroom. He did this quickly before Levi could protest; hoping that the man wouldn't rip his hand away. Holding Levi's hand was perhaps the best feeling he’d ever experienced. Eren thought his heart would explode feeling those pale, long fingers intertwined with his own.

They reached the bed and Eren let go of Levi's hand to crawl onto the side he’d claimed for himself. He really didn't want to let go, but it was necessary. With crossed fingers, Eren wished that there would be a third cuddle session.

"Ahhhh, I love your bed," Eren sighed as he wrapped himself with a blanket and rubbed his face into a pillow. He looked up to see if Levi was getting in bed too.

Levi was looking at the hand that Eren had released analytically. The warmth from the brunette's fingers lingered in his own, reanimating the numb digits from their previously rigid and stiff state. It hadn't even made him shiver once; the contact was actually _pleasant..._ He didn't even mind that Eren hadn't washed his hands which in and of itself was an oddity worth analyzing.

He blinked out of his stupor when Eren spoke up from his curled position on Levi's bed and his hooded eyes shifted over him with a sort of curious interest that held undertones of nervous anxiety, but he forced it down.

He inclined his head, "It is a comfortable mattress," he agreed, gaze warming slowly. He was wearing a fresh pair of sweats, a long sleeved cotton shirt with a t-shirt over top as well as socks which he peeled off one by one, moving to drop them down the laundry chute before he padded back to the bed, feeling much more comfortable beneath so many layers when he slipped onto the edge of the mattress and propped himself up on one elbow, cheek resting against his pale palm. He was on his side, far enough away from Eren to remain calm though there was a sort of fluttering queasiness in his stomach that was nothing like the normal nausea he felt when so close to another person and it was accompanied by that strange tightening in his chest, but none of it was causing him to panic like before, too exhausted to even analyze it too far, much more interested in watching his bed mate curiously. "Is it alright like this?" He asked quietly, determined not to repeat what had happened before.

"Mhm," hummed Eren, "It's perfect cause I'm with you." There was no teasing to Eren's tone because it wasn’t a joke; it _was_ perfect for him. He was lying in bed with the most gorgeous man who happened to be Eren's recent hero as well. Eren was practically in heaven.

Of course, he was disappointed there would be no sleepy cuddles this time around, but maybe it was for the best. Eren didn't want Levi to freak out again. It had been horrible. So he didn't even suggest that they cuddle. He just wanted to be with Levi in whatever capacity the older man would afford him.

"Let's play a game," Eren said with a soft smile as he reached out his arm towards Levi. He didn't touch the man, but he wanted to be as close as Levi would let him be.

Levi's eyes followed the movement of Eren's hand intently, heart quickening as it approached, but Eren didn't touch him and instead of the anxiety he should have felt; he was a little disappointed. That realization alone was enough to make his breath hitch ever so slightly, catching in his throat. What did that mean?

He didn't want to just see and hear and smell Eren... He wanted to _feel_ Eren. He wet his lips and before he could let his anxiety set in, he reached out to twine their fingers again, laying them in the space between their bodies on the bed as glossy mercury sought and met honeyed forest.

He swallowed, "What kind of game?" His voice came out steadier than he expected and he was relieved when it didn't crack like some preteen asking out their first crush.

It was like electricity when Levi locked their hands together. Eren felt like every part of his body was on fire. His cheeks turned bright scarlet as he stared at how his tan skin contrasted to Levi's pale white. Their hands looked like they were meant to be together. Eren never wanted to let go again.

Rubbing his thumb in small circles on Levi's hand, Eren said, "Twenty questions. But since it's me and I'm usually inappropriate, I promise to keep the questions purely innocent."

Eren looked up to stare into Levi's eyes and gave him a crooked grin. "Pinky swear," he said, moving his fingers to hook pinkies with Levi.

Levi smiled the tiniest of smiles and accepted the pinky, "Alright, sounds fair," the older male agreed lightly. He let the brunette intertwine their fingers again and stared at him with curious expectation, finding the concept of the game to be an excellent distraction from the chaos that was his thoughts in the back of his head and the storm of unfamiliar emotion in his chest.

"Alrighttttt," Eren said with a large smile as he raised their attached fists in the air then flopped them back on the mattress. "I'm going to ask you the most cliche first question in the whole god damn book."

Suddenly Eren masked his face into the most serious expression he could muster. "Levi Ackerman... What's...your..." he paused for dramatic effect, "Favourite colour?"

Levi's face went blank; he hadn't thought the questions would be so simplistic. "Hm... I think maybe lavender..." He said, actually having to consider the colours he found most appealing. Ironic that the colour he chose as his favourite was one that was sparse in his home.

"Lavender huh," said Eren, looking up to consider Levi's choice. Somehow it fit though. It was such a unique and pretty color; it suited Levi.

"Do I ask one now?" asked Levi.

Eren turned back to Levi about to answer, when he remembered that Levi was his therapist. He didn't want Levi to slip into psych mode. This was different than therapy. This was supposed to be a happy conversation.

"Yuppp," Eren said with a pop of the ‘p.’ "But since I promised to not be inappropriate, you have to keep the questions as unprofessional as possible."

Untwining their hands, he put Levi's palm face up so that he could dance his fingers over the pulse point in Levi's wrist. Levi's translucent skin was so soft; it was like creamy silk under Eren's finger tips. "I can't help but remind you that we aren't in a session. No therapizing me, Levi. Right now you are my Levi, not Dr. Ackerman. You have to promise that you will continue to be my Levi."

Eren's eyes trailed up Levi's arm, over his covered collar bones and to the man’s left side. Reaching with his unoccupied hand, he ghosted an X over the place Levi's heart would be, almost touching his chest but just falling short. "Cross your heart," said Eren with a serious expression.

The raven twitched under the ticklish touches, but didn't shy away, watching Eren and listening to his words. He hadn't even considered treating this like a session. The entire scenario in which he and Eren were as they were then could not have ever been imagined previous to the first night he'd let the brunette into his home and let him sleep aside him in his bed. There was absolutely nothing professional about what he had allowed to happen thus far and even some before that.

He licked his lips, "Alright, I'll be yours while we're in my bed. I hadn't planned on treating your stay here like therapy anyway. I don't usually bring my work home with me," he agreed quietly, voice slow and sincere with the implication that Eren was an exception to all the normal rules Levi lived by for reasons of which he could not yet name, let alone give voice to. His heartbeat was quicker than normal, but not quite racing as he stared into the lovely green eyes that had first caught his attention. He inhaled a slow, silent breath, catching the fingers dancing along his wrist in his own and giving them a little squeeze.

"What is your favourite kind of flower?" he asked curiously, finding the idea of the generally flamboyant male laying in a meadow of wildflowers to be rather appealing in his imagination.

With an impossibly large smile, Eren declared, "Yes. Right now you're mine," while nodding his head in enthusiasm.

He wanted Levi to be his always. Wanted to touch and claim all of the man’s untouched skin. For now, he settled with releasing his hand from Levi’s grip and trailing it up and down Levi's forearm. He wanted Levi to get used to his touch; maybe even come to crave it. But he had to be careful and not push the man too far.

"My favourite flower...," Eren trailed off thinking. "Wild roses. They used to grow by my house and I would pick them for my mom," he said as he ran his thumb over the delicate inside of Levi's elbow. "I looked up the meaning a long time ago but I think they represent simplicity."

"What's your favourite food, so you can teach me how to cook it for you sometime?" He watched while Levi considered the question, scooting his body an inch closer to the man, hoping Levi didn't notice the shift.

Levi blinked lazily as he listened to the sound of Eren's voice and simply felt the play of soft fingertips over his forearm through the fabric of his shirt and beneath it boldly. He shivered, ticklish tingling spreading under the generally under-touched flesh. It was not wholly uncomfortable. It should be, but it was just so... Different... Why Eren? What was it?

Levi did notice when Eren shifted closer on the bed's surface, but didn't comment or draw attention to it because he honestly didn't want to spark his own anxiety by thinking too deeply on it. He'd only just calmed down and locked the fear away for the moment to escape to a place between he and Eren where they were untouchable together.

"Mm, I suppose if I have to choose, it would be," he paused, eyes hazy with thought, considering so many meals he'd had in his life. "French toast."

"Mmmmmmmm," said Eren, licking his lips at the thought. "French toast is always delicious.... But if your French toast is anything like your crepes then it must be to fucking die for." Eren gave a small shudder just thinking of how good it would taste.

Shifting his hand, he cupped Levi's bicep and gave it a light squeeze, testing the muscles he knew were there from the day before. "I work out a ton, and I bet you'd still beat me in an arm wrestling contest. Who'd've thought you would be a Greek god under all those stuffy shirts," he said, giving Levi another crooked smile

Levi tensed a little and his breath hitched, but he otherwise remained unmoved, feeling that simmering warmth in his belly flare up a moment beneath the thread of anxiety that was just enough of a threat to make him hyper aware of the young man's hand on his cloth-covered arm.

"I like to exercise when I can... I swim a lot," he answered slowly, feeling oddly awkward in doing so, knowing that Eren's compliment wasn't entirely innocent in nature, but wasn't overtly invasive either. He shifted his body a bit, laying his head in the crook of his elbow rather than on his palm and looking up at Eren for a quiet few seconds.

"Do you prefer sunshine or rain?" he asked, returning to the game they were playing, attempting to distract himself with it once again before he could spend too much time thinking about the heat that was seeping through the fabric of his clothing from Eren's palm and fingers and raising goosebumps along his still cool flesh.

Eren burst into song in reply. "I'm walking on sunshineeeeee, Woahhh oh ohhhh," he sang off key then started to laugh. He inched a bit closer as he said, "If you haven't noticed my tan skin, I love the sun. If I can be out in the sun all day, I will be." He moved his hand more to start drawing suns and smiley faces on the flat of Levi's chest.

"Five bucks says you like the rain," Eren said with a chuckle. "I can tell by your complexion, you don't see the sun too often." He switched his pattern to an infinity sign.

"As a matter of fact, I like cloudy days best when you can smell the rain in the air; it's like a promise," Levi answered,his breathing becoming a little shallower as Eren's fingers drifted over his chest and he shifted again, fidgeting as his body became a little restless. The touches were progressively more intimate and though he wasn't disgusted, his comfort was being tested.

Eren smiled wickedly. "You so owe me five bucks, Leviiii," he said in a sing song voice. "The rain is pretty as well, but I like to feel the sun on my skin so that's why sunshine always wins."

"What's something you find attractive about me? If you say my eyes, I will laugh at you. Everyone always says my eyes," Eren said teasingly, continuing their game.

"You do have a unique shade of green eyes and there is sometimes a lot to be seen in them," Levi replied to Eren’s inquiry after a few moments of silent deliberation, lips quirking up at the corner before he continued, "Something else... You have gentle hands."

Eren's hand wandered away from Levi's chest, moving down to his abs to circle his belly button. "Thank you my lovely Levi..."

He leaned his face closer to the older man’s to whisper, "I'll let you in on a secret. My hands are magic... Touch tells me the truth about things. That's why I have the urge to touch everything and anything." His hand moved to trace over Levi's hip bone.

The muscles in Levi's abdomen tensed and fluttered under Eren's wandering hand, concaving inwards as if to shy away from the press of fingertips even with the layers of clothing between them. He licked his lips and swallowed thickly when Eren leaned his face closer, "Eren..." his voice came out strained, warning underlying the tone. Too close... He was getting too close; Levi wasn't ready for him to be so close. He actually jumped when that hand gently traced over his hip and immediately grasped it in his own pulling it away and placing it back on his chest, staring at Eren, making certain the young man met his gaze dead on. "No further," he said, pressing Eren's hand out flat on his chest before he retracted his own hand, laying it over his side, fingertips just grazing the mattress.

"Red light," Eren mumbled to himself, looking away from Levi's stare. He scooted backwards to his original position as he removed his hand from Levi's chest to go back to holding hands. Eren gave Levi's hand a reassuring squeeze; he heard the man loud and clear. Boundaries were necessary, and Levi had obviously just set them.

"Okayyyyyy…. What's your favourite movie? We also need to pick a series to marathon together," said Eren, now meeting Levi's eyes from a safe distance away. "I was never allowed to watch tv, so I haven't seen much of anything."

The raven squeezed Eren’s hand in return, fingers curling around the contrasting soft, tanned digits in silent gratitude, grateful for the young man's understanding. Eren didn't push it and Levi appreciated it.

"I don't have a favourite movie... There are too many to pick from. As for a series to marathon..." he paused, considering the implications of the near demand. It seemed as though... He couldn't be entirely sure, but perhaps Eren was planning to stay a while. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He didn't really want the young man to leave, too fascinated by the way Eren's presence was affecting him in ways he'd never felt before, but he was a little weary of what that meant. "Alright, we'll look them over later then." Comfortably ambiguous...

He closed his eyes, as close to relaxed as he'd ever been with another person since he'd been a child. When he'd shared a bed with Isabel, he'd never been able to sleep and though they had remained apart, he'd felt every single move she'd made in her sleep. He breathed in and out deeply, thinking of his next question. "When you were a child, what did you dream of being when you grew up?"

"Well..." Eren began, disappointment in his eyes as he sensed the apprehension in Levi's tone over his insinuation that he would be staying to watch whole marathons of television series’. He rolled over onto his back to look at the ceiling and let go of Levi's hand. “We don’t have to marathon today. I need to go home at some point." He pulled at the shirt Levi had leant him. "Your clothes aren’t the right size and they’re too hot."

Eren turned his head to stare at Levi once more, but did not reinitiate contact as he answered the older man’s follow-up question. "I dreamt of turning into a giant. Grind bones for my bread... All that good stuff," he dead panned.

When Eren looked back at him to answer the question, Levi was looking at him from beneath the thick dark fringe of his lashes and his lips twitched as if to smile at the words, but he didn't. "You can come back again if you’d like..." He hadn't even consciously decided to voice anything in regards to Eren's decision to leave, but it had somehow escaped from his mouth before he had a chance to swallow it. His fingers twitched and he closed his eyes fully again, feeling heat crawling up the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"It's your turn," he murmured, trying to sound casual and divert the topic back to something safer.

Eren reached over to grab Levi's hand and run his thumb over the other man’s palm. He waited until Levi opened his eyes once more before he asked in an almost hopeful tone, "Do you want me to come back?" Eren felt that if he looked into Levi's eyes, he could find the answer there if not in words.

Levi visibly swallowed, fingers twitching again in Eren's grasp and he bit his bottom lip, worrying it a second or two between his teeth in indecision. "Yes..." He finally answered, barely more than a whisper of breath from between parted lips, eyes averted from Eren's as soon as it'd been voiced, insecurity and a little fear making it impossible for him to hold the gaze... If Eren laughed at him or was bothered by his answer, he didn't know how he would feel. It was entirely irrational, but he couldn't help it. His chest had that tight feeling again and he felt like he couldn't fill his lungs with enough oxygen.

Eren smiled softly at Levi. "Okay," he said, satisfied with Levi's answer. "But you know, it's dangerous for me to be here..." he trailed off. Eren saw Levi flinch, but he still waited a few moments before adding, "I'm going to get fat with all your delicious cooking. Your food is dangerous." He winked and shot the other man a corny finger gun with his free hand.

Levi gave him a nonplussed look, "I doubt you'd let that happen after all the hard work you told me went into sculpting your ass," he retorted, covering up his awkwardness of moments before. He let a grin tug at his lips and his eyes danced when he looked back at Eren, feeling an odd sense of relief in response to the young man's answer. Even if he left, he would come back again. Levi found that he liked the idea of seeing Eren more outside of the office. The Eren in front of him was captivating, still broken inside, but showing so much potential to mend. And if Levi was honest, he wanted to explore how he felt with Eren without the boundaries the office drew between them.

Eren wiggled his body around at the mention of his ass. "I knowwwww. I worked sooo hard, Levi," Eren whined, "And you're not even an ass guy! What's up with that? My efforts were in vain."

Eren let go of Levi's hand to grab a blanket and curl himself in it. "I'm covered. You should pet me to make me feel better. My ass's feeewings are hurt."

"Your ass shouldn't take it too personally; I'm not much of an anything kind of guy," Levi replied with a wry grin.

He shifted closer, maybe only a couple inches on the mattress so that he could ever so slowly touch at Eren's covered shoulders and let the soft chestnut strands of his hair tickle against his knuckles, accepting Eren's request with only minor hesitation. It seemed the more he touched and was touched, the easier it became not to shudder or instinctively draw back. Perhaps Issy was onto something... He just had to get used to it... Like a skittish animal that needed to be coaxed and taught trust.

"'Mmhmm," Eren said with a contented hum. Muffled from the cover of the blanket, he said, "I'm a siren, and you're a deaf sailor." He giggled over his own joke, but tried to stay as still as possible so that he wouldn't spook Levi. "It's your question if you want to continue."

"Mm, it's a good thing I suppose. I wouldn't want to drown. That'd be a rather embarrassing way to go," he answered, eyes focused on the contrast of silky locks between his fingertips.

"What's it like to be able touch people so easily?" He found himself asking, not even entirely aware of the words. He was a little envious if he were honest. He kept to himself because it was easier, few friends and obviously no lovers made his life simpler, but lonely. He'd been working with Isabel just to be able to do what he was doing now... Maybe Eren _was_ magic as he'd said.

Eren pulled the blanket down to uncover his eyes to look at Levi. That was a serious question that deserved a serious answer. "It's... Lonely," Eren said, trying to find the right words. He scowled, realizing that what he said didn't make sense.

"It's like this. Touching someone doesn't matter to me, because as a person they don't matter. I don't care about them, and they don't care about me. I barely remember any of the people I've come in contact with." He paused for a moment staring deep into Levi's eyes. "But you... Someone who I've barely had contact with. I'll remember you. Because you matter to me."

Eren balled his fists in the blanket so he wouldn't reach out and touch Levi. "I don't know when you started to matter... But you do now."

The older man's eyes flickered from the subtle motions of his hand to meet Eren's, softening to silvery pools, the blue lost beneath as he listened to the sincerity in the young man's voice.

"I... You matter to me too Eren, maybe from the very beginning. I don't understand it. I've never... I didn't think I'd ever want to... Do this... Or that I would even be able to... It's a little unsettling," he replied, resting his palm on the side of Eren's neck, thumbing over the pulse beating steadily beneath the warm flesh.

Eren froze with wide eyes and open jaw. Levi was touching him... _Intimately._ Eren's heart was beating so fast, he knew for sure Levi could feel it. As his cheeks burned, his eyes trailed down to Levi's moist lips. In that moment, he really wanted to kiss the other man. He snapped his eyes shut and buried that desire deep down within him.

Eren swallowed nervously knowing that Levi would feel it. "Levi, you should pinch me. I'm hallucinating. Or having a heart attack. Actually, it's probably both." He then clamped down hard on his tongue so that he wouldn't say 'choke me daddy'. Eren knew Levi wouldn't appreciate that sentence, joke or not.

Levi blinked, interest glimmering in his eyes in response to Eren's reply and he could feel the pulse quicken under the smooth pad of his thumb. He pulled his hand back abruptly, uncertain if it was a sign of panic or not. He couldn't quite read the situation, never having been in one like it before.

"I'm sorry... I hadn't meant to make you uncomfortable,” he murmured after a second, fingers curled against the mattress space between them that was far less than it had been before. When had he shifted so close?

"Nooooooo," said Eren, reaching up to tug on the sleeve of Levi's shirt, "Please don't stop. I'm not uncomfortable. It's the exact opposite."

Eren considered begging for Levi to continue touching him. "You know what Levi, I officially give you permission to touch me as much as you want, anywhere you want."

The funny thing was Eren was completely serious. There was no hint of suggestion or teasing in his voice. He didn't mean for the words to be sexual.

"Of course you can refuse to touch me at all," Eren added, making sure Levi knew the idea could be purely platonic. "But I like when you touch me. You will never make me feel uncomfortable."

Eren shut his eyes and held his breath in anticipation. Would Levi reject him? Does Levi want to touch him? Can Levi move past his no touch policy? His blush was spreading from his face to his ears and even down his chest. This was so embarrassing.

Levi chewed his lip in indecision for long moments. Was it really alright? Eren seemed nervous and he wasn't sure if he should believe that the young man was entirely comfortable, especially after what Levi remembered of what he'd done to him that morning... Was it alright so long as he stayed away from those areas?

He wasn't uncomfortable touching Eren as he had been just seconds ago, but the thought of repeating what had happened earlier made him shudder. He shook his head to dislodge the negative and disturbing memories.

He swallowed and made an unconscious little whine of frustration, caught in his indecision, anxiety rising up almost eagerly and he bit the inside of his cheek and while the sting distracted him from the tension mounting inside him, he laid his hand gently over the subtle curve of Eren's blanket covered side, trembling a little in the aftermath of winning a battle of will with his irrational fear of intimacy. Eyes he hadn't even meant to close opened and widened a little in surprise at how close he actually was laying next to Eren and the feel of his palm curled over his waist as if it was all so natural. His breath hitched a little, but he didn't shift away again; there was still space between them, but not a whole lot of it. He should move away; his head was saying so, but his body didn't move. Eren had said it was alright and they were barely touching at all... He was smiling almost triumphantly by the time he met Eren's gaze again. "Thank you," he murmured in a hushed near whisper.

Eren just giggled then said, "Geeze Levi. You’re going to kill me with your adorableness. Like seriously. It should be illegal." He put his hands over his face to hide.

"No need to thank me. I'm benefitting way more than you are," he said, muffled under his hands.

Peeking through gaps in his fingers, Eren looked at Levi once more. "I don't know how I would've survived the last two days if I was alone without you to comfort me. I don't know how I could ever repay you..." he trailed off, obviously trying to think of something.

"Oh!" he said, lifting his body up slightly in excitement. "How about you use me to get used to touching people!" Eren said with a wide triumphant smile. "I'll be your Guinea pig. You can practise physical contact with me!"

Levi’s brows pinched together, a little wrinkle forming on his forehead, Eren's excited movement causing his hand to fall into the rumpled bedding pooling in Eren's lap. "I don't... I think I'm already doing that," he responded in a soft tone, gaze dropping almost shyly to stare at his lax hand for several moments before he realized where it was actually resting and hastily pulled it away, running it through his hair to try to cover up the awkward and abrupt retreat, and trying to ignore the embarrassed discomfort that spread through his gut.

Eren's smile was blinding as he stared deeply into Levi's molten mercury gaze. "Yes, you kind of have been able to touch me the last little while," he conceded. "But you are still hesitant too."

Eren carefully reached up to take the hand tangled in Levi's hair. "If you keep practising like this every day," Eren explained as he slowly guided Levi's hand to his chest, "It'll become easier to do, right? If touching me becomes second nature to you, you might be able to consider having contact with other people too."

Eren flattened Levi's palm over his rapidly beating heart. "Let's face it. I’m the most annoying person on the planet. I'm an excellent practise dummy because if you can stand me, you might be able to stand others."

Eren looked down at Levi's hand pressed over his heart then looked away to try and hide his ever increasing embarrassment. "Do you feel how fast my heart is beating for you?" he whispered, still not looking at Levi.

"Why?" Levi asked, genuinely not understanding why Eren would want his heart to race like that by having Levi touch him. His own heart beat was picking up in response and he was confused. It was uncomfortable in a way he was unused to. It made him anxious, but it wasn't fear driving the feeling.

He didn't know what to make of it, fingers spreading slightly over the side of Eren's chest as if to feel the vibrations of his heartbeats better. He looked at Eren, trying to both memorize and define the expression currently overtaking the normally overconfident male's face. The bravado Eren often hid behind seemed to be failing him at the moment and Levi was ensnared.

Eren turned his head away to hide his sheepish expression. "Because it makes me happy. You don't even need to touch me to make me happy though."

It was like word diarrhea. Once Eren started talking he couldn't stop himself. "I guess you were right. I do have a crush on you."

Eren snapped his head around to look at Levi in shock. "Shit. Did I just say that out loud?" Eren squealed, trying to move away from Levi.

"Fuck..." he cursed, shaking his head back and forth. "No no no no no no. Please please please forget I just said that. Forget it forget it forget it."

"Arghhhh," he said, hunching over into a ball and pulling at his hair. "This is so embarrassing. I seriously hope this is a dream and I didn't just say that. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out again."

Levi didn't understand why Eren would have developed a crush on him in the first place, but at the same time, in the back of his mind, it made just the tiniest bit of sense. He just couldn't figure out how to get passed his insecurities about himself to be able to realize that what he felt for Eren when he touched him, when he spoke with him and watched him, the odd tightness in his chest, the intense reactions of his body to Eren's proximity; Levi had a crush too. But he didn't put the pieces together because he had no idea that what he was feeling could possibly be long-awaited attraction.

"It's alright... I... I can't possibly see what you see in me, but I guess I don't mind, so long as you don't get carried away," he said after long silent minutes of contemplation. He should probably have rejected Eren entirely, but he didn't want to upset him that way; sure that he would flee if he did. He didn't want Eren to leave just yet.

Sitting up, Eren grimaced. The words Levi spoke punched him straight in the gut. He took them the exact opposite way that Levi had intended them. Levi rejected him again. It hurt like fucking hell. He clutched his heart, feeling like he would throw it up if he didn't hold onto it.

"Well, would you look at the time," Eren said, gesturing to his wrist absent of a watch. "We were supposed to sleep, but instead we talked the day away."

Eren started to crawl away from Levi to get off the bed, "I should probably head home now. It's a pretty long walk." Eren sat on the edge of the bed with his feet on the ground. "Thanks for having me Levi."

Levi blinked in confusion. What had he said wrong? He hadn't meant it whatever it was... He slowly sat up as well, hands folding tightly in his lap as he averted his gaze there guiltily. He hadn't meant to upset Eren and somehow still managed to. He was mentally berating himself for not having better understanding of what was expected of him from other people. He had meant neither to reject Eren nor encourage him in his crush, but selfishly attempted to remain ambiguous enough so that Eren would at least remain with him, but it had obviously backfired somehow.

"Wait, Eren... You don't..." he paused. Maybe it would be better if Eren did go home at least for a little while; they obviously needed some time to think about things. What had happened over the past two days between them was well outside the limits of professionalism. "If you want to go, you don't have to walk," he settled, "Let me get you a cab, and something to eat before you go."

With his back turned to Levi, Eren got up and started walking towards the the bedroom door. "No, that's okay," he refused, still not looking at Levi, "I like to walk. And I'm not hungry." He walked through the doorway and made his way to the entrance where his shoes were.

Levi scrambled to follow the quickly retreating boy, still reeling from everything that had happened and having no words to express what he wanted. He stopped in the kitchen and swiftly wrote down his personal cellphone and home number on a page from the little notebook by the cordless phone in the corner by the refrigerator. His first name and the numbers were the only things written in a slanted, but neat left-handed scrawl over the little lined sheet and he tore it away swiftly, Molly hot on his heels as he approached the young man loitering by his door.

"Here... In case you need me," he said as he offered the paper to Eren with slightly trembling fingers.

Eren took the paper and crunched it in his fist; he still would not meet the man's eyes. Bending his knees, he crouched over to pet Molly who sat beside Levi's feet. "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe," Eren sang quietly as he scratched Molotov’s chin. "You take good care of Dr. Ackerman, Molly," he said as he stood up. Levi was once again Dr. Ackerman. Levi was only **his** Levi in bed after all.

Eren was about to walk out when he paused, one hand resting on the door handle. He turned around and met Levi's upset gaze. Slowly and deliberately, he brought his empty hand up to his mouth and blew Levi a kiss before he disappeared into the garage and left the house completely. The last two days were a dream. It was time to wake up.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)


	8. Paint Me a Bruise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~[Hold Each Other by A Great Big World](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx5P6WJLxHw)  
> Levi ~ [Fix You Up by Tegan and Sara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTyJ4y6z854)

Levi watched him go, hand lifting in a motion to catch the kiss distractedly and hovering aloft for several still minutes after Eren had left. He felt completely undone somehow. His entire routine had been broken by the young man's unexpected presence and he wasn't sure what he should be doing now that Eren was gone as if he'd never been there at all. His breath hitched as if he'd suddenly remembered to breathe in the first place and he turned on his heel abruptly. He couldn't think about it anymore; it only made it hard to breathe again.

Instead, he began to clean. He spent the entire day cleaning, in fact and by the time he'd finished eating dinner and showered for the second time that day, he was exhausted. It was around nine o'clock when he finally curled up in his freshly changed bedding and refused to dwell on the fact that he could still smell Eren on his pillow even though he'd changed the cases. He tried to ignore the odd hollowness he felt in response to the blatant reminder that the young man had been there, but wasn't now. Levi had driven him away somehow and that only made it worse.

Sleep was restless that night, disrupted by the sound of his cellphone ringing at about two in the morning.

"Leviiiiiiiiiiiiii Ackermannnnn," slurred Eren. "Did... Did you," hiccup, "Hurt?" Eren was stumbling down a street, his movements audible through the phone.

Levi squinted in the dark, the glowing light of of his alarm blurry in his half-asleep state. "Eren? It's two o'clock in the morning..." he stated, voice rough and husky with the remnants of sleep, holding the phone to his ear in a loose grip. "Are you drunk?" he questioned after a second as awareness started to seep through the fogginess left from slumber, mind waking slowly. His brows pinched together, uncertainty rising up and forming a lump in his throat. Why was Eren calling so late?

Eren started to laugh. In between laughs he managed to choke out, "When you fell... Fell from heaven. Or... Or or or... Ascended from... Hell!" There was a moment of muffled sounds through the phone. "AHHHHH," Eren yelled, "Shit. Almost face planted it."

Levi frowned, finding it difficult to understand the slurred words between Eren's chortling. "What? Where are you?" he asked, sitting up in his bed, propping himself up on his unoccupied hand, staring at the darkness of the far wall.

"I wass at a place. Now I'm at this place. Leviiiiii.. If you were a tree.. Yours be a good tree, Levi." Loud honking and yelling was in the background to which Eren yelled, “Yeah fuck you to buddy.” Turning his attention back to the phone Eren chanted, "Levi. Levi. Levi, Leviiiiii. LEVIIIIIIII."  
The raven made a frustrated sound, shifting in his sheets. "Eren, why are you calling so late?" he questioned, worry starting to creep into him. Eren was obviously intoxicated and was not at home where he should be. Levi was sure he was out looking to feed his behaviours and he wasn't sure why the young man had decided to call him while he was doing it.

There were a few moments of silence as Eren settled himself on the ground of the playground that he’d found. He was directly under a swing set, looking up at the barely visible stars. They reminded him of Levi's eyes.

"I missed you," he said with only a touch of a slur.

Levi rubbed the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb, a soft sigh escaping his lips. "Alright... I... Are you alright? Do you have a way home?" he answered finally, words low and still a little rough. He wasn't sure how to deal with an inebriated Eren; he'd never dealt with him before, not really well-versed in dealing with anyone who was liquored up.

Levi had learned early on that bars and clubs and alcohol were not for him. People tended to get far too physical when they'd been drinking and there were too many people to try to keep to himself. He didn't drink outside of the house usually, unless it was at a restaurant and the last time he'd been drunk was with Hange, Isabel and Farlan during the Christmas get together the year before.

Eren hiccuped a few more times before he said, "I'm fine. I'm done for the night. But I don't want to go home. It's such a nice night."

"Okay..." Levi replied slowly, glancing at the clock again and running his hand through his bedraggled hair, rubbing roughly at the short buzzed hair at the back a moment before he adjusted his pillows behind himself and leaned back, settling in and resigning himself to a long drunken conversation with his patient.

"Do you... What do you want to talk about?"

"Do you miss me Levi? Do you want me to come back?"

The raven bit his lip worrying the flesh between his teeth, taking several seconds to decide his answer. "Yes..." he finally intoned, quiet, but seemingly deafening in the otherwise silent bedroom.

"Okay." Eren said before he hung up.   

Levi had stared hard at his phone, expecting Eren to call back, but he didn't. Levi sighed and slipped out of his bed, drywashing his face with a hand. He went to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. It was too early to be awake yet and he had to be up in a few hours to prepare for work, but he didn't think he'd be getting any more sleep after the odd phone call.

He was in his kitchen with a cup of tea between his hands, sipping at it and leaning back against the counter, lost in thought as Molotov watched him from her perch on one of the island stools. the light on his stove was on, providing a dull white light in the otherwise dark house while he ran over the strange conversation he'd had with Eren, completely losing track of time.

He was not expecting the rapping on his door some time later and jerked when it sounded obnoxiously through the relative peace, spilling tea over his hand and cursing, though it wasn't hot enough to burn his skin. He set the cup in the sink and washed his hands swiftly under the tap, drying them as he went to answer the door to his early morning visitor. He should have been expecting to see Eren on his front doorstep given the general spontaneity that was common with his illness, but his eyes widened in surprise and he dropped the hand towel he was holding when he pulled the door open to see the brunette in what Levi assumed were club clothes. He swallowed hard, eyes searching over the young man's form in the dull starlight. It was like seeing a ghost.

Eren had his arms up behind his head as he took a couple shaking breaths. He had ran the entire way from the park to Levi’s house. Tonight he was wearing a lavender crop top to show off his chiseled abs and pair of black skinny jeans. The jeans might as well have been painted on with how tight they were. They were Eren's favourite pair; his ass looked even better than normal in them.   "Hey," Eren greeted breathily. He wondered if Levi would just send him away.

"Eren..." breathed Levi, almost relieved, though there was a hint of weariness in his late night smokey voice. He reached out a ghostly pale hand as if to touch the young man, to be sure he was really there, tangible on his front stoop and not some conjured vision his mind had created. It hovered in the space between them a second or two before he pulled it back abruptly, tucking it to his chest and stepping back, "Come inside..."

Eren moved forward from the shadows to the well lit entrance. He hadn't had time to go get clothes to cover up, but after seeing Levi's expression, Eren probably should have made the time.

Eren's neck was covered in purple and red hickies and bite marks. His arms also had rope burns and bruises in the shape of fingers. He even had a black eye and a nose that looked like it had been bleeding at some point.

"Christ Eren..." The dark haired doctor sighed as he observed all the marks clearly now that the young man had stepped into the light. His brows furrowed and his jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth, but he ushered the brunette further inside.

He ran a pale and slightly shaky hand through his hair as he led the way further inside his home, stepping into the kitchen to grab some ice and wrapping it carefully in a fresh hand towel expertly before moving towards the other male again. He tenderly pressed it against the bruised cheek and eye, being sure his skin didn't touch Eren's as he held the ice there, "Why do you let them do this to you?"

For a moment Eren was content with Levi taking care of him. All Eren wanted to do was get in bed with Levi and then wake up to the man’s grumpy face in the morning. But then Levi asked a question like that.

Eren grimaced and took a couple steps away from Levi as the man kept the ice pack hanging in the air.

"I'm drunk. I don't want to do this right now," snapped Eren, "And besides, I'm allowed to do whatever I want as long as I _don’t get carried away_ right?"

Eren's green eyes looked like they were on fire. "If it's okay with you, I'm gonna just crash here. I need to shower. Then I'll sleep in the guest bedroom." Once he’d said his piece, he waited on Levi for a response.

Levi's jaw clenched and he bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted metal, closing his eyes for a moment and counting odd numbers until he could find his voice again. He certainly didn't want to argue with Eren in this state. He'd rather the young man be angry at him and safe than letting more men that didn't care about him put any more marks on his soft golden skin.

"Alright Eren... Whatever you want... Do you need a change of clothes?" the raven finally responded, staring at the towel wrapped ice in his hand as if he could see the numbness spreading through his fingers.

He knew he'd said something wrong earlier, the sarcastic recollection of his own words making him grimace inwardly. How else could he have responded then? He couldn't give Eren what he wanted... He was just barely able to touch him... And the nonchalance of his following words had only made the odd tight feeling in his chest ache.

Eren nodded slowly before he turned and made his way to the bathroom.

His shower was short and freezing, his fingertips and toes were numb by the time he was done. Eren wanted to sober up so he thought a cold shower would do the trick. He lathered his entire body in Levi's soap. Even though he was angry with the man, Eren still felt safe when surrounded by Levi's scent.

Outside the bathroom door was a pair of sweats and a shirt waiting for Eren. He put them on hastily and was about to go to the guest bedroom when he realized what Levi had said earlier. _Whatever he wants._

Eren stomped his way to Levi's bedroom and found the man sitting cross-legged on the bed and propped up against his pillows. Levi looked confused when Eren arrived unexpectedly in his bedroom...

Eren walked over and flopped onto his belly on the bed beside Levi. He noticed Levi tense up, but Eren didn't explain himself for heartbeat or two. "You said whatever I want," Eren said by way of explanation, looking up at Levi. Finally he grabbed a blanket and rolled himself up in it. "Pet me," he said with his face smushed into a pillow.

The raven set aside the book he'd been reading when Eren had come inside his bedroom unannounced and flopped down into his bed. He drew in a deep breath and leaned back into his pillows, watching the young man for several silent seconds. Finally, he reached out one hand and settled it on the crown of Eren's head, threading his fingers through the soft, damp strands of his hair.

He stayed that way for how long, he didn't know, but long enough that his hand didn't tremble and he almost forgot he was even touching another person; it was as if it was only natural. It didn't make sense... He swallowed and kept stroking his fingers through the slowly drying locks, petting the brunette as he'd requested and slowly relaxed against the soft press of his pillows, stretching his body out and reopened the book, beginning to read again without saying a single word.

Molly joined them and curled up in the space between their lower bodies, promptly falling asleep and purring contentedly as if all was right with the world now. Levi though maybe, he understood that feeling a little too.

Eren laid there silently, listening to Molly purr and Levi turn the pages of his book. He lifted his head to look at Levi, but the man didn't stop petting him and did not look up from his book.   Eren heaved a giant sigh. "I'm falling asleep. I said I would sleep in the guest bedroom tonight so I wouldn't get carried away," he said while watching Levi's facial expressions. Eren wanted to know if Levi wanted him to stay or not. Levi almost never voiced what he truly wanted.

Levi's silvery gaze shifted from the words on the page to the young man next to him when Eren spoke. "If you're comfortable here, you should stay..." he paused, considering what had happened earlier when he had made the wrong move, said the wrong thing and tried not to repeat the mistake a second time. He wet his lips and his hand stilled in Eren's hair a moment. "I'd like it if you'd stay Eren..." As soon as the soft admission left his mouth, he averted his gaze back to his book and resumed petting the young man as if he hadn't said anything at all.  
Eren smiled so brightly, he was a personal sun to decorate Levi's bedroom. But now the man wouldn't look at him. That wouldn't do at all.

Carefully, Eren reached up to guide Levi's hand from on top of his head to in front of his face. Before Levi would be able to discern what Eren was about to do, the young man placed a small and dry peck of his lips on the back of Levi's hand.

Levi almost dropped his book, fumbling it in his lap when he felt unfamiliar pressure against the porcelain skin on the back of his hand and knew immediately and without a shadow of a doubt what it had been, turning his head to look at Eren with wide, almost fearful eyes. He inhaled a deep shuddering breath and let it out slowly and did it again before he forced his body to relax. It was hardly a kiss and it was only his hand, surely he could handle something as innocent as that... He allowed Issy to put her lips on his cheek for God's sake. He swallowed hard against the dryness in his mouth and set his book aside once again, unable to trust the hold of his quaking hand.

"We should sleep... It's late," he said awkwardly, unable to maintain eye contact with Eren as he felt heat crawling up the back of his neck and spreading under his skin. he stared down at the shadowed craters of the rumpled blankets in between them, letting Eren keep a hold of his trembling hand. He ran his other hand through his hair and down the nape of his neck, not wanting to consider where else Eren's lips might have been not so long ago lest he begin to feel sick all over again.

Eren sighed, noticing how uncomfortable Levi was. "Shit. I'm still disgusting to you, hey?" said Eren with a sad smile. Then he scowled. "I shouldn't try to compete with your red-headed bimbo. She probably has a lot more practise kissing than I do."

Eren looked up from his brooding to see Levi with a confused frown on his face. "Oh. I guess I never told you. I don't kiss my partners," he said drawing hearts on Levi's palm that he was still holding. "That's wayyyyyyy to intimate for me." Just the thought of kissing one of his regular partners made Eren frown in disgust. "These gorgeous lips that you see right here, are unclaimed," he said with a crooked smile. "Well except Armin. But we were like six."

Levi's brow furrowed, not entirely sure how to respond to the malicious words that he thought must be directed at Isabel, though he couldn't understand what she had to do with anything that was happening between them and they were quickly followed by some interesting tidbits of information about Eren that Levi should make note of for his files, but he wasn't Dr. Ackerman, not now... He had made a promise to Eren before and he was trying to keep it.

"I don't... Eren, I don't think you're disgusting. I'm just unused to touches like this... I've never kissed anyone before myself. I've been kissed only once on the lips... It ended poorly. " the older male said, looking back down again at his lap, his cheeks hot with a blush that he wasn't sure he could do anything to hide, embarrassed to be telling his patient such a thing.

"But she got to kiss you on the cheek, and hug you. And she knows you way more and and.... Ugh," Eren whined as he nuzzled his face into Levi's hand. "You're my Levi... But you're not at the same time."

He thought for a while then lifted his head so that his evergreen eyes could stare deeply into Levi’s grey. "I've never liked anyone before. Wouldn't it bother you if you saw someone touching me so intimately?" Eren looked down at the bruises on his arms. "What if I started dating Jeanbo, then? I know you don't like the bruises he gives me."

"I... I don't know Eren... I don't want you to be with anyone that hurts you... I think... You've been hurt enough..." Levi replied quietly, looking at where his palm cupped Eren's cheek and watched himself rub the pad of his thumb over the darkening bruise beneath the young man's eye.

"Isabel and I... You aren't entirely wrong, but it's not what you think Eren. We had a relationship once, but it wasn't ever physical. I could never even sleep in the same bed. You don't have to be jealous of her. Besides that, she's my therapist; of course she knows things about me,” he explained after a moment, gaze still glued to the movement of his thumb on Eren's soft, abused cheek. The purpling marks made him feel sick deep inside... Why did the younger man put himself in such danger?

Levi had asked his mother once some time after he'd lost his first game of 'peep' and before he’d lost the last time, why she let some of her lovers do those things to her and she had told him that sometimes love was painful... He thought she might be right about that, but it shouldn't leave you with bruises like Eren's, and like the ones she had always had as well.

"Jean isn't a bad guy," Eren excused as he ran his nose over Levi's wrist. It smelled like some sort of cologne or body wash, that same subtle scent of lavender and lemon clinging to the pale flesh and Eren wanted to be covered in it. "Sure, he can get a little rough. But he's nothing like Erwin." A shudder ran through the brunettes body as he remembered the blonde. "You told me I have to be able to develop a healthy romantic relationship...," Eren trailed off to look at the ceiling. "What if it wasn't Jean then. What if I started dating Armin, my absolute best friend since diapers. He wouldn't hurt a fly." Dropping his eyes back to Levi's gaze, Eren searched for any sort of emotion. "You'd be fine with that?" Eren looked at Levi's glistening lips,"You'd be fine with someone else being my first real kiss?"

Levi sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, breath hitching a little when Eren ran his nose over the sensitive flesh of his wrist ticklishly and he tried to shake his head. "I-- I don't know... If it was what made you happy then..." His voice sounded strained in his own ears and he wasn't sure how to feel. If Eren were to get better, to form a healthy relationship with his partner, he wouldn't need Levi anymore... If this strange fascination ended between them, where would it leave the older man? If Eren went away before he could get used to touch... "I think we should focus on getting better first before we start thinking of first kisses... I wouldn't want to kiss bruised lips..." And there was an implication there that Levi refused to analyze...

He could feel heat in his face and lifted his other hand to touch his own cheek, unsurprised to find the flesh burning to his fingertips and he had to swallow again. He was blushing; it was the only explanation... How strange it was to be blushing at the mere thought of sharing kisses, such an innocent intimacy that it seemed both he and Eren had been denied. He licked his lips unconsciously, his gaze meeting Eren's only briefly before darting away again.

Eren stared up at Levi in awe. "You Know the only thing I took from that is that you are going to kiss me eventually," Eren said, breaking out into a triumphant grin. He quickly grabbed Levi's hand, pecked it five times before he rolled off the bed and onto the floor. "Ow," he complained then he laughed.

On the floor, he was squealing and wiggling around, trying to let out all of his pent up enthusiasm. "Leviiiiii, I like you so much, I think my heart is going to explode. I think you need to kiss it better!" he called jokingly, face down on the floor.

Levi leaned across the bed to peek at the young man rolling around on the floor like a little kid and couldn't help, but smile a little, "Tch, I'm not coming down there to kiss anything Eren. Come back up here and we'll talk," he replied teasingly, happy enough to grasp onto the playful banter rather than consider too deeply the implications of his own words previous and presently. It warmed him inside to see that something so simple could brighten the volatile brunette's mood and he didn't want to ruin it by thinking too hard over it and getting scared or disgusted.

He just wanted Eren to be at peace. He didn't want to see any more bruises or hear hollow words and look into hollower eyes. The Eren that slept in his bed with him wasn't hollow... And that mattered more than anything to him at the moment. He had time to analyze himself later.

Eren, still giggling, got up off the floor and kneeled on the bed in front of Levi. Gently he grabbed Levi's hand to place over his heart. "It's still beating for you, Levi. Just for you. It's all yours," he said with a smile glowing with affection.

"God I'm SOOO sappy," Eren said with a bright flush to his cheeks. "Never thought I'd live to see the day something as embarrassing as that would come out my mouth..." Eren bit his lips while he stared at Levi's mouth once again. He knew that it was a no go; no matter how much Levi joked about it, the other man wasn't ready. Eren even accepted that Levi might never be ready.

"Hey Levi..." Eren started, wondering if he was stepping over too many boundaries, but still wanting to push as far as Levi would allow, "Can you hug me? Or maybe even snuggle if I get under the blanket? I want to fall asleep in your arms again. It was the best sleep I got in ages."

Levi looked as if he was considering the request, the rapid pulse beneath his fingertips making his skin tingle not unpleasantly. He very slowly pulled his hand away and rest it with his other hand in his lap a moment, staring down at the alabaster appendages as if they didn't belong to him, disappointed that the tingling warmth had already begun to fade away now that he wasn't in contact with Eren.

He came to a decision after a silent argument with himself and he nodded before he finally looked back at Eren's apprehensive expression. He laid back further into his pillows and before he thought better of it, he lifted the blankets that were covering him in invitation for Eren to join him beneath them, to curl up under the **same** blanket. He could feel the nerves fluttering in his stomach and the tightness of his muscles, the threat of anxiety, but he swallowed it and counted backwards from a thousand until he was sure he wasn't going to suddenly throw up. He wanted to do this... He _wanted_ to touch Eren...

Eren looked from the blanket back to Levi. "Are… Are you... Sure?" he stuttered.

Levi closed his eyes and took a deep shuddering breath through his nose, nodding slightly. "Just get under the blankets before I can change my mind. I'm tired," he gritted out, jaw twitching a little as he continued to hold the blankets up, beginning to strain a bit with the effort to continue.

Eren made a high pitched whine; conflicted as to whether he should do what he wanted to do or do what would make Levi most comfortable. But Levi was offering. The man could always push him away if it was too much.

"Okay," Eren said before he dived under the blanket and curled up beside Levi, breathing in his soothing scent deeply and feeling his body heat. Eren was in heaven.

A full body shiver went through the older man as Eren's body heat mingled with his own and he released a shaky breath he hadn't realize he'd been holding. He slowly and carefully set his palm against the curve of Eren's side. It wasn't quite snuggling, but he hoped it would be enough. Eren was so close to him, though most of their bodies weren't actually making any physical contact under the shared blanket.

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, desperate to keep from vomiting up his heart which felt like it was going to beat its way right out of his god damned throat, but his hand stayed where it was, curled over the subtle slopinging of Eren's waist and he only shook a little, fingers clenching into the fabric of the younger male's borrowed shirt. He wasn't going to let go and though his stomach was fluttering like mad, he didn't taste bile which was a triumph no matter how he looked at it.

"Mm," hummed Eren with contentment. "You smell very good. I'm gunna have to steal your bath stuff." Eren grabbed the hand that was digging into his waist and put it on his head. He figured that Levi always seemed to calm down when petting something; be it Molly or Eren. "Your pets are also the best. Makes me want to fall asleep."

"Then sleep," the raven replied. "It's easier when you're sleeping," it was almost too soft to hear it, muffled as it was from the pillow beneath Levi's cheek and he was glad for that because he wasn't sure what he was saying anymore, feeling as if he was going to start babbling any moment, his nerves making him feel prickly under his skin. He immediately threaded his fingers into Eren's hair when the brunette placed his hand back on his head and breathed in deeply before he exhaled another shaky sigh of relief.

Eren just sighed in response, enjoying the way Levi's fingers felt in his hair. He drifted off to sleep with quiet puffs of air, as his body inched closer to the warm heat of another unconsciously. Eren didn't know it, but when he was asleep, he was a cuddler.

Levi breathed easier once Eren fell asleep, only having a minor panic attack when he felt the press of Eren's backside against him just when he was finally about to fall asleep himself, so exhausted that he hadn't even realized Eren was shifting until he actually _felt_ him. He'd clenched his teeth and shifted his own body back as far away as possible, wedging a hand against Eren's lower back which was a little uncomfortable, made worse by the fact that the shirt had ridden up and his palm was directly making contact with near burning skin, but it was still more bearable than having that heat **there.** He couldn't afford for his body to react as it had the previous morning.

That's how he fell asleep, fingers spread against the smooth expanse of golden skin on Eren's back, their bodies almost a foot apart, but curled closer than they'd ever been without so many barriers between them. Levi kept their lower bodies separated all through the night, but he would be surprised to wake with his nose in the back of Eren's hair in the morning.

  
Our diet consists of comments and kudos.  
Feed the writers.

From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)  



	9. Taste Me a Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxKjOOR9sPU)  
> Levi ~ [Out the Door by The All American Rejects](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cqfLyJaQQA)

Levi had woken before the sun was even up, surprised to find himself snuggled so closely to Eren, but instead of the revulsion that should have immediately risen, he'd just wanted to curl closer and bury his face in the soft strands of the young man's hair. It was shockingly comfortable wrapped up as he was with Eren in his bed, warm and the morning was not like the last they'd spent together. Molly was curled up on the end of the bed, purring contentedly as if it was entirely normal for him to have an extra body in the bed with the two of them. It was pleasant and so profoundly domestic that the raven haired man had simply remained as he was and closed his eyes, taking advantage of his body's apparent lethargy that overshadowed any discomfort he likely would be feeling had he been more awake to begin with and promptly fell back asleep.

Later on, it was still early in the morning and the sun had just peeked out over the horizon when Eren awoke to small puffs of air on the back of his neck.

He was about to fall off the edge of the bed with Levi's face buried in his hair as they shared a pillow. Levi's arm was also slung across Eren's waist as the man slept diagonally across the bed.

With every hot breath on the back of his neck, Eren felt his morning wood twitch. He was so horny, he wanted to die. Levi was so close. Levi was **touching** him. But there was no way Eren would take advantage of man.

Eren had three options: jerk it in the shower, work out to let off some steam, or text one of his regular partners to get off.

Nodding to himself, he chose option two. He'd been dying to use Levi's pool for ages anyway.

Slowly and carefully, he wormed his way out from Levi's hold to get out of bed and borrow a pair of shorts from Levi's dresser. He made his way outside to do some laps in the pool and finish with some push ups, sit ups, burpees, and lunges. He would work out until the tension went away. Working out wasn't the best fix, but it would work for now.

It wasn't until some time after Eren had left the bed that Levi stirred a second time. He stretched languidly and heaved a long sigh, feeling more well-rested than he had in a long time. He pulled himself from the bed lazily and went into his bathroom, showering and going through his usual morning routine. He vaguely wondered where Eren was, but assumed he hadn't left since Molotov was no longer in the bed, which likely meant she had followed Eren wherever he had disappeared to.

When he was finished, he slipped into a pair of swim trunks and folded a clean towel over one arm before he padded out of his room and down to the main floor. Molly was sitting in front of the patio doors, staring out of them avidly and Levi couldn't help but smile, giving his head a little shake as he approached her. He opened the door and let her out into the cool morning air and bright sunshine before he followed after her.

He stopped dead when he came out onto the patio, blinking and blinking again as his gaze was drawn to his house guest. His eyes trailed over the subtle dips and rippling of toned muscle beneath tanned skin beaded with sweat and water as Eren performed several sets of exercises. He jumped when Molly rubbed herself along his left calf and his stare was broken. With the realization he'd been staring in the first place, the older male forcibly averted his gaze, shaking out his towel and draping it on one of the patio chairs before he immediately dove into the pool, hoping the water would help dissipate the heat crawling up the back of his neck and in his cheeks.

He swam two laps before he propped his arms along the side and looked at Eren again. "Hey, did you happen to feed Molly?" he questioned, not really much of a greeting, but it wasn't like it mattered.

Finishing up his last set of mountain climbers, Eren sat back on his heels and took a couple deep breaths as he wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. "Um..." said Eren, looking down at Levi through his hair, "No... I'm sorry. I didn't even think about it." He ran his hand through his slick hair pushing it back to see better and said, "Do you want me to? How much do I feed her and where is her food?"

Levi's lips twitched, "You mean, you didn't see it when you snooped through my house?" He questioned, fighting to keep the smirk from his mouth, but failing as it curled in the corner of his lips. "Her food's on the top of the refrigerator. There's a measuring cup in the container, but you don't have to do it. I'll be done my laps in a few minutes anyways," he continued after a moment, watching Eren from beneath his damp lashes, finding the sight rather appealing in a manner he couldn't quite put his finger on. There was something about seeing Eren in nothing, but a pair of borrowed trunks and sheened in sweat that only seemed to accentuate the indentations of honed musculature. He'd seen Eren's naked chest before, but he'd been so focused on the bruises then, he hadn't had the chance to appreciate the well defined muscle beneath Eren's skin.

He was still marred by bruises from the night before, but they weren't as shocking as they had been once and Levi found his eyes drawn to the sharp protrusion of bone at Eren's hips and the almost cute half moon of his navel rather than the purpled marks spilled sporadically over the young man's skin. Interesting that...

"Pfft," Eren scoffed sitting back on his ass and crossing his arms with bulging biceps. "I was too preoccupied with trying to find your porn to actually pay attention to every little detail." He scooted forwards to dip his feet in the pool a meter away from Levi and leaned back on his elbows to bask in the sun. "Mm this is nice," Eren said slowly kicking his feet in the water to make little waves, "It's such a nice day out today." He looked over to Levi, "Can we spend it together?"

Levi hummed, "That must have been a disappointing search," he said idly, slipping away from the ledge of the pool and moving to tread water a foot or so away from Eren's kicking feet. He tilted his head a little, meeting Eren's gaze, interest in the silvery depths. "Hm, I suppose we could. I had planned on going into the office today, but I don't have any appointments scheduled anymore. I do have files to update... But they can wait for another day, I suppose. What would you like to do?" He questioned curiously. He didn't have a lot of paperwork and he was supposed to have an appointment with both Hange and Erwin, but both had called and left messages on his cell to cancel that morning. Well, Mike had cancelled for Erwin as the blonde had been admitted to the ward for a few days as punishment for his transgression, but Levi wasn't about to tell Eren that... Hange had simply double booked herself. He'd had plans to update patient files and go over some of the information in order to get an idea of what he wanted to speak to each patient about during their following appointments, but as he'd said, it could wait a little longer.

Molly came to flop on the sun-warmed mosaic stone next to Eren, rolling back and forth and pawing at his hip to gain his attention, obviously jealous that he was paying more attention to her human than herself.

"Who's a pretty little lady," Eren cooed at Molly, as he turned onto his side to pet her. He ran his hand gently over the smooth skin of her head then down her back. "Molly says we should go buy a crap load of junk food and watch every Disney movie you own," said Eren with a smile towards the man in the water.

Levi scoffed, "You speak her language, do you?"

He shook his head, watching Eren leaning over and petting the peach fuzz downy smoothness of his spoiled cat. His gaze traveled from the two interacting to glide down the sloping dip of Eren's spine and the jutting of his shoulder blades with a sort of detached interest, not quite realizing how and what he was appreciating.

"No junk food... If you want a snack, I'll make you something. We can pick up ingredients, but I'm not letting you eat that preservative packed garbage. Your ass will thank me in the future," he compromised, gaze flicking back to Eren's face.

Eren wrinkled his nose at the man. "That's ridiculous. You need to eat junk during a movie marathon or else it's not as fun. My ass will be fine even if I splurge every now and then." Molly meowed and put her paw on Eren's arm. "See Molly agrees with me. Oh and she wants catnip. Oh and we have to watch the Aristocats first. Or the lion king. You are a very demanding little lady, aren't you?"

Levi gave him an entirely unimpressed look and flicked water at him petulantly. "I know how to make cinnamon buns... You sure you'd rather have shitty store-bought junk food?" He questioned idly, half floating on his back and watching Eren. "We can watch whatever you like. I'm not picky. As for catnip... I suppose she can have some so long as you clean up her mess after."

Eren gave Molly one last pet before he stood up and stretched his arms up into the air. The white swim trunks he borrowed from Levi hung as low as possible on Eren's hips and just covered the top of his ass. With one mischievous grin at Levi he backed up two steps to run and cannonball into the water, splashing Levi as much as possible.

When he resurfaced he was about two metres away from Levi, pushing back his hair and grinning. "How about we settle this like men. Let's have a race! If I win, we get junk food **and** you make cinnamon rolls... If you win, I'll have to settle for just cinnamon rolls."

Levi slicked back his hair and blinked the salty water out of his eyes, narrowing his gaze on the young man. "Hmm, if I win, I'll make cinnamon rolls and you'll agree to only my snacks for all future movie nights," he wagered in return, looking Eren over with a calculating gaze. Molly had scampered away from the side of the pool when Eren had jumped in and sat a few feet away, grooming herself primly and eyeing the both of them skeptically.

Eren frowned. That was a lot to bet. "But Levvvviiiiiii. Those stakes are too high," whined Eren as he slapped the water with his hands.

"I thought you liked a challenge," the older male said, raising one thin dark brow. "Besides, I can promise you'll like my snacks, probably even better than the store bought ones," he stated in a matter of fact tone as he tread water, mercury depths narrowed on the other man teasingly, mischief chasing the interest in his eyes.

Eren just groaned, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. "Fine. You had better make the best snacks of your life then. Come over here," he said before he swam to the shallow end of the pool and waited for Levi to touch the wall as well. "Here are the rules. First person to the other end and back wins," he said solemnly, staring deep into Levi's eyes. "READYSETGO!" Eren yelled suddenly, abruptly diving forward and getting a jump start on Levi with a splash.

Levi shook his head when Eren cheated his way into the lead, but Levi was a **very** good swimmer and caught up just before Eren touched the other end of the pool and took the lead once he'd pushed off the opposite wall as well. He was grinning smugly when he made it to the other end a whole minute before the other male. "That's a win for me even after you _cheated,_ " he said once Eren was standing near him in the shallow end once again.

"Booooo," Eren yelled, jumping up and down and splashed water around. "Do over, do over! Best two out of three! This is so unfair." Soon his tantrum wore out and he slouched back, floating in the water with his belly up, still pouting.

Levi chuckled, "Don't be a sore loser. I'll make you all kinds of treats. And they'll taste better than store-bought and be healthier for you," he promised, still grinning at the other male as he watched him float and pout like a child. It was a rather endearing display and the simplicity of the interaction between them was so easy and carefree that he could almost forget that the both of them were still very much broken, perhaps mending slowly, but broken nonetheless. And why _was_ it so easy with Eren?

Eren stood up, but kept his mouth underwater to blow bubbles as he glared at Levi with childlike petulance. Straightening up after a few moments, he made his way to the side to get out of the pool and said, "Okay. Guess we better go grocery shopping then."

As he pulled himself up, water rained down the length of his body and pulled at the white shorts so that they hung even lower on Eren's hips. The dimples above his ass were prominent as was the deep cut ‘v’ leading to his groin on the front. He sauntered his way to steal Levi's towel with a sly grin. He hadn't remembered to bring his own.

"You're a brat, you know that?" Levi called after him as Eren stole the towel the older man had intended to use himself, silver gaze glued to the water as it sluiced over the tanned skin and his mouth suddenly felt very dry. He had to swallow and clear his throat before he could speak further, "Don't forget to feed Molly."

"Yep," Eren said with a pop of the ‘p’ as he wrapped himself in the towel and went inside with Molly, leaving Levi in the pool.

After they'd both showered and dressed, they walked to the grocery store a few blocks away from Levi's house. There was no point in taking the motorcycle when there would be nowhere to put their purchases anyway.

Levi was pushing the cart leisurely up and down aisles, picking up the required ingredients for the treats he'd be making and also some other odds and ends for later meals while Eren flitted about.

Eren ran around the grocery store grabbing his favourite foods; chocolate, candy, ramen, ice cream, chips, more ramen. Mostly ramen. Eren really liked ramen. With his arms full, he ran to Levi's cart and dumped it all in, giving Levi a large smile.

The dark haired doctor heaved a long suffering sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Eren, I said no junk food," he complained, but the boy was already off again. He shook his head as he started putting things back on the shelves and continued to collect the other things he would be needing for dinner and the treats he'd promised to make, all the while, keeping an eye out for the wayward young man.

"Levi, Levi, Levi, Levi,” called Eren, coming towards the older man from another aisle. "Look! I beat my record!" Eren came into view with about ten packages of ramen balanced on his nose. He stepped carefully with his arms out for balance as he made his way towards Levi to drop them in the cart.

Levi watched the brunette with an amused lopsided smile, shaking his head a little. "Well, maybe you should see if you can make it all the way back to that aisle with them too," he suggested, maneuvering the cart away from Eren's reach so that he could avoid having the pure sodium disguised as food in the basket with the other items he'd picked up, having managed to return a majority of the junk food Eren had already brought back on his previous trip.

"Ramen isn't junk food though," Eren said, grabbing the ramen to cradle in his arms protectively, "It's sustenance. It's like the tastiest thing I can make. What am I supposed to do when you're not home Levi? I need food." Eren pouted and put the ramen in the cart.

Levi cocked a hip and crossed his arms over his waist, " ** _That_** is not sustenance Eren... It's pure salt and starch. It's terrible for you..." He shook his head and rubbed at his forehead in exasperated concern. "I'll make sure there are meals for you to eat when I'm not home... I'll even find a recipe to make fresh ramen, but I can't possibly give you permission to eat that fake shit."

Fire sparked across Eren's green eyes. "Permission?" he echoed his smile turning into a scowl. "I don't need your permission for anything. Maybe, me and my ramen should go home and be happy together." Eren crossed his arms and lifted his chin in defiance. He might as well have been a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Levi scowled, "Don't be a brat; I'm looking out for you. Wouldn't you rather learn how to make real ramen, rather than that packaged stuff? It'd be healthier and likely taste better too. You'd really rather skip out on movies and cinnamon buns for salt and MSG?" He replied, eyeing the young man intently.

Eren looked at the ramen, back to Levi, and at the ramen again. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, considering his options. With a high pitched whine, he ran a hand through his hair then sighed.

Before Levi could react, he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around his torso, whispering in the older man’s ear, "Better be the best ramen ever." He let go in order to grab the ramen out of the cart and skipped away to put it back.

Levi barely had the time to react to Eren's unexpected embrace, half-tensed, and left blinking with the back of his neck and the tips of his ears burning while a belated full-body shiver ran through him in the wake of Eren's whispered words and the lingering heat of his body after the younger man had already left once again.

Levi was still for several seconds while his body decided whether or not he should be panicking. Finally, he shook his head a little and gripped the handle of the cart once more, following the direction in which Eren had went, pulling his cellphone out of his pants pocket in order to look up ingredients for the ramen he would now apparently be making.

Once Eren had put the ramen away, he found Levi again and followed him around the store. He kept his distance with a small smile on his lips and hands in his pockets as he trailed behind the older man while he filled the cart.

They were waiting in line with a full cart when someone called Eren's name. Eren turned towards the sound and grinned, leaving Levi to prance up to a guy with a blonde and brown, two-toned hair colour. "Hey asshole," Eren greeted, punching the guy in the arm.

"Still can't pronounce Jean, hey Jaeger," Jean replied, punching him back. He looked Eren up and down before he said, "You didn’t text me back this morning."

"Don't get all clingy on me Kirstein," Eren said with a lopsided grin, "I've been busy."

Levi's sharp gaze followed Eren as he greeted the stranger and as he overheard the two speaking, recognition flickered behind his eyes, connections being made. His eyes narrowed on the two-toned young man and he pursed his lips. This was one of the men that bruised Eren.

He shifted his weight uncomfortably, a certain odd feeling heating in his gut, spreading through his chest and crawling up the back of his throat. He didn't want Eren any where near the other male he was currently conversing with and it wasn't just because it was his obligation as Eren's therapist to put a stop to the brunette's interaction with one of his abusive partners.

Before he realized what he was doing, he was stepping closer to the pair, grateful that there was no one waiting in line behind them at the moment as he left the cart where it was, intent on retrieving the young man. He put a hand on Eren's shoulder to gain his attention, retracting it just as quickly when a jolt of electricity echoed through his palm and up his arm unexpectedly. "Eren, we should be going, I could use your help bagging the groceries," he excused, glaring at Jean without conscious thought.

"Busy huh," Jean commented, inspecting the man trying to pull Eren away. "I'm Jean," he introduced, leaning his arm on Eren's shoulder, "Eren's... Friend?"

Levi's jaw twitched. "I know exactly **who** you are," he said, tone low and a little warning, eyes narrowing further and glued to where Jean's arm rested nonchalantly on Eren's shoulder before he forced himself to look pointedly at Eren instead. He didn't like how familiar Jean was with touching Eren and how falsely innocent it seemed when he knew the sort of damage those same hands could and had done to the brunette's body.

"Oh snookums, you told people about me," said Jean, grinning at Eren.

"Oh fuck off," Eren laughed, pushing Jean off of him. He’d clearly forgotten he’d told Levi that Jean was one of his partners. Turning to Levi, he said with a smile, "I've known Jeanbo since highschool. We used to beat the shit out of each other. I don't even know when we started being friends."

"Yeah... Used to..." said Jean with a devilish smirk at Eren. "We became friends when you got that stick out of your ass, Jaeger."

"Fuck you. Anyway. I got shit to do other than look at your ugly face, Kirstein," Eren said, looking back at the grocery cart.

Jean smirked and gave Levi a wink before he said to Eren, "Well, when you get bored, like you always do, text me... We'll uh... Hang out some more... Later Eren." Jean sauntered away from the pair.

"Later, Jeanbo," Eren said absently as he went back to the cart. He was completely oblivious of the exchange between Levi and Jean as he started to load the items onto the conveyor belt to be checked out.

The older male ground his teeth as he watched the interaction, the implications of Jean's words not lost on him and revulsion and anger simmered under his skin. He had the unexpected urge to physically remove the other male from Eren's side, possibly strike him, especially when the dual-toned young man smirked and winked at him. Disgust rolled in his gut, mingling with the inexplicable agitation and he scowled darkly before he turned on his heel and strode purposely back to their waiting cart and the impatient looking cashier that was eyeing them with annoyance.

Levi was silent for as long as it took them to bag and pay for the groceries and step back out into the mid morning sun before he finally spoke to Eren, "Do you leave as many marks on him as he does you?"

Eren paused his gait as his smile fell from his face. He turned to Levi with a confused frown. "Wait... What?" Asked Eren, not understanding what Levi was talking about.

Levi looked away from him and kept walking, shaking his head and cursing himself mentally for voicing such a foolish question. "Never mind, hurry up. I need to get the broth for the ramen started right away if it's going to be ready for later on," he said instead of repeating himself, though the tenseness remained in his shoulders and his voice was a lower tone than usual.

"Hey... Wait," Eren said, now concerned and trying to catch up to Levi, "What's wrong?" He wanted to reach out and stop the other man, but Eren didn't want to upset Levi further.

Levi turned his head a bit, looking at Eren sidelong. "Nothing... Let's just go home. These bags are heavy," he dismissed, unsure how to even voice the feeling he had burning in his chest and stomach. He'd never experienced anything quite like it before and it was not pleasant, unlike the other unique feelings Eren's presence had been inciting. It was an ugly feeling and it was made worse by the fact that he now knew the face of one of Eren's most abusive lovers and he was angry that the both of them had acted so nonchalant about it, that Eren whom had shown up to his office and to his home with bruises from Jean and others like him could act so completely unaffected.

Eren stopped and planted his feet. "I'm not moving until you tell me what's wrong," he said, lifting his chin in defiance. Eren had no clue what was going on and he didn't like it. "Was it because I hugged you?" Eren whispered, looking sad. "If you get that angry about it, I won't do it again. You just have to tell me. I can't always guess what you're thinking, Levi."

"No... It wasn't that," Levi replied immediately. Yes, the hug had been unexpected and had left him a little tense, maybe a little wary of it happening again without any forewarning, but not angry or nearly as disgusted as he probably should have been.

He looked in the opposite direction from Eren, hunching his shoulders a bit and feeling awkward, embarrassed by the fact that they seemed to be having a standoff in the middle of the damn sidewalk. "I didn't like it... You asked me how I would feel about Jean and you... You have your answer now... Now can we please go?"

Eren was silent for a few moments, going over Levi's words in his head. When he finally understood the implications, he broke out into a giant grin. "Somebody's jealous," Eren said in a sing song voice as he started to skip past Levi.   "Don't worry," assured Eren, looking back at Levi, "I like you much more than I could ever like Jean. Like look at him. He looks like a horse. The only thing he's good for is letting off steam." He swung the grocery bags happily, thinking that everything was settled.

"Tch, I should hope it's not only his looks that set him at a lower standard than me," Levi scoffed reproachfully, not looking at Eren, his brows pinched together in frustration. Was Eren right; was he _jealous?_ Impossible... Certainly he liked Eren well enough, but jealousy was not something that one felt over a simple friend... Was it? He'd never been jealous over Issy or Hange with their partners... He'd only ever envied them the ability to connect with others in a way he never could. He shook his head, trying to disperse the thoughts, unwilling to analyze them too far and writing them off as irrelevant for the moment, returning his attention to Eren, though he pretended he wasn't looking at him, watching him from under his lashes instead of directly staring at him.

"Yes yes, you're better than horse face in every way," Eren placated, facing forward as he walked at a leisurely pace. "Jean’s a good guy though. We helped each other at the end of high school when shit got rough with both of our families. God that feels like such a long time ago," Eren said whimsically. "Oh… He was my first consensual partner," he continued as an afterthought, "We never really lost touch since then."

Levi grunted his acknowledgement, finding that information even less pleasing than the idea that Eren still sought to have encounters with the other young man that had a penchant for leaving such terrible bruises and bites all over him. Just how many years had he been allowing the supposedly 'good guy' to abuse him under the guise of helping one another out? He knew it was part of Eren's illness, but he couldn't shake the raw feeling it left beneath his skin and the simmering disgust laced with anger knotting his gut. He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Eren started to bounce as he made sure not to step on any of the cracks in the sidewalk. "We should hurry up," Eren said impatiently, "I really want to eat your cinnamon buns and we haven't even picked which movie we want to watch first." He looked anxiously forward then back at Levi. "How about we race to your house. If I win then I get to have instant ramen as a treat every now and then," he said with a cheeky smile before he took off running towards Levi's house.

Levi huffed and rolled his gaze skyward in exasperation, quickening his pace, but refusing to run with the heavy bags in his hands, following after the swiftly moving young man. He very much doubted Eren would want instant ramen very often once he'd had the homemade kind and even if he did, Levi figured he could more often than not convince him to have something else or simply allow him his way... So long as it was only once in awhile.

Once back at the house, he dug out the keys from his jacket pocket and offered them to Eren to open the door for him, finding it too awkward to attempt himself with the heavy bags hanging from his wrists. "It's your victory this time, but I wouldn't count on it next time," he said, eyeing the grinning boy as he unlocked the door.

"You didn't even try," Eren said as he burst into Levi's house. He toed off his shoes and pranced to the kitchen to put down the bags he was holding as Levi followed behind him.

Wiping his face with the bottom of his shirt while Levi began to put the groceries away, Eren said, "Running to your house with all the groceries made me gross." He ripped off his shirt and used it to wipe the rest of his torso off. "I should go shower again. Do you need any help with anything in here?" he asked, looking towards the stairs that would lead him to the guest bathroom.

Levi shook his head, setting his own burden down next to the bags Eren had already relieved himself of, his silvery gaze unconsciously following the young man's movements as he removed his shirt and used the fabric to mop up the light sheen of perspiration from the revealed flesh. The older male found his mouth dry and he swallowed, licking his lips without realizing he'd done it before he blinked and forced his eyes down to Molly who was winding her way between his legs affectionately, effectively breaking whatever odd trance he'd been caught in moments before.

"No, you go ahead. I need to get this shit started or it won't be ready on time," he answered, voice rougher than it had been previous, but he pretended not to notice. Whatever was causing the fluctuation was something he couldn't define and found that ignorance was the simplest route to take. He moved to unpack the groceries, lining up the items he would be needing immediately on the island counter, intentionally keeping his eyes on the task at hand, only flickering to Eren once the brunette had retreated towards the stairs.

"'Kay, I'll be quick," called Eren from halfway up the stairs. "I wanna watch how you make ‘em. It's like having a private cooking show all to myself," he said before he giggled and shut himself in the bathroom.

Eren washed as quickly as possible, scrubbing all the essentials before he rinsed off. Looking through his backpack that he'd left in the bathroom, he grabbed his most comfortable pair of drawstring sweats that happened to be ten times too big and one of his favourite old faded shirts. This was movie watching clothing.

He left the steaming bathroom to go back to the kitchen where it already smelled delicious. "Mmmm how can you work so fast?" Eren asked as he sat at a stool and watched Levi work. "Like seriously you should go on chopped or some shit. I used to watch the food network while eating ramen all the time."

Levi looked up from the green onions and carrots he'd just finished expertly chopping into fine tidbits and hummed in response to Eren's words, "I've had a lot of practise over the years," he answered idly, lifting the cutting board over the perfectly spiced and simmering broth on the stove and brushing the little pile of veggies into the translucent golden liquid. He stirred it with a wooden spoon for good measure before he placed a lid over it and moved to rinse the cutting board in the sink, washing his hands once he'd put it in the dishwasher.

"Want to help with the cinnamon rolls?" he offered as he dried his hands with a clean towel, his sleeves already rolled up to his elbows in preparation for the task.

"Sure," Eren beamed, getting up to go wash and dry his own hands, "But don't blame me if I fuck it up, Chef." He stood beside Levi with childlike glee in his eyes as he looked at the ingredients before him.

Levi shook his head, a little grin curling in the corner of his lips. "You'll do fine," he assured as if there was no way Eren could possibly ruin the treats while under his supervision, which he was confident was true.

He set a mixing bowl and wooden spoon in front of the boy, situating the cinnamon, brown sugar, and other assorted ingredients around him. "Three tablespoons cinnamon, a quarter cup brown sugar, two tablespoons melted butter, and..." he paused, glancing sidelong at Eren, "The secret ingredient you'd better keep to yourself... A quarter teaspoon chili powder." He listed off the measurements of the ingredients he expected Eren to put in the bowl before he was turning his attention to his own bowl, already filled with several cups of flour, baking powder, salt, and fine icing sugar, tossing them a few times together without spilling even a dusting of any of it.

"Once you've finished mixing that, I need the buttermilk, two eggs and the white vinegar from the refrigerator."

Eren slowly measured out the ingredients and dumped them into the bowl then carefully stirred them together, trying his best to be as clean as possible. He was pretty sure Levi would kill him if the dry ingredients coated his kitchen instead.

Once he was finished with that, he washed his hands again because he’d become a little messy and then went to the fridge to grab Levi what he needed. Trying to juggle all the ingredients, he almost dropped an egg, but saved it at the last second

"There you go, Chef," Eren said, putting the items beside Levi on the counter, "Where did you learn how to cook anyway?"

Levi cracked the eggs into a glass measuring cup with one hand, avoiding dropping a single shell in with them before he tossed the spent shells into the garbage and washed his hands before pouring in the buttermilk and a half teaspoon of vinegar before offering Eren a little whisk to beat the wet ingredients together before they could be added to the dry ones already adequately mingled in the mixing bowl before the dark haired doctor. "Mm, my mother taught me most of the basics and the rest is self-taught. My uncle wasn't much of a cook and I had to eat," he replied idly, glancing over the well-mixed spiced paste that he had had Eren make previously, gauging the consistency to be adequate before his silvery gaze settled back on the motions of the young man's hands.

"I wasn't allowed in the kitchen, but I learned some shit in home ec. Oh man, was my father pissed that class was mandatory," Eren said with his tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth, focused on whisking the ingredients. "So I know how to cut shit up and boil shit. And I can follow a recipe. But I'm pretty damn lazy. Cooking for only one person is boring."

Levi smiled at the determined expression on Eren's face as he whisked the wet ingredients vigorously and shook his head a little. "It's certainly more satisfying cooking for more than just yourself. It's always nice to know other people are enjoying the meals you prepare for them rather than simply eating alone. I cook not only because it's healthier than the alternative of eating out or living on store bought meals, but because I generally find it therapeutic. Perhaps if you plan on spending more meals here, I can teach you," he said idly, reaching one hand to still the motion of the young man's hand. "That's enough," he said, retracting his hand to instead make a little divot in the middle of the dry ingredients, taking up a fork in his left hand, "Pour it in the hollow slowly."

"I already asked," Eren said, pouring the ingredients into the bowl as instructed, "You said I wouldn't pay attention." He turned to stick his tongue out at Levi as if to say 'see I can listen'. "Now what?"

"Yes, well, we'll call this a trial run then," Levi returned, a teasing lilt underlying the tone as he used the fork to swiftly fold the ingredients together until they formed a sticky ball of dough.

"Can you turn on the oven to three fifty?" he requested, clearing the already used ingredients and flouring the surface of the island, separating the dough into two round balls and setting one in the middle of the floured area, sprinkling more flour over it before he cleaned off his hands and retrieved a rolling pin from one of the kitchen drawers, waiting until Eren was back at his side before he handed it to him.

"Roll the dough out until it's about a quarter inch thick," he directed before he turned to check on the broth on the stove top, stirring it and adding a few more spices to it before replacing the lid and turning the heat to low, then returning to Eren's side, finding the close proximity of their bodies oddly comfortable while they worked together.

Rolling out the dough as evenly as he could, Eren asked, "Do you know how to make pizza? Can you do the flippy thingy?"

"Yes and yes," the older man said as he eyed the evenly rolled dough. “Is that a subtle way of hinting that you'd like me to make pizza for you some time?" he asked, humour swimming in the mercury of his eyes as he picked up a sharp knife and squared the dough, setting the excess in a little pile at the far edge of the counter along with the knife he'd used. He gestured at the cinnamon spice mix, "Now you can spread that over the dough."

"I just really want to see you do the flippy thingy," Eren said as he begun to pour the cinnamon mixture over the dough, spreading it evenly with the spoon. "It always looks super cool. I tried it before, but it wouldn't work and then I ended up covered in flour and dough.”

“Somehow, I am not at all surprised by that," Levi commented, smirking at the younger man, taking the bowl from him once there was enough of the 'filling' on the dough and set it aside.

"Now, you pick an edge and roll the whole thing, then we'll cut it and it goes on the baking sheet and into the oven for forty five minutes. I'll show you how to make the icing once we've made up the second batch and they're baking."

"Yes Chef," Eren quipped, grabbing a side to try and roll the dough. It came out a little wonky. He frowned. "I'm sorry. It's kinda weird. Dough is hard to roll up kinda. Should we try to redo it?" Eren started to worry his bottom lip, looking at the weirdly shaped roll.

Levi shook his head, smiling at Eren's attempt. "It's fine. Here, I'll show you," he commented as he moved to unroll the dough and waited until Eren's fingers were tentatively attempting to roll it again before he placed his own over them, arms wrapped around the brunette from behind in order to best demonstrate how to roll the dough perfectly, entirely unaware of the intimate positioning and too focused on the task to be disgusted.

Eren blushed at the contact and made sure to let Levi guide him without any resistance. He was sure that Levi had touched him without thinking about it, so he was going to savour it while it lasted.

With Levi's help, the dough was rolled perfectly, cut up, and put into the oven. Eren sat himself in front of the oven to watch the buns bake.

Levi made up the second batch of buns with practised speed, putting them in the oven as well and shaking his head as Eren stared avidly at them, the delicious scent of cinnamon spice beginning to permeate the house and drawing Molly to sit at Eren's side to watch whatever it was that he seemed to find so interesting. Levi stared at the two for several seconds with an unconscious smile on his lips, finding the childlike scene to be rather endearing.

He snapped out of his daze abruptly, shaking his head a little and busied himself tidying the kitchen, rinsing the dishes, placing them in the dishwasher and setting the machine to run before wiping down the counters meticulously and replacing all the leftover ingredients in their rightful places before he called for Eren's attention once more, "Do you still want to watch Aristocats first?"

"Damn straight," Eren grinned, scrambling up from his spot in front of the oven. Eren pranced his way to the living room, eyeing the couch. "Hey we need blankets and pillows to make the marathon nest," he called back to Levi, "Where should I take them from?"

"Wherever you like; there are spares in the linen closet and there are pillows and duvets on both beds," the older man called back as he stood before the stove, stirring the light broth idly and listening to the thumping of Eren's feet when he ascended the stairs to the upper floor.

He peered into the oven to check on the buns before he made up the icing quickly, deciding that he would allow Eren to ice them since he'd missed out on the preparation of the simple topping.

Eren went to the linen closet and both bedrooms to steal every blanket and pillow Levi had in his entire house. In giant batches he threw the blankets and pillows on the couch and arranged them in a way he thought would be most comfortable.

Once he finished with the nest, he made his way back to the kitchen. "Anything else we need to do?" Eren asked curiously.

Levi was bent down retrieving the perfectly baked buns from the oven with a pair of oven mitts that reached his elbows and almost jumped when he heard Eren's voice, not having realized the young man had returned to the kitchen already. He straightened and placed the trays of cinnamon buns on the unoccupied side of his stove away from the simmering broth.

He removed the oven mitts and shook his head, turning his gaze to Eren, a tint of pink on his cheeks that could have been from his near fright or from the heat of the oven. "Mm, I'm going to finish the ramen. Why don't you get the movie set up? By the time it's ready, the food should be ready too."

Eren sighed in bliss. "It smells so good in here," he said, closing his eyes for a moment and breathing deeply. "I think I can figure out how to work your set up. Ready for some Disney Magic, Levi?" he asked, bouncing in excitement.

"Mhm, you're a big fan I take it?" Levi replied as he put the pre-made ramen noodles into the broth and set the lid over the pot once more, turning to collect the seaweed flakes, sesame oil and chopped bok choy and placing them on the counter closest to the stove along with two deep bowls and pairs of chopsticks. He then went to the fridge and retrieved two eggs and the ginger spiced shredded daikon. He cracked the eggs into the boiling soup, allowing them to cook quickly with heat back on high before he shut it off entirely. He portioned the noodles and broth into the bowls with one egg in the middle of each before situating the individual toppings around the outside of the egg and drizzled the whole thing with a teaspoon of the sesame oil, placing a set of chopsticks in each before he made his way to the living room.

He looked over the ridiculously plush nest of bedding over his couch and smiled, standing idly with the bowls in his hands as he waited for Eren to be situated before he handed him his and seated himself next to the young man, not touching, but not on the opposite end of the sofa either.

"From you're movie collection, you're a big fan too, so you can't make fun of me," Eren said as he took the bowl from Levi and stared at it. He fished his phone out of his pocket to take a few pictures then he carefully took his first bite.

Making noises that sounded almost sexual, Eren started to shovel the ramen into his mouth as fast as possible. "Oh... My... God..." Eren said between slurps. "I should get on my knees and bow down to your power, almighty Levi. Can you make this like every day?"

Levi was staring at Eren with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth as the young man made lewd sounds to accompany the loud slurping as he ate and the dark-haired man shook his head, finally dropping his eyes back to his own food, delicately slurping his own mouthful from the utensils, chewing and swallowing before he answered the brunette.

"Better than store bought?" he questioned, one brow raised expectantly, well aware that the home made entirely meat free meal was definitely better tasting as well as healthier than the Mr. Noodle brand sold in the grocery store.

"Yeah, yeah. You win. But it does take way longer to make," said Eren, putting his empty bowl on the coffee table and patting his full stomach. "SOOO much food. I might fall into a food coma. Would you still love me if you made me fat, Levi?" Eren asked, batting his green eyes in Levi's direction.

"Mm, it actually doesn't take _that_ long, especially if you make a large amount of broth at one time. It keeps for a week in the fridge or can be frozen and all you have to do is heat it up and add noodles and whatever else you want," he said idly, watching the movie playing on the screen for several seconds before his gaze flickered back over the young man patting at his slightly bloated belly.

He shook his head at the ridiculous question and he scoffed. "I'm not going to make you fat. Considering the energy you have, your body probably burns calories faster than you can eat. And I hardly think that your weight would have any bearing on how I feel about you, so you needn't be concerned about it," he answered idly, taking the young man's words with a grain of salt. He finished off his own food and moved to stand, bending to take Eren's emptied dish as well.

Eren stared at Levi's ass without shame and grinned. "Well I would still love you if you were fat. You'd look so cute with chubby cheeks. Probably make you look even younger."

Eren buried himself into the blankets and pillows and started to watch the movie in earnest, singing along to the songs that came up. Molly jumped up onto his lap and he pet her. "Look Molls. It's your people," he said, gesturing to the screen. "Levi, we need to go see Carmen together. I've always wanted to see an opera," he said, bouncing around to the music on the movie as the characters danced about on the screen.

Levi rolled his eyes as he sauntered out into the kitchen to wash up the few dishes and returned to the living room to see his cat lounging in Eren's lap and soaking up his attention greedily and he couldn't help, but smile.

He re-seated himself and folded his hands over his stomach, resting his sock-clad feet on the coffee table as he considered Eren's words. "I wouldn't mind seeing it with you, so long as you don't attempt to sing along," he commented, eyeing the exuberant male as he bounced and sang along with the movie.

When the part came up that the cats were to inherit all the money, Eren gasped and turned to Levi. "Are you gonna leave everything to Molly? Can you even do that? That'd be so cool. Little lady here would be a real life aristocat," said Eren excitedly, but then he frowned upon realizing the implications. "Wait... Then you'd have to die... No dying. Sorry Molls. No inheritance for you."

Levi chuckled, "As a matter of fact, should I come to an untimely end before Molly, she will be going to live with Hange and all my worldly possessions are to be liquidated and donated to the center for victimized children," he said idly, "Of course, I donate to the foundation at Christmas every year anyway, and I have no intention of dying anytime soon, so Molly remains lucky and sweater free for the most part."

"Awe. You gotta write in there that I get to visit," Eren said, hugging Molly to his chest. "Couldn't lose both my Levi and my Molly at once. That'd be horrible." He'd actually made himself pretty upset just thinking about it.

Levi's brow furrowed at the sadness that he could hear underlying Eren's tone and he sighed imperceptibly. "Don't worry about it; we're not going anywhere," he assured, not looking at Eren, embarrassed by the strong urge that rose in him to comfort the younger man. He shifted on the couch, pulling his feet up and tucking them comfortably beneath himself, leaning on the plush pile of pillows propped against the arm of the sofa at the end furthest from Eren, not because he was trying to distance himself, but simply getting comfortable, his socked toes resting maybe a foot from the brunette's hip once he'd found the perfect position. He kept his gaze trained on the television screen intently, feeling the burning at the back of his neck return with acute clarity.

"Better not be," Eren grumbled. He curled up into the couch, accidentally hitting Levi's feet with his hip. "Oh sorry," he said and he adjusted pillows to move further down the couch. Molly was annoyed at all his moving and meowed at him in protest. "Just getting comfy pretty lady," he cooed to the cat.

The naked feline did not care for Eren's excuses and promptly snubbed him, climbing her way up onto Levi's right thigh underlying his left and settling herself there, staring intently at the young man at the other end as if to rub in the fact that she was unimpressed with him and had decided to give her time to someone else instead.

Levi shifted his feet, but didn't pull them away from their proximity to Eren and absently ran his fingers over the soft fuzz covering Molly's body, glancing to Eren as he made himself comfortable on the sofa, his long body looking awkward as he curled himself against the other arm.

"If you want to lay down, I don't mind if you rest against me," he offered, giving the other male permission to make contact with him as he prepared himself for it. It wasn't so hard with Eren, seemed to get easier with every moment he spent with the younger male and he should probably be more concerned about it, but it was all so new to him, thrilling in a way he'd never experienced. If he could touch Eren without fear, without being repulsed and disgusted with himself, it was like finding freedom after years of captivity. He was fearful and skittish at first, but soon was seeking that freedom with a ferocious intensity, though it was subtle in his actions. He just wanted to share warmth again, innocent as the sentiment was; it was something he had been deprived of for more than half his life.

Eren sat up and looked at Levi, thinking it was a joke. But he saw the sincerity in Levi's eyes and knew it was a real offer. "Okay," Eren agreed with a small blush. He lifted himself up and turned around to rest his head on Levi's left thigh, making sure to be as gentle as possible. The proximity to Levi was heavenly, and Eren sighed in contentment as he breathed in the other man’s scent and felt heat through the fabric.

Levi hummed as he felt Eren settle against him, the odd tingling that seemed to be becoming more frequent when he touched Eren spread through him from the point of contact, but he didn't move. Molly shifted on his other leg, nosing at Eren's hair a moment before she seemed to deem his presence acceptable and closed her eyes, beginning to purr as Levi rested his right hand on her spotted back idly, his eyes glued back to the screen once more to avoid looking down at the two impromptu guests taking up residence in his lap, one of which should be making him entirely uncomfortable, but was shockingly enough actually pleasantly comfortable as if it was perfectly normal and acceptable for him to be actively participating in such contact. Maybe it would be...

He didn't even notice when his left hand gravitated to Eren's head, petting the soft hair atop his head as he watched the movie that was winding down now, nearly three quarters of the way over already. And he didn't think he'd mind spending the rest of the night just as they were, curled up in this ridiculous couch nest Eren had created with said man resting aside Molly in his lap and simply watching children's movies that never disappointed.

It was hard to stay awake for Eren as Levi gently ran his fingers through his hair. Normally when Eren slept, he hugged a pillow, so in his half awake state, his arms moved to curl around Levi's leg in a vice like grip. "I... Really like you Levi," Eren said sleepily, "I'm gonna make you... Like me too," he said nuzzling into Levi's leg, "I'm gonna... You're gonna... Like me too. I don't know how... But you will..."

Levi looked down at the obviously sleepy young man as he spoke and he shuddered at the feel of those arms around his upper thigh and squeezing as Eren rubbed his face against the fabric clad limb. He swallowed dryly as he watched the vibrant green shades of Eren's eyes disappear beneath the dark cinnamon of his heavy lashes and his hand stuttered in Eren's hair before it restarted the repetitive motions, taking comfort in the familiarity as Eren's words sunk into his mind slowly, thick and lazy like warm honey. He didn't reply verbally, a soft hum, his only response before he returned his gaze to the credits now rolling on the screen, unseeing as he continued to pet the young man's hair and lost himself in the wild storm of feeling that swelled in his chest and warred with the fear that crept into his head.

The house was dark when Eren woke up, still wrapped around Levi's leg. Letting go, he sat up on his knees to rub his eyes and yawn, the DVD menu for the AristoCats playing on the television. He looked up to see Levi's silver eyes watching him in the dark and Eren jumped. "Levi? What time is it? You should have just kicked me off and went to bed. I'm sorry. I tend to latch onto things in my sleep."

The older man jerked and blinked in response to the sound of Eren's voice threading into the dim room and he shook his head vaguely. "I don't... It's fine... It didn't bother me..." he said, brows furrowing at his own words and the truth they held. It **hadn't** bothered him. How long had they been curled as they were in the nest? How long had he been in contact with Eren without the skin-crawling sensation of disgust and the nausea that generally rose up in his gut and threatened to escape his throat with such intimacy? He didn't know... His body had been calm, still and content, no odd stirrings of heat or wicked rebellion from his lower half, just that pleasant tingling buzz beneath his skin and he didn't understand, but he didn't have the capacity to analyze it now as a wave of sudden exhaustion crashed over him.

Eren yawned again sitting back onto his butt. "I didn't even make it through one movie. Guess I'm all talk. Wanna go to bed?" Eren asked, standing up to gather blankets and pillows in his arms. "I can help you with the blankets. I guess I'll sleep out here or maybe the guest bedroom," he said absently, still not quite awake as he moved.

Levi followed Eren's lead, standing on numb legs and gathering some of the bedding into his arms as well, "I could sleep," he agreed tiredly, quickly fading under the abrupt onslaught of his own exhaustion, the product of the last several turbulent nights in which he'd slept little or slept and woken in a panic. He wet his lips as he considered Eren's absent words, but didn't argue until they'd reached his bedroom and Eren had turned to leave.

"Stay..." He looked down at his hand wrapped around the tanned wrist as if it was not his own, blinking slow as the singular word left his lips on an exhale. He found himself unwilling to give up the contact just yet.

Eren turned to look at the hand on his wrist, but he was too exhausted to really think about how monumental this moment was. "'Kay," he said tiredly, grabbing Levi's hand to hold and led him back to the bed, "No morning freak outs for either of us." He flopped face first into Levi's bed, tugging Levi down with him. "If I grab you again in my sleep, just hit me or push me off the bed or some shit. I'm too tired to worry about anything," he said, though his voice was muffled by the pillow he'd face planted into.

Levi curled up on his side, eyes half lidded and hazy as if he was only half aware of what was taking place; it was like looking into a dream and he had no desire to wake up to his reality. He sighed inaudibly and let his eyes close as he twined his fingers with Eren's beneath the blankets haphazardly tossed over the both of them. He didn't agree or disagree with Eren's words, not wanting to consider the possibility of waking as he had before. "Goodnight Eren," he breathed into the dark, hardly stirring when Molotov joined them and curled up in the space between their legs and let sleep come for him.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)  



	10. Break Me a Habit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Demons by Imagine Dragons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqI78S14Wgg)  
> Levi ~ [The Only Way Out by Bush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0QqkXOIfwI)
> 
>  
> 
> **Trigger Warning: Mentions of child abuse and suicide. Imagery in narrative may be considered disturbing.**

Levi left Eren sleeping in his bed the next morning in order to go into the office and do the work he'd been neglecting and take care of his other patients. He felt guilty for his negligence over the past few days, having been so wrapped up in his newest patient. He had to remind himself that though he found Eren important on a personal level and had admitted at least to himself that he wanted to pursue their friendship in order to explore the unprecedented feelings that Eren invoked in him, he still had obligations and responsibilities as a professional, both to his other patients and to the young man in question. Levi had to make certain that he could remain competent when treating Eren as his doctor and maintain clear definition from how they interacted when the brunette was at his home.

Eren was gone when he came home, much to his own disappointment and he didn't see him for the next five days, including the weekend he had been so certain the boy would spend with him. The only contact they had were the few garbled midnight drunken calls and voicemails that were left on Levi's phone, barely coherent and tapered more often than not into light snores when the brunette had clearly passed out on the other end of the line.

Marco informed him on the following Monday that he had scheduled an appointment for Eren on Tuesday at one thirty and Levi wasn't sure if he was relieved or dreading the session.

So, quarter after one o'clock on Tuesday afternoon found the dark-haired psychiatrist dressed in his usual dark, fitted trousers, but he had exchanged his normal crisp button-up for a simple white-collared shirt beneath a dark grey sweater that fit well over his torso, but was a little long at the hem and sleeves, leaving the fuzzy, warm fabric bunched at his hips and wrists adorably. It was one of his favourite pieces of clothing, though it was perhaps more casual than his normal working apparel. He was pacing, then he was sitting behind his desk and then he was up on his feet again, dusting away non existent particles on the bookshelves for the fifth time since he'd arrived at the office that morning. He ran a hand through his hair, unable to stop fidgeting for some odd reason. His stomach felt like it was fluttering with heavily weighted butterflies and he couldn't understand why.

He was startled when the intercom chimed and he knocked over a little snow globe that was on the shelf. Cursing and placing it back as it had been previous, he straightened his clothing and made his way back to his desk, counting odd numbers to brace himself for what he knew was coming.

"Yes Marco?" He answered the chiming.

"Sorry to disturb you Dr. Ackerman, you're one thirty is here." Of course Eren was early...

"Send him in."

Eren pranced through the door, wearing ripped blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt with a red plaid flannel sweater tied at his hips. His tan skin was free of bruises, except for some marks that littered his neck, and his hands were in his pockets as he looked back over his shoulder towards the reception desk.

"How the hell do you find such attractive receptionists?" Eren wondered, sitting down in his usual place, "Like from a website or something? Should I order my own? Is that legal? It doesn't sound legal."

Levi's pursed lips almost twitched into a smile at the young man's words... Almost. He was awash with relief, as if he had been expecting some sort of overreaction from Eren upon his arrival, some cataclysmic outburst as he had during their last session or perhaps to have him sporting so many awful wounds again as he had previous to that. But Eren seemed his usual self. Of course, the marks marring his neck did not go unnoticed, but Levi was pleased to note they appeared to be the worst of it and he'd seen overzealous teenagers sporting the same if not worse marks than those now showing on Eren's visible skin. He shook his head a little as that same odd, indignation threatened to rise in the pit of his stomach again at the thought of anyone putting any such marks on Eren, but he forced it down ferociously and folded his hands on his desk top.

"I wouldn't know... I don't base their employment on their aesthetic appeal, but on their resumes which I suppose could be sent in via email," he replied idly, relaxing minutely into his chair, forcing tensed muscles to unwind.

"How was your weekend Eren?" He questioned casually, hoping to begin the session on a light note.

Eren narrowed his eyes at Levi. "I think you picked him to tease me. Too bad he's a total bottom though," he said with a frown, obviously disappointed. "Jeanbo would be into him. Tall, brown hair, tan. Buuuutttt there's no way in hell that sweet angel would be able to handle Kirstein. Ohhhhh well," Eren added with a sigh.

He leaned back and hooked his hands behind his head looking towards the ceiling. "My weekend was fine. Kinda boring," Eren said vaguely. What he didn't say was that he’d wanted Levi to invite him over. Eren should have just shown up unannounced like he’d wanted to, but felt like he was crossing too many boundaries. If he stuck to Levi too much, the other man would get annoyed and not want Eren around anymore, he was sure of it.

Eren had had so much anxiety that weekend from wanting to go see Levi, he’d been with even more partners than usual. He’d made sure to stay away from the more violent types so that the other man wouldn't worry, but Eren wasn't sure Levi was worried in the first place.

"Hm, I'm certainly pleased to see you looking much better than you have in the past after a _boring_ weekend. How have your anxiety levels been during the past few days? Better, worse, or the same?" Levi asked idly, tilting his head a little and bringing his folded hands to rest beneath his chin, elbows propped on the surface of his desk, watching the young man with interest, deliberately ignoring the comments about Jean.

"Same," Eren answered, keeping his face blank as he stared out the window to hide his lie. He knew Levi would figure out he was lying, but he wondered if the man would press for the truth. It didn't matter anyway. Eren wasn't going to tell Levi his anxiety was out of control whenever the other man was out of his reach. Being in this office was the calmest he'd been since he last saw Levi.

"Hmn," the older man hummed, silver eyes narrowing suspiciously. He knew Eren wasn't being honest, but he was uncertain as to the young man's motivation for lying. "I thought we agreed to be honest with each other Eren. It's alright if you don't want to discuss it, but you don't need to lie. I'd appreciate the truth, even if you deny me any further information pertaining to the answer. You know I won't pry if you aren't ready to talk about it in depth," he said after several long moments of contemplation.

Eren dropped his arms and turned his gaze to hold Levi's. "My anxiety is the worst it's been since living with my parents. In the days since I last saw you, I've beaten my record for number of partners in that short a time frame," Eren said monotonously, face completely blank of emotion.

"I see," Levi replied calmly, his fingers squeezing against themselves, concerned over the real answer. "Do you know why that is? You needn't tell me if you'd rather not, but I want you to at least consider why that might be, what might have triggered such an extreme bout of anxiety so suddenly if you didn't have a clear idea already," he stated, wetting his lips and swallowing against the sudden dryness in his throat. He'd had such a hard time understanding the messages Eren had left on his phone during those late nights, but hearing what he said now made him wish he'd tried harder to decipher them. Perhaps he could have assisted in some way.

Eren cocked his head, expression still completely blank, which was almost disturbing on a face normally filled with happiness or rage. "I know exactly why and I'm not going to tell you. You should have let me lie and left it alone. But I guess you need to gather more information, no matter my comfort."

Levi's brow furrowed, "It's not my intention to cause you discomfort Eren. I don't enjoy it, but yes, it is necessary that I have this type of information to properly treat your illness. For what it's worth, I'm sorry that I must ask at all," he said sincerely, feeling guilty under the cold words and blank expression on Eren's face.

He sighed and fought the urge to scratch at the back of his neck. "Since you'd rather not talk about that, why don't you tell me something that made you feel genuinely good about yourself during these past few days, something that was not a result of your sexual encounters," he said, changing the subject and hoping to perhaps put the other male in a better mood if not at least get him talking.

Eren just shrugged, looking away. "I can't think of anything."

Levi inhaled a slow, deep breath, closing his eyes, unprepared for the disappointment and overwhelming guilt that particular statement caused to rise in him, making his chest ache painfully. "I see... Perhaps... Why don't you tell me what you'd like to talk about?" He suggested, hoping to somehow salvage what seemed to be turning into an unpleasant and ineffective session for the both of them and hopefully end it on a better note than it had began.

"You didn't say goodbye when you left. You didn't call me when I was gone, or call me back when I phoned. You didn't invite me over," Eren listed looking to the ceiling. "I waited patiently though. For a call that never came." He looked Levi up and down once. "You look good though. I like that sweater on you. You look nice," he added with a smile.

Levi blinked and opened his mouth, but no words came out; he didn't know what to say. They weren't supposed to talk about their relationship outside of this office while they were here, just as Eren had said he was not to play psychiatrist when they were at his house, yet here it was. He supposed it was inevitable. He'd never been firm in his professionalism with Eren, so of course the young man would have no problem speaking out openly about this.

Levi hadn't realized... How had he not realized what it was Eren was asking for when he had been calling? Even if he hadn't understood the muffled and slurred words, he should have guessed. He'd been so ignorant... Especially after the time they had spent together and Eren had kept begging assurance; he should've known...

"I'm sorry Eren. I didn't realize you needed an express invitation. I thought I'd made it clear that you were welcome to visit anytime... Especially if you are feeling anxious," he apologized in complete sincerity, realizing with abrupt clarity that he was at fault for the young man's spike in anxiety. It was so obvious now... Eren had been reaching out to him and he had not thought to offer the comfort Eren had been seeking, too unused to offering such to anyone that he hadn't even realized he was indirectly rejecting the young man.

Eren shook his head. "You can't just say that. You don't mean it," he urged. "You can't say I can come over whenever I want, ‘cause then I'll never leave. I need boundaries. I need rules. So I don't fuck up. I don’t want to fuck up." He tugged at his hair and pulled his knees up to cradle his head.

"I haven't cared about fucking up since I was trying to be perfect for my parents. Dad gave me rules. They were strict, but if I followed them, I wouldn't fuck up. He loved me when I didn't fuck up. You need to give me rules to follow. I'm trying to guess, but it's not working. You need to tell me what to do so that you won't hate me."

Levi stood up from his chair, unable to remain seated where his was, acutely uncomfortable by the words and actions of the young man. He hadn't realized what he'd done. He'd been so wrapped up in the way Eren made **him** feel that he hadn't considered how what they'd been doing outside the office might be affecting the young man. It was so easy to forget when they were hiding together in the safety of Levi's home where no one could tell them they were wrong.

He crouched down in front of where Eren was seated and reached out to pry his hands away from his hair gently. "You're wrong Eren. I said you were welcome anytime and I meant it... I can't promise I'll always be home when you decide to visit, but I'd never turn you away. You know that... You showed up on my doorstep at three thirty in the morning and I didn't turn you away then. My rules... My only rule is that you don't bring any of your lovers to my home... You can never bring any of them there," he said adamantly, fingers lingering in Eren's hair. He knew he shouldn't be offering such a thing, shouldn't be as upset by Eren's words as he was, but Eren was sincere. The young man wasn't manipulating him as was usual with his type of illness. Whatever draw Levi had for Eren was too important to him to possibly lose it by letting his compulsions control him.

Eren looked at Levi, his green eyes filled with tears. "That's a stupid rule. Why would I do that? I don't even bring them to my own home. There's no way in hell I'd bring them to yours."

Levi cocked his head, eyes warm as he met Eren's gaze, "Then you should have no problem following it. You can come stay at my house whenever you like; it's a promise."

Eren wiped his tears with the back of his hands. "You're gonna regret this. You know I have a hard time controlling myself when I want to do something," Eren said before he sighed. "It took every ounce of willpower I had not to just show up at your house."

"I'd rather you show up at my house than be out at all hours with strangers, Eren. I'd never regret knowing you are safe," Levi said, smiling a little, brushing some of the soft strands of hair back from Eren's face and tucking them behind his ear before he pulled back and straightened up rigidly as if he'd only just realized what he'd been doing. He turned to move the chair from its usual place closer to the lounger and seated himself in it, facing Eren, crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap.

"Now that that's settled, how do you feel about talking a little about your mother today? I always like hearing the things you have to say about her," he coaxed, even though he didn't think that the topic would be entirely pleasant. He wanted to know how Eren had dealt with the woman's death, but there was no rush to get to that particular event.

Eren tensed up a tiny bit at the mention of revealing more things about himself, but this was Levi. He was safe. Talking about his mother with Levi would be okay. At least he hoped so. "I... I don't generally talk about her much," Eren said with a nervous smile, "I heard once that if you keep talking about the dead, they can never rest. My mom deserves some peace, wherever she is."

"Of course she does, but I think she would be alright with a little disturbance if it was to help you out, don't you think?" Levi replied, leaning back into the cushioned chair and watching Eren, noting the tension, but it didn't seem to be too high yet; he hoped it would stay that way. Of course, that depended on whether or not there was a stresser, likely his father no doubt, involved with her death and funeral. He would try his best to make it as comfortable as he could for Eren, but they really did need to get some of this out of the way in order to keep him on the right track.

"And you know how this works, just like always," he reminded in a soft, soothing tone.

"Um. Her name was Carla," Eren started slowly, not sure what Levi wanted to know. "I look exactly like her, except I have green eyes instead of honey brown. She was nice and smelled good; everyone loved her," Eren said with a smile. "She did a lot of volunteer work. She home-schooled me until middle school... What else do you need to know?"

Levi pursed his lips, considering how to word his questions carefully. "You were close to her and from what you've said, she was obviously a very caring woman. I know you said that you often had secret tea parties with her when your father was away. How was her relationship with your father when he was at home? Was he ever violent towards her?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral and calm as possible.

"I don't actually know," Eren said, wringing his hands as they became clammy. "It was never good when the house was silent, and they were behind closed doors. If he ever did hit her, me and Mikasa never saw it," Eren said quietly. "But you could see he was doing _something_ to her. She flinched when he entered a room; she made sure to only speak when spoken to when he was home. She wore long sleeves and high necks, and boasted about the brilliance of her make up collection to the other housewives she knew." He closed his eyes and frowned. "I saw him hit her once, but that was an accident."

"How do you know it was accidental? What you've described about her behaviour and choice in clothing suggests she was being abused physically and likely emotionally as well," Levi said, marking Eren's rising discomfort. It was interesting that he seemed reluctant to actually affirm that his father had indeed been physically hurting his mother as he had himself, perhaps because he didn't want to think of her that way.

"Because she got in the way when he was trying to discipline me," Eren said, shrinking in on himself. "It was always worse on my mom when I broke the rules. I tried so hard..."

"I see... Did you ever tell your mother about what happened when you went to _camp?_ " Levi asked, fully expecting a reaction, whether explosive or withdrawn. He was prepared for it, prepared to play the role he'd set for himself during their previous sessions. He was actually a little surprised Eren hadn't pressed to ask his own questions yet, but it was fine, perhaps he was not feeling defensive enough yet.

Eren looked at Levi, eyes wide with fear, and started to shake his head frantically, unable to answer the question verbally. How could he have even begun to tell her what had happened?

"She never suspected? And your father; did he know?" Levi continued, pushing further even though he could clearly see the anxiety rising. He needed to get Eren to talk about these things, no matter how much it upset the young man. Eren needed to get the memories out; he had to address the awful things that had happened to him and Levi needed to know every bit of it if he were to help him move passed it.

"She... She found out..." Eren managed to spit out. It was almost painful to talk as his fingernails dug into his thighs through the denim of his jeans. "I don't know how... But she did."

Levi leaned forward in his chair and laid a hand over one of Eren's, ignoring the tingling electricity the contact provoked, looking at the distressed young man with soft silver eyes, "What happened?"

Eren started to tremble as he remembered one of the worst days of his life. "I was fourteen. One day I came home from school and she was sitting in the kitchen, smoking. I didn't know she smoked; never saw her do it. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and when she looked at me, I knew instantly. She _knew._ " Eren covered his mouth as he gagged, remembering the look on her face. "I... I couldn't stand the way she looked at me... The difference once she knew... I ran..." Eren started to rock as he pulled away from Levi and wrapped his arms around his chest. "I don't even remember where I went. Or how long I was gone for. But when I came back--" Eren choked, unable to continue his story.

"It's alright Eren. Why did you run? Were you afraid of what she might say?" Levi questioned, resting his hand ever so lightly on Eren's knee while the young man hugged himself and rocked rhythmically. He had suspicion as to what it was Eren couldn't say and he would have to ask after it, but he decided to approach it indirectly instead, focusing back on how Eren had felt at the time.

In a quiet voice he said, "She was disgusted by me; I could see it." He covered his face with his hands. "I couldn't handle her looking at me that way. So I ran away..." Eren hadn't wanted her to know. How long he kept that dark secret buried deep inside, he didn't know. But it had all been for nothing. She'd found out. The one thing he would have given anything for her to never find out and somehow she had. He'd wanted to remain her pure, perfect little boy. Untainted. Innocent. Clean. But he wasn't and she'd found out.

"Eren, I don't think that's true... I know that you believe it was, but maybe you were just afraid that she would be disgusted with you. I think your mother loved you too much for her to feel that way about you," Levi said quietly and he believed it. In cases like Eren's, children, particularly adolescents that had been abused as children often feared that if people were made aware of what had happened, that they would somehow be seen as dirty or bad and due punishment or that they would not be believed at all. They lost faith in the kindness of other people and in the people that should have been protecting them. Resentment and guilt often grew in it's place and sometimes escalated to rage or severe depression. But Eren's case was not so simple. It was not just this with his mother, but there were other factors, largely his community and his father. Eren had probably felt entirely alone and voiceless. And Levi could relate, but no one had ever been there to tell him that he'd done right or wrong because Levi had never told anyone until he was an adult like Eren and no one had ever known. He'd only judged himself before then.

"Well I guess it doesn't matter 'cause I'll never know what she thought," Eren said, as he sat back, thoroughly exhausted. He felt the numbness creeping into his bones as his vision became clouded with shadows. His body was shutting down, trying to protect himself from his inner turmoil while he retreated into his mind.

With eyes glazed over, he spoke so quietly, it was barely audible, "When I finally came home, my mom had become an angel. I remember staring up at her, wondering how she could fly without wings. I wanted her to take me with her." A smile came to Eren's face, but it wasn't a happy one. It was the smile of someone completely broken, bittersweet and aching. "She just hovered above, staring down on me... It took me a long time to realize that she wasn't an angel... She hung herself in our garage."

Levi swallowed against the lump in his throat, tasting the acid rising threateningly in the back of it and His fingers tightened against Eren's knee. “I'm sorry Eren; that must have been terrible," he said, his voice strained as he spoke, feeling guilty for having made the young man relive such a painful experience even if it was necessary. He didn't feel like 'Dr. Ackerman' right now; right now, he just wanted to be Eren's Levi and let the young man lean against him while he pet his hair, but that wasn't right... He could only be Levi at home.

He went quiet, just watching Eren, seeing him fade and retreat into himself, the brightness of his eyes dimming and losing it's luster and he couldn't ask anything else just then. He should say something, change the subject and get the young man talking again at least, but it felt wrong somehow to do so; disrespectful to Eren's mother in some misplaced way and so he remained silent instead.

Eren slowly laid down on the lounger to curl in a little ball. "She should have taken me with her..." he uttered, a sentence that he'd been repeating to himself for eight years. "People who commit suicide don't go to heaven. I need to follow her to hell... But I'm too afraid to go alone. She should have taken me with her, she should have taken me with her, she should have taken me with her, she should have taken me..." Eren repeated like a prayer to himself, completely oblivious to Levi's presence in front of him.

"Eren..." It was barely a whisper and Levi moved before he realized what he was doing, kneeling in front of the lounger so that he could hover close to the young man and his breath hitched, "Don't say that... If she had, I never would have met you. Heaven or hell, I don't want you to go to either one, just stay with me," his voice was breathy and the words were quick, tumbling off his tongue without proper analysis or forethought; he should not have been saying them, but he couldn't stop. And he gave in to the urge to comfort Eren the way he had learned worked best; he began stroking his fingers through his hair, completely and so intensely concentrated on calming the young man down that he didn't even consider that he was touching him at all; it was familiar and somehow right.

Eren was drowning in the deep black pool of despair that was his mind when he felt something. A warm fluttering feeling that had always soothed him. Someone was playing with his hair. It was like they were trying to drag him back from the darkness.

A sound broke through to him, but it was muffled as if it came from far away behind a thick pane of glass. _Stay with me..._

"Stay with you...? Why would you want someone like me...?" Eren whispered into the dark.

Levi frowned deeply at the whispered, despairing words. He didn't think Eren was even consciously answering him and even if he had been, Levi had no words to give in response. He didn't know why it was Eren, why it **had** to be Eren, just that it was. He ran one hand through his hair roughly, tugging at the strands as he searched his mind for something, anything that might bring Eren out of his trauma induced stupor.

How had his mother done it when he'd had night terrors as a child? After he'd lost that first game of peep, he'd begun having horrible nightmares in which he woke only to find they were real, haunting even in waking and he'd panic and cry and escape into her closet where he'd always felt safest... He wracked his memories... She'd always managed to bring him out of the waking nightmares. Her voice filtered hazily through his mind and he remembered. She was singing...

His eyes turned hazy winter grey, still petting at Eren's hair soothingly as his lips moved, soft, smoky words slipping from between them as he began to do as she had. "Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces. Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here... Here comes the sun... Here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right," he paused, drawing in a breath and recalling the words for the next verse he could recall, voice soothing and quiet in the office. "Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting. Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear... Here comes the sun... Here comes the sun, and I say it's all right... Here comes the sun... Here comes the sun... It's all right. It's all right..."

More sound floated to Eren wherever he'd lost himself on the inside his psyche. A song echoed through the darkness that was thick like mud around his conscious. _Here comes the sun…_ the voice sang to him. Where was the sun? Why was he in the dark? All Eren knew was that he felt so sad and broken, but the voice kept saying _It’s all right… It's all right..._ and he felt like he could trust the person singing to him. He needed to find his way out. He just needed to follow that voice.

Concentrating on the song and the soothing feeling of his hair being stroked, Eren forced down the terror and utter despair of his recollection to regain control of his numb body. Slowly, the darkness retreated from his eyes and he could see the light again; he could see the man sitting before him. It was Levi that was singing to him and petting his hair. It was Levi that wanted Eren to stay with him.

With great effort, Eren unfurled himself from his defensive position to look at Levi while tears streamed down his face. “Here comes the sun,” he breathed, smiling through his tears, “I love this song…”

Levi let out a breathy chuckle that was all relief as Eren finally seemed to come back from his reverie and smiled. Levi thumbed away the tears on the brunette's cheeks without a thought and smiled back at him. "It's a good song when you get stuck in memories you can't escape," he breathed. He wet his lips and sat back on his heels, still watching Eren. "I think that's more than enough for today... Do you want me to take you home? Or to my place? I have other appointments, but I should have enough time to run you wherever if you don't want to finish this session," he offered, hands drifting away from Eren to rest on his own thighs idly.

Eren sat up and rubbed at his face, trying to get rid of the tears that just kept brimming. "I want to go home," Eren whispered before he realized what he'd said. "I mean to your place... I need to go to my apartment though. Could I come back to your place once you're home?" he asked quietly, still slightly trembling. He'd never felt so vulnerable in front of someone else before.

Levi nodded, "You can go there now if you like; I'll give you a key. We can stop at your place beforehand and we’ll schedule a follow up appointment for tomorrow first thing," he said without even a hint of hesitation. He knew that Eren felt at home in his place, just as he did. It was like a sanctuary for them both. Scheduling another appointment so soon would allow enough time for Eren to cope some, but keep the topic fresh enough to be revisited, hopefully with better results.

He could see Eren shaking and he bit his lip a moment before he opened his arms to the young man, offering him a hug, something that he so rarely did for anyone, but was more comfortable doing for Eren than he could ever remember being with anyone else. Maybe it was because he could see how badly the fragile brunette needed it.

"Okay," Eren agreed, nodding one too many times. When Levi opened his arms, Eren just dove in without thinking, hugging the man tightly and breathing in his smell. He couldn't think about Levi's sensitivity; he just needed comfort. He felt safe with the man's arms wrapped around him, like the past and the future couldn't hurt him. Levi would protect him.

The older man wrapped his arms around Eren, brushing fingers through the hair at the back of his head, just letting young man bury himself against his chest. It wasn't uncomfortable like it should be, but maybe it was because Eren was so vulnerable... He was like a child or a little animal, fragile and breakable and scared. He needed protection and Levi was willing to ignore any and all of his own discomfort to give Eren what he so desperately needed. Like the first night he'd ever let him into his home, Levi forced down all his qualms, all his insecurities and just let himself comfort the young man. Eren was different than anyone else and it made Levi different too.

"Thank you Levi," Eren said into the man's chest. He nuzzled his wet face gently over Levi's heart, basking in the comfort but waiting for the moment it would be too much for the man and be shoved away. "You smell really good," he said quietly, his nose moving to Levi's warm neck.

A shiver ran through Levi as Eren's nose brushed against the soft, scarred skin of his neck and his shoulders rose instinctively to shy away from the ticklish tingle that the contact caused and he inhaled a sharp breath, but he didn't immediately shove Eren away and he was shocked to find that the disgust he should feel was slow to rise, the sensation at his neck too odd.

He pulled back a bit, slow in the motion to avoid giving the impression that Eren had somehow made him uncomfortable. He rested his hands on the young man's shoulders and massaged a little. "You wanna go now? I have enough time to take you to your place and then home, but we shouldn't procrastinate too long," he said, eyes warm as he looked at Eren, trying to impress on him that it was alright. He was fine and Eren would be too.

"Okay," Eren said, pulling away from the warmth of Levi's arms with reluctance. He moved back and closed his eyes to take a deep breath to steady himself for the journey to his apartment then home. "Let's go," he said, standing up, only a little shaky on his feet and missing his usual swagger as he walked to the door. He just wanted to get to Levi's and curl up with Molly and sleep for eternity or until Levi came home.

Levi nodded and stood up from his kneeling position, brushing himself off before he followed Eren out, grabbing his coat along the way. He briefly spoke to Marco to let him know he would be returning shortly while Eren loitered by the door. He bid his secretary farewell before he moved to Eren, gesturing for the young man to proceed him out the door to the parking lot where his motorcycle sat in his designated parking spot.

He offered Eren the helmet and straddled the vehicle, bracing himself for Eren to get on behind him and peeling away swiftly once he was sure the brunette was secure, ignoring the palpitations in his chest and the burn in his gut as he felt Eren's arms holding fast around his torso and the press of his body against his back. He was glad Eren's apartment was perhaps fifteen minutes away and they made it there in no time. He only had to count odd numbers to one hundred twice during the prolonged contact.

Eren got off the bike and turned to go into the nondescript building before he paused mid step. He looked back at Levi. "Do you want to come in? It's not dirty," Eren asked the man still on top of the bike. If he wasn't feeling so off, he would have saved the image of biker Levi to the spank bank.

Levi's lips twitched into a half smile and he slid off the motorcycle gracefully taking off his helmet; maybe the buzzing feeling beneath his clothing would dissipate if he walked around a bit. He was just curious enough about Eren's apartment to nod his agreement, "Sure."

He followed a foot behind Eren, distancing himself since they'd had so much intimate contact already, he was afraid that if they had much more, his body would revolt and the thankfully mild discomfort he'd felt would flare into something much less bearable.

The building Eren lived in was newer and costly, but pretty bare and quiet. They took the elevator to the eighth floor and Eren grabbed his key to open the door to the last apartment on the left.

Inside was a spacious condo, with an open concept, and wide windows that overlooked downtown. It was a gorgeous space, but it was completely bare. Nothing decorated the walls and there was no clutter. It almost looked like a showroom instead of someone's actual apartment, except that there was someone in Eren's kitchen cooking.

"Jean? What the fuck?" Eren said, anger laced in his tired voice. He **did** not want to deal with this.

Levi went rigid behind Eren, immediately on edge when he heard Eren voice a certain name. His nostrils flared in irritation and he held his breath for several seconds to calm the sudden rise in both his blood pressure and his irritation levels. Why was Jean in Eren's apartment?

When he finally drew in a breath, his stomach rolled with nausea. Jean was in Eren's kitchen and he obviously wasn't idle; he was cooking... Levi closed his eyes and swallowed hard against the threatening rise of bile in his throat. Of all things the shithead had to be cooking, it had to be the absolute worst. The greasy, fatty scent of bacon wafted throughout Eren's apartment and Levi swore he could feel it seeping into his skin. He had to forcibly hold back his gagging. That smell...

"Oh hey Eren," Jean called, waving his spoon and flicking grease across the kitchen, "You hungry? I'm making breakfast."

"No I'm not fucking hungry!" Eren yelled stomping to the kitchen. "Why the fuck are you here? How did you get in?" He ripped the spoon out of Jean’s hand. "At least put some clothes on when you're in someone else's fucking home! No one wants to see your boxers."

Levi put his hand over his mouth as if it might help stave off the nausea, but his stomach muscles tensed and he had to swallow against a sudden excess of thick saliva in his mouth. He couldn't do it. It was too much. He started to sweat as the memories that the scent invoked began to surface and the nausea spiked through his guts ferociously. He bolted down the hall passed the kitchen in search of the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him when he found it. He was emptying the contents of his stomach in Eren's toilet in seconds, retching violently and shaking hard.

Eren was stunned for a moment as Levi sprinted into the bathroom then immediately chased after him.

"Levi," he called, jiggling the knob to see that the bathroom was locked, "Are you alright? What's wrong? Do you need help?" He continued to knock on the door desperately as he heard violent retching from within.

Jean came up behind Eren and leaned on the wall, a burnt piece of bacon hanging from his mouth. "What the fuck is his problem?" He asked with his voice muffled by his full mouth.

"I don't know," Eren said, pulling at his hair and starting to pace in front of the door, "I don't know what's wrong." He then rounded on Jean. "You still haven't told me why the fuck you're here, horse-face."

Jean swallowed hard then hit his chest with a fist a few times. "My parents showed up at my place," he said with a cough. "I needed a place to hide out and you left your keys in my room one night."

"That doesn't give you permission to just waltz in here like you own the place," Eren said through gritted teeth as he tried to calm himself down. This was too much to handle.

There was the desperate sound of dry heaving for several seconds then the flush of the toilet and running water before Levi opened the door, pale and holding a handkerchief over his mouth.

His narrowed eyes shifted from Eren to Jean and back again. "Sorry, I need... I need to go..."

"O-Okay," Eren stuttered, backing up to give Levi room. He followed Levi down the hall and to the front door. "Do you want me to just stay here for now?" He asked, unsure what Levi wanted him to do now.

Levi shook his head. "No. Here, take these," he said, digging his house keys out of his pocket and offering them to Eren with shaky fingers. He closed his eyes briefly and swallowed hard again, throat raw and he pressed the soft material of the handkerchief back to his mouth. The smell was still in the air.

Eren took the keys from Levi and stood stiff and confused in the doorway, not sure why Levi was acting this way. Was he ill? He had seemed fine before... "Can I do anything for you?" Eren urged, wanting to help the man feel better.

Levi pulled the door open and stepped into the hall, inhaling a deeper breath where the scent of cooking pork was thinner.

"I... I'll be alright Eren... Just... I don't want to come home to any bruises please," he said, swallowing thickly and clearing his throat, hoping to dislodge the lump that had formed there.

Eren's jaw dropped in surprise as Jean started to laugh behind him. Past his breaking point, Eren ripped off his shoe and hurled it at Jean, hitting him directly on the nose. The laughter ended.

Turning back to Levi, Eren sputtered with a red face, "I wasn't... This isn't... I won't... Fuck." Putting his face in his hand he said, "I'll see you later then."

Levi gave one singular jerky nod in response before a rush of warm bacon drenched air rolled from within Eren's apartment and his stomach clenched threateningly. He abruptly turned on his heel and sped away from the hall and the nauseating scent.

Eren closed the door and leaned against it. He still had no idea what had just happened, but there was nothing more he could do. Glaring at Jean, he said, "You are such an asshole."

Jean dropped his hand from his reddened nose and grinned impishly at Eren. "Oh come on, it's not my fault your new flavour of the week has a sensitive stomach. What was up with him anyway?"

Eren scowled and crossed his arms. "Levi **isn't** my flavour of the week. Seeing your ugly face probably made him sick."

Jean raised an eyebrow, "He must have a big dick if you're defending him... Kinda funny considering he's such a little guy. He your boyfriend or something?"

"Bigger than yours," Eren grumbled as he pushed passed Jean and walked towards his bedroom then added a quieter, "Probably." In his room, it was a disaster. Clothes littered the floor around an unmade bed. Eren began to pick his way through, grabbing what he needed and tossing away what he didn't.

Jean followed him into his room, sauntering up behind him and pressing his crotch against Eren's ass as the other male bent over. "Since you're here, you wanna have a quickie? You haven't been around lately," he purred through a feigned pout. "That pansy can't possibly be enough for you."

Standing up slowly, Eren turned around in Jean's arms. "Jean," Eren purred, biting his lip and batting his eyelashes as he ran his hand down the other man's chest. Without warning, he reached down to clench Jean's balls hard with one hand. "Fuck. Off," he said with a sweet smile, not releasing his painful grip.

Jean hissed through gritted teeth and grabbed Eren's wrist harshly in his own grip, squeezing until he felt the bones grinding, "Don't be a bitch Jaeger. You obviously need some dick given your shitty attitude. The little vampire munchkin got you on a tight leash or something?"

"Maybe I'm just not in the mood," Eren said, leaning closer to Jean's face and squeezing even tighter, "If you insult Levi one more time, I think you might lose a testicle." Jean was silent as Eren stared into the other boy's eyes. He could see the pain behind the pupils. Eren held on for a moment longer before he let go and pushed the other boy away. "I'm serious, Jean. I've had a shit day. I can't deal with your bullshit right now," he said as he stuffed random items into a backpack he'd found under a pile of clothes. "Find someone else to fuck around with."

The two toned male growled under his breath and ran a hand through his hair in irritation, ignoring the throb radiating and slowly dissipating between his legs. So much for blowing off some steam...

"You're _always_ in the mood... You in love with him or something?" He asked, squinting narrowed eyes suspiciously at Eren. In as long as they'd been fooling around, he'd never known Eren to turn down a fuck unless he was physically incapable. And Eren's 'shit days' usually resulted in the best fucks. Jean may be no rocket scientist, but he could put two and two together.

Eren froze on his way down to pick something else up. Standing up straight, he turned his face away and grimaced. "Probably," he groaned as he flopped back on his bed and put an arm over his face, "But it's all fucked up."

Jean's eyes went wide and his brows shot up. "You're serious? I thought you didn't believe in that shit... And with _that_ guy? I mean, sure he ain't too bad to look at. Not really my type, but like I can see the appeal, but he's totally straight laced. The dude had a fucking handkerchief for Christ sake; who the fuck outside of the nineteen twenties carries around a fucking handkerchief? How the hell did he get you to fall for him?" He spoke in an incredulous tone, moving to seat himself on the edge of Eren's bed, leaning back against the sprawled male and looking him over skeptically. It was unbelievable. Eren didn't date; he didn't even _see_ people; how the fuck had some midget with a bad attitude and a weak stomach manage to reel the brunette in? Was the world coming to an end?

"I doonnnnnnnn'tttt knoooooowwww," Eren whined as he flailed his limbs. "It just **happened,** Jean. I'm completely fucked and not even in the good way. He's my therapist... And he can't stand being touched..." Eren sat up with a crazed look in his eye. "Do you know what that means?" He cried, grabbing onto Jean's shoulders and shaking slightly, "No skin contact means no sex! I fell in love with someone who won't have sex with me!"

Jean blinked once, twice, three times, mouth hanging open as the information settled into his mind. He bit the inside of his cheek to attempt to keep himself from laughing, but it didn't work and he hunched over in Eren's grip, hugging his middle as the laughter bubbled out. "You have the shittiest luck in the whole fucking universe Jaeger... Wait, wait... He's your therapist? Why do you guys grocery shop together? And like, if you aren't fucking, why was he even here?" He wiped at his eyes, voice a little breathless from the laughter he hadn't been able to contain. Something like this _would_ only happen to Eren.

Eren flopped back down with a pout. "It's not funny. I stay at his house and he feeds me so we needed to get ingredients. He treats me like an overgrown defenseless stray cat that he needs to take care of." He heaved a big sigh before he turned his head to look at Jean. "I had a hard session at therapy today. Past stuff. I freaked out, so he took me home."

"And what? You're gonna go over to his place and like knit or some shit? What do you guys even do together if you aren't having sex? Isn't it weird? Like he knows all your fucked up shit? What do you know about him? Maybe he's some kinda weirdo... Like if he doesn't wanna get in your pants, why's he being so nice to you? You're an annoying shit like ninety percent of the time. The ten percent you're not is when you're getting fucked stupid or asleep. Why would a guy like him want anything to do with you when he's not getting paid for it? Like no offense, but seriously, it's kinda suspicious." Jean spoke in a tone that should have been offensive, but it was actually a little concerned, as if he might be a little worried about Eren, which he was.

Eren sighed. “He takes his job super seriously. If I'm with him then I'm not out with some random. He thinks my lifestyle is unhealthy and that I'm gonna get hurt... So like he must care about me a little…” Reaching down he grabbed Jean's hand to hold for comfort. “I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. All I know is that I can't get him out of my head. I'd rather be with him not having sex than have sex with someone else.”

Jean looked down at the hand clasping his with wide eyes and raised brows. This was serious...

He squeezed Eren's fingers in his own. "Well maybe he's right... I know uhh... What we do isn't really normal and I know you do a lot of stuff with other people. Maybe it’s time to settle down... My parents are at my place 'cause they were worried about me... They said maybe I should see someone too... Does the therapy help?" He said, voice dropping into a quiet and serious tone.

“The only way I'll settle down is with him," Eren said, pulling Jean's arm around him and laying his head on the other boy's chest. It was weird, seeking comfort in this form from Jean. They didn't _do_ this. They didn't **cuddle.** But Eren needed something and if that something couldn't be sex then it would be this. "Therapy is alright. Makes you think about things. Like how long have we been fucking and we've never even considered cuddling, let alone dating. I guess for a normal person, that's pretty fucked up."

Jean nodded, chin brushing against the top of Eren's head, a bittersweet frown on his lips. "Well, neither one of us were ever normal... Like not since we were just brats anyway. Guess we're not gonna be fucking much anymore, huh," he said in that same low tone, looking down at his hand resting on Eren's side. It was the strangest contact he'd ever had with Eren. They'd always shared a special sort of comradery, understanding and providing each other with the unique things they craved, enabling their addictions. But even he knew that what they did was not normal, was unhealthy. It was the reason he only ever sought Eren out when his darker desires became too much, why he never got too close to anyone for fear of rejection; no one would understand. Eren did.

He worried at his bottom lip and pulled away from Eren. "You want me to give you a lift to his place?" He offered without looking the other man in the eyes. He was going to miss Eren... But maybe this was the perfect situation to give him the push he needed to try too... If Eren could get better then he certainly could as well.

Eren gave Jean a bright smile and reached up to give him a big smooch on the cheek. "Thanks Jean," Eren said, sitting up to punch the other boy in the arm playfully, "We should go have a drink sometime. Try and be actual best friends without the fucking. I think we can do it." Getting off the bed, Eren grabbed his bulging backpack, then held out his hand to help Jean up, "C'mon. I wanna beat traffic and you drive like a grandma."

Jean scoffed and wiped his cheek off with the back of his hand, "Don't thank me you shit. It's weird... But yeah, we can get a beer sometime, bring you're squeamish therapist. Bet he'd be a fun drunk," he said as he got up as well, accepting Eren's hand and letting the brunette pull him to his feet before he snatched up a pair of jeans from one of the piles scattered over Eren's floor.

He shimmied into them, casting a glare at Eren for his comment, "You don't get to complain when you don't drive and you're getting a free ride. I didn't even get a blowjob for this shit," he groused, but there was sarcastic humour underlying the tone. They needed to lighten the heaviness that had settled between them. He stole a V-neck tee as well and pulled the wrinkled fabric over his head as he followed Eren out of the room, not bothering with socks before he slipped his shoes on at the door.

"Is it cool if I still stay here a couple days? I uh... I could use the space to think..." He asked, rubbing at the back of his neck and not looking at the brunette as Eren locked up before they headed down the hall.

"'Course," Eren said as he led the way down the hall, "Use it as long as you want." They got in the elevator and Eren gave Jean a smirk. "Don't hide out too long though. Knowing your mom... She will hunt your ass down, Kirstein."

"Oh fuck you, I ain't scared of my mom. She's a saint. It's my old man that annoys the fuck out of me," he replied, holding the door open for Eren before he followed him out into the parking lot to his beat up pick up. "Where's your _sweetheart_ live anyway?" He questioned as he unlocked the doors and climbed into the driver's seat.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fic [Thick as Thieves.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131)  



	11. Drink Me a Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Ho Hey by The Lumineers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvCBSSwgtg4)  
> Levi ~ [Iris by Goo Goo Dolls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw)
> 
>  
> 
> **Trigger Warning: Mentions of past characters burning to death.**

Eren waved as Jean drove away then went up to Levi's front door. It was weird having keys and not waiting for Levi to open up for him. Letting himself in, he kicked off his shoes as Molly came running.

"Hello pretty lady," Eren greeted, petting her as she meowed at him, rubbing against his calves. Yawning, he padded his way to the living room and grabbed the remotes to put Netflix on. Molly jumped up on the couch and curled up beside where he was sprawled. Eren got comfortable and started to doze. "We gotta wait for Levi..." Eren said to Molly sleepily then drifted off with light snores.

Levi pulled into the garage and slid from the seat of his motorcycle in a slow liquid motion. He felt drained; it had been a long day. After leaving Eren with Jean, he'd felt sick for hours, a knot of apprehension twisted nauseatingly in the pit of his stomach. He would have liked to have stayed, to have been sure Eren remained safe, but he hadn't been able to stomach the scent in the apartment and he'd worried he might have a panic attack if he'd forced himself to. The smell was unbearable and the memories it brought to the surface were even more so.

He set his helmet on the seat and ran his left hand through his hair as he made his way to the door, letting himself in quietly. He toed his shoes off and hung his jacket, glancing around in search of Eren and no doubt his cat.

He smiled when he found the both of them curled up peacefully on the sofa. He leaned on the back of it and looked the young man over, relieved to see that he appeared bruise-free and the stressed lines of his earlier distraught were completely smoothed out. He reached over and ruffled the soft strands of hair on the crown of Eren's head before brushing any wayward locks from his face and tucking them back lightly. He was not entirely conscious of the motions as the apprehension he'd felt for most of the day slowly unwound and seeped out of him. Eren was safe.

Eren woke up to someone playing with his hair. Opening his eyes, Levi was hovering over him with a slight smile on his face. "Hey," Eren said, still groggy, but sitting up to greet the man properly, "Sorry I fell asleep waiting for you."

Levi pulled his hand away as soon as pretty green eyes fluttered open and he shook his head at Eren's words. "It's fine. Did you eat? Are you hungry?" He questioned, ignoring the odd fluttering in his gut and the warm tingle that bloomed in his chest when his snowy silver eyes met Eren's.

"Nah I didn't," Eren replied, rubbing his eyes. Pulling back his hands, he saw the dark purple bruise that marred his wrist. He immediately pulled his hand back and hid it behind him, unsure if Levi saw it or not. "Whatchya wanna make?" He questioned with a nervous smile.

Levi's eyes tracked the movement of Eren's hands as they rose to rub the sleep from his eyes and frowned at the sight of darkening bruises around one of his wrists. It was obvious when Eren noticed the marks himself, hiding his hand almost guiltily and before Levi could stop himself, he was reaching over to draw it back out of its hiding place. He completely disregarded Eren's words as he tugged the abused limb into view once more.

He looked over the marks before looking back at Eren, his thumb unconsciously caressing over the tender skin on the young man's wrist. His lips pursed and he inhaled a deep breath through his nose, trying to stifle the abrupt flare of anger that rose under his skin. He should be grateful that they seemed to be the only ones, but he had that ugly feeling again and it was pressing inside his head, making him doubt his assumptions. Maybe there were more... Just not where he could see them.

He wet his lips, jaw twitching as he swallowed against the bitter taste on the back of his tongue, "Did you... Did he... Tell me you didn't let him hurt you again," he managed in a strained tone, uncertain why he **needed** to know.

Eren pulled his arm back and frowned. "No," he said firmly, looking Levi straight in the eye, "I said I wouldn't. So I didn't."

Levi closed his eyes, drew in a steadying breath, held it a moment before he released it and with it, the anger that had swelled inside him. "Okay," he said quietly as he opened his eyes again, raising his hand to rub roughly over the scars on the back of his neck. He had to trust Eren.

He shifted uncomfortably, abruptly and acutely aware of how inappropriate and rash his behaviour and anger were. He straightened from his leaning position and cleared his throat quietly.

"How about something light for dinner? Do you like grilled cheese and tomato soup?" He asked after a pregnant silence, trying to replace the awkwardness with the easy interaction from before.

"You don't believe me," Eren said sadly, mistaking Levi's awkwardness for apprehension. He stood up and pulled his t-shirt over his head to expose the smooth tan skin of his toned torso. "See," Eren said gesturing to his body, "If I'd slept with Jean, I would be covered." Lifting his wrist he inspected the bruise. "This is from Jean being a little disappointed for being refused and me almost popping his balls for insulting you. We made up though." Slinging his t-shirt over his shoulder, Eren walked passed Levi to the kitchen and called, "Who the hell doesn't like grilled cheese?"

Levi felt his face heat with embarrassment and the tingling in his chest spread out under his skin when Eren stripped off his shirt. He had a hard time looking him over and yet couldn't tear his eyes away until Eren moved.

He looked down, feeling guilty and ashamed in response to Eren's words.

"I didn't... I don't think you're lying Eren. I'm sorry..." He apologized quietly and it wasn't just for the misunderstanding, but also because he felt as if his staring had been wrong somehow. Why was it that his eyes were drawn to Eren's skin so easily?

He shook his head and followed the young man to the kitchen. "You have a point, but it doesn't hurt to be polite. Grilled cheese it is then," he said as he went directly to the refrigerator and began pulling things out to make the simple meal. He glanced at Eren sidelong from beneath his lashes and asked, "Could you make some tea while I get the soup on?"

"Sure," Eren said with a smile before he threw his shirt back on and went to the cabinet to dig out Levi's favourite tea. He probably shouldn't know his way around Levi's kitchen like he did, but he hadn't watched Levi cook all those times for nothing.

A small smile settled on the older man's lips as Eren agreed and they moved around his kitchen in companionable silence until the food and tea were ready, probably no more than forty five minutes later. Levi set out the food on the island top, shooing a curious Molly away before he sat down on one of the stools. "Are you feeling better? More comfortable?" He asked idly when Eren joined him. He picked up his spoon and a triangle of his sandwich, dipping a corner into the steaming soup and holding his spoon under it to catch the excess as he brought it to his mouth.

Before answering, Eren took his grilled cheese and dunked half of it in the soup, making sure it was nice and coated before he managed to shove the whole half in his mouth. "Iths ho,'" Eren said with his mouth full, fanning his mouth with his hand and scrunching his eyes. Finally, he was able to swallow, Eren smiled broadly with tears in the corners of his eyes. "Soup's a bit hot," he said jokingly to Levi. He decided to let the soup cool while he thought about Levi's question. "I'm better now that we are together again," Eren admitted honestly. "You are way better at making me feel better than Jean is. And after having a nap. Thinking about the past is draining." He debated whether he should ask Levi why he'd gotten sick at Eren's apartment. Eren didn't think it would be a good idea, but he had to know. Looking at the man, he asked quietly, "What happened earlier, Levi?"

Levi stilled with soup half raised to his mouth when the young man voiced a question he had expected, but had been dreading. He abandoned the spoonful of soup, setting the utensil back into the bowl and licking his lips, swallowing hard and obviously stalling.

He didn't look at Eren when he finally answered, voice quiet and coloured with embarrassment and a little distress. "There's a reason I don't eat meat Eren... I can't stand the smell of it or how it looks most of the time. I'm sorry I worried you... I hadn't been expecting something like that to happen. It has to do with some unpleasant memories that are probably best not discussed while we eat," he paused, glancing at his barely touched food that he knew he wouldn't be able to eat if he elaborated then, "If you still want to know after, I'll tell you."

Eren nodded his head slowly in understanding as he stared into his soup. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Eren said, feeling guilty. He didn't want to make Levi sad or upset. He just wanted to know the man.

Levi inclined his head, finally looking at Eren again. "It's alright. You shared about your mother; it's only fair I share about mine. It's just not a story to be told over dinner," he replied softly. He gave Eren a watery bittersweet smile of reassurance. "I told you I would tell you my secrets, just... Many of them are painful like yours."

Eren put his spoon down and looked at Levi, making a study of the man across from him. "Can you hold my hand? I want to hug you, but I think that's too much for you, right?" He wanted to be a comfort for Levi; a strength. If the man wanted to tell him his secrets, Eren would listen. He would be there for Levi, no matter what.

Levi considered Eren's words for several silent seconds. They might be able to hug; they had earlier in the day, but he didn't want to chance it. His skin already felt prickly from the remembrance of the contact and the promise of reliving some of his worst memories. He wet his lips and nodded, setting his hand on the island top palm up in offering.

"Let's finish eating... Maybe we can try another hug later," he said, voice still quiet and a tad shaky, off balanced as he felt.

"Don't force yourself," Eren said with a large smile, taking Levi's hand gently, "I'm happy that you would even hold my hand." Picking up his spoon, he ate his soup happily.

"For someone who thrives on touch, you're very accommodating to my affliction," Levi commented idly, glancing from Eren down at his tingling hand and back again as Eren ate his soup, "It's appreciated."

"It's purely for selfish reasons. If I make you uncomfortable, I won't be able to touch you at all. I'll take what I can get," Eren said as he released the other man's hand to take the dishes to the sink and rinse them off then put them in the dishwasher. "Is there anything else I need to help you tidy up?" Eren asked as he washed his hands at the sink.

Levi smiled and shook his head with a soft snort, unsurprised by Eren's answer before he stood up from his stool, sighing when Molly immediately hopped up onto it. He rubbed his fingertips behind one of her soft ears lightly, smiling as she immediately began to purr. "Mm, there isn't much to be done aside from laundry. Do you want to listen to music or something? It's soothing... Might make talking easier," he suggested, eyes glazed over as he watched his fingers against the pink and black spotted flesh of his cat.

Eren dried his hands and walked over to where Levi was petting Molly. "Sure, I like music. Lead the way."

He looked at him when he approached, "Alright," he agreed easily, turning to lead the way to the den. He could put the aforementioned laundry in while Eren picked out something to listen to and then he supposed they could sit on the couch and talk awhile.

He flipped on the light as he lead the way down the stairs, Molly bounding passed him in that way cats always seemed to, her tail whipping about excitedly. He released a sigh of exasperation, but continued on down the steps.

"You pick something out while I put laundry in," he suggested, glancing at Eren and giving him a little crooked smile before he turned towards the laundry room.

"What if I pick something you don't like," Eren grumbled, shuffling towards Levi's music collection. Most of the titles were things Eren had never heard of, so he stood puzzled looking around. He didn't want Levi to think he was stupid. "Just pick something," he whispered to himself angrily, but he couldn't. With a sigh, he went back to Levi's record player and noticed the same album that he had listened to last time was there. That was pretty music. It would have to do. Eren turned on the player and dropped the needle, the soft melody of the Swan Song filling the room. Eren hoped Levi would be okay with listening to something like this.

Levi hummed his approval when he stepped back out of the laundry room a few minutes later. He paused next to the doorway to the wine cellar, apparently debating with himself for several long seconds while the music filtered through the room. "Do you like wine?" he asked abruptly, coming to a decision. He didn't drink often and never to get drunk, though he had of course been drunk before. He offered because he felt like it might be a nice change of pace and it had been such a long day. Perhaps the warm richness would help them relax, that is if Eren even liked the beverage.

Eren jumped a bit, not having noticed Levi had come back into the room. "Um," he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck, a little embarrassed, "I don't know. I've never really had any. Except for a sip at a wedding when I was like thirteen."

"Hm," Levi hummed in thought, considering Eren's answer. "Do you prefer sweet drinks? I prefer dry wines which are a little more bitter, but I'm sure I have a couple that would be suitably sweet," he said, still hovering by the wine cellar door, "Would you like to come help pick one?"

Fidgeting for a moment, Eren bit his lip then shuffled towards Levi with unsure steps. "I wouldn't know how to pick though. Wine is expensive, isn't it? I wouldn't want you to open something for me and then I waste it."

Levi's forehead wrinkled and he shook his head, a soft chuckle escaping him. "Don't worry about something like that. Hange once broke my entire collection. I hardly ever drink any of it anyways and in all honesty, the best tasting wines are usually the cheap ones," he said with a wink, pushing the door open and flicking on the light. The room was bigger than it appeared, several lattice work shelves pressed against the far wall, with a number of pristine, clean bottles situated in between the slotted, lacquered wood and there was a simple hutch next to the door where a multitude of fancy crystal and glass flutes and glasses were situated behind stained glass doors.

"Look for a cabernet-shiraz; there should be one on the left of the second row down from the top. I'll get glasses for us," he directed as he stepped over to the hutch, opening one of the stained glass doors with a soft click and picking out a couple of wide, long-stemmed wine glasses from within, the quiet clinking of the others sounding as he pulled them out, holding both in one hand.

Eren scanned the shelves, looking at the labels until he found what Levi had named. He took it off the shelf carefully and went back over to Levi, not sure what to do with it.

Levi chuckled when he looked over at the young man hovering by him, the wine bottle held awkwardly in his grip. "Here, trade me," he said, handing over the glasses and taking the bottle instead, pulling open a drawer in the hutch to retrieve a corkscrew and uncorking the bottle with familiar ease.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Eren asked as he took the glasses from Levi.

"Why wouldn't it be? You're of age. I don't intend to take advantage of you," he replied, a little grin curling in the corner of his mouth. He put the corkscrew away and threw the cork into the waste bin next to the hutch before he lead the way back into the den.

"No, please, take advantage," Eren said, only half joking with a smirk as he followed Levi back towards the music. He sat himself on the couch as Levi poured the wine into the glasses he was holding. Eren handed Levi his glass and stared at his own before he took a sniff. "Smells like mouldy grapes," he observed, wrinkling his nose.

Levi laughed breathily. "It's wine; it's supposed to smell like that," he assured, swishing his own around in his glass, his other arm crossing over his middle as he brought it to his lips and took a sip, humming his approval.

Eren took a tentative sip then grimaced. "It _tastes_ like mouldy grapes," he said, sticking his tongue out in disgust. He considered the taste lingering on his tongue for a moment. "I guess it doesn't taste as bad as other alcohol. I don't normally drink stuff for the taste."

Levi shook his head a little and took another sip before he sat himself in the corner of the sectional sofa near Eren, tucking his feet up under himself. "I only drink it for the taste, I suppose. I've never been fond of losing my wits and certainly not in the company of strangers in a bar," he replied idly.

He tilted his head a little, closing his eyes as he listened to the melody of the music a moment. "Are you a fan of classical instrumental? What do you generally listen to?" He questioned, opening his eyes again to look at Eren with genuine interest, all too easily shifting to lighter conversation, instinctively avoiding talking about the heavier topics for the moment.

Eren thought to himself that this was the most adult conversation he'd probably ever had; sipping wine and discussing classical music. "Um... I never really had the opportunity to listen to classical music. Except for church choir music that is. I was in choir when I was little," Eren said, a red tint to his cheeks. He was embarrassed by his lack of knowledge when Levi was clearly well versed in the world of music. "As for what I listen to... Mostly alternative rock like Arctic Monkeys and Twenty One Pilots. But if it's got a pretty melody and I can sing along, I will listen to it."

The older man nodded, a soft curl to his mouth. "I'll listen to pretty much anything once. I generally enjoy music that has interesting lyrics. Classical is interesting because it has no words to incite feeling and yet it does. But if I had to choose the music I most often find myself listening to, I would have to say classic rock. I probably have more classical rock albums than any other genre. And that is likely my mother's influence. She often would listen to old rock and roll and she would sing to me and ask me to dance with her. My favourite old rock band is probably Dr. Hook. Have you ever heard of them? You must know Cover of the Rolling Stone. It's their most famous song." Levi spoke in an animated tone so unlike his usual soft spoken and smooth tone. He took another sip of his wine, watching Eren over the rim of his glass.

Eren thought for a moment to himself. He wasn't good at remembering song names. "Not sure?" Eren said with a frown, trying to think if the name sounded familiar. "I'd probably know it if you played it for me."

Levi practically jumped up from his seat, his wine sloshing in his glass as he held it away from himself, swiftly moving over to the display of records. "I have a couple of their albums... Here it is," he said as he ran a finger down the row of records, pulling out the one he most favoured and happened to have the song in question on it.

He took a sip of his wine as he flipped it over to scan the back just to be sure he was correct, and once assured, he moved to switch out the records. The song came on and Levi looked at Eren expectantly.

Eren covered his mouth as he giggled, thrilled by Levi's excitement. He had never seen the man react this way to anything and there was no way it was the alcohol. As Levi looked through the records, Eren fixed him with a completely fond smile, wishing the Levi could always be like this. It was like a warm ray of sunshine after a long and cold blizzard. The warmth tickled his heart and he knew for sure that he was in love with Levi.

Eren came back from his thoughts to the song playing. He instantly knew the song and smiled wide at Levi. “Of course I know this song! Who doesn't know this song,” Eren clapped along then began to sing, “Rolllllinnnngggg stonnnnne!”

Levi's small smile broadened on his lips and he moved back over to the couch. "I knew you'd know it. My favourite song will be on after it. Mm, do you have any CDs or albums of the music you favour? Next time, you should bring them," he said as he curled up where he had been before, the hand not holding his wine glass coming to rest on his thigh, fingers drumming along to the beat. "Did you ever listen to music with your mother when your father was away?" He asked not for any professional reason, but because listening to the old rock music always made him think of his own mother and he was curious if Eren ever felt that way.

"I have my music all on my iPod," Eren said as he swayed, still listening to the music. It was a fun song that made him happy. He never thought Levi would enjoy a song like this or the genre in general. "My Mom would put on the radio, which she was never supposed to do, and we would just listen to whatever came up. Lots of pop songs. We'd dance in the kitchen," Eren said, standing up and shaking his butt, "Like that. Who ever could make the other one laugh, won. She always laughed when I did my version of twerking."

Levi chuckled and shook his head at Eren's demonstration. "Do you miss her?" He asked, watching Eren intently. He brought his glass to his lips again as the song tapered down before the next began and Levi hummed along with it quietly.

Laughing, Eren flopped back on the couch and sighed. "I miss her more than anything." He turned to look at Levi with a kind smile. "Do you miss your mom too?"

Levi's eyes went a little misty. "Everyday," he answered, tone a little sad and wistful. Even with everything that had happened because of her illness, he'd always loved her and he'd never doubted that she loved him too. He'd just never understood why she'd let men hurt her as she had even when she'd gotten paid for it sometimes. If she were still alive now, maybe he'd have been able to help her like he never could then.

"You look just like her," Eren said with his head lolled back against the couch. "She was beautiful, just like you are. I think my mom and your mom would have been friends had they known each other. Then me and you would have known each other our whole lives."

Levi blinked, brow furrowing in confusion. He inclined his head, "How do know that I look like her?" He asked curiously. He took another sip of his wine before refilling his glass.

Eren laughed out loud then smirked at Levi. "Do you know how many times you've left me in your house unsupervised? I've basically looked through **everything.** More than once. You have a photo album in your closet."

Levi perked up at the response, uncertain about how he should feel about it. "I didn't realize you'd snooped so intently. Those are the only photos that survived the fire. I've always been happy that I resembled her. I never knew my father. I don't know if she even knew."

"I'm pretty sure she managed to make you all by herself. 'Cause like seriously; you look exactly like her. Don't need a father's influence at all. Fathers fucking suck anyway." Eren frowned at the mention of a fire. "So there are no more pictures of you? I might have to become your stalker and take pictures of you all day for my own collection. Did your house burn down?"

"Yes, when I was ten, there was a fire..." He spoke quietly and his eyes had that distant look again, sadness swimming in the silver depths. He swallowed against the bitter taste that rose on the back of his tongue. "My mother... She... Burned..."

Eren clapped a hand over his mouth in horror. "Levi," he whispered, "I am so sorry." He reached out to comfort the man then thought better of it and retracted his hand.

Levi closed his eyes and shook his head, "That's why I can't stand... The smell... **He** was there. It was him that started the fire. He fell asleep with a cigarette. My mother... She was... She couldn't move and I-I couldn't get the knots undone. She yelled at me... It was the first time she'd ever raised her voice to me... I didn't want to leave her, and I couldn't reach the lock on the front door. It was so high up... She yelled at me to go in the shower and I could hear sirens... Then the bed was on fire and I covered my ears and closed my eyes, but I couldn't... I held my breath as long as I could... That smell... And they were too damn late..." His fingers clenched against his thigh, the others white-knuckled around the stem of his wine glass as his jaw twitched and his stomach rolled dangerously.

It was hard to follow what Levi was talking about, but then it clicked into place in Eren’s mind. Levi had smelled his mother burn to death, which was obviously why he couldn't stand the smell of cooking meat. Eren sat in silence, repulsed by the thought of what Levi had went through as a small child. He wanted to wrap the man in an embrace and keep him there; protecting him from any and all harm. Eren wasn't a therapist like Levi; he didn't know how to respond to extreme emotional distress, but he wanted badly to comfort him nonetheless.

"Levi," Eren said, still frozen where he sat. "I'm so glad you were okay. I'm so happy you made it out of there so that I could meet you..."

Levi blinked several times, snapping out of the painful memories at the sound of Eren's voice and taking a gulp from his glass as if it would help to wash the bitterness from his tongue. He licked his lips and swallowed roughly before clearing his throat. "I'm glad too... I just wish I'd been able to help her. If I could have helped her back then, maybe..." He shook his head.

Eren downed his entire glass of wine, needing the burn to keep himself from crying. Levi needed him to be strong. "You were a kid," Eren said with anger in his voice, "You couldn't help her just like I couldn't help my mom. We were too young. We were the ones that needed help. We were supposed to be protected. But we weren't."

"Maybe so…” Levi said, staring into his wine glass, “But if I'd known then what I know now... I could have helped her. If she had went to see someone like me back then..." He trailed off and growled under his breath. Maybe that was part of the reason he wanted to help Eren so badly. He didn't ever want to see Eren hurt like she had been and it was a real possibility that he could end up seriously injured or dead as she had if he continued to do dangerous things.

"I was angry for a long time... That man... I was glad he'd died, but I thought maybe because of that, because I'd wanted him dead, that it was my punishment to lose her. I wished for his death on every star every night and then it happened, but she was taken too and I thought for a long time as a child that it was my fault, that because I had wished something so terrible and my wish was granted, there was an equally terrible price for me to pay. Strange how children blame themselves for the things they could never hope to control," he said quietly after a few seconds of silence before he leaned forward for the bottle and offered to refill Eren's glass for him.

"Now we both know."

Eren held out his glass for Levi to refill and downed the liquid once more, barely tasting a drop. His lips were stained red by the alcohol, and he was feeling a little more fuzzy. He smiled crookedly at Levi and said, "Yes you know all my fucked up secrets. I don't know how I haven't sent you running already since you won't have sex with me. Got any more secrets to tell me?"

"Hah, our secrets are equally as dark I think... Maybe that's why I haven't fled," Levi replied with bitter humour and took another long drink of his own glass before he refilled both of their glasses, effectively emptying the bottle before he set it back on the table and continued speaking, "What other secrets would you like to know? The first kiss I ever received was when I was fifteen and I vomited all over the poor girl. The first time someone tried to get intimate with me when I was seventeen, I had a panic attack so bad, I blacked out and woke up in my uncle's closet playing a game of peep. I've been arrested twice," he said, giving Eren a crooked, somewhat cynical half smile.

"So, what you're telling me is that I have to let you make the first move?" Eren said before he downed his drink again. "I can work with that," he said with a slight slur, "It might never happen, but ehh, you're worth the wait." He was babbling now, not even aware what he was saying to his unrequited love.

Levi shook his head. "You may be waiting forever, I'm afraid.”

"Then I'll wait forever," Eren said to himself, nodding his head in determination. Eren's hazy mind went back over Levi's words and he furrowed his brows. "Wait, you were arrested? For what? Being too gorgeous?"

“Yes, I've been arrested... Twice. The first time, I was twelve... I stole an entire litter of kittens from a pet store because they were in such a small cage. I thought I was saving them... My uncle couldn't even be angry with me. I was a well meaning criminal, I suppose," Levi paused to sip more of the wine, his cheeks flushed as the alcohol worked it's way through his system, loosening his lips and unwinding muscles that seemed to be consistently tense. "The second time was much worse. It's how I met both Isabel and Hange. It was during university."

Eren swayed a bit where he sat and grabbed the wine bottle only to realize it was empty and put it back down with a sad huff. "What did you do the second time?" He asked, swallowing his sudden rage at the mention of Isabel.

Levi's eyes watched Eren as he picked up the bottle before setting it back down. He stood up to retrieve another, not replying until he'd returned with a freshly opened bottle and passed it to Eren. "I assaulted someone with a weapon... My roommate, Farlan, had decided to have a party and I of course, stayed in my room. No one was supposed to bother me, but just in case, I had a baseball bat next to the door, mostly as a deterrent. The bathroom was near to my room and I went in there at some point. I couldn't have been more than a few minutes really, but when I came back, there was another man in my room and he had Isabel on my bed. She was... Well, she wasn't coherent and was in no state to be consenting to anything he was attempting to do. She kept trying to push his hands away, but it was as if she had no strength at all. I don't even know what came over me, but I grabbed the bat and I hit him... Hard..." He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, taking another gulp of his own wine, lips as reddened as Eren's from the beverage. He got up to switch out the record to a Beatles one before he turned back to continue the story, offering his glass to the young man to have it refilled again, enjoying the conversation and the odd comfortable atmosphere between the two of them so much that he wasn't even paying attention to how much they were drinking or the time or anything outside of their space.

He sat back onto the couch closer than he had been to Eren since Molly had usurped his seat in the few moments it had taken him to change out the record.

"Well as you can probably imagine, he obviously made some noise and he was bleeding. Other people came running... I very nearly panicked with all the people that were suddenly around me. Farlan managed to clear them out though and of course by then the police and an ambulance had been called. I did panic when the police manhandled me and it all seemed to sober Issy up because she managed to get them to stop touching me and explained what had happened as best she could in her state. They didn't touch me again and I agreed to come with them... I met Hange at the police station. She was in the cell they put me in since we were both _sensitive_ cases, her being a woman and me being well, some kinda freak according to the cops. She was there on charges for mischief and vandalism for having created a condom large enough to cover a transphobic professor's car and getting caught just as she'd finished pulling it into place," he chuckled lightly at the memory. Hange had always been an extrovert and a bit of an eccentric.

"If you were going to get arrested, you should have hit him a few more times. Rapist bastard," Eren said, somehow stuck on the fact that Isabel had been in Levi's bed even though it was in no way her fault. He could even _acknowledge_ that it wasn't her fault, but it didn't make him any less annoyed by the thought. Eren couldn't help, but think he was strange. He'd never been jealous before. But jealousy could be the most ugly emotion he'd ever felt. He hated Isabel with a fiery passion while he didn't even know her, just because she was close to Levi. Did Levi do this with her too? Was she privy to all of Levi's secrets? Probably... She _is_ his therapist. Eren shook his head, realizing his brain was off on a tangent.

"What happened then? Did you get charged? Did you get convicted? Oh my god, you didn't go to jail did you? I wanna say orange wouldn't be your colour, but knowing you, you'd surprise me and look hot anyway,” Eren said, practically bouncing in his seat.

"No, thank god... I don't think I would fair well in prison. The man I hit didn't press charges, which I later found out was because Issy told him she wouldn't charge him if he didn't charge me," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "After that, she sought me out on campus and we found that we, her, Hange and I, were all majoring in psychology and that was that. The both of them just wouldn't leave me alone after that."

"That's... Nice," Eren said, his contempt for Isabel becoming too much for him to deal with. "I have a best friend too, but I don't get to see him often anymore. He got married a while ago and has a new little baby so he's super busy. I miss him."

"Hm," Levi hummed, lifting his glass to his lips again and watching Eren over the rim before he drew it away again to answer, "Armin right? The one from when you were a child?"

"Yup," Eren affirmed, taking another long drag from his glass. "Him and his wife, Annie, have been together since we were in high school. They got married young and he's working on his masters in... I don't remember. It's something though. We went to the same university, but I dropped out."

"That's too bad that you dropped out; what were you taking?" The older male asked, shifting himself into a more comfortable position, his knee brushing against Eren as he pulled his legs up into a cross-legged pose, but he hardly minded, the alcohol making his senses dull and it was several seconds before the tingling from the contact even registered. He emptied his glass and refilled it again. It had been such a long time since he'd done something like this, socialized with someone like this and drank... Probably not since the last holiday.

“Ahh, I don't even remember. I don't even know why I went; I didn't want to do anything," Eren said with a laugh then drained his cup. Placing it on the coffee table, he said with a slur, "We need-- We need to dance." He leaned towards Levi, not noticing how close he was to the man, demanding, "Put on dance music!"

Levi laughed in response to Eren's sudden proclamation. " **You** pick something then," he replied, amusement in his tone and in his eyes, leaning away from the young man's sudden proximity just slightly. He didn't dance very often and never _with_ anyone, mostly he moved when he was alone, listening to or playing music, but if Eren wanted to dance, Levi wasn't about to argue, though he doubted he'd be joining him.

"No no no no no," Eren argued, shaking his head furiously. "I want to hear what you like to dance to," he said, crossing his arms and sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. "Your favourite. What makes you wiggle that cute little butt!" He wiggled his own in his seat in demonstration, laughing giddily. Eren was drunk.

Levi raised a thin brow and scoffed. "I don't wiggle anything," he rebutted idly, even as he was getting to his feet to go peruse the records once again, fingering over the slim bindings, plucking one from the shelf and switching it out with the other that was almost finished anyway. The sound of Jon Bon Jovi's voice filled the space around them and Levi turned around, grinning as he mouthed the words to the first track, looking so much younger and more carefree than he generally did; clearly Eren was not the only one being affected by the alcohol they'd consumed.

"OH MY GOD!" Eren yelled, jumping up from his seat when the song came on. "SHOT THROUGH THE HEART AND YOU'RE TO BLAME. DARLIN’, YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME," he sang along with the song, pointing to Levi, then did air guitar as the solo came up. Looking up, Eren was grinning and giggling as he jumped around. "I love this song!" he said as he clapped and bounced around the couch.

Levi grinned, eyes alight with warmth, and moved to the beat, swaying a bit and nodding. He started to laugh at Eren's antics and lip sync the words even though he had not intended to join at all; Eren's energy was contagious. He set his wine on the table so that he wouldn't spill it. "My mother used to play this while we cleaned the house. It never failed to get her in the mood to move. I'm afraid I may have picked up the habit," he said between lyrics, watching Eren move around exuberantly.

“It's a good habit to have,” Eren said, lifting his arms, whipping his head, and swaying his hips to the music. There was a sensuality in his dancing even though his movements should be clumsy from being drunk. As the song ended, Eren looked at Levi with a wide grin and flushed cheeks, feeling exhilarated from the dance.

The next song on the album, to Eren's disappointment was slow. He continued to dance though, swaying softly in time with the music, twirling closer to where Levi stood. “I love to dance,” Eren said, not ceasing his movement, “Makes me feel alive.”

Levi's silvery eyes followed Eren's movements as the young man danced, unable to tear his gaze away for some reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. There was something captivating in the way Eren moved.

The older man swayed as well, the motions slower than they had been and he sighed softly, closing his eyes as the slower strains of music and the smokey lyrics washed over him. "I haven't danced with anyone like this since I was a child," he murmured, "I've never even slow danced before."

Eren paused to look at Levi, a frown forming on his face as he argued with himself over whether to offer or not. He decided he might as well try. Levi could always say no. "Well," Eren said, opening his arms in invitation, "Wanna try it?

Levi's eyes opened again to look at Eren, worrying his bottom lip as his face heated further and it had nothing to do with the alcohol he'd consumed. "I don't... I don't know how..." He said, not refusing the offer, the wine making him far more lax with the idea of getting physical with Eren.

“It's easy," Eren said with a smile, stepping closer. "You put your hands here," he said as he gently took Levi's hands and put them on his shoulders. Tentatively, he placed his own hands on Levi's hips and said, "I put my hands here, and then we just sway. Simple as that." They were an arms length apart, just enough to remain in contact and Eren was tempted to close the distance, but he didn't. He just led Levi around the room slowly, still swaying as they stepped around in wide lazy circles. It wasn't very graceful, but Eren couldn't be happier.

Levi felt the tingling spread under his skin and he tensed a little, but didn't pull away. He swallowed hard and looked at Eren with a self conscious expression, his hands squeezing at Eren's shoulders unconsciously. He let the young man lead him, the tension slowly ebbing from him as they swayed steadily and he leaned closer without realizing it.

He closed his eyes and just moved until he accidentally stepped on one of Eren's feet, immediately blinking his eyes open again and letting Eren go quickly, sputtering apologies in embarrassment.

Eren instantly brought Levi back into his arms before the man could escape further away. "It's fine. Didn't even feel it," Eren said quietly, dipping his head down to Levi's ear with an affectionate smile, "You're a natural born dancer. You're even more graceful than I am. It's my fault for not leading you properly." He felt Levi's reluctance. "Let’s just finish the song. Please Levi?"

Levi bit his lip, the back of his neck and his cheeks feeling on fire with his embarrassment. He knew how to do a lot of things, but dancing like this was not one of them. He'd never thought to learn because he'd never thought he'd be able to be close enough to anyone to slow dance with them. He looked down, lacking confidence even with Eren's encouragement, but he didn't pull away again. "Okay," he agreed quietly, tone almost shy as he stepped back into the young man's embrace, replacing his hands on Eren's shoulders, awkward and hyper aware of his own movements so as not to repeat his previous blunder.

"Relax," Eren said, trying to soothe the tension from his dancing partner's body, "Listen to the music. This is just for fun and you don't need to feel pressured." When Levi remained rigid, Eren sighed. "Once when I was grinding with someone at a club, I accidentally elbowed my partner and broke his nose. There's no way you could fuck up as bad as that," Eren said, giving Levi a sheepish, but cheeky smile.

Levi's brow furrowed and he shook his head, unable to imagine how Eren had even managed to accomplish something like that.

It did make him feel a little better. At least it was only the two of them and as Eren had said, there didn't need to be any pressure. He managed to return Eren's smile with a small one of his own and he finally met his gaze, still blushing, but the rigidity slowly began to bleed out of his muscles again as he tried to listen to the melody of one of Bon Jovi's love songs that was playing through the room and after several long seconds, it seemed to be working.

Eren felt Levi relax and heard the song start to end. So he took a chance. He pulled Levi towards him, their bodies flush with each other as he continued their movement to the music. "Now this is real slow dancing," Eren murmured placing his chin on Levi's head.

Levi's breath caught in his chest and his whole body felt tingly as if it was waking up from falling asleep for a long period of time stuck in one state. It was strange. It was unlike the other times he'd been close with Eren. Neither of them was in an emotional state of distress and they weren't in his bed where he could pretend the blankets were an adequate barrier for them. He squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms tighter around the back of Eren's neck, not wanting to let go for some odd reason even though his skin was prickling and the normal anxiety was starting to waken in the back of his mind, dulled and lazy under his inebriation, but still there.

He shivered as if he was cold even though he was quite warm in his soft sweater and pressed so closely to Eren's heat and he swallowed hard.

The next song was starting, but he didn't want to stop yet. Maybe if he could just pretend a little longer... It was okay; it was Eren.

Eren stopped swaying with the music and hugged Levi back as tightly as possible. "It's alright. I know it was hard sharing with me what you did. I'm going to follow you around forever now, you know, so you better be prepared for it." He didn't know what he was saying, or even why he was speaking and ruining such a precious moment, but the words came tumbling from his mouth.

Eren let go of Levi, his heart beating out of control, threatening to kill him and twirled the man around. "There. Now you've had your first slow dance. You can finally call yourself a grown man," he said with a nervous giggle, pressing a hand to his chest, trying to calm down the intense palpitations.

Levi hugged himself when Eren finally broke the embrace. "Thank you Eren," he said in a sincere, soft tone of gratitude for the young man's words and for his actions. Looking at the young man's chest and his hand pressed there, he understood that Eren's heart must be beating fast again like before. Belatedly, he realized his own was beating rapidly as well, but not from the usual onslaught of panic, nor did he think it was a product of their previous exertions.

"Why does it do that?" he asked, his left hand creeping from his waist to press against his own chest unconsciously.

"What?" Eren asked, confused for a moment before he saw that Levi was mirroring him, both clutching their chests. "Oh. Beat fast? I know why mine does," he answered without elaborating. Eren rubbed the back of his neck for a moment before he said, "Yours is probably 'cause you're not used to being touched so much. I really pushed your boundaries today when I said I wouldn't. I'm sorry." Eren really did feel bad about pushing the man, but it was like he couldn't help himself; he needed to touch Levi as much as possible. He was having a harder time controlling his urges with Levi.

Levi nodded vaguely, not entirely certain that Eren's assumption was correct, but with no other explanation coming to mind, he didn't argue.

"It's alright... I'm alright... You don't have to apologize. We agreed we'd help each other. Obviously, it's working. I... Don't feel sick," he assured quietly, his hand traveling from his chest to rub at the back of his neck, shifting his weight awkwardly.

"It's late... We should probably head to bed. I have to be up in the morning," he murmured, gaze flickering to Eren's briefly before darting away again, heat flaring at the back of his neck with renewed intensity at the prospect of sleeping with Eren in his bed again after so many nights he'd only had Molly as his bed mate and Eren's garbled and slurred phone calls as consolation. Maybe he would get more sleep than he had.

"Oh okay," Eren agreed, deflating. He didn't want to go to bed yet. He wanted to stay awake, laugh, dance and talk with the man he loved. But if Levi had to get up early, he wouldn't argue. "Which is comfier, the guest bedroom or the couch?" Eren asked, shuffling passed Levi to head back upstairs. He didn't expect to be let into Levi's bed another time. All the other times seemed to be flukes and Eren thought his luck had run out.

“My bed is more comfortable than either," Levi replied without much consideration for how it might be taken. He didn't want Eren to sleep on the couch or in the guest room. The last time Eren had been in his bed, he had gotten the best sleep he could remember having in what was probably years if ever and he had written off what had happened the first time as a fluke.

He shut off the music and picked up the emptied bottles and glasses before he followed Eren up the stairs, Molly hot on their heels, obviously not wanting to be left behind and no doubt guessing where they were headed.

Eren paused at the top of the stairs and growled in frustration over Levi's words, running his hand through his hair. Without turning and looking at Levi, he kind of exploded. "Don't be ambiguous. Either offer me a permanent invitation to your bed or tell me where you want me to sleep. I told you I need rules. I told you that you need to tell me what you want. Do you want me to sleep with you?" Eren burst into a rant that he hadn't meant to voice at all. He couldn't just assume that he was allowed to sleep in Levi's bed because he had before.

Levi blinked, confused by the sudden outburst and his brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, I thought I... I've never asked you to sleep anywhere else. If you want to sleep in my bed, I wouldn't refuse... I sleep better with you there. I'd rather you sleep with me..." He mumbled most of the words, feeling that odd sense of guilt again as he had earlier when Eren had been upset that Levi had apparently not been clear enough.

He swallowed hard and shifted on the top step as Eren stood on the landing, the bottles and glasses clinking together quietly in his hold.

Eren heaved a big sigh, calming down quickly after Levi's admission. "I don't like to assume things," Eren said, turning to look at Levi and take the glasses from the man's hands to lighten his load, "You gotta admit you have the best poker face on the planet. I could have unknowingly made you uncomfortable sleeping with you every night and that's the last thing I want to do."

He kept walking, making his way to the kitchen. "I don't normally give a shit if I make people uncomfortable. If I want to do something, I do it. Of course I _want_ to sleep with you. But the difference is that I care how _you_ feel. But... You don't tell me how you feel or what you want. And I'm bad at guessing."

Levi nodded his understanding. "I'm sorry Eren. I'm not used to asking for these kinds of things. I've never wanted them before... I was never capable of them before. I don't know what I'm doing... It's strange and I forget that you can't simply know my thoughts... I spend most of my time in my own head so I forget I have to speak if I want other people to understand me. I'll... I will definitely tell you if you make me uncomfortable," he tried to explain. He spent so much of his time alone, finding it taxing and difficult to interact with people a majority of the time outside of his office. People were fascinating, but Levi had always been an observer, always on the other side of an invisible barrier simply looking into a world that was never meant for him to be a part of because he couldn't ever interact with people the way most did. He'd never been able to connect with anyone the way he did with Eren. Even Hange and Isabel remained at a distance, perhaps closer than the average person and certainly he counted them as friends, but he'd never slow danced with either of them, even when drunk... What was it that set the younger male so far apart?

He rinsed out the bottles and set them on the counter to be put into the recycling in the morning, stepping back once he'd finished to allow Eren to rinse the glasses.

"That's all I ask," Eren said as he rinsed the the glasses then put them in the dishwasher. "This is good though. Now that I know you want me to sleep with you, I won't have to stress about wondering if I'm intruding or whatever. I like sleeping with you the most anyway." He stood before Levi then lifted his hands above his head to stretch his body, his shirt riding up to show his toned, tanned stomach. He yawned, then said, "Time for bed. I'm still a little drunk. Hopefully I won't be hungover tomorrow." Eren held out his hand for Levi to take for the short trip to the bedroom.

"It doesn't feel like an intrusion when it's you," Levi said quietly as he took the offered hand, only just realizing and addressing it himself. Eren in his home and in his bed, next to him, cuddled on his couch, his hand in the warm embrace of the other male's, all of it held a sort of profound familiarity that he'd never experienced before. It was as if Eren belonged with him. They belonged _together._ Maybe it was because they were both broken, because they were kindred on an intimate level they'd never found in anyone else before. And even though he still felt afraid sometimes and the anxiety and self disgust never really disappeared, it was dulling with every moment he spent with Eren. That fact should probably frighten him more, but it only made him want to explore it further, to understand better. He didn't know what **it** was, but he _wanted_ to.

Eren just beamed at Levi before he led the man to the bedroom. He only let go to go to his over stuffed backpack that he'd left in the room earlier to pull out some pajamas; shorts and a thin ragged t-shirt. He climbed in on what he'd deemed was his side of the bed and got comfortable as he waited for Levi. 

Levi was slower to join Eren in the bed, taking some sleepwear into his bathroom and changing before brushing his teeth, running through his usual bedtime routine. After several long minutes, he finally crawled under the sheets next to the young man. He yawned, covering his mouth with one hand before he turned onto his side, facing Eren and seeking out the younger man's hand once again. He closed his eyes and sighed contentedly, feeling oddly at peace. 

“Sweet dreams,” Eren whispered, falling asleep as he held onto Levi’s hand tightly. 

"Only when you're here," Levi murmured in response to Eren's words, already being pulled into sleep, lulled by the wine and the warmth of Eren's body. “Goodnight Eren.”

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fics [Thick as Thieves](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131) and [ The Wilds.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7696804/chapters/17536744)  



	12. Bind Me an Alibi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Mr. Brightside by The Killers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE)  
> Levi ~ [Scene Of The Crime by Placebo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-4p_qsVknc)

The next morning, Eren found himself alone upon waking. He was completely diagonal across Levi's bed with the blankets torn about and drooling into a pillow. Where had his Levi gone?   Eren sat up and looked around dazedly. Levi wasn't in the bedroom. Listening, he heard stuff in the kitchen. Oh Levi must be cooking.   Eren got up and dragged himself to the kitchen. Before he’d even looked at what was greeting him there he said, "Leviiiiii, I'm so hungover; it’s all your fault. Do you have any aspirin?" Eren casually lifted his shirt to scratch his navel when he opened one bleary eye.   Oh. They weren't alone. The red headed slut was there. Eren scowled at her smiling face.

Levi was at the island with Isabel, seated at the end while her stool sat perpendicular to his, facing each other. The look on Levi's face was amused, clearly finding humour in whatever they were talking about which happened to be about Issy’s lunch with Hange the day before. Hange had ended up in a fish pond holding her plate of spaghetti and lost her glasses to a large goldfish.

They had a tray of crackers, cheese, and fruit between them and Isabel's hand was on Levi's upper arm while she grinned at him, her crossed legs resting on the rung of his stool, close to his own feet.

He looked over at Eren when the young man entered the kitchen and Issy was quick to look over her shoulder, her brows flying up to her hairline when she recognized the young man from Levi's office not so many weeks ago. She turned back to Levi and leaned in towards him, "Levi, isn't he...?" Levi shook his head the tiniest bit to stop her words and she silenced her voice, but her eyes said that he would be explaining later or there would be hell to pay.

"It's in the bathroom cabinet Eren," he replied to the brunette's questioning, watching the motions of Eren's hand on the firmness of his belly beneath his shirt with unconscious interest. It had happened several times over the past few weeks. Levi had begun noticing more things about Eren that were attractive, but hadn't realized that he was noticing them because _he_ found them attractive.

"Hmm," Eren said, his eyes still glaring at the proximity between Levi and red head. He shot Isabel a nasty look before he spun on his heel to stalk his way to the bathroom.

"Do you want something to eat?" Levi called after the retreating young man, deliberately ignoring the incredulous look that had taken up residence on Isabel"s face. Her mouth opened as if she was going to speak and he put up one hand to stop her, leaning a little closer to speak lowly to her.

"Leave it Issy... He's safer when he's here," he murmured and she closed her mouth, pursing her lips, obviously dissatisfied with his explanation, but she didn't argue it... Yet. In some ways she was entirely pleased by the fact Levi had met and obviously bonded with the young man all on his own... But Eren was a patient of his and what he was doing here was entirely unprofessional.

Eren was back in the kitchen with the aspirin bottle in a flash; quick enough to see Levi whisper something to Isabel.   "What are we talking about?" he asked with a deep scowl on his face. Levi was too close to her. Too close. He sauntered his way to the kitchen sink, leaned under the faucet to get some water for his pills.   

Levi turned his head to watch Eren when he returned, mercury tracking his movement across the kitchen and at the sink. "Nothing important..." Levi answered under his breath as he turned his attention back to Isabel, warning her not to argue with him.

The bottle of aspirin was then left forgotten on the counter, as Eren rigorously washed his hands with more soap than necessary. It was time to stake his claim and make the woman back off from **his** Levi.   He dried off his hands then walked back to the pair and slumped into a chair beside Levi. He put his head on the counter with a fake groan.  "Leviii. I don't feel good. Make me feel better. Please," he said, blindly reaching out and taking Levi's hand and intertwining their fingers. He then gave Isabel a pointed stare. 'Back the fuck off lady!' his eyes screamed.

Isabel’s lips parted in surprise when Eren took Levi's hand and the older man didn't flinch at the touch. He did tense up slightly, but he didn't begin to shake and immediately jerk away from the contact. He shifted in his seat, but curled his fingers against Eren's unconsciously.

When she looked at Eren's face, she blinked, taken aback by the aggression in his gaze. Oh dear... What had Levi gotten himself into?

"You didn't answer me earlier brat, what do you want for breakfast... Brunch?" The raven questioned, not looking at Eren or Isabel, his gaze glued to the contrast of his fingers against the tanned, soft and clean skin of the young man's, though he knew Issy was staring at the two of them. It made him self-conscious and a little nauseous. Handholding was innocent, but her gaze made him feel like he was doing something wrong.

"French toast," said Eren as he turned to smile innocently up at Levi. "I've been craving it since you said it was your favourite." He noticed how tense Levi was so he let go of the other man’s hand.

Eren really wanted to be in more contact with Levi, to show Isabel that she wasn't needed, but he refused to make Levi uncomfortable.

"Alright," Levi agreed easily, moving to stand from his stool to go wash his own before beginning to prepare the dish for Eren.

Isabel watched, fascinated by how familiar the two men seemed. Just _how_ many nights had Eren stayed over?

She leaned her elbows on the counter and fixed a smile on the young man, "How'd you do that? He never wants to cook for anyone. We have to threaten him with drunk Hange just to get dinner," she said conversationally, deciding to take a different approach to get some answers.

Levi grunted from his place at the counter, obviously catching on to what she was doing, but simply warning her not to say anything that would upset his houseguest.

"Maybe he just likes me better," said Eren, sitting up to give her a smile that was entirely unfriendly. "I may be a bit rusty in the whole relationship department," he started with mock confusion, "But you shouldn't threaten people to get the things you want. Right?" Eren looked down his nose at Isabel. "Especially people you say are your friends."

"You know, I think you’re right about that, Eren, wasn't it? I bet he makes you breakfast way more than he's ever made it for any of his _friends,_ " Isabel replied, pretending she didn't hear the unkind tone to his words. He thought she was a threat to whatever it was he had built with Levi and that worried her for Levi's sake. She had suspicions about what Eren was in therapy for and if she was right, he had the potential to be very dangerous to Levi's mental state.

"It's not your business Issy," Levi commented over his shoulder, the french toast already sizzling in a pan, the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg rising in the air and while it cooked to a perfect golden brown crispness, he was handling an electric mixer, making fresh whipped cream, the beaters whirring as he added honey and a hint of vanilla to it.

Isabel scoffed under her breath and ignored his warning tone, unwilling to let it go so easily, "Nonsense. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone you're seeing."

Levi huffed and began washing and cutting up the fresh bananas and strawberries with more vigour than was really necessary, but he didn't deny her assumption which only seemed to encourage her to continue to pry. "So... How long _have_ you been seeing Levi, Eren?"

Eren was smiling at the back of Levi's head. Levi had protected him from his friend. But that smile faded when Isabel insinuated that Levi and Eren were dating.

He whipped his head around to face Isabel with a look of horror on his face. Maybe he misunderstood. "I've been seeing Levi for a little while for therapy, if that's what you meant," Eren started slowly, with a nervous tilt to his voice, waiting for Levi to save him from this conversation. They weren't dating. Levi barely let Eren touch him any more intimately than a hug or some platonic cuddling and he supposed, the slow dance they’d shared for little more than a few minutes in Levi’s den the night before.

"Oh... I'm sure it's more than that... I've known Levi a long time and I've never known him to bring work home with him, let alone a whole patient and certainly, he's never cooked for his other patients aside from Hange of course. You must be at least friends... The two of you seem much more familiar than just doctor and patient," Isabel argued calmly, her eyes lit up with curiosity and suspicion.

Levi stepped back to the island with a plate of french toast for Eren, two pieces of perfectly prepared and cooked bread topped with fruit and fresh whipped cream that he'd specifically decided he would add for the young man and a pinch of cinnamon and brown sugar sprinkled on top. He slid the plate in front of Eren along with a glass of iced water best for his hangover and a pair of utensils, before he turned to rinse and place all the dirtied dishes into the dishwasher and rigorously washed his hands within a few minutes.

"That's enough Issy. Eren's not here to satisfy your curiosities. I'll admit it's unexpected and a little unorthodox, but our friendship is not inhibiting my ability to treat him as a patient. You of all people should know about that, considering you are _my_ therapist and you are here having brunch with me," he chided, drying his freshly washed hands as he came to sit back on his stool.

"Yeah," Eren agreed, nodding his head with enthusiasm as Levi shut Isabel down. Thank god Levi didn't freak out; Eren would have freaked out ten times worse if the other man had lost his composure. He didn't think it was possible to hate Isabel any more than he already did, but then she went and said something that could potentially make Levi pull away from him. Life had a funny way of surprising people.

Eren took a deep whiff of the delicious meal before him with his mouth watering. It was perfect and this time Eren had come prepared. He grabbed his phone out of his sweatpants pocket to take twenty pictures from all different sides and angles.

"Besides. I've never really needed therapy anyway," Eren continued after taking his first decadent bite. He shuddered in ecstasy after swallowing. "Soon, I won't have to go see him in the office and we will be all fine and dandy." He spooned a strawberry into his mouth with a little whip cream. "Then he will be just my Levi instead of Dr. Ackerman," he finished, giving Levi a smile so bright, it rivalled the sun.

Isabel's mouth opened a little as if she wanted to speak, her gaze flicking between Levi and Eren, the pieces coming together in her head. Levi _liked_ Eren... Liked him so much that he didn't realize what he was doing. He was so consumed with feeling something for someone that he was blinded to the fact that he was putting his career in jeopardy by allowing Eren to become so attached to him. It was entirely unethical, a complete conflict of interests. She would have to speak to him about it privately.

"I see. I'm sure Levi's done a fine job helping you out," She said pleasantly before she stood up, "I think I should be heading out, see me to the door?" she questioned of Levi. He stood without argument and ushered his longtime friend to the door.

She turned to face him, speaking in low tones, "Levi... Whatever this is that you're doing... You'll be careful won't you? I don't want to see you get hurt."

Levi's jaw clenched. He knew she was concerned and that her words were well-meaning, but it made him feel worse. He felt judged. She was the one who had said he should try... That he should get used to touch and socialize more and now that he had, she was chastising him.

He sighed and rubbed at the nape of his neck, "It's fine Issy. You know I can't go any further than this anyway. You don't need to worry. Eren is just... It's easier with him." He tried to explain and she realized he didn't know... He didn't know that he was attracted to the young man. Her face fell into a bittersweet expression. She'd wanted this for him, but this way could only lead to heartache, she was sure of it. She touched his shoulder gently, waiting for him to meet her eyes and she gave him a little smile of support.

"I'm happy for you Levi, really I am. And he's certainly cute. Just be careful. You know I worry," were her parting words as she leaned in to peck his cheek, ignoring his grimace as she did and he nodded to her words. She waved as she left and Levi took several seconds to steady his breathing before he returned to the kitchen where Eren was and Molly had taken up residence on his stool.

He stepped over to his pilfered seat and scowled down at the feline who only blinked wide eyes and yawned lazily up at him. His brows pinched together and he clicked his tongue, reaching out his hand over the other stool that Isabel had been using and snapped his fingers a couple times, drawing the cat over. He pet her a moment or two before he sat back in the stool next to Eren.

"How was the french toast?"

"Mm, it was delicious," Eren said, with a wide content smile, patting his full stomach. "Molly wanted some too, but I know milk is bad for cats." Eren reached over Levi to give Molly a couple chin scratches. "It was super hard though. She's so cute and she deserves good food."

Levi's lips quirked up at the corner and he watched Molly cleaning herself primly, "Don't let her fool you, she gets the best food they offer on the market."

Eren retracted his arm and sat back in his seat, finally relaxed now that Isabel had left. He gently placed Levi's hand into his and swung them back and forth in the space between their stools. "What's our plan for today?"

He hummed when Eren took his hand, resting his chin on his other hand, elbow supported on the island top, watching Eren sidelong from beneath heavy lashes. "You have to come to the office today... You've been making a lot of progress lately, but I think we still need a few more sessions, don't you think?"

Eren frowned and stopped swinging their hands although he didn't let go. "No, I think I'm good actually. You cured me or whatever," Eren said with his eyebrows furrowing.

He didn't want to go to Levi's office. The thought scared him. What if Levi forgot everything that happened between them? What if Levi learned more about Eren's fucked up past and didn't want to see Eren outside the office anymore. Eren was terrified, even though it was entirely irrational given the things Levi already knew and the things he knew about Levi.

Levi tilted his head to the side and set his gaze fully on Eren, giving his hand a little squeeze. "Eren, you know I haven't... You're doing _better,_ but you aren't cured... Just like I'm not. We still need to talk about some of the unpleasant things. We'll do it the same as always. You answer the questions I ask and I'll answer yours or do you want to stop doing that?"

He reached out the hand he'd been resting his chin on, turning to face Eren more fully in his stool and touched his fingertips to Eren's cheek. "It won't be so bad. You can come back here after and we won't talk about it, okay?"

After a few moments, Eren met Levi's gaze once more and nodded. He would have to try; for Levi at least, if not for himself. "How do we do this then? We going together? Or should I meet you there? I need to run home again. Jean is staying there and I need to make sure he hasn't destroyed the place.”

"You're my first appointment today, so we might as well go together," Levi suggested which meant that he would let Eren ride double with him. It had happened a few times throughout the few weeks they'd been seeing each other outside Levi's office, but it was a rare occasion when Levi suggested it so nonchalantly, especially given he would not only be driving them to the office, but also to Eren's house beforehand as he had the day previous.

“Okay," Eren said as he got up and took his dish to the sink. He was going to put it in the dishwasher but the machine was already running so he scrubbed it by hand and put it in the drying rack instead.

Both the men showered and were dressed in fifteen minutes; saying goodbye to Molly and walking out the door. This time on the motorcycle, Eren immediately held onto Levi to make sure he wouldn't fall off, even though it made the man tense under his hands.

They reached Eren's house in record speed and Levi waited outside the apartment building for Eren who came outside dressed in a black shirt and light wash jeans. Eren also carried another massive backpack, which Levi decided he wouldn't mention at the moment.

They made it to Levi's office building and as they walked into the office, Eren was jumped by a black haired blur that knocked the wind out of him.

Levi blinked and took a distancing step from the girl that had to be Eren's sister, sharp silver eyes watching their interaction carefully.

  
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From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fics [Thick as Thieves](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131) and [The Wilds](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7696804/chapters/17536744)  



	13. Shatter Me a Symphony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa ~[Are You Alright? by Lucinda Williams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E8_utQlJbo)  
> Eren ~[I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8ekz_CSBVg)  
> Levi ~[Dig by Incubus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMsZ6wkZWhA)

"I haven't heard from you in weeks Eren! I went to your apartment last week. You haven't been staying there and don't even try to lie to me. There was so much mail in your mailbox, your landlord put it in a box underneath it with your name on it. I had no choice, but to come here and see how things are going for myself. Obviously this one isn't working out either. You haven't improved at all, have you?" Her hands were holding Eren's biceps in a firm grip as she spoke, tone becoming chastising and more motherly by the second.

Levi was silent as he leaned against Petra's (Marco's) empty desk, arms folded loosely over his chest.

Eren frowned down on his sister. "Mikasa! Can you stop freaking out? Seriously I'm fine," he shot a pleading look over at Levi. "You know I hate staying at that apartment alone and you know how shitty I am with my phone. I kinda... Lost the damn thing for a bit." What he didn't tell her was that he forgot where he put it after the incident with Erwin and once he’d found it, he really just hadn’t felt like listening to her lectures when he’d been happily spending his time with his therapist or using said phone to contact said therapist.   "C'mon. I _have_ been doing better. Dr. Ackerman will even tell you how much I've improved if you give us like a minute to go into his office like regular people," Eren said as he pried Mikasa's death grip off his arms. He gestured to the empty office, "You're causing a goddamn scene."

  "Eren," Mikasa hissed, "Do not say the Lord’s name in vain."

  "Yeah yeah," Eren said as he guided his sister to the office while Levi trailed behind.   

Levi stepped around the pair in a wide semi-circle to get to his desk after briefly stopping to remove his jacket and hang it up. The exchange between them did not go unnoticed by Levi. Eren seemed a little uncomfortable under Mikasa's intense protectiveness and it seemed that though Eren had not remained a part of the religious faction he had been raised in, his sister clearly was still very faithful. 

Eren sat Mikasa down in his usual spot and made the introductions. "Mikasa, this is Dr. Ackerman. Levi, this is Mikasa, my sister." The woman sat pin straight with her ankles tucked together and legs slanted, wearing an ankle length pleated skirt with a black cardigan buttoned over a white collared shirt. She smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles on her skirt before she nodded her head at the man, though her eyes were narrowed in suspicion.

"As Eren said, I'm Levi Ackerman. It's a pleasure to meet you Mikasa," he said, not offering her his hand, keeping them tucked beneath his crossed arms. "Eren isn't lying about his progress either. He's been doing very well. We've been making some excellent headway. You really needn't have come all this way, a phone call would have sufficed," he spoke in quiet tones, hoping to keep the seemingly volatile ravenette docile. This certainly was not what he had been planning in regards to Eren's session.

"See, Mikasa," Eren said with a big smile. "I'm doing great. You don't have to worry. I've been working really hard." He flopped into the armchair, clearly proud of himself.   Mikasa looked back and forth from Eren to Levi. A disgusted look crossed her face. "For goodness sake, Eren... Another one?" she questioned, glaring at her brother. "You should have just stayed with Dr. Zoe. At least she refused to sleep with you."   Mikasa turned on Levi. "What is wrong with you?" She stood up and took a step towards the doctor. "What did Eren have to do for you to lie to me? He needs help, not someone who preys on the mentally ill." Shaking with rage, she crossed her arms over her chest and threatened, "I should get your license to practise removed. How dare you touch my brother."

Levi blinked in the face of her hostility, face blank, but he shifted away from her approach, anxiety crawling beneath his skin, sure that she would try to grab him and shake him as well. He didn't know what he might do if she did.

"I think you're mistaken in the sort of therapy you think I perform here. I assure you I am not lying. You don't have to believe me. Unfortunately, I have no proof that can be shown to you unless Eren would like to sign a waiver allowing it. He is, after all, an adult, and while he does have a need for this therapy in order to treat his impulse control disorder, he is not what I would consider mentally unsound or unable to make decisions for himself, therefore you have little say in whether or not he will be continuing on under my care," Levi's tone was cool and professional as if he dealt with these sorts of altercations often.

But beneath the stoic exterior he always managed to pull on while at his place of work, he felt threads of guilt. She wasn't entirely wrong... He _had_ touched Eren, innocently for the most part except for the few odd occurrences in which his body had rebelled against him, but that had gone no further. Nonetheless, it was also true that he and Eren had a unique relationship, one that Levi still didn't have an adequate label in which to define it.

It was not a lie that Eren had made progress. He was out looking for lovers far less often, the violent types even less so and had been spending a majority of the nights away from his own apartment in Levi's house instead. The therapy sessions had also progressed, more questions answered, both unpleasant and otherwise. They'd even started to talk a little bit more about Eren's relationship with his father though it was slow because Eren was reluctant in detailing some of the more unpleasant aspects and memories that he had with his patriarch. He spoke often and far more fondly of his mother and had shared some more positive elements of his childhood when he became too distressed speaking of things that obviously were more painful for him and likely leading to the cause of his illness.

Still, they could not simply tell her that Eren had been spending personal time with his therapist, especially given her already wild accusations; telling her the truth would likely only add fuel to the fire and Levi didn't think that it would be beneficial for Eren.

"Well, would you look at this lying… Heathen?" Mikasa said incredulously biting back a swear. "Eren, we're leaving," she commanded, stomping her way to the door. "This is the last straw. You'll be moving in with me until I go to the convent, and I'll be attending therapy with you when I find you a new therapist..."

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," said Eren, trembling with barely concealed rage from his place in the armchair, fingers curled over the armrests in a white-knuckled grip..

Mikasa looked confused for a moment. "What did you just say to me?"

"Shut the fuck up," Eren repeated, standing up, "How dare you say that to Levi? He's done nothing, but help me. You can say whatever you want about me... But you can't say shit about him." Eren strode to the office door and opened it. "Get out."

Mikasa was shocked, her mouth agape making her look like an idiot. "But... Eren," is all she managed to stutter out.

"No. Leave. Before I make you leave," he demanded as he started shoving her out the door. When she was finally across the threshold, he said, "And no, I will not be moving in with you. Go back to kissing dad’s ass like you always do and stay out of my business," then slammed the door in Mikasa's face.

A few minutes went by in silence in Levi’s clean and cozy little office. Eren stayed tense and rigid in front of the door, still trembling as if he thought that the woman would attempt to reenter.

"I am so sorry Levi," he finally managed to whisper.

"You don't have to apologize for her, Eren. Are you alright?" Levi wasn't by his desk anymore, but had come to stand in front of Eren, one hand outstretched to touch his shoulder, but hesitating in the air because he still felt the guilt from before in the pit of his stomach. He wondered in the far recesses of his mind if he _was_ taking advantage of the young man somehow, but he had no idea how or why that would be.

"Come sit down and we'll talk for a while," he suggested lightly, glad that his voice sounded level and not strained as he had worried it might. He could tell that the altercation with his sister had affected Eren immensely and that was cause for some concern. He hoped he would be able to get him into a better state of mind before anything drastic happened. He'd been right in his assumption that Eren's mother and sister had been catalysts in the deterioration of his mental state. Things that sparked his anxiety led to dangerous and compulsive behaviours and Levi had no doubt that Mikasa’s unexpected visit and hostility had not only sparked, but skyrocketed the young man's anxieties.

It took quite a while for Levi to calm Eren down after Mikasa’s departure. Eren had never really stood up to his sister since his mom died. He loved her so much and it felt like she was the only family he had left, but it always seemed like she was on Grisha's side instead of Eren's. She saw Eren as corrupt and sick, instead of as the brother she loved.   She had no idea what Eren had to go through in the hands of Grisha Jaeger and the Catholic Church. 

  It was well over two hours when Eren finally left the office, shuffling down the stairs and out the fire escape. He had to kill a few hours before he went back to Levi's house because the man still had other patients to see and even though he had a key, he didn’t want to be alone.   He was making his way down the street to go get a coffee and maybe buy a book to read when Mikasa caught up to him.

"Eren! Eren wait!" the young woman called as she quickened her steps to fall in next to her brother, clapping a hand on his shoulder to slow him down. "I... I didn't mean for things to get so heated. But I've been so worried Eren... I thought... Well I thought maybe something terrible had happened to you. Let me make up for my rudeness. Let me buy you a coffee?" she sounded sincere and she was. She always worried about him. She’d dressed the wounds left on him from his exploits more than once and she was always left feeling sick, worried out of her mind when he disappeared for days on end.

She'd made it a personal mission of hers to see him well. She prayed and did everything she could to save him from himself. She hadn't really meant to lash out as she had, but she had wanted to direct her anger and her guilt at someone; Eren's new therapist had simply been an available target. She needed someone to blame for Eren's continued sinful behaviour. It was about time he come back home, to their family and to God.

Eren was apprehensive about accepting Mikasa's offer. She had said some awful things to Levi. Unforgivable things. But when Eren considered his track record, it made sense. Eren _had_ managed to seduce most of his therapists. He should at least give his sister the benefit of the doubt.

"Okay, Kasa, let's go for coffee. I got some time to kill anyway."

Mikasa sat across from her brother, warm cup of black coffee cupped in her hands, sitting with perfect posture as she watched him for several long moments.

"So..." She started quietly, breaking the heavy silence between them, "How have you been really?"

"I've been okay," Eren answered, looking anywhere, but at Mikasa. His sister was hard to handle on his best days, and after his outburst at the office, it was even harder to deal with her.

"Well more than okay, I guess. I've really been trying to slow down lately. Take care of myself more." He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I even like someone. You know I've never actually liked someone before. It's weird," he elaborated, finally meeting her eyes, "But it's a good weird. I'm happier."

"That's wonderful Eren. Is that where you've been then? On dates? When will we be meeting her?" She asked, smiling brightly. She knew Eren preferred men, had known it for years, but she was certain once he was cured, he'd see reason in that too.

"No," Eren said, cringing hard. "It's still early in the relationship..." He took a swig of coffee, burning his mouth to delay the inevitable. "It's a guy actually," he corrected, looking out the window, waiting for that disappointed look to cross his sister’s face once again. She always looked like that whenever they talked anymore. Disappointed. Exasperated. Tired. Why did she try and dig her way into Eren's life if she didn't like what she found?

Mikasa closed her eyes, the grip on her coffee cup tensing and she let out a drawn out sigh. "Well, at least you're getting better. That new therapist... Father says he comes highly recommended, but I think you should start coming with me to see Father Dok again. He's been really helpful to me through all of this," she suggested, changing the subject to avoid any details about the man her brother claimed he had feelings for. Hearing that only made her believe that Eren was still being led astray.

Eren flinched and almost spilled his coffee. "He's... He's still a priest," he said quietly, fear in his eyes at he stared wide-eyed at Mikasa. That man couldn't still be there. It'd been years... "Is he still doing the therapy part too?" he whispered, hoping that the answer was negative.

"Therapy...? Oh! Yes, but he doesn't do those retreats anymore, just counseling at the church. That's what I go see him for. He's really very good Eren. I think he could really help you. If you could connect with God again, I know you'd get well for sure," she answered, completely oblivious to his discomfort, assuming he was just reluctant like he always was about returning to their family church... Church at all really.

Eren had to let go of the coffee cup or else it would surely break. "I need to... I need to go," he excused, abruptly standing up and fumbling with his wallet. He threw about a hundred dollars on the table, and ran out the coffee shop as fast as he could.

Mikasa was left stunned silent. She pursed her lips and ran a hand through her thick, dark shoulder length hair and sighed heavily through her nose. She didn't understand why he was so opposed, why he always ran from her. She just wanted what was best for him.

She left the coffee shop not too long after her brother and made a mental note to give him another call in a few days once he'd cooled down again. She had things she'd wanted to tell him too. Her vows were only a couple months away and she wanted him to be there. She just hoped he'd be well enough by then.

Eren walked through the streets, trying to head back to Levi's house. It was warm and safe there. The priest couldn't get him when he was in Levi's arms. But he’d left all the money he had at the coffee shop and his phone was dead. It would take him roughly two hours to walk from where he was to Levi's house.

Emotionally drained, he decided to stop in a park just as the clouds opened up and started to rain down on him. He just needed a little break and then he would be able to start again.

***

Levi’s fingers tapped on the counter next to his phone, still lit up with Eren's contact page and he couldn't sit down. Molly was watching him from one of the stools and he felt almost as if she was scolding him; for what, he wasn't sure.

He'd thought Eren had left his office in a good state. He'd said they'd meet back at Levi's for dinner and another Disney marathon, but he still hadn't shown. Eren had a key now, but he shouldn’t need it; he was supposed to meet Levi at home not too late.

He hadn't called and he wasn't answering and all Levi could imagine was Eren bound and gagged with tears on his cheeks and fear in his eyes. It made the bile rise at the back of his throat and he found himself bent and retching dryly over his kitchen sink, shaking hard and sweating, his anxiety making it hard to think straight. If anything happened to Eren...

He splashed cold water on his face and washed his hands, dried both with a clean towel, took several steadying breaths and picked up his keys, coat and umbrella on his way out the door. He couldn't stay idle... The waiting was killing him.

  
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Feed the writers.

From the writers of [Weapon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6657271/chapters/15227413) and [Mail Order Omega](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6954673/chapters/15857272)

Check out our other fics [Thick as Thieves](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7414672/chapters/16841131) and [The Wilds](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7696804/chapters/17536744)  



	14. Brave Me a Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren ~ [Ghosts That We Knew](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6-EUSvJchI)  
> Levi ~ [The Scientist by Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A)
> 
>  
> 
> **Trigger Warning- graphic descriptions of the sexual assault of a minor. (Eren gives a more detailed account of the abuse he sustained at conversion therapy. There is no flashback scene.)**

Numb fingertips gripped the chain links of the swing Eren was sitting on. He was getting drenched as he gently swayed back and forth, but he didn’t even feel it. Somewhere in the back of his head, he knew he was supposed to be somewhere; somewhere safe and warm. He wished Levi was with him to bring him back from wherever he’d ended up, but Levi wasn't here.   Tears streamed down his face and mingled with the rain as it poured down on him. The priest was still at that horrible church. He was still torturing little boys, still raping the weak and the innocent. Eren leaned over and gagged as he remembered everything that that man had put him through.   The _'therapy'_ had been bad enough, but being raped anally every night for weeks at 'camp' was something he would never forget. Father Dok had left a black handprint on his heart. There was nothing Eren could do to get rid of that mark.  

 He looked up at the sound of gravel crunching. Someone was approaching him. Maybe he was about to get robbed. Eren just chuckled cynically. He’d thrown all his money at Mikasa, so the mugger would have little to take from him.   "Please leave me alone," he whispered to the new comer, without looking at the person.

"No," Levi refused immediately, tone low and a little biting as he stalked over the wet gravel to the young man on the swing. "I'm not going to leave you alone brat. Where have you been?"

Levi had his lips pursed and his jaw twitched with the pressure of his clenched teeth. He held his umbrella in a white-knuckled grip, ignoring the numbness in his fingers. He was shivering a little and his lips were tinted blue. He'd been searching for Eren for hours already and his worry had only grown worse the longer it had taken. He had gone to the club district and rubbed shoulders with the foulest of individuals, putting up with strange hands groping at him beneath dim lights and smoky air that stung his eyes and lungs and it had all been for nothing. He was exhausted and wrung so tightly that he felt like he was about to break, like his skin would shatter and everything inside him would crumble and spill out.

And he was angry because it was Eren's fault. It was all the brunette's god damned fault that Levi hadn't been able to stay in the safe familiarity of his own home, had had to go against all his instincts in order to search for him because Levi just couldn't stand it if anything happened to him again. And Eren was here in the fucking park, soaking wet and likely half frozen in the dark. He looked wrecked and the raven felt his own anxiety rise along with the anger in his gut. Why did Eren have to be so reckless all of the damn time?

"Levi," said Eren, half-dazed, but kept his gentle swinging motion going. "I tried to walk back to your house... But I couldn't," he stuttered as his teeth began to clack together. "He's gonna find me... He always finds me... I just... Don't know where to go... I have nowhere to escape..." Eren finally met Levi's eyes. His usually vibrant green eyes were bloodshot and his tears were lost to the frigid drizzle of rain that was still falling.

Levi shook his head, "Who Eren? No one's here... Why didn't you just call me? I would have come sooner. Look at yourself... Stupid, you're going to catch pneumonia," he scolded, brows furrowed with angered concern and he jerked his coat off awkwardly with one hand, shaking it out and stepping closer to place it over Eren's shivering shoulders, holding the umbrella over the both of them to shield them from the unyielding rain, even though Eren was already completely drenched. He was glad he was wearing a long-sleeved sweater beneath his jacket, the chill and dampness of the early autumn creeping under the material and making goosebumps rise on the skin beneath, but at least he didn't begin shivering as violently as the young man was.

"My phone died," Eren replied quietly. "I went to get coffee with Mikasa. She told me... She told me she wanted me to see Father Dok again... She’s told him about me..." He started to shake even more violently as the words left him, barely audible over the static of the rain.

"He wants to see me for more therapy..." His breath started to come faster and faster as he gasped for air. "You don't understand. I told you I went to conversion therapy right? When I was eleven? Father Dok... He was my main therapist. He tried to fuck the homosexual out of me. Every night for weeks." Eren cried even harder as he wrapped his arms around himself, sobbing in earnest.

"He used to rape me every night. There was so much blood. He said it was lubricant. I cried and I cried and I screamed but, he never stopped. One time I came. It was the first time I ever orgasmed outside of a wet dream. He told me that if I ever told anyone, he would tell the whole church congregation that I’d came while being fucked up the ass. That I seduced him. He said I was going to hell."

Eren suddenly grabbed onto Levi's arms like he was drowning, "He's coming for me Levi. He knows where I live. I know I say that nothing can hurt me... **He** can hurt me." Eren was completely hysterical. Terror ran through his veins and kept his heart beating painfully fast. He felt like he was going to die from fear.

Levi dropped the umbrella and stilled in Eren's grip, his breath caught in his lungs. He felt like he was suffocating. He shuddered, the cold rain soaking into his clothes, running down his face and clinging to his hair, plastering it to his forehead and dripping down the back of his neck in freezing rivulets and it wasn't just cold on the exterior. Eren's words, the broken sound of his voice and the cracking of hysteria, anxiety and fear so potent that Levi felt it inside himself, cold and vicious and consuming. He knew exactly the kind of fear Eren was experiencing. It was the same fear he felt every time he looked in a mirror, every time his body reacted against his will, every time he was touched... He couldn't just let that kind of fear take Eren from him... He'd only just found him.

Levi's hands curled around Eren's forearms and he jerked him up out of the swing, the momentum of the motion propelling the brunette into him and he didn't even have the time to process what he was doing, to hesitate, when his arms wrapped around him and pressed him close, ignoring the prickle under his skin that should have forced him to pull away in lieu of the sudden and potent desire to comfort the other man and there were no words that could be said in response to what Eren had shared.

"Breathe Eren... He won't... He can't… I won’t let him," he murmured though it was barely heard over the rain and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat and force the instinct to move away from the contact to the back of his mind.

Eren held on to Levi tightly, uncaring if the man wanted to push him away. "You... You don't understand. I liked it... I wanted it... That's why I came..." Eren cried hard against Levi's chest. "I'm so fucked up, Levi. I'm so fucked up," he murmured hoarsely as he buried his head in Levi's neck.

Levi clenched his teeth and dug his fingers into the wet fabric of his own coat over Eren's back, shuddering violently in response to the unfamiliar feeling of Eren's face against the sensitive flesh of his neck, half-numbed by the cold and thawing from the young man's fresh tears.

"That's... Eren, that's not true... You couldn't have... It wasn't your fault," he choked out, feeling the knots in his stomach tighten. He was supposed to know how to deal with these things; he was supposed to know the right words and the right steps to take to help his patient. But he wasn't Doctor Ackerman; he was just Levi and he couldn't remember a god damned thing he was supposed to say...

He raised shaking hands from Eren's back to frame his face and guide it away from his throat so that he could look at him properly, silver blue the colour of the rain falling all around them full of so much emotion that it was impossible to define met bloodshot and haunted forest. "You're not fucked up Eren... You're... Beautiful..." And he didn't know what it was that possessed him to say such a thing, nor what came over him when he leaned into the young man's space and his chilled blue lips were making sudden contact with Eren's. And it was electric upon that first shocking impact, his fingertips pressing roughly against the brunette's jaw, slippery and freezing from the rain.

The moment their lips met, Eren went rigid, shocked into forgetting his hysteria. Levi was kissing him. On the mouth. Mouth kissing. Levi's lips were soft, wet and completely freezing. With how cold Eren himself was, he was surprised he could even feel it. Levi Ackerman was kissing Eren and it wasn’t an accident.

Eren's brain short circuited. He was now acting on pure instinct. Putting his hands on Levi's hips, Eren tilted his head to deepen the kiss. As their lips slid together, Eren opened his mouth a fraction to give Levi easier access. He didn't know where this was going... But he wouldn't waste the only opportunity Levi had ever given him.

Levi didn't immediately register the hands on his hips, shivering as Eren was abruptly responsive. The feeling was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. It was thrilling and stole his breath and he didn't know what to think, caught in the feeling instead. He was kissing Eren... It was the most intimate contact he had ever experienced in his entire life, in which he didn’t feel ill and it was...

He made a sound into the kiss when Eren parted his lips slightly and Levi was getting dizzy, trying to remember how he was supposed to be breathing, but who needed air anyways? It felt _good._ He could taste salt and rain and he almost wanted to taste inside Eren's mouth to know if it would taste the same.

When Eren heard the sound Levi made, he matched it with a lustful growl. He pulled Levi closer by the hips so that their bodies were flush with each other. Taking one hand, Eren lifted it to tangle it in Levi's undercut while he ran his tongue over the seam of Levi's lips. The man tasted so good. Like mint; probably from toothpaste. Eren was melting over a kiss he only thought would happen in his fantasies.  It was his first real kiss and it was incredible.

Levi shuddered, hands sliding along the sides of Eren's jaw and threading into the soaking strands of his hair, fingers curling against his scalp, completely consumed by the intensity of being so intimately close to another person as he'd never been, so close to Eren...

He felt that heat in his belly again, the one that was a warning, red flags signalling in his head, but he ignored it another few seconds before he felt the hand in his hair and the warm slickness of the younger man's questing tongue against his lips... And there was warmth at his hip, pressure from the hand Eren held there. He felt it happening and he knew with a sudden painful burst of anxiety that Eren would feel it too. Anxiety and self-disgust burned a devastating path through the fog of his mind and he nearly choked.

It was all he could do not to shove Eren away from him. He made a desperate sound into the other man's mouth and tried to pull away as gently as possible. He couldn't have Eren _know…_ He was shaking and it wasn't from the cold, the grip of his fingers almost painful in Eren's hair, perhaps in warning. He didn't want to stop; the feel of Eren's lips on his own, the odd electricity and warm tingling that was a pleasant buzz in his chest and under his skin was not disgusting, but he couldn't continue, not when his treacherous body was threatening him again. He **hated** it... There was no reason. They were only touching; it was only a kiss... It was still too much...

Eren felt Levi try to pull away, but he couldn't stop himself. Into the other man’s lips, he purred "Mm, Levi, please don't stop," before he continued moving his lips over Levi’s mouth.

Feeling bold, he went for it. He dipped his tongue just past Levi's quivering lips to touch tongues before he pulled it back. With a groan, he rolled his hips into Levi's, feeling a definite hardness between them, unsure if it was his own, or if it was Levi's; maybe it was both.

He wanted the man so badly. He wanted to be swallowed whole by Levi and never return. His sudden lust was completely out of control. But when Levi started to push harder, he unlocked their lips to kiss all over Levi's face before the man would likely never let Eren touch him again.

Eren was drowning and Levi was his oxygen as he tasted Levi's wet skin.

The raven was panting hard, unable to catch his breath, ensnared by Eren's mouth and his hands. He shuddered violently and clenched his eyes closed tightly when Eren's tongue actually made contact with his own. It sent a sort of charge through him, searing a wicked path down his spine that spiked heat in his belly. And when Eren's hips rolled against his, there was that intense wash of pleasure that terrified him. It didn't matter that the young man seemed to reciprocate the sentiment, didn't matter that Eren didn't seem bothered or disgusted, was in fact trying to encourage the motions and the feelings rushing through him with brutal force; he couldn't do that. He couldn't be **that…** He didn't want those things, couldn't stand to consider them. He couldn't want the things those men had wanted with his mother, the things Eren's partners wanted from him; Levi couldn't be that kind of man.

He let Eren place kisses on his face while he shifted his hips away from the warm and wet pressure between their connected bodies and was relieved when the young man didn't fight him. He drew away slowly, hands sliding from Eren's hair, but trailing to rest on either side of his neck, thumbs rubbing over his collarbones more to sooth himself than to encourage Eren, though he hoped the other male would understand that he wasn't really rejecting him, just... He couldn't do more; he shouldn't have kissed him to begin with.

"Eren..." he called and his voice was as he'd never heard it before, husky and low and he licked the salt from his lips, breathing heavily through his nose to calm his racing heart and hopefully the ferocious heat inside him as well as prevent the anxiety and disgust from escalating higher. He had to think... But not now... Not while Eren needed him.

"I'm cold... Let's go home now..." he sounded breathless even in his own ears and there was warmth in his cheeks and at the back of his neck, but he met Eren's gaze and didn't look away.

Eren whined in displeasure. "But but..... Ughhhhhhh. You seriously don't know how much I was dreaming of this moment," Eren said, shifting from one foot to another, trying to let out his pent up adrenaline. "You kissed me. You **kissed** me!" Eren pointed at Levi, "You," then pointed to himself, "Kissed me."   Suddenly, Eren got worried. "Oh man. What did I do wrong? That was my first kiss... Did I suck?" he questioned, starting to chew his nails nervously.   He felt himself twitch in his jeans. Eren looked down and to his horror, he was hard. "Fuck," he yelled, trying to cover the bulge and backing away from Levi. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry," he looked at Levi with pleading eyes from under his wet bangs. "Go away go away go away go away," he demanded of his dick furiously.   Clutching his crotch, still trying to hide it, he looked like he was about to cry all over again. "Please don't let this be the last time we kiss. I'll learn to control it, I swear," he begged, looking at Levi in desperation.

Levi's brows rose and he shook his head, "You didn't do anything wrong Eren. It was fine... You were fine... I just... I don't know what came over me..."

He blinked when the young man suddenly yelled and his silvery eyes followed the frantic movements, widening almost comically, fascinated by the fact that Eren had reacted in the same way he had... That shouldn't be as comforting as it was at the moment, but he didn't dwell on it.

"It's fine... It's okay... Me too... Let's just go home. You're coming with me, aren't you?" the raven said as he shifted uncomfortably, knowing that his own erection was likely visible as well and he tugged at his wet shirt in a futile attempt to cover the tented bulge in his own damp trousers.

"Yes," Eren muttered and looked down with a face so red, it was scalding. He shuffled awkwardly to follow Levi, still trying to keep his crotch obscured from view. He didn't even notice that Levi was hard too; too focused on his own embarrassment to fully comprehend what Levi had said.

They walked slowly, huddling under Levi’s umbrella as they made their way home. In almost a whisper, "So you liked it…? It wasn't too disgusting?" Eren asked, almost dreading to know the answer.

Levi glanced sidelong at Eren from beneath his damp lashes, face hot with a blush and he lifted the hand not holding the umbrella to rub at the back of his neck. "It wasn't disgusting at all... It was kind of nice," he said after several quiet seconds in which he debated how to answer at all. He shifted the umbrella to his other hand so that he could reach over and brush his cold fingers against the back of Eren's in silent invitation; he could see the apprehension in the young man's body language and hear the insecurity in his tone. He couldn't give Eren any real explanation for what had happened, but he was honest in his answer. The actual act of kissing Eren wasn't what had ruined it...

"Okay," Eren said, looking at the other man to give him a bright smile and grabbing Levi's hand in enthusiasm. "So, does that mean we can kiss again?" He noticed Levi flinch a little. "Ugh. Not right _now._ Well, I mean, if you wanted to right now, of course there's no way in hell I'd say no. But like... For future reference," Eren explained himself with wide gestures of his arms.   He flicked his head, getting water-heavy hair out of his face to look at Levi seriously, slowing down his walk to signal what he was about to say was important. "You need to tell me what your boundaries are," he said as he turned to face Levi. "Like if you aren't comfortable with something that I do, you need to tell me. I can't tell just by watching you anymore," he continued as he ran soothing circles on Levi's hand and put his other hand on top. "I'm sorry in advance cause I know I'm going to fuck up and push you too far. But please don't give up on me." He finished his plea with a drawn out kiss to the back of Levi's hand. "I don't want to lose you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me, Levi." Eren stared into clouded mercury eyes with bated breath, waiting for an answer.

"I'll think about it," the raven said quietly. He probably should have said no; he shouldn't be kissing any of his patients, but Eren wasn’t just a patient anymore. And Levi wasn't sure he would mind kissing him again so long as things didn't get out of hand.

They were maybe a block away from his house when Eren slowed their pace to speak further, obviously serious and wanting Levi to know he was being sincere. The older man stopped entirely in order to reply, looking back into the genuine emotion swirling within emerald depths and swallowed hard against the lump of nerves in the back of his throat. "Eren I... You should know that I don't... I've never..." He bit his lip, harshly sucking it between his teeth. "I'm not used to any sort of sexual intimacy, on my own or with anyone else, so I can't... Maybe... It's probably best if you just always ask first unless I initiate something I guess. I don't know all the boundaries with you... They keep changing." His answer was murmured and shaky, and it was true.

"Oh," Eren said, looking surprised as everything clicked into place. "Ohhhhhhh," he said once more, releasing Levi's hand for his to fall limp at his side, "That makes sense." He saw Levi cringe before he came out of his shock to explain. "Okay. I'm fine with never having sex again if I get to be with you," he said with a nod. Levi gave him a pointed stare. Eren just scoffed. "Don't look at me like that. I mean it. Like yeah I know it seems like a lie coming from a sex addict’s mouth."   Eren started to walk again with a look of determination in his eyes. "I'm serious. Like it won't be easy. And you'll have to give me time to kick the habit. It'll be worth it though if I can spend time with the love of my life," he said with no teasing in his voice at all.   Telling Levi that he was in love with him probably wasn't the best idea, but Eren's mind was on how he could stop craving sex. He knew this meant he had to tell all of his secrets to Levi, so that he could work on the root of the problem. He didn't think that Levi would freak out about him being in love with the man because he thought it was pretty obvious.

Levi was quiet for long seconds, lagging behind Eren a bit as he tried to sort everything in his head. He didn't know if it was something he should really consider too deeply. He had hope that Eren would be able to regain control over his life, to give up the sex, but he didn't know why on earth he'd want to stick around afterwards to be with Levi. He knew Eren sincerely believed he was in love with him or he wouldn't have said it, after all the young man had been adamant that real love didn't exist, that it was just a means to an end in humanity. He had said he could never do what he was offering to try. It was endearing to believe, but Levi held no illusions.

Eren could relapse, could and likely would sleep around on Levi, but he wanted to believe it would pass, maybe it would be alright, especially if Eren still wanted him when it was all over.

"Alright... I want you to get better Eren. If this helps, if I can help you even outside of the office, I think it might just benefit us both in the end.”

He unlocked the door with slightly quaking hands and pushed it open, only for Molly to come bolting down the stairs to meet them, He shook his head when she immediately went to Eren for attention. He heaved a suffering sigh and shucked his wet shoes before he was heading towards the stairs to go into his bedroom, glancing back at Eren once or twice. "Do you want some cocoa after we change? Are you hungry?"

"Hell yes I want cocoa," said Eren, petting Molly as he stared at Levi's ass as the man walked away. Levi was soaked so his clothes clung to every inch of his body. Eren's body had been flush with that body not too long ago. Levi had kissed him. He still couldn't believe it. But he was insanely happy. It was like he completely blocked out the reason he was even in that park.

A crack of lightning illuminated the house before thunder shook the walls. The lights that Levi had just turned on flickered. "Hey, Levi... Do you have any candles? It's a good thing we got out of that storm. It's gonna be a doozy."

"There should be some in the bottom of the cabinet in the living room," Levi called over his shoulder as he ascended the stairs to the second floor and into his room, stripping down and drying himself off methodically, taking his time, assuming Eren was occupied looking for the candles.

He took slow deliberate breaths, pleased that his body was finally calm again though there was still that lingering warmth in his chest and a thread of that pleasant tingling beneath his skin. At least his erection had faded.

He'd kissed Eren... He ran a towel over his damp hair in slow, rough motions, his back and naked ass to the half closed doorway. What had possessed him to do that? And he hadn't gotten sick... Was it really just because he was getting so used to touching Eren?

"Levvvviiii, I can't find them," Eren called, walking towards the bedroom. "I'm also out of towels in my bathroom," he said, pushing the door open all the way without thinking, "Could I borrow one-- You're naked." Eren stood there in shock staring at Levi's bare ass. Now, _that_ was a nice ass. He felt quite self conscious over his own ass now; something that had never happened before. He was frozen in the doorway with comically wide eyes and open jaw.

Levi tensed, muscles in his shoulders, back and ass rippling beneath the scarred alabaster skin when Eren came into the room. Heat burned at the back of his neck and he turned his head a little, but didn't look over his shoulder, keeping his back to the young man.

"Generally people get naked in order to change," he deadpanned quietly, towel still held aloft at his damp hair.

"There's fresh towels sitting on the bed," he continued after a second, not bothering to gesture to the pile of towels he'd folded, but abandoned on his bed before putting away earlier when he had been waiting for Eren to arrive.

When Levi's voice floated to his ears, Eren covered his eyes with his hand so fast, he basically slapped himself in the face. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Sorry," Eren spouted as he tried to make his way to the bed without looking.

He managed to find the towels before he grabbed one and started to back out of the room. Eren was about to leave when he paused. "Your ass is nicer than my ass. You're making me self conscious, Levvvii," he whined before he turned away and made his way out the door. "How can he be better than me at everything and be hotter when I work out way more? Just not fair."

Levi hummed, unaware of the small smile that took up residence on his lips, shaking his head a little at the comments. He'd never thought too much about whether his body was attractive. He exercised and had good eating habits because he'd always kept himself healthy, another of the things that had just become habit over the years. It wasn't something he did because he wanted to be attractive to anyone.

He draped the towel around his neck and glanced back at the retreating brunette, sighing in relief and relaxing the tensed muscles now that he knew Eren's eyes weren't on him anymore. He moved to dress himself with quick efficiency, underwear, socks, and sweats, long sleeved cotton shirt in his hand as he removed the towel and collected the others he'd used. He put them down the laundry chute before he made his way out of the room after Eren, the chiselled expanse of his torso and abdomen on view, lean abdominal muscles shifting as he moved, shaking the shirt out idly along the way to the second bathroom that assumedly Eren was using to change his own clothing that he had begun keeping at Levi's for the times he spent the night. "You didn't say if you wanted something to eat," he called through the closed door, standing idly before it still topless as if he'd forgotten he'd meant to pull the shirt on. It didn't matter anyway; Eren couldn't see him through the bathroom door.

He didn't even understand what Eren thought was so attractive about it anyways. It was just a body, one of which was covered in disgusting scars.

"I'm starving," Eren said, ripping open the door, now wearing a black t-shirt and blue short shorts. A shirtless Levi stood before him. "Okay, now you're doing this on purpose." Eren leaned against the door frame and stuck out his hip as he looked Levi up and down. "If you want my eyes to fall out then you're headed in the right direction. Wowza." He smiled crookedly with mischief in his eyes. "How about that second kiss? I bet it'd be even better with you shirtless," Eren said with a wink.

Levi stepped back when the door flew open to reveal Eren and his eyes widened, flickering down to his shirtless chest before he crossed his arms self-consciously, attempting to cover up some of the naked flesh, the flush of embarrassment bleeding from his cheeks, down his neck and chest in a rather enticing display, only furthered by the suggestion of kissing once again.

"I wasn't expecting you to open the door brat," he argued in a quiet, almost nervous tone, feeling entirely too exposed when facing Eren's gaze. It was entirely too intimate. He could feel the eyes on him with acute intensity and it made his stomach flutter oddly. "If I let you kiss me like this, I don't... It's probably not a good idea... Maybe... Another time... What do you want to eat?" he asked abruptly, ignoring the somewhat excited tingle that crawled up his spine accompanied by a thin thread of anxiety. The thought of letting Eren's hands touch the scars that marred his skin scared him as much as it peaked his curiosity, certain that the young man would find them as disgusting as he did if he were to feel them under those soft fingertips. He didn't want to see that disgust in Eren's eyes. He could barely touch his own skin and he definitely didn't ever look at it, how could he expect anyone else to want to. And it was worse because Eren knew what the marks were from.

"Hmmm," Eren hummed as his eyes raked over Levi's naked torso once more like a predator. "You better put on a shirt before my instincts take over," he warned as he reached with one finger to stroke from Levi's chest down to his belly button.

He walked past Levi with a sway of his hips as he sauntered to the kitchen. He wanted Levi to look at him too, even though the man didn't say whether he felt sexual attraction or not. He wanted Levi to view him sexually, which was why he’d decided to wear these particular shorts. For the most part, Eren toned his style down in Levi's house, but these shorts barely covered his ass cheeks. Levi would get a wonderful view if he actually looked.

Levi shivered and his stomach sucked in at the contact, but he didn't step away further, stilled under the touch and the words Eren spoke. He let the young man pass him, following at a delayed pace, uncertain about the advances. Maybe Eren was just falling back on his usual tendencies. He'd been telling Levi for weeks that he was 'hot' and that was before he'd ever seen so much of his skin.

He ran a somewhat shaky hand through his hair and blew out a slow breath before he pulled his shirt on and turned to follow Eren, his gaze trailing along the young man's back as he moved, confusion and a little interest swimming in the stormy depths of his eyes. He felt like he was going to break out of his skin, completely off-set by the unfamiliar and entirely odd events that had taken place in the last few hours. He felt like he was two people inside himself. One curious and desperate to explore the new feelings and physical nature of their evolving relationship, excited by the prospect of being able to participate in acts he'd never thought possible for him before and the other completely frightened and anxious, skin crawling and nauseous at the idea of going further, of Eren knowing what kinds of disgusting reactions his body had to him and cautious of the young man's intentions. Levi had never meant to nor thought he could become one of Eren's conquests. Maybe Eren was as he'd said, some kind of siren, and Levi wasn't as deaf as he'd thought.

When Eren reached the kitchen, he bent over the counter, looking at his phone with an arch of his back. "Surprise me," he said to Levi who trailed behind him as he texted Armin. "You always make the best food so I doubt I'll hate anything you make."

In the kitchen, the older male stopped, idle for a few moments, staring at Eren's arched form, eyes glued to the dip in his back where his shirt rose up to reveal just a sliver of supple tanned flesh, unmarred by bruises left by hands that were not his and it was magnetic, the subtle dimples divoted over the rounded curve of his backside standing out and drawing Levi's eyes unconsciously, following the lines of his body down his legs where the crease of his smooth asscheeks and thighs made heat flare in Levi's gut and his mouth went dry in the most fascinating and uncomfortable of ways. He itched to touch the little strip of skin between Eren’s shirt and shorts, to learn whether or not goosebumps would rise on Eren's skin under the press of his fingertips as they did on his own whenever Eren touched him. Did the young man feel the same sort of tingling? The same awkward heat or was that just Levi? He didn't know, but a newly awakened part of him desperately wanted to.

He stepped forward without conscious thought, his hand reaching out before he could properly stop himself and ever so lightly ghosted his fingertips along that dip, reveling in the softness of the skin under the pads of his fingers before his other self could protest and force him back.

"EEEK!" Eren squeaked as he jumped a foot and spun around to look at Levi with wide eyes. His face was bright red and his jaw fell open, completely shocked that Levi had actually touched him in such an unexpected way.

Levi blinked rapidly and stepped back several paces, his hand pulled back against his chest and clenched in a fist, a look of fear on his face, "S-Sorry, I... I didn't mean to..." he stuttered apprehensively, averting his eyes guiltily. Obviously, he should not have touched him like that. He berated himself for not having better control and shifted immediately to go to the refrigerator, unable to look back at Eren and see the look of disdain he was sure would be on the brunette's face. His movements were jerky, unlike his usual fluidity as he pulled out items from the refrigerator for hot cocoa and sandwiches.

"No no no no no," said Eren as he came to his senses. He didn't mean to reject Levi. He came up behind Levi and grabbed at his hand to get the man to look at him. "I just didn't expect you to touch me," he explained, tugging on Levi's arm. "I'm sorry I screamed. You can touch me whenever and wherever you want, remember?"

Eren finally got Levi to look at him. Eren's face was still bright red and he was hiding his eyes under his long brown eyelashes. "I should have been prepared. I just thought it would be impossible..." Lifting his black shirt, Eren put Levi's hand just below his navel. "You can touch me... I like when you touch me."

Levi's breath hitched, fingers spreading against the smooth firmness of Eren's abdomen and he swallowed hard, a shudder wracking through him.

"Why?" He managed to whisper hoarsely, not understanding how Eren could actually want to feel his touch like that, how he could accept it and actually go so far as to request more of it. His gaze was searching and his tongue felt like sandpaper, his other hand squeezing the carton of cream in its grip so hard, he was afraid it would burst. His skin felt tight again and the shivers refused to abate, goosebumps rising on his forearms uncontrollably. He should pull away, but he felt stuck, reluctant to move, but terrified of continuing the intimate contact.

Eren guided Levi's hand across his abdomen as his stomach muscles tightened and his skin raised with goosebumps at the soft touch of Levi's skin. "’Cause... ‘Cause it feels good," said Eren as his eyelashes fluttered before his eyes closed. He didn't think Levi would be able to hold the contact much longer which was a good thing, because he was getting hard. Already, his shorts felt a little tighter in the front.

Levi shook his head. Impossible... Eren had to be lying... There was no way that his touch could feel so good... Whenever he even considered touching himself, the revulsion that rose was so strong he couldn't stomach it for more than a minute... Surely Eren felt it too... It was Levi... He didn't touch because he was so sure that he would pass on the filth that never left his skin...

He pulled away before Eren could tell him it was a joke, a soft almost whine sounding from his throat, distressed by the conflicting emotions and what was evident before him. Eren didn't look disgusted, but it didn't matter... Levi couldn't fathom it... Eren's eyes were closed. Maybe he was imagining something else...

He turned back to the counter, preparing the food and drinks mechanically, allowing the habitual motions of cooking to sooth his shot nerves. His head was a mess. Nothing made any damn sense...

His shaking took some time to settle, tapering down to subtle trembling by the time the steaming mugs of creamy cocoa and roasted red pepper and avocado with goat cheese, spinach and salsa sandwiches were plated and set on the island.

He cleared his throat and swallowed, taking a sip of the hot beverage after blowing on it a moment or two until he was sure he could get his voice to work properly again.

"What... What would you like to do tonight?" He asked awkwardly, attempting to return to their usual routine. He felt unraveled, on the verge of some kind of breakdown or revelation that would quite possibly ruin one or both of them and he needed a distraction before he lost it and ran.

Eren almost cried when Levi removed his hand. He wanted Levi to touch him all over and never ever stop. But he guessed it was too much for the man; this whole touching thing being so new to him. Eren stood frozen and watching Levi cook. When the man sat down, he figured he should sit too.

He picked at his sandwich when Levi asked the awkward question. _‘Have sex with you,’_ he thought. But instead, he said "We could watch a movie. I'm feeling pretty beat so I'm probably going to pass out right away."

"Or," Eren continued, watching how uncomfortable Levi was, "I could go home for the night."

"No!" Levi exclaimed immediately, looking surprised by his own outburst, blinking wide eyes several times and swallowing visibly, "I mean, you don’t have to, you... You can stay. We can watch that movie and I'll send you off in the morning," he said a moment later, running trembling fingers through his hair roughly in a nervous display. He did need time to think without the young man present, but the memory of his earlier panic while Eren was missing took precedence over his own discomforting thoughts about himself.

He would sleep on it and take the time to analyze it the following day even though it was a weekend which Eren normally spent with him.

"Okay Levi," Eren said with a small smile. "I'll stay the night then." They had a peaceful night, snuggling on Levi's couch and watching The Little Mermaid for the third time. Eren fell asleep beside Levi pretty quickly on the couch, but when he woke up, he was in bed.

Except Levi wasn't in bed with him. He actually wasn't in the house. Levi left a note saying he had some errands to run, so Eren should lock up on his way out. It was weird, but Eren understood that Levi did have a life.


	15. Interlude: Fault Me a Frailty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllooo pretties!
> 
> Thank you all for your patience, continued support and wonderful well wishes! This is very short because it is an interlude, but we can actually say that there will be more to come soon as we had a couple chaps written to this fic for some time. Anyways, updates are still slow moving as most of you know, but at least there are some! Thanks for sticking with us!
> 
>  
> 
> Eren~ [ Delilah by Florence and the Machine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZr5Tid3Qw4)  
> Isabel~ [ Is Anybody Home? By Our Lady Peace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t0NILJQN-8)

It was Monday morning, close enough to lunch that all the patients were already come and gone before she and Farlan went for their usual break, when the chime of the intercom interrupted Isabel’s filing. She answered after only a second’s delay.

“What is it? Are you ready to go for lunch already?” she asked her spouse, a cheeky lilt to her tone.

Farlan chuckled before he spoke, “Not quite love. You have a call on line one. I don’t recognize the voice, but he seems pretty distraught. You should take it before we go.”

Isabel hummed in response, curious and a tad concerned. She wasn’t sure who it was that could be calling in such distress that Farlan would not recognize. Well, only one way to find out... “Alright, patch him through,” she agreed with a shrug of a shoulder, hanging up the receiver and waiting for the little red light to flash, signifying the client holding on line one.

“Good morning, Doctor Isabel Church speaking, how can I be of service?” she greeted as she answered the call, brow furrowing in confusion at the sounds that greeted her in response.

“Where is Levi,” Eren said into the phone as he paced his living room, his tone dark and threatening. It had been three days since he last saw or spoke with his therapist; not even through text message and it wasn’t for lack of trying on his part. When Marco told him his appointment was cancelled, it was the last straw. Levi was avoiding him and Eren was on a mission to find out why.

Isabel leaned against the edge of her desk, crossing one leg over the other. "Eren? This is Eren, isn't it?" she questioned, confusion flickering over her features, surprised that Levi's patient was calling her, especially considering that he had a clear dislike for her. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly in suspicion as she considered his greeting. If he was asking after Levi, that meant the other man was avoiding him and Eren had obviously become desperate enough to take desperate measures. The question was, _why_ was Levi avoiding his patient?

A large angry sigh sounded through the phone. "Yeah-sure-hi-whatever. Where is Levi?" Eren repeated, uninterested in continuing the conversation. He wanted the information, he wanted it now, and he never wanted to hear her voice again. Especially the cunt's voice in his ear.

Isabel pursed her lips in response to Eren’s huffy reply. Levi had been over at Hange's all weekend. He'd volunteered to help the other woman out while she was ill which was somewhat out of character, but she'd assumed he'd offered because they'd been pressuring him to be more social, now she had to wonder.

"I'm sorry Eren, but even if I know where he is, I can't freely give out the information. Is there some reason it's imperative you reach him?" she replied in a polite tone. She didn't particularly want to provoke the volatile young man any further when he was obviously already agitated.

She had been worried about this, had cautioned Levi and believed him during their most recent session when he'd assured her nothing was amiss; he and Eren had a completely platonic relationship, but that was then. This phone call lead her to believe something had happened between the two men to spook Levi. And obviously Levi was not at the office or answering calls at the moment if Eren was resorting to calling on her.

"Holy fuck, I didn't think you could make me hate you any more than I already do. I stand corrected," Eren said, his voice gaining volume as he started to throw random items like pillows and remotes across the room. "Levi could be sick or hurt? How do you know? I talk to him all day every day. And he hasn't answered in three days. He hasn't even been home! He's just disappeared. Do you give a shit at all?" Eren ranted into the phone, his eyes blurred red as rage pumped through his veins.

The therapist drew in a steadying breath and rubbed her unoccupied fingers over her forehead in exasperation. The young man was throwing a tantrum like some of her more troubled patients and she really didn't have the patience for his rudeness, though she understood. He was upset, that much was clear, and concerned for Levi. Eren hated her and probably hated the fact he had had no choice, but to seek her assistance more than he hated the thought of her even.

She was frustrated, caught between being pleased that Levi had found someone he seemed interested in more than she'd ever witnessed and frustrated by the protectiveness she felt towards her friend and colleague in regards to his choice. She didn't think Eren was a bad person, didn't know him as Levi did, but she feared for the volatility of any relationship the two might build and of course for the possible implosion of Levi's career if things progressed too far outside the realms of professionalism.

She let her breath out in a slow exhale, "You need to calm down. I can assure you that Levi is alright Eren. I've seen and heard from him, but that's all I can really say legally. I can't give his whereabouts out to anyone, friend or not. And you could stand to be a little more civil while asking for my assistance," she answered, her voice a tad scolding, her own irritation leaking through the tone. She understood that his disdain for her was born of jealousy, but it did not make it any less hurtful and certainly it did little to make her want to assist him.

Eren was silent for a few moments, breathing in and out as he processed the information. "You've seen him? And he was okay? You're sure?" Eren finally said, less hysterical than he was before.

Isabel ran her fingers through the fall of her russet curls and sighed inaudibly. "Yes, he seemed like his usual self, perhaps a little distracted, but he was otherwise fine. Perhaps you should give him space Eren if he's not contacted you. I've known Levi a long time. Sometimes he needs time to himself," she said softly, trying to both deter Eren from seeking Levi out with single minded intensity that would surely hurt the both of them, but also to provide him with assurance and support. Levi would never forgive her if she didn't at least do that much for the young man, even if Eren irrationally despised her.

"So..." Eren replied, his voice now calm and steady, filled with icy venom, "While I've been out of my mind with worry... He was with _you_?" The question was not meant to be answered. Even if he didn't want the information he was given, he at least knew for sure what was happening. Levi was avoiding him, ignoring him; didn't want to be around Eren any longer. Levi was ghosting him.

Pain shot through his chest, similar to the pain of losing his mother. A distressed whimper snuck out of his throat before he ended the call and chucked his phone across the room. " _Fuck_ ," Eren said to himself, flopping back onto his couch with a forearm covering his eyes.

Isabel didn't even get the chance to deny or affirm the young man's suspicions or correct his obvious assumptions before he'd hung up on her. She heaved another heavy sigh as the dial tone sounded before she placed a call of her own to Levi. She might as well at least give him some warning.

He didn't answer, but she left a voicemail requesting he call her as soon as was convenient, that it was important, though she had doubts he would be returning that call until at least a day or two from then. If he was in hiding, she doubted he would return any calls at all. Whatever had happened between he and Eren, Levi had obviously decided to work it out himself before he made anyone else privy to what was on his mind. She just hoped things worked out for the best.

Eren stayed like that for hours, anxiety taking over his body so strongly that he couldn't move. He knew he should have been nicer to Isabel to get what he needed but he couldn't help himself. She just pissed him off so badly for just existing.

Every so often his eyes stung threatening to hold back tears. Why would Levi do this to him? What did he do wrong. He went over the events of the last week but he couldn't remember one thing that would have upset Levi enough to ghost him.

With a sigh, he finally sat up from the couch and retrieved his cell phone. Eren would call Levi one more time. That was it. If he didn't answer, Eren was completely done. He would wash his hands of the man; only person he'd ever had feelings for. Only person he had ever loved romantically.

He dialed Levi's number and placed the phone against his ear. As it rang, he held his breath. _C'mon Levi, pick up. Pick up. Pick up. For the love of god please answer,_ he begged Levi telepathically. **Please**...

It went to voicemail.

"FUCK," Eren screamed, throwing his head back in agony, not wanting to follow through on his decision. But he didn't have much time to decide.

"Please leave a message after the beep," said the recorded voice. He spoke into the phone, spitting each word telling Levi that he was done. It was time to find his fix.

Going to his bedroom, Eren sifted through the pile of clothes he had to find his favourite pair of ripped jeans, light wash to show off his tanned skin. Next, he found a white shirt with large black letters spelling "FCUK" that stretched attractively across his toned chest. He grabbed one of his expensive watches and checked his hair the mirror.

After examining his attire, he forced himself to smile. He could do this. He just had to get laid and he would feel so much better. Fuck Levi and fuck all the work he had done to kick the habit. It was time to hunt for a distraction.


	16. Interlude II: Fashion Me a Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello again!
> 
> Here is the second interlude before we get back into the main plot and Levi will be back in the picture! As always, we thank you all for your patience, praise and continued support. We're doing our best to get some updates as quickly as possible, but it is still a slow process so please bare with us.
> 
> As a forewarning, during this chapter there is some sexual interaction between Eren and another character, though nothing too gratuitous. You could skip to the end if you like, but we recommend at least skimming the proceedings as you run the risk of missing out on subtext and such. That said, please enjoy!
> 
>    
> Eren~ [Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjQvk_R20r4)  
> Marlowe~ [Satisfied by Social Code](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoqtbEhYIV0)

Throwing back another shot of jack, Eren surveyed the club like a predator, trying to find prey in the mass of bodies writhing on the dance floor. He'd been at it for a while now, starting to become anxious and impatient as the booming bass made his ears throb. It wasn’t like there weren't any opportunities, no, he’d had many people come up and flirt with him. So far, none of the suitors tickled his fancy, which was strange because anyone would do for Eren before…

Scowling, Eren shook his head and threw back another double. _Focus,_ he told himself. The sooner he could get a dick up his ass, the sooner he would be able to calm down and not feel like the world was ending. Sex was soothing. A way to relax and get rid of his underlying frustration. 

Finally, his eyes locked on a guy walking towards him, whose eyes were glued to Eren's body. Smirking, Eren looked the guy up and down himself. The stranger was lanky and tall, but he had dark hair with a sort of military undercut. _Good enough_ , Eren thought as his eyes became half lidded, ready to get the foreplay out of the way and get down to business. 

“Hi,” Eren purred, when the man finally reached him. He grinned crookedly up at the guy as he awaited a reply.

Marlowe took a drink of his rum and coke, eyes crawling up and down the lithe body of the brunette he'd been eyeing for half the night and working up the courage to actually go speak to. He was still pretty new to the whole scene, but the guy looked like he knew what was what, so maybe it would be alright. He'd finally had enough to drink in order to give him the bravery he needed. 

When the brunette looked him over and purred a greeting through a grin, he was relieved and managed to smile in return. "Hey there, care for some company? You look a little lonely," he greeted in reply, feeling more confident by the moment. It was pretty clear that the other young man was interested in company.

"Mm," Eren hummed, cocking a hip to the side. "Well aren't you cute..." he said, before he turned around and ordered another double to down, arching his back against the bar to show off his round spankable ass. As he awaited his shot, he looked back over his shoulder at the guy and asked playfully, "Are you gonna fix my loneliness?"

The black haired man's eyes drifted along the arch of Eren's spine and lingered on his presented ass, lusty interest swimming in the dark irises. Feeling bold, he reached out to run his unoccupied hand down the same path his gaze had, stopping just short of groping the curve of the brunette's backside. "I'd like to," he responded before he drained a majority of his remaining drink from the glass, licking his lips as his gaze flickered to Eren's face.

Eren suppressed a shudder of disgust as he grabbed his shot and downed it, slamming the glass back on the counter. "Hah... that's good," Eren said, slowly licking his lips and revelling in the alcohol’s burn. 

Eren stood up straight and turned around, gliding up to the man and hooking an arm around the taller man's neck. Stretching up on his tippy toes, his lips brushed the shell of the stranger's ear as he said, "I'm Eren and I'm horny. Bathroom or alley?" Eren didn't want to dance, he wanted to get down to business. Hopefully the guy was game.

Marlowe's eyes went wide before he blinked a couple times, just barely managing to set his nearly empty glass onto the bar as Eren pressed up against him. He slipped his hands around Eren's back almost hesitantly, not having expected the suddenness of the other man's closeness, nor the to the point offer. He swallowed, throat bobbing visibly as he palmed over Eren's lower back and hips. 

"Um, the bathrooms here are pretty crowded... the alley might be better," he answered, his voice low and a tad raspy, an immediate influx of arousal pulsing under his skin. Things were certainly turning out better than he'd expected. "I'm Marlowe by the way," he said as his hands started to stray further, already greedy to feel more. He was prepared to let Eren lead him outside as soon as he liked.

Eren cocked his head at Marlowe's answer then nodded. "Don't like an audience? I can respect that," Eren said with a shrug, quickly nipping the man's ear playfully before he grabbed his hand and began leading him to the emergency exit. He made sure to sway his hips provocatively and glance back every so often to give the man a reassuring smile. Marlowe didn't seem very experienced which was alright. Eren would get what he needed then be gone.

Marlowe followed Eren, hand grasping firmly in the hold of the brunette's and he couldn't help a shiver of anticipation that crawled down his back. He couldn't believe how easy and fast the interaction had went. 

Once they were outside in the damp chill of the autumn air, away from prying eyes and obscured in the relative privacy of the secluded alleyway, he grew bolder. He slid his hands back over Eren's hips and up his sides, coaxing him back against the rough brick of the wall a few feet from the door they'd exited. He leaned in, nose brushing along the tanned column of Eren's throat and he made an appreciative sound in his throat, murmuring in a wash of heated breath against the flesh, "You are so hot... Mm, wanna fuck you so bad."

Eren frowned at the rough feeling of the wall against his back. He knew right away that it would leave dark bruises and possible scrapes on his shoulder blades. _Levi will be upset when he sees it_ , Eren thought before he shook his head. _Who the hell cares what Levi thinks?_

He heard Marlowe say something, but Eren wasn't quite sure what it was since he wasn't really listening. "Uh huh," he answered anyway, sure it was just some dirty talk. Grabbing the man's hands, he directed them to his ass as he said, "Touch me." Eren already felt like this was taking way too long, making his anxiety rise. He ran his own hands up and down Marlowe’s chest as he began to suck on the guy's neck, trying to get this show on the road.

Marlowe groaned at the feel of hands on his chest and a hot mouth at his neck. He immediately obeyed Eren's demand, groping at his ass eagerly, pushing his own hips forward to rut against Eren's, eager for the friction against an already throbbing erection. He buried his face against Eren's neck, sucking, kissing and lapping at the skin. 

"Nn, you got a condom or lube or something?" he questioned breathily, pulling away and nipping at Eren's ear before he stepped back and turned Eren against the wall so he could press himself flush against his backside instead. His hands slipped around the front of the other male's pelvis to unbutton and unzip his pants, delving beneath the waistband of the brunette's jeans immediately, aroused further by the feel of plush skin replacing rough denim under his fingertips and the feel of the firm round ass against his own straining crotch.

Eren rolled his eyes and sighed through his nose as his partner flipped him around. Eren had to brace himself against the wall with his hands so that his face wouldn't be ground into the brick. "'Course,"Eren said, reaching a hand into his pocket to retrieve a condom and a little tube of lube to pass back to Marlowe, "No way in hell are you going bareback." 

As the man pressed his groin against his ass, Eren almost made a sound of disappointment. For the guy’s tall stature, he definitely wasn't equipped. And the cute shyness Eren had found attractive before in the bar had faded away into clumsy and selfish fumbling.

The tall raven panted roughly against the back of Eren's neck as he accepted the items from the brunette with one clumsy hand, his other leaving Eren's pants to fumble with his own. He grunted as he jerked them open hastily and pulled his dick from the confines, ripping the condom open with his teeth and swiftly rolling it on. He had a tad more difficulty with the lube, but eventually managed to get it open and slather the rubber with the slick liquid. 

His hands were back on Eren's hips as soon as he was finished, pushing at the denim until it was drooping around Eren's thighs. He drizzled the last of the lube down the crack of the brunette's ass sloppily before he was pressing back in against him, rubbing his mediocre manhood between the soft cheeks of Eren's ass. "You ready?" he asked, breathless with eagerness and arousal.

Eren frowned when he felt Marlowe lining up his cock with Eren's entrance. "Hey wait," Eren said, frustration in his voice as he looked over his shoulder. "You gotta stretch me out a bit... It'll hurt otherwise," Eren explained, pulling his hips away from the man. "I'm not a girl... Have you had sex with a guy before?" he asked, fixing his over eager partner with a skeptical look.

Marlowe looked back at Eren with hazy eyes, brows furrowing, "Uhh, yeah, but I figured you... Well you were pretty eager inside. Didn't seem like you wanted the foreplay," he shook his head a little, "Well whatever, I don't mind," he finished, reaching to grab at Eren's ass again. Eager fingers slid between the slicked cheeks far less gently than would be usual for foreplay, but Marlowe wasn't about to romance the brunette when Eren had been the one to make the sudden offer inside the bar. If he'd wanted something kinder, he should have let Marlowe buy him a drink and take him home, not offered to fuck in the back alley like a whore.

"Well yeah," Eren said, frowning deeper and unhappy with Marlowe's attitude, "I want to get fucked... but I also want to be able to sit tomorrow. It's kinda been a while for me..." He rolled his eyes again then faced forward as Marlowe started to finger fuck his ass. 

Instead of loosening him up, it was making him tense further, wincing every so often with the bite of Marlowe's nails. Way too soon, Marlowe added a third finger, making Eren flinch. "Jesus," Eren said, slapping the guy's hand away as he turned to glare at Marlowe and started to stand up, "You're hurting me."

Marlowe growled a curse under his breath, his erection wilting. What the fuck was this guy's deal? Seriously?

"It wouldn't hurt if you'd fucking relax. I'm losing my hard on here. If you changed your mind, fine, say so. I'd rather not be standing out here for the next hour waiting to freeze my balls off while you _stretch out a bit_ ," he bitched, irritated by the brunette’s attitude as much as Eren was frustrated by his. Eren had fucking started this whole thing. Marlowe had approached him with the intention of fucking, yes, but he hadn't expected to be immediately led outside for what he assumed would be a quickie and not some drawn out fiasco.

Eren's green eyes glowed with anger at Marlowe's tantrum. "Fuck it," Eren said, pulling up his pants angrily, "To think I was gonna let you fuck me here then bring you home for seconds and thirds." He zipped up his jeans then crossed his arms as he looked up at the guy. "But no, you had to be an ass. It would have taken a couple extra minutes to prep me properly and then we both would have been happy."

Marlowe's eyes narrowed and he huffed, removing the condom from his now seriously deflated dick and tossing it away disgustedly before pulling his own pants back up. "You know what? Probably wouldn't be worth the fucking trouble," he said as he turned on his heel and fucked off down the other end of the alley to the street, not bothering to look back. He didn't give a fuck about the insults really. It wasn't Marlowe's fault, Eren obviously didn't know what the fuck he wanted.

"Whatever," Eren called down the alley, "We both know I was way out of your league anyway, asshole." But Marlowe was out of sight, and Eren wasn't even sure if he had heard the parting shot. 

"Fuck," Eren said, bringing his hands up to tug at his hair as he leaned against the wall. Why didn't he just let Marlowe in without prep? Eren usually didn't care if it was painful, as long as there was a dick up his ass. But Levi would have been so disappointed if Eren was hurt again. 

"Levi," Eren sighed, running a hand over his face. It all came back to Levi. After thinking about it, Eren realized he’d only chosen Marlowe for his black hair. A pained laugh crawled out of his throat. "I'm completely fucked," Eren said, swallowing down a sob before he stood up and left the alley to catch a cab home; unwilling to search for another partner.

***

It didn't take long for Eren to stumble into his apartment after calling a cab from the club, feeling oddly defeated. This was the first time in the history of Eren's promiscuity that he hadn't been able to bring someone home. The thought was depressing. 

Scouring his cupboards, Eren found a 2’6 of 151 rum and started drinking heavily from the bottle, throwing his own pity party. If only he could get a hold of Levi, and get some answers as to why Levi dumped him. Eren needed fucking closure so he could go back to his wanton ways. 

In his drunken haze, a memory flashed across Eren's eyes. A small strip of paper that held both Levi's cell phone number and his _home_ number. Eren knew he had never called Levi's home number, never even saw Levi use it before. But he wondered if Levi would answer that phone. There was no way Levi would think Eren knew his home number. It was worth a shot. 

Stumbling, and continuing to take sips from the bottle, he started to scour his apartment for the number. It was seldom that Eren threw anything away; he had hope that the paper was _somewhere_. 

An hour later and the bottle was almost empty and Eren was beginning to lose hope, having gone through everything. His apartment now looked like a war zone as he carelessly threw his possessions around in his search. Sitting on the floor, he began to smack his drunken brain. _Think Jaeger_ , he scolded himself, _Where's the fucking paper_?

“What was I wearing that night?” Eren asked himself out loud suddenly, his words slurred. He tossed the empty bottle away as he crawled to his bedroom. This was his last shot. That was the only other place the paper could be. 

In the corner on the floor, he found the pants in question. Slowly, he checked both of the front pockets, holding his drunken breath. 

“Fuck yes!” Eren yelled, pulling the paper out of the right hand pocket, quickly grabbing his cell to dial the number. “I got you now, you fucker,” Eren said to himself as he listened to the phone ring, “I got you now…”


	17. Win Me A Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this update. It's been written for a thousand years, but we decided we needed to add more in between the earlier chapters and this one for developement purposes. It's lucky though because we only had to edit it and tweak it a bit in order to post it and therefore, you get it earlier than you might have if we needed to write the next few chaps fresh. 
> 
> You've all been waiting for it; hope it was worth the wait! Thank you for all the comments, kudos and continued support! Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> Eren~ [ Ghost by Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao4o-XRU_KM)  
> Levi~ [ Losing My Religion by REM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwtdhWltSIg)

"Levi Michelle Ackerman. I know your middle name isn't Michelle but what the fuck? Why aren't you calling me back?" said the voicemail left on Levi's cellphone. It was the fifth voicemail that Levi had received from Eren. 

"Like seriously. I even went to your house, but you weren’t there, ALL fucking weekend. What the flying fuck. You even cancelled my appointment... You know what Levi, I'm going out tonight. And I'm going to get laid ‘cause you are an ASSHOLE.” _End of message. To replay this message, hit 7, to skip this message hit…_

Levi sighed angrily as he set down his phone. He was frustrated by his own indecisive behaviour and the avoidance strategy he was employing on Eren because he didn't trust himself anymore. It wasn't working to quell any of the feelings running rampant through him. He'd taken Molly and spent Saturday and Sunday nursing a bedridden, ill Hange just to avoid Eren possibly showing up at his house which he had. He’d even gone so far as to reschedule Eren's appointment and take off the rest of the day and still he could think of nothing, but Eren. The voicemails did absolutely nothing, but make him anxious and guilty. The final one made him worry so badly that he began shaking, but he refused to go out and look for him again, considering that that was the whole damn reason he was in the predicament he found himself in in the first place.

He missed Eren, but he couldn't see him... He kept thinking about the kiss, the heat of their bodies mingling, pressed together, a mirrored hardness and that little strip of tanned gold on Eren's lower back, those soft creases where his shorts hadn't covered his rear and thighs... He growled and shook his head, going back to viciously scrubbing at the already immaculately clean tile of his shower. He was trying to soothe himself; cleaning had always worked if cooking didn't, which it hadn't considering the amount of prepared meals and baked goods that now lined the shelves in his fridge. God knew how he was ever going to get rid of it all before it spoiled; he'd unconsciously made enough for Eren with every dish. Playing music had seemed to work until he'd received the last voicemail and now here he was, knees aching and muscles cramped from tension on his bathroom floor with rubber gloves to his elbows and a scrub brush in hand, the smell of cleaning solution so strong he should be dizzy. Still he could not soothe the heat and turmoil beneath his skin. It was getting late now and still, he could not seem to calm down even a fraction.

He'd woken with a raging erection every day since the night they'd kissed and it had left him so on edge, he could barely concentrate on anything at all.

And it wasn't just looking at Eren that Levi missed; he missed his laugh and the sounds of appreciation he made while eating the food Levi made for him, the way his eyes lit when he sang along to Disney classics and how he looked so peaceful when he slept. Levi was losing his god damned mind...

He growled and threw off the rubber gloves, sitting back on his ass and hanging his head between his spread knees, closing his eyes and counting prime numbers in his head until the sound of his home phone broke through and he dragged himself into his bedroom to answer it without looking at the caller ID, assuming it would be Issy or Hange. They were generally the only ones aside from the office that called him on his landline, especially considering it was too late for the office to be calling.

"Hello?" He greeted, voice low and strained, hoarse as if he'd been screaming or silent for days. He sat back on his bed, kicking off his slippers and running his unoccupied hand through his hair.

"You.... You fucker. Youuuuuuuuu FUCKERRR!" Eren slurred over the phone as he stumbled around his apartment in a drunken and angry daze. "I thought... You died!! You were dead. I called every... Every damn hospital... In this entire city-... _Hic._ But nooooooo. Mister Michelle is at home... IGNORING MY FUCKING CALLS," he almost screamed into the phone. He was so angry and upset. He’d gone to Levi’s house several times during the weekend, hoping to catch the man when he came home, but Levi had never showed. Molly wasn’t even there and Eren hadn’t been able to stay there where everything reminded him of the missing man. The silence had been unbearable. Levi obviously didn’t want him there, so he’d left.

Levi winced and held the phone away from his ear until he was sure it was safe to return it.

"E-Eren? I... I'm sorry I... I don't have any excuse... Are you alright?" He answered, apprehension heavy in his tone.

The sound of Eren's voice made him shudder and his muscles tensed so hard, they shook a little under the strain and he found himself suddenly clammy with sweat.

He should have checked the caller ID...

"No Michelle. I'm... I am **not** alright. No one would... Would tell me if you were alright.... I called-- I called EVERYONE. Even the red headed SLUT... EVERYONE. You know... You know how I got this number? You wrote it on that stupid piece of paper you gave to me forever ago. I WENT THROUGH MY ENTIRE APARTMENT TO FIND IT. I never... I never needed your home number before. ‘CAUSE YOU ALWAYS ANSWERED YOUR GOD DAMN CELLPHONE. You fucker. You don't deserve a hot name like Levi. You are... You are now Michelle. I fucking hate the name Michelle. Mi-Che-lllllleeeee. Sounds horribible," Eren took a deep breath after his rant. The room was swaying and he was so angry, he didn't even know what he was saying anymore. "You know... You know what's the worst part? I couldn't even get laid tonight! Me! Couldn't get laid. You want to know why? ‘Cause none of the assholes were good enough. NONE OF THEM WERE YOU. I should... I should go over there right now... Tie you down and give you a blow job. As punishment. ‘CAUSE AT LEAST I WOULD GET SOME THEN."

Levi choked on his words and had to take a deep steadying breath, before he could even try to respond to the obviously irate young man. He wet his lips and tugged on his hair, wracking his head for something to say. He had no excuses for the immaturity of his behaviour the passed few days.

"My middle name is Adrian," he said quietly, and apparently stunned Eren to silence for a moment with the unexpected statement.

He quickly went on, "I'm sorry for worrying you Eren... I just needed some time to think... It wasn't my intention to upset you... I'm sorry for my behaviour, but I'm not sorry you couldn't find a partner tonight." He was glad that Eren was having a hard time utilizing his usual coping methods because it meant he was safer. And at the same time he felt guilty for being unable to be the partner Eren was obviously pining for. He swallowed hard, refusing to think about the implications, the intimacy _that_ would entail, anxious and already hot beneath his tight skin. And he could feel fear knotting in his gut at the prospect of Eren showing up at his home, invading his space again and forcing him to face whatever it was that was happening between them. He couldn't... He just couldn't...

"Michelle Adrian Ackerman," said Eren, sounding the words out sloppily. "Ain't that a shitty ass name. Sounds like an ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T CALL PEOPLE BACK." Eren breathed heavily into the phone. He was freaking the fuck out, finally having gotten a hold of the other man and he was going to regret once he was sober what he was about to do next. "You listen to me Michelle. You fucking owe me. You owe me so much. As punishment, you are going to sit on this phone and listen to me masturbate THINKING OF YOU. And I swear to god if you hang up or not keep that phone glued to your ear, I WILL END YOU. I WILL COME OVER THERE AND YOU WILL HAVE TO **WATCH** ME MASTURBATE IN PERSON. Do you want to test me Michelle? ‘Cause I swear to all that is holy that I will do it. THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE TO ME AND I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU IF YOU HANG UP." He paused, only the sound of his heavy breathing flowing through the line for several long seconds.

"So make your decision," he finished, spitting the words with venom.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek so hard, he tasted blood and he was shaking his head, the grip on his phone white-knuckled. He couldn't do that...

But Eren was so angry and Levi believed him when he said he wouldn't forgive him. It'd be worse to lose him that way... It would be so much worse.

Maybe he could block it out, go someplace safe inside his head until Eren was satisfied... He did owe him... He couldn't touch him; the least he could do was listen...

"Alright... Alright Eren... If... If that's what you want," he agreed breathlessly, desperation and no small amount of nervousness in his tone. What else could he possibly do? This was all his fault in the first place.

"I didn't think your pansy ass would actually agree to this," said Eren mockingly. All the anger and frustration and even the humiliation of calling Levi so many times was being unleashed on the man all at once. What Eren didn't say was how worried he had been. Having someone just ghost you like that was terrible. He’d thought Levi was done with him. He couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. Eren was going to make Levi pay for scaring him the way he had. This was going to be one wild show. Dropping his voice down an octave, Eren purred into the phone "Levi, do you know how hot you make me?"

It took the raven several seconds to realize Eren expected an answer and he had to force his mouth to work in order to give him one, anxiety climbing with the realization that Eren didn't just want him to listen; he wanted him to **participate.**

He clenched the hand in his hair against his scalp painfully, revelling in the distraction the sting provided. "T-tell me," he whispered, breath echoing against the phone receiver heatedly and he screwed his eyes shut tightly.

"Mm, you make me so hot that I had to take all my clothes off. Whoopsies," Eren laughed into the phone along with the muffled sound of clothes being ripped off. "Can you picture me Levi? All that tan skin? I think I even have some freckles on my shoulders. I haven't been with anyone lately so I don't have any bruises anymore. My skin is perfect just for you."

Eren switched his phone from one ear to the other. "Would you mark me up too? Claim this pretty skin for yourself?"

All Levi could picture were those little dimples and that strip of flesh, the way it had felt under his fingers for that brief moment, that electricity that Eren brought to life under his skin and it was there now as Levi thought about touching Eren again. He wanted to press his thumbs against those dimples and wrap his hands around Eren's waist and squeeze, make him squirm against him and feel him shiver, make those noises he always made...

"Hh--Yes..." His breath hitched and he shivered violently against his bedding. When had he leaned back against his pillows? He was so warm, like he had a fever and he felt nauseous and excited all at once, almost giddy with anxiety and what he failed to identify as arousal.

"Hn, good boy," said Eren, proud of Levi's admission. He’d never heard the man sound so wrecked before. He laid down on his bed and got comfortable. "You know Levi," Eren started as his hand trailed up and down his torso then teased his nipples. When his fingers pinched the little nubs, he gasped into the phone. "I have very sensitive nipples. I bet if you played with them, I would cum untouched. It'd feel so good to have your mouth sucking on them. I wish you were here right now to do just that."

Levi made a sound that was something like a mix of a choked whine and a hitched breath and he shook his head, "I-I couldn't," he said shakily, shivering uncontrollably, the fever spiking and he could feel sweat roll between his shoulder blades. His stomach was on fire and knotted so tightly, he wasn't sure how he was able to breathe. He could feel the tingling heat, like electric flames under his skin, tremors of fear and self loathing rising, but overwhelmed by a different sort of pressure that still blindsided him as his body flushed and he felt tightness in the confines of his clothing. Just talking about touching Eren was affecting him more than he could have imagined and it shouldn't considering what they talked about in sessions regularly, but he was just Levi right now and his guard was down. Eren was knocking down all his boundaries like dominoes with every second he spent with him.

"Yes you could," Eren breathed. "This is my fantasy. And in my fantasy, you can touch me all you want with no problem. So that means that beautiful little mouth of yours would be sucking on my nipples as we speak." Eren sighed wistfully just imagining it. It would be a damn pretty sight. "Tell me what your favourite part of my body is. And I'll tell you my favourite part of yours."

"I can't Eren... I can't..." Levi’s voice was begging. He couldn't tell Eren something like that... It was too disturbing. How could he tell Eren that he had become fixated on the little divots in his back, the dip of his spine and subtle curves of his sides, tapering to narrow hips or that he kept tasting his lips when he woke up hard in the morning... He couldn't do that... It was filthy...

Eren heard the distress in Levi's voice and switched tactics. "It's okay love. You don't have to tell me. Just think about it. My favourite part of you is your back. It's so unbelievably sexy. Every time I've seen it, I've had to fight from going in the bathroom to get myself off to the fresh image of it," Eren said, picturing Levi naked. "You've been really hard on me Levi."

"I didn't mean to... I didn't know," Levi whispered, biting his bottom lip, the hand in his hair falling to clench in the fabric of his shirt, white-knuckled as he pulled it up his chest, trying to regulate his temperature. He was burning and his throat felt like he’d swallowed a mouthful of sand, but there was no taste of bile... He was tasting rain and salt again. And he was parched.

"Yes you did love. You've known from day one what you do to me. I'm crazy about you." Eren's fingers finally danced their way up his shaft to grip at the dripping head. "Ah, haah," Eren moaned. "Do you... Do you want to know what I'm doing now Levi, my love?"

Levi's breath hitched in an almost sob, trembling and he was shaking his head again even as his body rebelled and his mouth worked on it's own. "T-Tell me... I... Want to..." And he did... Habitual shame and guilt battered against his mind, but he couldn't focus on anything except the sound of Eren's voice in his ear. The muscles in his stomach twitched as the hand clenched in his shirt turned numb in its grip and his hips shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm touching myself, thinking about you. Only you, Levi," said Eren as he gave himself one firm-gripped stroke. "Ahh. It feels so good. I can almost imagine that it's you touching me instead. I'm so hard Levi. Haahh... Remembering our kiss and how hard it got me. I can't even stand it Levi.. I'm so... Hot. It's hot in here."

"I remember..." Levi murmured hoarsely, licking his lips again and shuddering violently, unconsciously slouching further into his mattress and spreading his legs a bit to accommodate the stiffness between them better. He didn't consciously realize what he was even doing, just trying to alleviate the aching he felt in his core. Eren was right about the heat too; Levi was an inferno. He felt like he was going to suffocate and before he could hesitate, he had roughly pulled his t-shirt over his head. It wasn’t like Eren would know that he had.

"Mmmmm," Eren hummed as he stroked himself at a rhythmic pace, making sure to flick his wrist at the head. "I'm stroking it Levi. It feels so good. Can you hear how good it feels from my voice? You should touch yourself too."

"I can't... I can't do that Eren... It's..." His words were quiet and desperate, falling from his lips in one swift shuddering breath. He _could_ hear it... In Eren's tone and in the breathy sounds that made the base of his spine tingle. But he couldn't possibly follow... He'd tried before... It didn't work; it never worked...

"It's okay love.... Mmmnn... Just listen to my voice and try. Ahhh... Don't think too hard about what you're doing. Just... Haahh... Try to do what feels good." Heat was coiling in Eren's belly just listening to Levi's haggard voice over the phone. "You sound so good Levi... Really getting me going..."

Levi made that low whining sound again, fighting with himself. His face scrunched as if it was painful as he slowly trailed his fingers down along his chest, desperately trying to imagine they were Eren's instead; he could almost believe it too, hearing Eren as he was. His stomach muscles fluttered under his fingertips as they ran a slow circle around his navel. “Eren," he murmured roughly, warning. He couldn't go further... His hand was at his hip, pressing lightly as he recalled the heat of Eren's hands there before when they'd kissed and his hips bucked of their own accord, recalling the feel of the young man's when they'd been pressed together so tightly. It wouldn't work; it couldn't possibly... Eren was the one with magic hands.

"Just pretend it's me," Eren breathed into the phone. "I'm the one touching you right now. You feel so soft and so good. It's not gross at all. It feels good. C'mon Levi, let me touch you pleaseee." For some reason, this call had become less about punishment and more about wanting Levi to get off. Eren wanted Levi to come for the first time thinking of him.

The raven panted harshly through his nose, tossing his head on his pillow and shifting, squirming on his mattress as his hand squeezed where it was on his hip, almost teasing as Eren had been. His brows pinched together as he tried to remember how Eren's fingers felt on his skin; it seemed like it had been so long since they had last touched. "Want to," he breathed, "Want to feel you..." He wasn't even consciously aware he'd voiced the desire, trying so hard to fantasize about being touched further by Eren, to convince himself that the fingers caressing his hipbone and lower were not his own.

Eren was now stroking himself hard to the sound of Levi's voice. "Oh Levi I want to touch you soo bad... Haahh… And feel your body all over... Mmmmm… It's been so hard trying to resist. Ahh I want you so bad, love."

"Nn..." Levi didn't have any words to respond with, biting his lips roughly as his brow furrowed further, forehead wrinkling a little in frustration as he slipped just his fingertips into the waistband of his loose sweats, chest rising and falling rapidly with his breaths, his heart pounding so loud, he was sure the other male would be able to hear it over the line. He was careful, gentle, reverent. How he could recall Eren's touch so vividly, he wouldn't understand later, but he was getting lost in the sensations and the sounds, anxiety and apprehension forced silent under a breathtaking burn that was all-consuming. His breath caught and he actually moaned when his fingers made contact with the hot stiffness. "Eren," he sighed gutturally.

"That's it Levi," Eren said, very excited that Levi was even trying when he’d said he’d never been able before. He figured Levi wouldn't know how to do it so he tried explaining it like he was doing it. "I'm going to grip the base and pull up okay? It's going to feel really good. I got you, love."

Levi closed his eyes, wetting his lips and swallowing a sudden excess of saliva as he tried to breathe through his nose. He mimicked the motions Eren described without too much consideration. If he were to think too much about what he was doing, he would surely be unable to continue. He made another sound, a mix between a gasp and another moan that vaguely resembled the young man's name and he arched a bit, hips rolling up into the tentative grip of his hand with instinctive need. It felt good as Eren had said it would. He shuddered and tightened his fingers ever so slightly around his length, repeating the motion and gasping again. He worried at his lip, concentrating on the feeling and convincing himself that it was not his hand, but Eren’s with those long, slim tanned fingers, always so gentle. Explorative...

"That's it love," breathed Eren as he continued to pump himself to the sound of Levi's moans. "Okay. I always twist my wrist when I get to the head too. And I will cup and roll your balls in my other hand." Turning over, Eren put himself on speaker to free up his hands. He reached over to his nightstand to grab a bottle of lube and squirted some onto his fingers. "You know what I'm going to do next, Levi?" Eren purred. "I'm going to finger myself and imagine that it's your dick plowing into me." He eased two fingers into his hole. "Hnnnnn, ahhhh Levi, I want you so bad. You feel so good. I want you deep inside of me."

Levi had a difficult time situating himself with the phone pressed to his ear and let out a frustrated noise as he blindly searched for the speaker button with numb fingers. Once he'd found it, he let the phone fall onto the pillow next to him and used his now free hand to jerk his pants down, hissing when the cooler air of the room met his straining erection and his hand stilled around it a moment, heart racing. He blinked into the dimness of his bedroom for a few seconds, a thread of awareness causing a moment of hesitation. Eren wasn't there... It wasn't his hands...

 _No_... He forced his eyes closed again and concentrated on the sound of Eren's voice and panting breaths. He shuddered and ran his other hand down his body slowly to try to mimic what Eren had described, palming at the soft sac beneath his fisted erection, brow furrowing as he focused on the feeling, imagining the young man as he must look then. "I want to... I want to touch you," he whispered hoarsely, shivering and arching, hips bucking of their own accord as his grip on his cock tightened minutely and slid from base to tip and back again. The heat in his gut flared and rolled, spreading in thick waves beneath his taut skin and his chest heaved with harsh breaths as he moved into the press of his own hands, hands he desperately wanted to believe were Eren's. Would it feel the same? And to be inside of him... He could hardly imagine it.

"Mmmmm, Levi... Haahh... So good... I'm close," warned Eren as his belly was filled with white hot heat. He pumped his dick faster, moving up and down the shaft with vigor while he thrust his fingers inside himself in time with the stroking motions. He could feel the way Levi's pale fingers would wrap around his dick and make him feel good. Levi was so beautiful.

"Ahhhhh," Eren cried out as his cum draped across his stomach and chest abruptly, body arching as his orgasm crashed over him. He breathed heavily, still listening to Levi work on himself.

The raven arched, muscles straining as he pumped his hand faster, losing himself in the sensation and the sounds Eren made. He twisted in his sheets, the hand not on his dick, clenching in the bedding next to his hip until his fingers ached. The pressure in his gut coiled tighter and he was on the verge of hyperventilating, shaking and sweating, chest rising and falling with rapid heaves. "Eren, Eren, Eren... I... C-Can't... Can't... Hah..." His voice went high and breathy, almost sobbing as he felt something give and the coiled pressure exploded, scattering his thoughts and washing over him in waves of blissful euphoria, hips straining as his cock jerked in his grip, thick ropes of cum splashing over his belly and chest, turning to sluggish rivulets that clung to his fingers and his breath caught in his throat, tremors shuddering through him and skittering warm pleasure under sensitive skin.

"There you go Levi. Didn't that feel amazing? I'm so proud of you love. You did so great. You're so amazing. I love you so much Levi. I love you I love you I love you," cooed Eren into the phone, too preoccupied with Levi to think about cleaning himself up. Levi was forgiven at least for the moment. "You are so wonderful. I love you Levi." Eren was beaming. Levi had actually done it. Maybe their relationship could be sexual. Eren felt so hopeful. They could make this work. Of course Eren would love Levi no matter what, even if they weren't able to do anything sexual, but he would love to be more intimate with the person he loved.


	18. Lose Me a War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the continued support and well wishes. You guys are awesome and your patience is appreciated! We love to receive your comments. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> Eren~ [ Tainted Love by Marilyn Manson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUSPXZYRZss)  
> Levi~ [ Crawling by Linkin Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLHd4BQIiGw)  
> Isabel~ [ Fix You by Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM)  
> 

Levi breathed heavily, brain slowly rebooting after the sensation overload. He was barely coherent enough to hear Eren's words filtering through the phone. He lifted his hand, staring with wide eyes at the pearly threads of cum webbed between his spread fingers for several drawn out moments before he blinked with sudden realization. His breathing hitched again and he felt panic and repulsion rising so swiftly, he choked, scrambling off the bed and nearly tripping on his pants still around his ankles, frustrated fearful sounds leaving his mouth as he kicked them the rest of the way off and lunged for his bathroom, shaking so hard, he fumbled to turn the light switch on, slamming the door behind him.

He made desperate whining noises as he wrenched the hot water tap on, scrubbing his hand clean vigorously, vision blurring as he rubbed the flesh raw in his panic to clean off the filthy evidence of what he'd just done. It didn't matter that he had succeeded after so many failed attempts in the past, that he had actually maintained an erection and ejaculated; the return of his irrational horror and self-loathing, anxious panic and overwhelming disgust made it impossible for him to feel any pride in his sudden progress. What had he done? Eren knew now... He **knew…**

Levi shuddered violently, reddened hands pressing hard against the counter ledge and he hung his head, trying to force air into his burning lungs as black spots clouded his vision, fainting becoming a real threat. He made another pathetic upset sound upon noticing the threads of cum clinging to his belly and chest and whirled around towards his shower, yanking the taps on to scalding as well and immediately stepping in, reveling in the heat as he started cleaning himself, soaping over and over until his skin was red and sore and the water was numbingly cold.

His teeth were chattering as he finally stepped out, not bothering to turn the water off, wrapping himself in a towel loosely, unable to tie it well with his shaking and frozen fingers. His eyes burned and his breathing was still laboured. He reached for his cellphone which was where he'd left it just to the side of the shower enclosure, sitting haphazardly next to the damp bath mat. He didn’t know what to do.

He mechanically dialed the number as he sat on the cold tile with his knees drawn up to his chest, holding the phone to his ear shakily as he listened to the ring, pleading that Issy pick up. He needed her... Right the fuck **now…**

***

The shrill ring of the phone echoed through the Church residence. Half awake, Farlan Church slammed his hand on the snooze button of his alarm, but the sound kept coming. Grabbing the hand held phone off the jack, he answered sleepily, "Whoseit?"

Only hearing weird heavy breathing on the other end of the line, Farlan started to get angry. "This better not be some kind of pervert. Who the hell is it calling at this time?" He said as he sat up, waking up a sleeping Isabel.

"What's wrong Farlan?" She questioned groggily.

"Need Issy... P-Put her on..." Levi's hoarse voice carried roughly over the line, his fingers white-knuckled on his cellphone and he laid his forehead on his knees, closing his eyes hard and taking deep shuddering breaths, his unoccupied arm wound around his bent legs, tucking himself into the smallest form he possibly could. The shower was static, still running like the pounding of rain in the background.

Isabel snatched the phone away from Farlan before he could respond when she recognized Levi's distressed voice. "Levi? What's wrong? Are you okay?! What happened?" she asked swiftly, almost panicked. Levi hadn't sounded like this in a long time. She probably should have been expecting it, but she had thought he’d been doing better.

"Issy... Issy... I... It's happening again... I'm..." Levi half sobbed into the phone, unable to properly voice what was happening. He was panicking, desperately wanting to cover his ears and close his eyes and count until he ran out of numbers, shut out the world until it was safe to come out. What the hell had he done?

Isabel was already up out of bed and throwing on one of Farlan’s hoodies over her nightgown. "I'm on my way," she said to Levi as she left her bedroom.

Levi dropped his phone as soon as the woman said she was coming and it broke apart on the tile at his feet. He clenched his eyes shut tightly and curled his fingers harshly into his hair, rocking slightly as he waited. The waiting was the worst.

Isabel drove like a maniac through the quiet streets of the neighbourhood. It was super late at night, so there wasn't any traffic for her to navigate. Thank god Levi lived only five minutes away from her.

When she got to Levi's house, she ripped open the door with her spare key and ran to Levi's master bathroom where she found the man in the fetal position against the tiled wall next to the still running shower. She’d known he would be in there because she’d heard the water running over the phone.

"Levi... Levi, I'm here now. What's wrong? Tell me what happened. Was it another nightmare? Please calm down Levi. Just breathe. You need to tell me what happened," she said, trying to sound soothing to the man as she knelt down in front of him. She could hazard a guess, but it was better if he explained.

His breath hitched in almost sobs, shuddering on the exhales and choking on the inhales, speaking brokenly in response to her rapid questioning, "I...I did something disgusting... I don't want to... Not to him... Why now...? Why him?"

The woman frowned. So this episode had something to do with Eren… She should have known. Especially after Eren had called her office earlier that day, demanding to know where Levi was. Obviously he’d managed to finally get in touch with the wayward man; she didn’t know when exactly, but it must have been just recently. 

"What do you mean you did something disgusting?" Isabel asked, her anger rising. "Did he hurt you, Levi? Did he force you to do something you didn't want? Do I need to call the police?" She started to pull out her cellphone when Levi stopped her.

"No... He didn't do anything wrong... It's me... I-- I want to do bad things to him Isabel," his words were childlike and whispered like a dark secret. "He says it's okay... But... It's not... It can't be... It's just... His skin... I can't help, but want to touch... I'm not supposed to… Not supposed to..." A shudder quaked through him violently and his fingers clenched in his hair, a soft whimper climbing up his throat.

"Shhh shh Levi. You have to calm down." She thought over his words carefully. "So what you’re saying is that you feel sexual attraction to him... That's a good thing Levi. That's healthy. That's what we've been working towards." Isabel moved to sit cross legged in front of him. She didn't want to touch him at the moment in case it made everything worse. "You said you did something bad to him... Did you touch him against his will?" Isabel highly doubted that Levi would do such a thing, but she had to ask.

He shook his head and curled in on himself tighter. "No--No I... I **told** him... And he kept saying... It sounded so good... I couldn't stop and then... I wanted to...He asked... I should have lied... Why couldn't I lie? He's going to hate me..." His voice was high and raspy before it dropped low into a coarse whisper that hardly moved his lips.

"Levi. Calm down. Tell me what happened. From the beginning. I know you were avoiding him. I need to know everything so that I can help you," Isabel said sternly. She put a hand softly on his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. Levi flinched, but he didn't move away. That was one small victory.

"I kissed him... I broke the innocence... I made it something dirty... I got scared and I wanted to see him, but I can't... I can't because I... I want to kiss him again... I want to touch him... I want him to touch me..." He exhaled heavily before drawing in another breath, his arms falling to hug his knees instead of tearing at his hair and he was still shaking, wrapped up in damp towels.

"He kept calling, but I didn't answer... I tried everything to stop thinking about him... About his skin... His lips... Nothing worked... Then he... I should have looked at the phone, but I was so distracted... I didn't think and then his voice was in my ear... He was so angry with me... I made him so upset... He just wanted to see me... To talk to me like we always do... But I couldn't do that for him anymore, not without thinking bad things... He said... He wanted me to listen... I could at least do that... If I didn't... He'd never forgive me... Issy... He was t-touching and he was making **those** sounds... And my name... He was telling me and asking me and I couldn't help it... It felt so good... But I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have Issy... I don't want to do **that** to him… Don’t want to... Don't want to hurt him," he explained in a rush, drawing in little gasping breaths in between his words as he tried to recount what had happened. He couldn't possibly repeat what Eren had said... What he’d said in return… He didn't want her to know...

As Isabel listened to Levi's story, slowly, a bright smile lifted on her face. It was reassuring; setting aside the fact that he had stepped way passed inappropriate with one of his patients, focusing instead on the monumental headway he had made with his own issues. He needed her support in this and certainly after this, he would know that he couldn’t continue on as Eren’s therapist. He wasn’t naive enough to think he could excuse any further transgressions. "Oh my gosh Levi. You kissed Eren!!!" She started to bounce and quietly clap her hands. Isabel was so happy for him right now, she could barely contain her excitement, even though it had obviously caused him a great deal of distress and she still wasn’t entirely on board with Eren being his partner; she just knew that it had to be him for Levi. For whatever reasons, the young man was _it_ for Levi and she had to accept that, especially if it meant Levi was making progress. Even if she disapproved, she knew it wouldn’t stop him. Whatever was drawing Eren and him to one another wasn’t something that would be easily let go of by either of them it seemed. 

"Levi this is incredible! You're getting better! You kissed him! You kissed Eren! " She put both her hands on his shoulders to give him a light shake. "Levi. Look at me. Aside from going a little too far while still acting as his therapist, you have done nothing wrong. That boy is so in love with you. I could see it when I was at your house for lunch. Eren wanted to rip me apart just because I was near you at all, Levi. You've done nothing wrong in caring for him. Attraction is healthy Levi. As long as it’s consensual and you understand you can’t keep him on as a patient anymore, nothing is wrong. Everything that has happened between you and Eren is natural and normal. He hasn't gotten dirty because you touched him Levi. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you aren't scum." She gave him a gentle smile. "You deserve Eren. You deserve happiness Levi. You need to let yourself be happy. Can you try? For yourself and for Eren? That boy really needs you Levi. You can't shut him out because you’re afraid. I don't think he would ever recover."

Levi’s brows pinched together and he grimaced, considering her words, the echoing of Eren's in his head and he tried to deny them, shaking his head a little, wanting to close his eyes again, but he didn't. They were narrowed to fearful pinpricks, alight with nerves. "I don't... What if he gets fed up with me? I can't... I don't want him to see me like that, like this... He'll be disgusted Issy... What if he... What if he doesn't want to touch me anymore?" He looked so childishly insecure, begging her to give him the answers he needed.

"Oh Levi," Isabel said, almost choking up. She leaned over and gave him a big hug, things he’d told her during their most recent impromptu session connecting in her head. "You're talking about the boy, who is a sex addict, that flat out refused to touch you unless it was okay with you. He knows what this is. He knows you have issues. You also know he has issues. From what you've told me, you've seen him at his worst multiple times now... You weren't disgusted with him. You were still in love with him even though he'd come back to you time and time again with his body in ruins. But he'd always come back to you," Isabel squeezed Levi even tighter. "That boy is in love with you and will continue to be in love with you even at your worst honey. You need to trust in those feelings. You need to at least try Levi. I know you can do it. Please try Levi."

Levi's face blanked for a moment, blinking dark lashes slowly as her words sunk in... He **loved** Eren...

He'd known Eren loved him, accepted that he had unique feelings for the young man in return, but he hadn't realized... He'd been in such denial about what it meant. The reactions he'd been having to Eren since they'd first met, the trust he'd allowed to develop between them. He'd made himself open to hurt, left himself vulnerable because he knew on some deeper, profound level of himself that he wanted Eren in the most intimate ways; he wanted to be with him all of the time... He was in love with him...

When had it happened? How could he not have known?

"Okay... Okay, I-I'll... For him and... And for me... I don't want him to go away Issy. I never want him to go away... I'm just so scared he'll decide I'm not worth it... Oh God... I think I... I didn't say goodbye properly after... He's probably going to be so angry with me again," he finally said, voice shaky, but no longer so completely strained and his eyes were widened almost comically as he realized he'd simply left Eren on the phone when he'd begun to panic.

***

Eren was worried. After they’d both orgasmed, he’d praised the man, but then Levi must have left his phone somewhere to go freak out. Eren knew that Levi had problems with arousal so it wasn’t farfetched to imagine that Levi was probably alone in his house having a panic attack.   It took a little time for Eren to decide, but eventually his worry won out, so he caught a cab to Levi's house.

When he got there, there was an unfamiliar vehicle in his driveway and Levi's front door was ajar. Oh god, was Levi being robbed?!?!?   He ran into the house and started looking around wildly. "LEVI?!" He yelled as he frantically searched for the man. He sprinted up the stairs two at a time and into Levi's bedroom and then into the lit bathroom... Where he found Levi naked in towels, in the arms of Isabel who was only in a nightgown and a hoodie.   All he could feel was white hot rage, abrupt and searing, effectively overshadowing his worry of minutes before. He was speechless for a moment. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. When finally, he snapped. "What the fuck is this?!" He screamed at the two who were on the floor looking at him with comically wide eyes and dropped jaws.


	19. *Important Author's Note*

Hello to all of our wonderful fans and supporters, this is a special notice we felt was necessary to make. No, we’re not on hiatus or anything like that, though we do ask that you all continue being patient with our updates, but that is neither here nor there. 

It has recently been drawn to our attention that there are some works being published by other authors that bear a striking resemblance to some of our works to the point that it is theft. We are currently investigating and taking measures to counteract the issue and would like to ask that any of you who happen to notice any such plagiarism to please to let us know via email at xander_bradeshaw@hotmail.com or teapotscandal@gmail.com. We don’t want to start some kind of witch hunt or war or any such thing, but it is disconcerting to see such blatant use of our characterizations and elements that we worked so hard on in works that do not belong to us.

We would like to express our gratitude to all of you loyal fans for your support and let you know that we appreciate you and will continue to share our works with all of you even with this upsetting discovery. Thank you all!


	20. Soothe Me a Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo!
> 
> You'll all be relieved to hear that the plagiarism debacle has been dealt with. The story in question has been removed, but please don't hesitate to let us know if you come across any others that are suspicious. We're still reeling over the fact that it happened in the first place.
> 
> Anyways, just a reminder, we've not abandoned any of our fics and will be working on them as we get to them, so patience is appreciated.
> 
> Thanks for al the awesome support guys!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Eren~ [ Stop Desire by Tegan and Sara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLUDxVezNes)  
> Levi~ [ Echo by Trapt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkAN_sHvQ-Q)  
> 

Levi's heart was in his throat, both horrified and elated by Eren's sudden presence, swiftly followed up by scalding embarrassment. He couldn't even speak, mouth moving without sound.

Isabel was the first to recover from the unexpected arrival of the boy that had turned Levi's relatively peaceful, but lonely life inside out.

"Eren... It's not what you think... I'm- I'm here as Levi's therapist," she said, tone level as she attempted to explain and hopefully calm the jealous aggression that was rolling off Eren in the doorway.

"Get the fuck off of him," Eren said through gritted teeth. He was breathing heavily and shaking from head to toe in fury. His voice grew louder as he said, completely disregarding the fact that what he and Levi had just done was also entirely unprofessional, "What kind of professional holds their patient while they are naked?" When Isabel made no action to move, Eren screamed, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM YOU DISGUSTING WHORE!" He took one step closer to the two.

Levi's eyes went wide with belated understanding and he pushed Issy's hands away from him roughly before clasping the towels draped around him tighter and attempted to stand up on legs that had long since gone numb and shook under his weight. He hugged himself as if he was cold and licked his dry lips. "Eren..."

Isabel made a soft sound of surprise, but didn't move to touch Levi again, even to steady him. Instead, she got to her feet as well and brushed herself off, leaning to turn the still running shower off before she turned her attention back to the two. "I think I should give you two some privacy. Levi, make an appointment later this week," she said without room for argument and cautiously made her way out of the spacious bathroom, skirting around Eren.

When she'd gone, Levi was left pressed back against the tiled wall with no more barriers to wrap around himself. His breath hitched desperately as if he'd forgotten to breathe and only just remembered he needed air.

"Eren..." He repeated on the quaking exhale.

Eren didn't answer. He just turned around and left the bathroom to grab a blanket from the bed. He went back to Levi and moved to wrap the man tightly in the comforter.

Before Levi could protest, Eren picked the man up like a princess and carried him to the bed. He placed Levi down gently, sat beside him, and softly ran his fingers through Levi's damp hair. A scowl remained etched on his face in contrast to his delicate movements.

Eren continued to pet Levi, but he wouldn't meet the man’s eyes. His beautiful green eyes were trained on the top of Levi's head. After an eternity, he said, "Was she here the entire time? Were you guys just sitting here making fun of me while I masturbated on the phone?"

Tears started to steam down Eren's face, rolling silently over his cheeks and clinging to his chin, but he still wouldn't look Levi in the eye. "Am I some kind of joke to you Levi?"

Levi shook his head, unconsciously leaning into the stroking of Eren's fingers in his hair, holding the comforter close around his shivering body. "No!" he blurted out before he drew in another shaking breath and wet his lips, "No, I... I called her... I was... After what we did... I panicked... I'm sorry Eren... This is all my fault..." He bit his lip and dropped his own gaze to his curled fingers around the material of the blanket. Ever so slowly, he uncurled them one by one and once free of their death grip, he snaked his arm out of the blanket to cup Eren's face gently, thumbing away the tears. "You aren't a joke Eren... You're... You mean so much to me..."

Without warning, Eren cupped Levi's cheeks with both hands before he swooped down and claimed Levi's lips for his own. Eren broke the kiss just enough so that their lips were barely touching and opened his eyes. He wore a look of fierce determination. "I'm not losing you to Isabel," he said as his lips ghosted over Levi's, "Or anyone else. You are mine Levi Adrian Ackerman. Only mine. Do you understand?"

Levi swallowed hard and nodded ever so slightly, the motion brushing their lips together over again. "It's... It's never been anyone else Eren," he assured in a husky whisper, his eyelashes tangling with Eren's as they stared at one another, so close...

His fingers slid from Eren's cheek down his throat to the base of his neck, thumbing over the sharp edges of his collarbone and he pressed forward almost desperately, a low whimper sounded as he tasted Eren again, giving in to the desire he’d been viciously fighting for days.

Eren, not breaking the kiss, crawled onto the bed and swung his leg over Levi's hips to take a seat on the older man’s lap as his arms framed Levi's head. Then Eren turned his head to the side to deepen the kiss and licked over the seam of Levi's lips to gain access. Their tongues slid over each other for a moment before Eren ground his hips down onto Levi's.

Levi whimpered into Eren's mouth, reminding Eren not to lose control. Eren ripped away from Levi and rolled off the man to the side, gasping for air. Laying on his back, he turned his head to Levi and said "I love you much."

Levi was breathing heavily, puffs of heated air slipping between slick and kiss reddened lips. He shivered in response to Eren's words, his body tingling with a continuous current of electricity. He licked his lips, the taste that was entirely Eren's lingering in his mouth and he could feel the heat at the back of his neck again.

It took several long seconds for him to make up his mind, but he finally laid back into his bed next to the young man, turning onto his side to watch him as Eren looked back at him. "Okay... I'm... I'm not going to run away anymore Eren... I'm going to try," he replied quietly, shifting his body ever so subtly closer to the brunette next to him. He gnawed on his bottom lip a second or two before he continued, "Are you... Staying over?"

Eren turned on his side to face Levi as well. "If you run, I'll chase after you," he said with a crooked smile. "I've missed you these last couple days. I haven't been able to sleep without you beside me. So if it's okay with you, I really, really, really, really want to stay over."

"Yeah... I want you to stay. I think I've... I've been missing you too," Levi admitted, ignoring the heat that filled his cheeks, his gaze flickered shyly from Eren's and he shifted in embarrassed discomfort. "Did you... You really didn't fool around with anyone else?"

He felt silly for asking because even if Eren had, it would change nothing in the way Levi felt about him. He wouldn't be pleased, but he wouldn't feel any less attached to Eren. And he didn't really doubt what Eren had said before. He had been so angry after all.

Eren just laughed. "No. I didn't," he said as he reached up to boop Levi's nose. "I seem to have standards now. It looks like you're the only person that does it for me anymore." He looked down as a red hue tinted his cheeks. "I... I couldn't get it up."

"That's good... I guess we have one more thing in common now then," Levi replied, nose crinkled slightly in a rather endearing expression from the playful contact of Eren's finger, watching the blush slowly stain golden cheeks a charming shade of rouge. He found himself smiling just a little, a subtle, lopsided little grin taking up residence in the corner of his mouth and he wriggled closer to Eren, carefully maneuvering the comforter from around him to keep his modesty in tact, but also slip the covers over the young man as well, settling his palm on the soft dipped curve of Eren's side beneath the heavy comforter and not looking directly at him, shivering a little in nervous apprehension, testing Eren's reaction and his own limits. It seemed a little easier somehow. Maybe he was too exhausted to be afraid or maybe it was relief after days of inner turmoil in which he’d pined for the young man and dreaded seeing him at the same time.

Maybe, he was getting used to it... He wanted to touch Eren so much, it ached.

Eren shifted closer to Levi as well, pulling their bodies flush together as he buried his nose into Levi's neck. Without looking up at Levi, Eren said with a kiss to Levi's jugular, "I have a question."

"Okay?" Levi said, a thread of weariness in the tone. He was shivering uncontrollably as goosebumps rose along his skin beneath the pressure of Eren's lips along his throat and he swallowed, mouth suddenly dry and he was abruptly aware of his indecency. He could feel every part of Eren that was touching his bare skin beneath the blanket with acute intensity.

"The first time you ever left me alone in your house, I found your porn collection," said Eren then he giggled. "Is that stuff really what you're into?... I think I can fulfill some of your fantasies... But some of them are just plain impossible for me," said Eren as he bit his lip. "I want to be everything you want." Eren peeked up at Levi with a worried look on his face. "It's been stressing me out for weeks."

Levi looked confused for several drawn out seconds until he remembered the box that was tucked in the far recesses of his closet. He'd forgotten it was even there. "No... I don't... Those were all Hange and Issy's idea... They kept buying them to try and help me with my problem, thinking eventually something would spark interest. All it did was embarrass me and make me incredibly uncomfortable. I've never even sat through more than a half an hour of most of them... I don't want you to be anything else Eren... It's only you that's ever made my body react the way it does, just you as you are," he explained, holding Eren's gaze through his embarrassment over the words. Of course Eren would be worried about something like that.

"Oh thank fuck," said Eren as he put his arms around Levi's neck to pull the man closer as he nuzzled their faces together. "I was so worried you didn't find me attractive ‘cause I didn't have fuzzy ears or a tail. I even was up all night on Amazon looking at furry costumes." Eren gave Levi three pecks on the mouth before he looked at him seriously again.

"I have another question," he whispered. Their faces were so close together that their noses were touching. Eren was drowning in the mercury depths of Levi's eyes, and he never wanted to set foot on dry land again.

Levi inhaled sharply when Eren kissed him in quick succession, chaste as it was, he hadn't been expecting it considering what they were discussing, but he wasn't disgusted, just a little skittish with so much prolonged contact, uncertain and unused to so much at once, and especially after his recent breakdown; he was a bit wary of sparking another. But it was pleasant in an unexpected way, to have Eren touch him so carefreely when he generally would have been trying to push him away by now. He didn't want to push him away; if anything, he wanted to be closer, relishing the warmth mingling between their bodies. He was naked and Eren was fully clothed; they were under the same blanket and so close that their noses brushed one another. They were sharing breath, and yet he wanted to be closer still. He’d panicked before, but he’d been alone then. Eren was here now; it was different. Isabel had said it was alright, that he should try. Eren made him different and Eren was different too.

"I'm an open book," he replied breathily, lips ghosting Eren's ticklishly with the response and his hand squeezed his side lightly, fingertips just barely caressing beneath the hem of Eren’s shirt to feel the smooth skin under the fabric. An electric thrill spread from the point of contact up his arm and through the rest of him with a pleasant buzzing of satisfaction.

"What are we now?" Eren asked as his jewel green eyes, flecked with gold stared deep into Levi's, searching for an answer, "I want to call you my boyfriend." Before Levi could answer, Eren closed his eyes and kissed Levi with an open mouth, tasting the sweetness of the other man’s tongue. "Mmm," Eren hummed, "I think I'm addicted to how you taste."

Levi made a sound into the kiss, reciprocating tentatively, parting his lips instinctively and breathing a sharp breath through his nose, exhaling when Eren broke the contact to hum against his mouth. "I guess... I don't know if I'm good boyfriend material, but I'll try... I **want** to try," he said as if he’d only just realized it himself. He shivered and pulled Eren's body closer to him, shifting his own so that he could be flush against him beneath the comforter, for once, simply allowing himself to do what his body was demanding, craving contact he'd been deprived of for days, for majority of his life really.

The moment Levi pulled him impossibly closer was when Eren realized that he was rock hard. He also realized that Levi would know too because he had just accidentally jabbed him with it. Blushing bright red, he pulled his hips back and said, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.... It's just. You're so hot... And so close. Just... Just gimme a minute to calm down." He ducked his face down into Levi's neck to hide his embarrassment and panted hot breaths across Levi's pulse point. "Fuck Levi," Eren groaned, "You make me way too horny.... Shouldn't be legal." He gave Levi's neck a little nibble in retaliation.

Levi shuddered and chased after Eren's retreating hips, "Wait... L-Let me feel..." he breathed, pupils dilating thickly in the squalling mercury and nearly swallowing it as his hand slid onto the young man's hip, thumbing over the soft skin covering the protrusion of bone beneath. He wanted to know, to feel the evidence of Eren's desire, to be sure it matched his own.

"Haah," Eren hissed as Levi felt his hip. His pelvis stuttered at the contact before Eren put his hands on Levi's hips to pull their groins together.

He lifted his head to look at Levi with fire in his eyes as he rolled his hips into the other man, slow and aggressive. "Mm," he hummed then turned to whisper in Levi's ear, "Can you feel that then?"

Even though he was still wearing sweats, both their erections were rubbing against each other as Eren continued to roll his hips into Levi.

Levi choked on his reply, squeezing his eyes shut and nodding, fingers tightening on Eren's hip, his other hand worming it's way from under him to grope at Eren's chest until he could snake it around to his back, palming beneath his shirt over his lower back, fingertips massaging those little dimples he'd been fixated on for days. His thoughts scattered as heat surged under his skin, potent and inebriating while he tried to meet the rolling thrusts of Eren's pelvis against his own. His brows scrunched together in concentration and pleasure.

"Good..." He breathed out harshly. "Eren... S'good..."

"I can make it feel better," Eren whispered in Levi's ear again. "Can I touch you?" He didn't stop rolling his hips into Levi's.

"O-kay," Levi agreed, breath hitching and he panted through blush stained, parted lips, head falling back against the pillow. He shivered violently in anticipation, uncertain where or how Eren would touch him, the words from their phone call earlier echoing distantly in his mind and his heart clambered in his chest.

Eren bit Levi's lip and tugged on it gently as he reached down to pull down his sweat pants. He danced his fingers over Levi's erection before he put their dicks together and stroked them with one hand. With an open mouthed kiss, he asked Levi, "Is this okay?"

Levi made a strangled sound, deaf under the rush of blood pounding in his ears thunderously when Eren's hand enveloped their erections, the sensation flooding his body with sizzling electricity, skittering bursts of brightness along his nerves and making him shudder violently. He instinctively bucked his hips, his fingers spasming in his hold on the younger man.

He swallowed hard and licked his lips trying to remember how to make his mouth work, "Yes..." he whispered roughly, hardly capable of verbalizing more. It was almost agonizing, torturous in a way he was entirely unused to. He should be afraid, push Eren away and go hide until it went away on it's own, but he couldn't even think beyond the heated press of their straining shafts trapped in the young man's experienced hand. It was really okay, like Issy had said. Eren wasn’t disgusted and it was okay to desire him. It was natural...

"Nnnn.... Haahh... So soft," Eren said as he started to suck bruises on the delicate skin of Levi's neck. He bucked his erection into Levi's as he stroked them together. It wasn't enough though. With skill one could only achieve through practise, Eren rolled over on top of Levi and kept stroking their dicks together. He gazed with lust filled eyes down on Levi before his mouth started to suck on different places of Levi's chest. Feeling bold, he leaned over to lick one of Levi's stiff nipples. "Mmmm you taste so good Levi," Eren said, a frantic edge to his voice as he started to lose control to the ecstasy. He had never been intimate with someone he cared so much for. It felt like he had taken a drug before he started petting at Levi. He loved this man so much and it hurt so good.

Levi looked at Eren from under heavily veiled lashes, face flushed as he shivered under the press of Eren’s body, hands settling on Eren's hips, thumbs pressing against the bones while his fingertips sought out the soft flesh at his back, caressing and squeezing unconsciously. He was making more breathy sounds, eager and encouraging as Eren's mouth moved over his skin, arching into the touch of tongue to a previously untouched and unexpectedly sensitive nipple. He hissed between his teeth, hips jerking up against Eren's unconsciously. He hummed guttural in the back of his throat, unable to even form any coherent words, hitched breath and throaty moans that vaguely sounded like the young man's name slipping out of his parted lips every now and again. He felt like he was melting inside while his body tensed and strained under the weight of Eren's skin against his own, heat gathering and coiling tight in his gut.

“Fuck,” Eren grunted, biting his lip with furrowed brows as he watched Levi get off to Eren pumping their dicks together. “C’mon lover… Wanna hear that pretty voice of yours saying my name…” Eren was steadily reaching his own orgasm, stroking hard as his hand and both erections were covered in precome.

Levi tensed and arched, soft groans escaping on heated breaths. He closed his eyes tightly, listening to Eren's demands and finding it impossible to refuse him just like it'd been on the phone, only now it really was Eren's skin on his own. "Eren, Eren, Eren, s'good... Can't..." he panted incoherently, whispering the young man's name in a mantra as he groped blindly at Eren's shoulders and chest. He stiffened so suddenly that his breath caught and he saw white for several long seconds as he came without any other warning. So unused to the sensation, he was overwhelmed and couldn't think straight.

"Jesus... Fuck... you are so fucking hot," Eren growled as he watched Levi orgasm. He let go of Levi's dick to milk it slowly with one hand, while his other pumped himself hard, thrusting powerfully into his fist until he came with a groan. He managed to catch all his jizz in one hand so that none of it would get on Levi; unsure if his semen would trigger Levi into a panic. 

Eren was flushed as his chest heaved up and down, more from adrenaline than exertion. He focused his eyes to look down at Levi with a soft smile. Levi looked wrecked and so fucking peaceful, Eren was sure this was all a dream and he'd wake up disappointed once again.

Levi relaxed back into the bedding, shuddering every so often as skittering shocks of electricity assaulted him randomly. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to will his heart to slow its racing and his breath to even. He didn't feel dirty as he should, though his skin was beginning to prickle with the desire to scrub away the cooling evidence of their activities from his body and Eren's and they should change the sheets as well before they slept. It was at least a positive; his disgust was at a minimal about what exactly they'd done because nothing about it had felt wrong, but his obsessive need for cleanliness and order was demanding they get clean and sleep in clean bedding. 

He swallowed against a slow forming knot of discomfort and finally opened his eyes enough to look at Eren. His breath caught. Eren looked beautiful, wild in a way Levi hadn't seen him before, uninhibited and without the ghosts that normally haunted the forest in his eyes. He unconsciously reached out to brush fingers through the young man's damp hair, fingertips tingling on contact. "We need to shower," he said finally, voice hoarse and a tad pleading but not yet panicked. He was too exhausted to consider the repercussions of their actions yet and he didn't want to. He wanted to be clean with Eren, wrap himself in his warmth and sleep because he always slept when he was with Eren. He wanted the peace it brought him, knowing Eren was safe, knowing he'd rather be there with Levi than with strangers, knowing he didn't have to hide himself from Eren.

Eren nodded his head with a gigantic smile before he scooped Levi up in his arms then slipped out of the bed. He made sure none of their mess got on anything else before he carried Levi princess style into the ensuite bathroom then sat him on the wooden bench in the walk in shower. 

"How warm do you want it?" Eren asked, standing in front of the fancy dials, trying to figure out how they worked.

"As warm as you can handle it," the older man responded, not looking at Eren, embarrassment creeping beneath his skin, shy now that the lust had worn off and he was vulnerable. He was ashamed the he could not reign in the compulsion that forced him to shower for a third time in less than twenty-four hours, but Eren didn't seem to mind. Levi shouldn't be surprised. The younger male had always been extremely considerate of Levi's idiosyncrasies

"Boiling hot it is," Eren said before he turned back to the dials with his tongue stuck in the corner of his mouth; determined to make the water perfect for his love. He got the shower running, rinsed off his hands with cold water then put it as hot as possible to test it with his hand. "Fuck fuck too hot..." Eren hissed quietly, but repeated the process several more times until he found the hottest temperature he could stand. 

Standing under the cascade of water, he ran his hands through his wet hair then off his eyes. "Water’s nice and hot... C'mere," Eren said with a smile, waiting for Levi to approach on his own since he didn't want to pressure the skittish man. He could always just shower quick then leave Levi alone to do his own thing. But Eren really wanted to shower with the man, not wanting to waste any form of contact he could get.

The short raven looked pensive, shifting his toes on the tile apprehensively. He was watching Eren beneath the spray and was struck by how similar the sight was to the morning they'd swam together. He delayed himself for several moments until Eren prompted him and he finally stepped forward. He was cautious, but not as skittish as he might have been had he been his usual self. 

He slipped into the shower and closed the glass behind him, trying to both look and not look at Eren while he immediately reached for the body wash that smelled like lemon balm and lavender. He felt jittery, nervous for reasons he couldn't quite explain. It wasn't the kind of nerves he was expecting and it was baffling.

"Mm, so that's what makes you smell so good," Eren said, resting his chin on Levi’s shoulder as he curled his arms around Levi’s waist from behind. With his partners, he never ever cuddled. But now that he was with the love of his life, all he wanted to do was cuddle. He was a little disappointed they couldn't cuddle in bed right after, but this was just as good; holding Levi tight under the water. It wasn't sexual at all, more like Eren was touch starved and needed to feel Levi as much as possible before he was pushed away again.

Levi hummed as he cupped his hand and squeezed a generous amount of the body wash into it before replacing it on the shelf. He leaned back into Eren, instinctively responding to the trusted touch. It was okay; it was Eren. He began to lather up, the motions meticulous but not fevered. He even felt bold enough to soap Eren arms where they were around him, a soft smile playing unbidden on his lips. He almost felt normal.

Eren kissed Levi’s neck before he reached over the man to grab the body wash himself. "Now I'm gonna smell like you too," Eren said with an excited giggle, dumping soap into his hands and lathering up his body then moving to rub some on Levis back. "Could you get my back as well?" Eren asked, already turning around as he washed his torso and thighs.

Levi was quick to return the favour when Eren asked. It was almost soothing to wash Eren's skin in place of his own, appealing in a way that he was still having a hard time realizing. Everything about his feelings with Eren was new and he kept making connections in memories of before, feelings he'd had then that he'd ignored or set aside only to never analyze later. Now he knew he'd been playing blind. He didn't think this peace would last, but it was a start, a step in a long awaited recovery like Issy had said. He had no delusions about either of them being "cured"; they weren't, but there was the hope that they might come to be and it was enough for him to resolve to try. 

When he'd finished washing Eren's back, he'd taken the time to soap himself up again, fulfilling the habitual routine he’d had for nearly as long as he could remember. Then he repeated the entire process while washing his hair. It took an extra minute, but he'd been doing it so long that it was surprisingly quick and efficient. His skin was flushed from the heat and the scrubbing, but not raw, darkened in places by kiss marks and his eyes looked soft but tired. He didn't even want to think of morning, just wanted to finish their shower and curl up in bed like he'd come to be used to. It had felt wrong without Eren there. 

"Let's get out and dried off. I need to change the sheets before we sleep," he said, voice still somewhat hoarse, but less shaky than it had been, making the necessity of the actions clear. It would be quicker if Eren knew and assisted in the chore.

"Kay," Eren said, giving Levi a smooch on the mouth before he finished up his washing and opened the shower door to climb out, grabbing a towel for himself and a towel for Levi. He did a subpar job of drying then went into the bedroom to put his sweats back on and strip the bed. 

Holding the sheets in a bundle he called to Levi, "I'm gonna put these in the wash so they don't stain. I'll be back to help you make it." Shuffling his feet, he made it downstairs with a happy yawn and a dozy smile, put the sheets in the wash then went back to Levi’s room.

Levi took his time drying off and went through the rest of his routine before bed. He dressed in a pair of loose blue and green plaid cotton pajama pants and a long t-shirt and was already beginning to redress the bed when Eren returned. He gave the young man a little smile before he went back to smoothing the bed linens and dressing the pillows in fresh cases while Eren assisted along the other side. 

Once the sheets were on, he retrieved one of the spare comforters and spread it over the surface of the bed, turning down the top before he looked at Eren expectantly. Molly sauntered into the room and immediately hopped up to curl herself on the end of the bed as if to properly call an end to the night. Levi shook his head and crawled into his side of the bed, curling on his side facing away from Eren, too embarrassed to voice the desire he had to be held when he was usually the one doing the holding. It had been a bad night, a bad couple of days really and for once he didn't want to analyze his reasons or Eren's, didn't want to dwell on the things they'd done, but just be held and feel safe like he hadn't in such a long time.

Eren stared in confusion for only a moment until he realized what Levi was unable to say. Beaming to himself, he got into bed and stayed on his half before reaching forward to drag Levi across the bed to spoon. He curled his body around Levi’s so that they were touching from head to toe. Eren nuzzled his face into Levi's undercut then kissed Levi’s neck. This is where he was meant to be; in Levi, he had found his home. 

"I love you, goodnight Levi," Eren said then sighed in drowsy happiness, settling down to go to sleep.

Levi tensed and went rigid at first when Eren pulled him in, the reactions made more on ingrained reaction than any real upset, considering it was what he'd been hoping for. He breathed silently, listening acutely, shivering in response to the press of soft lips to the back of his neck, making the skin burn and the old scars itch, but he didn't pull away. Unexpected warmth spread in his chest when Eren sighed his goodnight and faded into sleep. 

Though exhausted, drained physically, mentally and emotionally, Levi remained awake for some time after Eren had dozed off and his breaths had evened and slowed in slumber. He'd laid there just feeling him against his back. Eren was warm everywhere they touched and his hold wasn't demanding or suffocating, but comforting and safe. Odd that.. His own fingers stroked over Eren's bare forearm where it curved around his middle, letting the repetitive motion relax him further and reveling in the contact he'd been denied so long. He didn't want to waste the chance while he had it; it wasn't often his anxiety left him alone for such a prolonged period of time. His thoughts rolled over one another like lazy waves on the beach, lapping at his consciousness in a lulled pattern. Eren had said he loved him and Levi now knew he loved him too. He should have said it back, but he hadn't been able. The words were somehow more intimate than what they had done just a few hours previous and he'd been too embarrassed to return the sentiment, feeling foolish and giddy.

Eventually, he wound down, closing his eyes and snuggling back against the press of Eren's body against his back and sighed, "I shouldn't, but I love you too Eren. I promise someday I'll tell you you're not dreaming."


End file.
